Glamorizing

I had girls night out last night with a few of my gal pals that I haven’t seen in while. We went to see The Other Women and then grabbed tea afterwards. I had the desire to write what I believe will be a quick post (it’s me, we shall see, I’ll try) because of all the emotions I was feeling last night. It was great seeing the girls and really nice to catch up with them because they’re an awesome time and wonderful women. With that said, because of the path I’m on and the fact I choose God as my center, the things I notice around me seems to be very heightened these days. Now if I tie in the last few events that occurred, which has taught me to be more aware and case sensitive aka a better filter; I felt compelled to sleep on these words that were swimming in my head since last night. Going forward, as I said in my Ignorance post, I’m now very aware of how thin the line between opinion and judgment truly is. And I always want to come from a place of love because that’s what my heart is mostly consumed of. Hey, I’m still flawed, I have fatigue, frustration and even down right anger in there but they’re fleeting and minimal emotions and I truly have God’s love to thank for that.

A lot hit me all at once and I said to myself ‘whoa, brain chill, I can’t deal with all of this right now, give me a second, please.’ When I’m passionate about anything I go very hard about it. I have never been more passionate about anything in my life as I am for my path in Christ and putting God first. I will never get tired of expressing how amazing God is. Loving him, trusting him, choosing him is literally the best decision I ever made in my life. And I’m still breathing so I know the best is yet to come through our amazing God. He’s not done with my story and knowing that is very exciting. Aside from my choice in Christ and loving God and thinking everyone should be a Jesus groupie, that’s still my opinion. I can’t project my emotions on every single Homo sapiens on this circular sphere called Earth. It’s not my place. That’s the most glaring lesson I learned with my interaction with Daffodil last week. God doesn’t even do that, so who am I, a flawed forgiven sinner to even attempt to do that? It’s buffoonery that’s what so again, thank you Daffodil for teaching me how absurd it is to try and force one’s ideologies on someone else. We are all given the gift of choices by God. Whoever said “Live and Let Live” was so spot on.

Back to The Other Woman, the movie… as a Christian woman I knew going into the movies my eyeballs and eardrums would be consumed with ways of life that I don’t agree with. So I accept the movie as a face value experience to be entertained amongst good company. I was honestly pleasantly surprised the movie was pretty funny to the point I cried and my stomach hurt. Laughter is one of the fruits of my soul. It puts me at ease and it’s just so awesome. Cameron Diaz is extremely funny, she rocked it in this movie. I’ll just give the gist of the movie without spoiling it for those that actually want to see it. Cameron Diaz’s character, I think her name was Carly, plays a powerhouse lawyer who started dating a dud (I can’t remember his name) and he was married, but Cameron didn’t know that. The dud’s wife was played by Leslie Mann, who I absolutely adore, she’s such an amazing actress and absolutely hilarious she had the best lines in the movie overall. So Leslie Mann’s character was in the dark about her husband’s affair with Carly (Cameron DIaz). Once the cat was out of the bag, Leslie’s character confronted Cameron’s character and they ultimately became friends which oddly enough worked. They then discovered that he was having more than one affair, played by Kate Upton. She was also a woman that the dud was involved with aka lied to. SO these three women became friends and ultimately cooked up a plan to bring him down because he was stealing money from his investors. The journey to that mission has a lot of great humorous lines, so on a face value objective it’s an entertaining movie. If you dig a little deeper, like I did, then you might see (like me) how glamorized the film really was.

I’m a believer that chivalry isn’t dead. Society has somehow (sadly) created a disillusionment that it’s okay for a woman not to be courted; and even more alarming, have many women (including myself at one point) thinking when a man does try and court you that something is wrong with them or there’s a catch. Cameron’s character had a set ideology that there was no such outcome and that there was no happily ever after. In her eyes it will end up breaking apart anyway. I know the movie was in the world of make believe, but let’s call a spade a spade here and address that there are woman unfortunately who believe this blatant lie. I can speak for myself with certainty that I used to be one of those women. God’s love changed my heart and trajectory. The message I got from Cameron’s character in that moment was “keep dating wrong because you have no other choice.” My bafflement flared up and immediately thought that was sad. She was talking to Leslie’s character (who’s the wife) and she said she didn’t know what to do with her life now that she realized her husband’s a cheater who can’t keep it zipped up. Leslie’s character went on to say (I’m paraphrasing) that she hasn’t been single for a long time and when she was the “dating pool” was bigger now it’s smaller with middle aged weird men or something like that. All I could say was wow, these character’s perspectives are so heartbreaking. The glass to me is always half full not half empty.

