I had girls night out last night with a few of my gal pals that I haven’t seen in while. We went to see The Other Women and then grabbed tea afterwards. I had the desire to write what I believe will be a quick post (it’s me, we shall see, I’ll try) because of all the emotions I was feeling last night. It was great seeing the girls and really nice to catch up with them because they’re an awesome time and wonderful women. With that said, because of the path I’m on and the fact I choose God as my center, the things I notice around me seems to be very heightened these days. Now if I tie in the last few events that occurred, which has taught me to be more aware and case sensitive aka a better filter; I felt compelled to sleep on these words that were swimming in my head since last night. Going forward, as I said in my Ignorance post, I’m now very aware of how thin the line between opinion and judgment truly is. And I always want to come from a place of love because that’s what my heart is mostly consumed of. Hey, I’m still flawed, I have fatigue, frustration and even down right anger in there but they’re fleeting and minimal emotions and I truly have God’s love to thank for that.
A lot hit me all at once and I said to myself ‘whoa, brain chill, I can’t deal with all of this right now, give me a second, please.’ When I’m passionate about anything I go very hard about it. I have never been more passionate about anything in my life as I am for my path in Christ and putting God first. I will never get tired of expressing how amazing God is. Loving him, trusting him, choosing him is literally the best decision I ever made in my life. And I’m still breathing so I know the best is yet to come through our amazing God. He’s not done with my story and knowing that is very exciting. Aside from my choice in Christ and loving God and thinking everyone should be a Jesus groupie, that’s still my opinion. I can’t project my emotions on every single Homo sapiens on this circular sphere called Earth. It’s not my place. That’s the most glaring lesson I learned with my interaction with Daffodil last week. God doesn’t even do that, so who am I, a flawed forgiven sinner to even attempt to do that? It’s buffoonery that’s what so again, thank you Daffodil for teaching me how absurd it is to try and force one’s ideologies on someone else. We are all given the gift of choices by God. Whoever said “Live and Let Live” was so spot on.
Back to The Other Woman, the movie… as a Christian woman I knew going into the movies my eyeballs and eardrums would be consumed with ways of life that I don’t agree with. So I accept the movie as a face value experience to be entertained amongst good company. I was honestly pleasantly surprised the movie was pretty funny to the point I cried and my stomach hurt. Laughter is one of the fruits of my soul. It puts me at ease and it’s just so awesome. Cameron Diaz is extremely funny, she rocked it in this movie. I’ll just give the gist of the movie without spoiling it for those that actually want to see it. Cameron Diaz’s character, I think her name was Carly, plays a powerhouse lawyer who started dating a dud (I can’t remember his name) and he was married, but Cameron didn’t know that. The dud’s wife was played by Leslie Mann, who I absolutely adore, she’s such an amazing actress and absolutely hilarious she had the best lines in the movie overall. So Leslie Mann’s character was in the dark about her husband’s affair with Carly (Cameron DIaz). Once the cat was out of the bag, Leslie’s character confronted Cameron’s character and they ultimately became friends which oddly enough worked. They then discovered that he was having more than one affair, played by Kate Upton. She was also a woman that the dud was involved with aka lied to. SO these three women became friends and ultimately cooked up a plan to bring him down because he was stealing money from his investors. The journey to that mission has a lot of great humorous lines, so on a face value objective it’s an entertaining movie. If you dig a little deeper, like I did, then you might see (like me) how glamorized the film really was.
I’m a believer that chivalry isn’t dead. Society has somehow (sadly) created a disillusionment that it’s okay for a woman not to be courted; and even more alarming, have many women (including myself at one point) thinking when a man does try and court you that something is wrong with them or there’s a catch. Cameron’s character had a set ideology that there was no such outcome and that there was no happily ever after. In her eyes it will end up breaking apart anyway. I know the movie was in the world of make believe, but let’s call a spade a spade here and address that there are woman unfortunately who believe this blatant lie. I can speak for myself with certainty that I used to be one of those women. God’s love changed my heart and trajectory. The message I got from Cameron’s character in that moment was “keep dating wrong because you have no other choice.” My bafflement flared up and immediately thought that was sad. She was talking to Leslie’s character (who’s the wife) and she said she didn’t know what to do with her life now that she realized her husband’s a cheater who can’t keep it zipped up. Leslie’s character went on to say (I’m paraphrasing) that she hasn’t been single for a long time and when she was the “dating pool” was bigger now it’s smaller with middle aged weird men or something like that. All I could say was wow, these character’s perspectives are so heartbreaking. The glass to me is always half full not half empty.
In the moments I dug deeper with the movie I pocketed the observations in my brain for a later date, which I’m assuming were for now as I write this post; and I resumed to go back to the face value moment so that I can enjoy the movie and not feel like I wasted my money. I’m a lover of the humorous orbit so Crysta was going to laugh her hiney away. And I so did. I had to compartmentalize my emotions in order to do so. That was exciting because I had no idea I was capable of compartmentalizing!! That’s a pretty amazing victory for me because I finally understand there’s a time and a place for everything. It’s amazing how God is working on me. I love him so much!!! There’s no one like God!!! Nikki Minaj was also in the movie her character bothered me so much for so many different reasons; my brain was on overdrive. Nikki, to me is still a beautiful woman but she was better looking in the state God made her: pre plastic surgery. I’ve seen pre-famous pictures of her and I said to myself why did she do all those surgeries? I’m so confused. I just didn’t get it and I never will.
