Forebearance…

This blog will be short and sweet. (Well at least that’s my trajectory….. I think it will be, bare with me.) I went to the Barclays Center tonight for the first time and I was too excited that it’s challenging to communicate in words. I felt like a kid in a candy store with the limitless options. You couldn’t tell this inner child anything, WHATSOEVER!!! Going to see the NETS LOSE wasn’t the highlight of my night, however, I technically went for the whole forebearance encounter. It was honestly worth it regardless of the results. I found out I can still project my voice from my diaphragm.Sort of random comment, but I used to be in a singing society as a child and I was a soprano that I apparently thought i lost but guess not….Because I clearly had serious reservations that I still possessed that quality. (It took the cool guy sitting next to me to say wow your voice projects, yay to that! Compliments go a long way man. Hey, he could have been lying either way, I’m sold.) It was a refreshing surprise to know I can still do it. (Hehe, I’m on this new hehe swag, ask my skillet Jojo, who I went to the game with. She claims my hehe sounds fake but I think it’s the most darling sound ever. Then again I’m me…. that’s subjective and biased. So what, though? Potatos Patotos… Like what does it matter in the grand scheme of things right?! Randomish part two?)

So yes, it wasn’t fun seeing Nets lose and in all honesty how they were playing in quarter one, the set up was very much “You’re losing this game.” And I’m honestly not trying to sound like a debbie downer pessimist. It’s truly something (for me) that was easily captivated and noticeable from the very beginning. It was cool that Rihanna was there but at the end it was not that cool because she made a rutkus with fans and leaving, like can I go home please? They acted like they were going to die. I get it: Rihanna is beyond talented and beyond beautiful, and I’m a fan. But people. She bleeds red just like the rest of us… it’s not that deep. I told my dad about the game when I came home and also mentioned that Rihanna was there and he was like Ahem: “Okay and… she’s always there she’s a Nets fan.” I can always count on my dad’s consistent blandness. He keeps it so indifferent it’s like okay can you get a different swag please? Just kidding, not really but that quality I really admire in my father a lot. And it’s probably why I respect and value what he says so much. I also know I’m very fortunate to have the relationship I have with my father and I do not take it for granted at all. I completely cherish it. I want it for as long as God blesses me with this experience. (I hope it’s forever and ever ever ever… infinity “ever”.)

What truly compelled me to write this blog was this guy named… let’s call him Marvin that Jojo and I meet tonight. For some reason I felt compelled to talk about God to him. Actually, I feel drawn to talk about God all the time and I actually mentioned God when I went to Mad Dogs to a really cool waitress that I might mention (if I remember) later on. Back to Marvin, he said he was from Ghana but I got the impression that he was trying to project himself to be much more ‘mature’ than he possibly was? Not sure if I’m making any sense, however, what lead me to this conclusion was the fact that Melvin said that he’s been with older women. At first I was completely confuddled (my extreme word for confusion) about the fact he kept saying he was worldly and been with older women. He was 23 (I think) and I made it clear I was 31 and he reminded me of my brother… and Jojo had to point out to me that’s a bruise to a guys ego… which I said I got, but i kinda don’t. I think it’s a compliment. Then again, I can be alone in that theory. I’ve made it very clear to Melvin that I was team Jesus so him mentioning his whole liking older women blah blah was a “Error, error, not reading” type of moment for me. UNTIL Jojo pointed it out to me. Okay, I guess I can be a bit naive sometimes…. Whatever, you can’t have everything right??

Anyway, I completely bypassed him saying all of that and i just spoke to him from the heart to Melvin. I think God took over when I was conversing with him, but for some reason I don’t think he heard what I was saying, or didn’t care to hear it. I honestly wasn’t trying to sound preachy or come off like my ish doesn’t stink, it does. I’ve made a lot of idiotic mistakes, that honestly I’m trying to train myself to see as something that was predestined to make me stronger, better, wiser, for those around me (including myself.) I’m a working progress just like everyone else walking on this circular sphere called Earth. With that said, I just saw soooooooooooo much potential in this young man and for some reason I have such a soft spot for young men in terms of making sure I can contribute in any shape or form to their development, I’ll do in a heartbeat. It has a lot to do with the fact I have a younger brother that I just want so much greatness for him I can’t think straight and I can’t even commute the desire into into words. Just like me, my brother’s a working progress; experiencing his own peaks and valleys and I make sure he knows to the best of my ability that I’m here for him in any capacity he needs me. I pray a lot for him. He has his own demons he fights and battles he experiences.