In the moments I dug deeper with the movie I pocketed the observations in my brain for a later date, which I’m assuming were for now as I write this post; and I resumed to go back to the face value moment so that I can enjoy the movie and not feel like I wasted my money. I’m a lover of the humorous orbit so Crysta was going to laugh her hiney away. And I so did. I had to compartmentalize my emotions in order to do so. That was exciting because I had no idea I was capable of compartmentalizing!! That’s a pretty amazing victory for me because I finally understand there’s a time and a place for everything. It’s amazing how God is working on me. I love him so much!!! There’s no one like God!!! Nikki Minaj was also in the movie her character bothered me so much for so many different reasons; my brain was on overdrive. Nikki, to me is still a beautiful woman but she was better looking in the state God made her: pre plastic surgery. I’ve seen pre-famous pictures of her and I said to myself why did she do all those surgeries? I’m so confused. I just didn’t get it and I never will.

Fast forward to the movie, her character completely bothered me as a black woman seeing her in that state. She played a secretary (that part didn’t even bother me that much, but it wasn’t all that great either;) and she also played a woman who was materialistic (and shallow, she thought looks got you far) that broke up two marriages (hers and her current husbands) and justified her actions. SO many emotions ran through me in her 5 minutes of air time as a black woman, but mainly as a woman of God. I loathed that the sanctity of marriage was glamorized for the sake of entertainment in the formation of a ‘black barbie bimbo’ played by Nikki Minaj. AND then she said a line about her husband’s ex wife was Canadian, like that’s supposed to make it okay? I was confused by that line, maybe because Canadian’s are peaceful and that means they’re doormats? Um, negative half my family lives in Canada and they’ll take anyone down. I could be wrong but I felt like that line was a dig. I was raging on the inside in that moment. However, I was also the only black woman in the company I was with. My gal pals were Asian and Brazilian. I’m not saying they didn’t see what I saw, however, I will say it won’t affect them as much as it did me. The bottom line is they’re not black. I also learned that not every battle should be taken on. Silence is a very powerful tool but actions speak the loudest.The message I received from beginning to end regarding The Other Woman was ultimately learning your worth. That’s the message I choose to see the most because it’s the most positive message from the movie. Positivity breaths life and trumps everything in my world.

Now that that’s out of my system I can go on to discuss the sit down with my gal pals. I’ll give them names so it’s less confusing. We’ll call them Anabel, Bianca and Jasmine. I’ll also give a slight back story to the origin of our camaraderie. We all meet in the days of the D2D world. (D2D=Door to Door) We also all left that experience at different times. I can’t really call it a job because it was a life experience for me. We were catching up having girl chat. They asked me if I stilled talk to people from that place I said not really, just one Jared is what I’ll call him and everyone else no. They pretty much told me the same thing. Anabel told me a story about a few people that are still in that world and the stories were just drama like on the level of the Young and the Restless, which I love by the way. #SoapHead but Young and the Restless isn’t real and I treat it as entertainment. When she was telling me about these people cheating, fighting, stitches I said to myself, wow Thank You God for pulling me out of that dark place. It’s so glaring to me more and more now how dark and empty that place was. There’s absolutely no light when it comes to that world. Can’t speak for anyone else but I choose light any day of the week, every second, every hour, every breath I take. I choose to move with God only.

Of course I said wow that place is a dark abyss and the three of them laughed. I actually wasn’t trying to be funny but that’s when I notice people laugh the most so I’m like whatever, I guess I’m funny. Of course me being Crysta I kept going hard and passionate about how that place sucks your soul and makes you become a skeleton. So I back pedaled when I heard silence and some defense in their voices. So I chilled out, and realized it was too much. Then they asked me about my love life. What I really wanted to say was my love life involves Jesus that’s all I need right now. Something stopped me though, probably God, because he’s an awesome genius like that. Instead, I said I’m focusing on my amazing kids I tutor and just Crysta. So they went on and said so you’re not dating I said no. Why continue to date the wrong man that will lead to no where fast? Anabel said you kind of have to do that there is no right guy or way. I really didn’t know how to answer her without coming off insensitive or too strong in my beliefs so I said nothing and just listened to her. I went with a different tactic and talked about when I went to this spot in LES called B.O.B. with Jojo for her birthday and told them about a guy that literally undressed me with his eyes. So I said to him do you go to church because I do and he looked at me like I was crazy. They all laughed. Then Bianca said yeah I would have looked at you like you’re crazy too. I said why? I love church I’m not ashamed of loving God. Silence again. Then Bianca said but you’re proactively pushing men away. No, I’m proactively keeping the wrong ones away. And that’s all God. God knows what he’s doing.