Fast forward to the movie, her character completely bothered me as a black woman seeing her in that state. She played a secretary (that part didn’t even bother me that much, but it wasn’t all that great either;) and she also played a woman who was materialistic (and shallow, she thought looks got you far) that broke up two marriages (hers and her current husbands) and justified her actions. SO many emotions ran through me in her 5 minutes of air time as a black woman, but mainly as a woman of God. I loathed that the sanctity of marriage was glamorized for the sake of entertainment in the formation of a ‘black barbie bimbo’ played by Nikki Minaj. AND then she said a line about her husband’s ex wife was Canadian, like that’s supposed to make it okay? I was confused by that line, maybe because Canadian’s are peaceful and that means they’re doormats? Um, negative half my family lives in Canada and they’ll take anyone down. I could be wrong but I felt like that line was a dig. I was raging on the inside in that moment. However, I was also the only black woman in the company I was with. My gal pals were Asian and Brazilian. I’m not saying they didn’t see what I saw, however, I will say it won’t affect them as much as it did me. The bottom line is they’re not black. I also learned that not every battle should be taken on. Silence is a very powerful tool but actions speak the loudest.The message I received from beginning to end regarding The Other Woman was ultimately learning your worth. That’s the message I choose to see the most because it’s the most positive message from the movie. Positivity breaths life and trumps everything in my world.
Now that that’s out of my system I can go on to discuss the sit down with my gal pals. I’ll give them names so it’s less confusing. We’ll call them Anabel, Bianca and Jasmine. I’ll also give a slight back story to the origin of our camaraderie. We all meet in the days of the D2D world. (D2D=Door to Door) We also all left that experience at different times. I can’t really call it a job because it was a life experience for me. We were catching up having girl chat. They asked me if I stilled talk to people from that place I said not really, just one Jared is what I’ll call him and everyone else no. They pretty much told me the same thing. Anabel told me a story about a few people that are still in that world and the stories were just drama like on the level of the Young and the Restless, which I love by the way. #SoapHead but Young and the Restless isn’t real and I treat it as entertainment. When she was telling me about these people cheating, fighting, stitches I said to myself, wow Thank You God for pulling me out of that dark place. It’s so glaring to me more and more now how dark and empty that place was. There’s absolutely no light when it comes to that world. Can’t speak for anyone else but I choose light any day of the week, every second, every hour, every breath I take. I choose to move with God only.
Of course I said wow that place is a dark abyss and the three of them laughed. I actually wasn’t trying to be funny but that’s when I notice people laugh the most so I’m like whatever, I guess I’m funny. Of course me being Crysta I kept going hard and passionate about how that place sucks your soul and makes you become a skeleton. So I back pedaled when I heard silence and some defense in their voices. So I chilled out, and realized it was too much. Then they asked me about my love life. What I really wanted to say was my love life involves Jesus that’s all I need right now. Something stopped me though, probably God, because he’s an awesome genius like that. Instead, I said I’m focusing on my amazing kids I tutor and just Crysta. So they went on and said so you’re not dating I said no. Why continue to date the wrong man that will lead to no where fast? Anabel said you kind of have to do that there is no right guy or way. I really didn’t know how to answer her without coming off insensitive or too strong in my beliefs so I said nothing and just listened to her. I went with a different tactic and talked about when I went to this spot in LES called B.O.B. with Jojo for her birthday and told them about a guy that literally undressed me with his eyes. So I said to him do you go to church because I do and he looked at me like I was crazy. They all laughed. Then Bianca said yeah I would have looked at you like you’re crazy too. I said why? I love church I’m not ashamed of loving God. Silence again. Then Bianca said but you’re proactively pushing men away. No, I’m proactively keeping the wrong ones away. And that’s all God. God knows what he’s doing.
Somehow we got on the topic of sex and I immediately said sex is dangerous. Jasmine said it’s fun. I turned and said, sex gets you in trouble. And it does especially if it’s not done within the sanctity of marriage. I didn’t say the marriage part because I wanted to be respectful of their choices. The life I used to live that I’m so happy I don’t anymore is a similar path they’re walking currently. I choose abstinence and not the practice of premarital sex because it’s a hollow act and wasted energy that doesn’t fill that empty void in your heart. Only God can do that. I love these women. I want them happy and feeling fulfilled because they’re incredible women. Somehow, I suspect they don’t realize how incredible they are but again, just my opinion and I could be wrong. I saw unhappiness in their eyes, especially when we were talking about work. Anabel is SO smart and creative. To me her passion and calling from Crysta’s observation is artsy and event planning. Instead she’s doing a desk job with lots of administrative work that seems to be stifling her gifts and desires. When I struck that cord I saw I hit a nerve too raw that she wasn’t ready to feel or dissect so I switched topics. Bianca is beyond smart like she’s a walking dictionary; a brilliant mind. She’s very passionate about making a difference on the level of changing the world. She also does a desk job in Human Resources. Her brain needs to constantly be stimulated and it’s good that her job keeps her on her toes because she works well under pressure. Like Anabel, Bianca isn’t madly in love with what she does either and I don’t get why it has to be like that for them. Now we have Jasmine who’s in sales. Sales is probably the most stressful career direction anyone could tackle on and experience on a day to day basis. Jasmine looks stressed and she’s so smart and capable it’s really annoying to see her in a job she literally dislikes. She’s got such a brilliant business mind and she’s so passionate about photography it hurts my brain to try and decipher why she’s not pursuing what God put in her heart. It actually hurt my head to try and grasp why any of them are not going after what God put in all of their hearts.
It hit me last night when I was talking to Jojo that because I see it doesn’t necessarily mean they do. They’re not at the point of seeing it, yet or maybe they won’t at all. I’m not sure why God equipped me to see the things I do but he’s done it for a reason. I trust him. And I really hope that I came off from a place of love with them last night. I just want what’s best for them and to see them truly happy. God knows what’s in my heart and I hope they do as well. I know at times I can come off very strong, and blunt but I truly do mean well. Just like the three of them I’m a working progress walking this path called Christ. All our stories are still being written. Until the next adventure, this path called life.