Tangent sort of but back to Melvin, lots of potential but dangling and dancing on a dangerous ledge called lust. Now I’m not the Pope John Paul, Ghandi, or Mother Theresa, I’d be blessed beyond comprehension if I’m half as great as them (not even, a quarter, who am I kidding) before I die, THAT would truly make me leave this world happy. I won’t hold my breath. However, if I had some semblance of a gift like this it would be completely awesome. With that said, I know I’m not even in their light year, far less neighboring planet. I’m okay with that. For some reason though something compelled me to say to Melvin that it’s not worth having premarital sex. I’ve done it. It sucks and there’s a level of emptiness that doesn’t make sense until you choose God as your center. I’m sure that doesn’t make sense to the unmarried eyeballs the read these words now but I’ve been on both sides. There’s this level of searching, and you don’t even comprehend that’s what you’re actively doing… there’s also this level of chasing, non satisfaction, like nothing will ever be enough. It comes in many masks and forms, ‘about that paper, grinding, chasing success, be rich for fear of being broke, etc.’ Don’t get me wrong success is awesome but the greatest type of success is the one God projected and prepared for you. That’s true happiness and peace. Those that ‘grind’ or whatever form it looks like will just move on to the next ‘project’ once conquered until you die. I know that sounds kind of depressing, possibly morbid but that’s what it boils down to truthfully. I realized that the closer I draw to God the more ‘brrr’ ‘error, error’ looks I get, and at this point I don’t care. Because if God is for you who can be against you? Absolutely no one. That’s who. Thinking about Melvin he did give me that look. I’m good at brushing things off. But I did see he was someone that does want to draw closer to God (unless he told me that just to try to get into my pants, ha, he tried it and epically failed.) and I saw that as my opening and capitalized on that. I just hope I got through to him. He was there with two of his other older siblings that ironically tried to speak the same message to him that he’s apparently not listening too (Again, this is what I was told, absolutely could have been puffy fabrications but I choose for this conversation to believe otherwise.) Hopefully the recurring theme will somehow click and connect with him on a level where he’d want to do something about it. It’s interesting though, on my twitter, I follow a lot of inspirational quoters (is that a word? It’s probably not, well it is today..) There was this one quote that was everything to me…

 

“We draw people to Christ not by loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely that they want with all their hearts to know the source of it.” –Madeleine L’Engle

 

This quote is so profound to me and just altered my brain is such a great way. I realized I need to get better at doing this. I get around cool people that I sense teeter on the ledge; and I just want to do the Jesus Rockaway to them. I need to understand it’s not always receptive to all, and we as humans are naturally defensive. A prefect example of this was that awesome totally cool waitress at Mad Dogs earlier today. Anytime I mentioned God to her she walked away, or shut down. I didn’t get it. But reflecting on that now, I realize I could have come off too strong and I needed to take my chill pill but I wasn’t because of my giddy excitement. Like I said earlier, I’m a working progress. I’m gladly learning how to ease and press. BOO to the NETS Losing today YAY TO FOREBEARANCE and I can’t wait to see what’s next!! OH yeah it also sucked I didn’t see my cousin who works there…. Hopefully I’ll see him soooooon!  This path called life. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Forebearance…

  1. I love the quote!!! But I agree we have to uplift others in the amazingness of God. I’m sure even though the guy brush you off, the conversation you and him has still stuck with him. Trust that the conversation occurred for a reason. That was something he needed to hear. It is true though the more that I draw closer to God certain habits and ways of living don’t work no longer. People reactions towards when mentioning the name of God is the same “brr” look give by all. Meaning many are call to God, but very few are wiling to listen to the call.

    • AGREED!! It’s that step forward that we have to take. We’re never alone. Once that first step is taken you’ll never ever want to look back. And I find that God has removed certain situations and people from my life and introducing me to where he sees and wants me and it’s completely beautiful and exciting to experience. Frankly, I’m at peace and so grateful to the blessings God bestows on me and continues to do so. His way is the best way. I keep learning that more and more.

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