Somehow we got on the topic of sex and I immediately said sex is dangerous. Jasmine said it’s fun. I turned and said, sex gets you in trouble. And it does especially if it’s not done within the sanctity of marriage. I didn’t say the marriage part because I wanted to be respectful of their choices. The life I used to live that I’m so happy I don’t anymore is a similar path they’re walking currently. I choose abstinence and not the practice of premarital sex because it’s a hollow act and wasted energy that doesn’t fill that empty void in your heart. Only God can do that. I love these women. I want them happy and feeling fulfilled because they’re incredible women. Somehow, I suspect they don’t realize how incredible they are but again, just my opinion and I could be wrong. I saw unhappiness in their eyes, especially when we were talking about work. Anabel is SO smart and creative. To me her passion and calling from Crysta’s observation is artsy and event planning. Instead she’s doing a desk job with lots of administrative work that seems to be stifling her gifts and desires. When I struck that cord I saw I hit a nerve too raw that she wasn’t ready to feel or dissect so I switched topics. Bianca is beyond smart like she’s a walking dictionary; a brilliant mind. She’s very passionate about making a difference on the level of changing the world. She also does a desk job in Human Resources. Her brain needs to constantly be stimulated and it’s good that her job keeps her on her toes because she works well under pressure. Like Anabel, Bianca isn’t madly in love with what she does either and I don’t get why it has to be like that for them. Now we have Jasmine who’s in sales. Sales is probably the most stressful career direction anyone could tackle on and experience on a day to day basis. Jasmine looks stressed and she’s so smart and capable it’s really annoying to see her in a job she literally dislikes. She’s got such a brilliant business mind and she’s so passionate about photography it hurts my brain to try and decipher why she’s not pursuing what God put in her heart. It actually hurt my head to try and grasp why any of them are not going after what God put in all of their hearts.

It hit me last night when I was talking to Jojo that because I see it doesn’t necessarily mean they do. They’re not at the point of seeing it, yet or maybe they won’t at all. I’m not sure why God equipped me to see the things I do but he’s done it for a reason. I trust him. And I really hope that I came off from a place of love with them last night. I just want what’s best for them and to see them truly happy. God knows what’s in my heart and I hope they do as well. I know at times I can come off very strong, and blunt but I truly do mean well. Just like the three of them I’m a working progress walking this path called Christ. All our stories are still being written. Until the next adventure, this path called life.

 

Ignorance…

      Last night I went to this amazing restaurant called Milk River. It also had a lounge on the second floor. I went there with Jojo and our friend we meet at movie night through BT Transitions when we went to see Noah last month. Her birthday is Monday and we had a grand ol’ time. Let’s call her Milan because I’m convinced I was Italian in another life and I’m dying to go there. I love everything Italian and the men aren’t to bad on the eyes either 🙂 Also it’s the first name that popped into my head. Anyway, the food at Milk River was incredible, however, I wasn’t wise when I ate (amazingly tasting) sushi (spicy crabmeat, seafood and shrimp tempura) rolls a few hours prior. I honestly forgot how filling sushi was (well the cooked roles anyway, no judgment, but I’m not trying to get mercury poisoning.) Back in high school, about 80 years ago, I ate all kinds of sushi rolls (cooked, non cooked) what felt like on an everyday basis. Thank God I never experienced mercury poisoning, God was smiling down on me. As he always is because he’s truly an amazing God that I’m so grateful for beyond expression.

      What inspired this post was a few events that occurred recently in my life. Let’s start with the most glaring that’s waving it’s imaginary hand in my cerebral circumference. A woman named Daffodil, that’s what we’ll call her. That’s an interesting looking flower and this woman has an interesting ideology. I’m a big tweeter, I mainly tweet about the amazing Lord and what he’s done through me and for me and it’s not even the tip of the iceberg yet. I’m just excited to be on this path called Christ. I recently made changes to my bio on twitter that says aspiring blogger/writer. And I suppose my love and praise for God increases by the day, so there are more individuals that are following me that also love God and other things, hey, no judgment again, because I’m not God the almighty. I’m aware we all have our own opinions and ways of life. On the one hand, I think God made us all unique for specific reasons so that we can contribute to this amazing world through the gifts he’s given us. And on the other hand, sometimes I just see it as okay, you’re entitled to how you feel but respect and be open minded to other views as well. Other wise you can come off small minded and ignorant. And they say ignorance is bliss.

      Back to Daffodil. By the way, interesting doesn’t necessarily mean ugly, they’re just interesting and different. There’s no other flower that quite looks like a Daffodil… with that said. This woman, Daffodil doesn’t believe in abortion, which is an extremely case sensitive topic and every woman on this planet is triggered differently when they see or discuss this word: abortion. With that said, Daffodil, believes that abortion should be abolished. She initiated a conversation with me via direct message on twitter and asked me to I believe sign something that I’m assuming is an amendment of some sorts. I told her that I’m pro choice. I truly believe every woman on this planet deserves to do what they feel is right for their body and what is right to them in that moment. I personally don’t believe in abortion either. I cannot see myself ever doing that, but I was also never put in predicament that warranted to make a choice like that. As I said earlier this word triggers various emotions in women. I believe from the moment of conception the child inside is life. I know women who feel differently, and I honestly believe they’re entitled to their emotions because it’s attached to them. I also know women who’s had abortions as well, and they’re reasons are their own. I’m not going to judge them or think less of them, name call etc. A woman has her own reasoning for doing what she does. I’m also intelligent enough to understand there is also a term called medical abortion where there’s no other choice. As sad as all these circumstances are, that decision is one of the hardest decisions a woman would ever have to make. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that decision stays with these women for the rest of their lives. Again, I don’t have factual evidence based off my theory but it can’t be an easy decision either way. I’m just a forgiven sinner who’s heart goes out to those in these situations. I’m not God.

      That’s what I told Daffodil, that I’m not God and neither is she, however, I supposed that didn’t rub her the right way because she sent me a page long rant about not being a real Christian and not being compassionate and it’s murder and I’m supporting murder. I’m starting to see there’s a thin line between opinion and judgment. This isn’t something I was aware of before. My ignorance to this notion was bliss, now that I’m aware, I’m definitely going to be more considerate with my words going forward. The most important practice in my life right now is staying on the path of Christ. On the one hand, I should thank Daffodil for opening my eyes to this notion, for that I’m grateful for. At first when I read her words, I was mad, naturally because it felt like an attack of my character and I wanted to naturally defend myself. Then I took a deep breath, possibly mumbled the word that rhymes with itch under my breath and THEN I spoke to my dad. He’s someone that I go to when my feisty side wants to take over and wreck havoc, which I like to believe is the devil. I know he’s a liar so I won’t entertain that side when I’m actively aware it’s attempt to consume me. After I ran the conversation by my father, he hysterically laughed. That gave me a calmness so I naturally started laughing as well. Plus, my father’s laugh is very contagious. My father said that’s a great way to see things Crysta. You believe what you believe but you also see that others have a right to feel what they feel. Then he told me Pope Francis caught a lot of flack for saying who’s he to judge regarding homosexuality. Roman Catholics went down his throat. My parents are devoted Roman Catholics, I grew up in the Roman Catholic world. As a young adult woman, I’m a devoted God lover that actively seeks his center and direction.

      Here’s where I’m deeply confuddled: (Crysta’s word for confusion) Who is any man to come down the throat of Pope Francis, the highest voted in the Roman Catholic world to say he was ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ to feel he’s not in the position to judge or saying anything? The reality is, he’s not. Neither am I, and neither is Daffodil. Only God is. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinions. But where does the line stop drawing in the sand? And where do you begin to come off judgmental? Is an individual so tunneled in vision of their belief of pro life, like Daffodil is, that she doesn’t see she’s coming off judgmental? Are the Roman Catholics that went down hard on Pope Francis are? If so, what would get them to see to stop, be still and listen to God. I believe somewhere down the line, they stopped listening to that still voice of God. The way we listen affects what we hear. When we hear nothing, we must stop, be still and find God’s voice. Although, sometimes not hearing God is him working and preparing us, but in this case, I don’t think that’s what was occuring.

      I also went to Transitions last night. It was a part two series titled: I don’t Know What to Do. Such an amazing service. I took away so much from it. Pastor Todd said that how we listen affects how we hear. He used this cool story about when he was driving, he was jamming to his loud music, and a cop car was trying to pull him over. He didn’t see or hear the car and by the time he paid attention there were six cars behind him. That automatically made me think about those individuals that came down hard on Pope Francis and Daffodil. At first, I would have called them ignorant and small minded but then I’d be falling under the same category of judgment. That’s not my role or place, it’s only God. I slept on this thought and I realized that I was judging Daffodil, and that’s not my place regardless if she’s judging me. I also realized that Ignorance is Bliss has a new meaning to me. We’re ignorant to certain views because they’re blinders on that haven’t been lifted. For example, talking to Daffodil taught me there’s a thin line between an opinion and judgment. I never made that connection before this conversation. God wanted me to learn that lesson and I’m glad I get it now. The last thing I want to do is step into a role that’s not meant for me. I no longer think Daffodil is small minded nor do I think those individuals that came down hard on Pope Francis are small minded. I believe they’re blissfully unaware they’re walking in fog of Ignorance. I could be wrong, hey I’m just man, walking around on this planet as a forgiven sinner who chooses to be in the center of God.

      As I was writing these words Daffodil continued to go on her rant, and even me calling it a rant is judging. She sees what she sees because they’re her beliefs. She’s convinced in her conviction. Her trajectory is pro life abolish the rest. I cannot take that away from her. What I can say is, her beliefs are her own, she cannot make someone see what she sees. That’s not her place because she’s not God and God won’t even do that. God is a believer of those who follow me will be full of riches. It’s a choice left up to us. Of course he wants us to choose him but it’s still left in our hands. Pastor Todd also used another brilliant example of our amazing God. I swear, God is using Pastor Todd for astonishing things and he’s touching so many lives. This is just the tip of the iceberg for Pastor Todd. God is truly awesome. He has the cutest baby like ever. His son was playing with his toys and wandered off into the kitchen and was playing with an electrical cord. How Pastor Todd tied that in left me feeling in an aha moment. He said God leaves us with everything we will ever need, compassion, love, forgiveness, direction but we wander off and start touching things we have no business touching. That was such a profound life altering moment for me. I truly believe we all have internal battles that we fight; I know I do. If you don’t then you’re awesomely perfect. Rock out with your bad self and pin a rose on your nose. I don’t have that luxury. I now realize why I’m glad I don’t. Because I’ll stop having the feeling that I’m being taught by God everyday. I don’t ever want to lose that feeling. I don’t know more than God and I never will. I don’t want to know more than him because my brain will explode. The moment I stop feeling like I’m no longer learning from him is the moment I’m in deep doo-doo trouble and I gotta stay on my knees and Power Pray until I get back on track.

      I just realized if I allowed the conversation with Daffodil to continue it would have never ended and it could have possibly turned ugly. I don’t want that. My last comment to her was Only God can judge. I told her to stop judging and I also told her it’s not Godly. Women have their own personal reasons for choosing that path. Daffodil can continue to send me messages and I’ll continue to not answer because the conversation is over. She believes what she believes, which she’s entitled to. And I believe what I believe. The bus stops there. Unfortunately, I had to block her because her continual messaging is excessive. Now, it’s coming off very forceful. It’s such a sad and unfortunate thing to see someone that calls themselves a Christian who quotes the Bible coming off so judgmental and forceful. It’s not fair because those that waiver and deeply want a relationship with God will come across people like Daffodil and be turned off. And they suffer because they won’t be healed by being in the center of God. There’s no hard feelings or lost love; I still wish her the best. Because I also know God is bigger than everything and he will find a way to prevail. Now that I got that off my chest I can move on. Back to my foodie swag.

      Milan, Jojo and I all ordered a dish called chicken and waffles. The chicken was so deliciously battered, whatever secret remedies the chef used had me wanting to create a crime of breaking in and finding that recipe. It was that real. My taste buds swooned. It was love at first sensation. Saliva and seasons were finally one. Milk River is a bit pricey but it’s worth it to me. I highly recommend the greatness. Not to mention they have a live band, that plays amazing songs and they sound so wonderful. If you live or are near the Brooklyn area, on Fulton Street going past Barclays Center, check it out. You won’t be disappointed. That wasn’t the best part of the night, our amazing conversations were. Milan is a pretty incredible woman, who’s so strong and a go getter. I admire her so much. She’s been through a lot. But what’s the most inspiring part about her is the fact that her inner light shines so bright it’s beautifully blinding in the midst of all the dark hurdles she’s been through and survived. I know that we all have our battle wounds, they don’t make us weaker, they make us stronger. Milan tenacity just leaves me in awe.

      Milan is in a similar season currently that I was in when I was involved with Anderson. She’s so beautiful and powerful beyond her understanding. She doesn’t even get a fraction of her gifts and purposes on this planet. Very very similar to how I was with Anderson last year, which he tried to contact me a few weeks ago; i just blocked him. I refuse to let that poison back into my life. It’s interesting and funny, I didn’t hear or feel God’s presence that strongly when I was around him. It was a faint whisper. The moment I cut Anderson out of my life, my spirituality grew tremendously. I became so centered and at peace with God that I never ever felt when I was involved with him. In fact, it was like being around lies, what the devil tries to do. He tries to feed on anxiety, worry and insecurities. It took me a long time to realize that Anderson’s aura is wicked, emotionally manipulative, secretive, and all things of darkness. Yet he called himself a man of God. It’s scary to think that’s his perception. I pray he does truly become a man of God. But he can do it far away from me. I never want to cross paths with Anderson again and I truly believe God wants that for me as well. There were so many signs in the beginning that I just ignored, because I didn’t understand that was God’s voice warning me. The shivers every time Anderson said something dark, I just shook off.

      I’m so glad God was patient and loving enough to stick it out with me until I finally got it. He had to break me down to build me back up, stronger, better, wiser. I’m so grateful to God almighty for giving me this second chance of clarity. I’d rather die than to ever waiver from God ever again. It’s a no brainer for me to stay on this path of purity and righteous of God because this is the best option. I lived the other path and it’s dark, empty and lonely. God’s center is so fulfilling and peaceful. With all that said, I see so clearly what Milan struggles with, it’s like a replay of Anderson and myself. I truly believe everything is predestined. Like God knew I wasn’t going to listen to him, because he probably knew I’d come back to him. My test with Anderson is his testimony for Milan and other amazing women I’m sure he’s going to use me to impact. I’m proud of the hurdles I went through because they’re being used to uplift others. I’m just glad that God gave me the strength and the endurance to be built back up again.

      I’m starting to comprehend even more my stories are going to be used by God to be messages and testimonies and I’m honored and proud to contribute to God in anyway I possibly can. It’s freeing, peaceful and true happiness. My mess is now seen as a message to inspire and help others. My heart swells with pride with knowing that. I’m no longer ashamed of these experiences. I was so mortified before. At times before, I used to want to die because I felt like such a epic failure. But I now understand they’re messages and testimonies that will be used by God. That’s how awesome God is. He’s the biggest and better than anything else. No matter what the devil tempts, once you stick with God you’re unstoppable and untouchable. Milan unfortunately doesn’t see that the guy she’s currently dating is toxic in her life and will only attempt to out her light within. He wants to damage her like how Anderson wanted to damage me. Broken people break. But God is so much bigger than that dud’s attempt. That’s why he’s put me in her life. And that’s why Jojo’s in her life too. When we saw a picture of this guy last night she was amazed at all we pointed out just by seeing his picture. Jojo’s reaction was priceless. She was silenced. I glanced at the picture and immediately turned my head away. Milan wasn’t aware of what I did but realized what Jojo did.

      I have learned through a series of events that my ability to express myself can be very well, not so nice sometimes and it leaves me thinking: I just have diarrhea of the mouth. With that said, I’m learning how to articulate myself so that I won’t rub anyone the wrong way anymore. I’m a newbie at it and in that moment I had nothing nice to say or the ability to express myself that wouldn’t come off offensive so I turned my head away. Luckily for me, Milan was paying more attention to Jojo. Jojo also had nothing nice to say but she’s better at this articulation than I am. And she said he’s a waiver that’s conflicted. That’s nice pretty, fluffy and savvier than what I would have said. My dude is dark and toxic to Milan. Later than night we had a two hour conversation in her car in front of my house and it was so needed and I think she sees things a bit clearer. There was a lot she needed to get off her chest. I’ll keep praying for her and being that positive whisper in her ear because that’s the role God wants me playing. It’s so amazing how God can conquer all. I can’t wait to see what happens on the next adventure. Until next time, this path called life.