Icebergs

Dearest Abba,

Sometimes it feels like I don’t even know how to properly formulate my words to communicate with you verbally or through composition. Expression is so challenging for me especially since my resource and tools stem from the lens attached to my flawed brain. The longer I walk with you God and the closer I draw near to you; the more you reveal to me that nothing is what it seems. I’ll never get used to that truth. This path is filled with multiple icebergs floating on the water because our life is full of multiple seasons. Just as seasons pass so will these iceberg or at the very least they will melt.

Do I always know that in the duration of my raw moments? Heck no, that’s not my testimony. These icebergs trip me up all the time. I can’t speak for any other beautiful eyeballs reading these words right now but I’ll take a leap of faith and say you don’t either. Kudos for you if you do. That’s a special gift right there. Holler at me so you can teach me to execute that… like seriously.

Thanks to my spiritual mentor’s guidance, I now comprehend that sanctification is a second to second quest and salvation is a one time graceful gift. They were all chucked together in my cerebral circumference since last year. All this time I was pondering why I want to fling people that try me across the room when I’m saved. Like weren’t these ungodly emotions supposed to magically evaporate like boiling water? Why are they still here God?… NOW I get why. I stay prayed up. I have to for so many reasons. Another blessing in the past few months was completing Be Transformed at my church. It really clarified incorrect thinking. I’m forever changed and grateful for that 9 week course and my mentor. Love that woman. Her fire for Jesus is amazing and she pushes me to go harder for God.

Both experiences grew me far more than I ever thought possible. That stretching process was so real, and just the tip of the various icebergs of where you’re taking me God from what you continue to reveal. There’s layers to this and a serious process. You currently have me in this season of stillness and teaching me patience and I think it sucks. And you know I think it sucks, which is probably why I’m still here. I haven’t fully let go of that instant gratification mentality or my move a mile a minute that used to be my life. Slowing me down is excruciatingly painful. However, you wanted me to realize that I’m glancing horizontally and not appreciating my chapter because I’m trying to go ahead of you or suggest what you should write next for me. The nerve right? You’re timeless and the artist, and I’m your blank canvass. Well, you know how I am. Thank goodness you meet me and wreck me for the better.

But God…life feels wasteful sometimes because I’m not doing more or I’m not where I can see myself. There was a lot of me’s and I’s in that sentence. Plus, this isn’t my life, this is your life God and I need to stop paying attention to the glimmers you show me because there’s so much more to these tips then my naked eye can see. You have the ability to see the entire iceberg and I don’t. You know how deep and how many layers each consists of; more importantly you know the purpose of them. Each iceberg has a purpose. That’s becoming clearer and clearer. During these restless moments you lovingly remind me to mediate so I grab my blueprint to life: my bible. I pray and just sit in your truth. Each and every time you reveal and reteach me that I was only looking at these surfaces that do not reveal much. Everything that I experience has a purpose for your grand plan. You see everything God because you’re the author of life. I just need to keep walking in faith and leaping because I know with conviction you hold my right hand tightly. That’s a truth that never waivers even during my turbulence. You’re all about strengthening my core so when future hiccups happens walking on this water, I’m still in this place: thirsty for you and your truth only.

The ways you find to continue to grab my attention leave me in awe. As I sit here writing these words in Starbucks, listening to Will Raegan’s “Reach for Me,” you are also simultaneously altering my mindset. You’ve blessed me with an awesome conversation with Mr. Starbucks Guy. Sitting here listening to his testimony was truly inspiring. My perspective of his journey was beautiful because in a nutshell he’s relentless in overcoming obstacles. He taught himself how to read and is now an avid reader. He got his GED later in life, after realizing running in the streets was not what his purpose of existence was. Mr. Starbucks Guy always wanted to be an engineer and never had the funds to do so yet YOU blessed him with a complete scholarship covered in full to go to school and get his education in his heart’s desire. Yet, the mind blowing thing is he’s focused on all the mistakes he’s made when he was younger because he wishes he can tell his younger self to not make the choices he made. And wants to be further in life. Little does he know it was all apart of your glory. You were always with him. You blessed me to hear his story and I pray you used me to bless him with the encouraging words I shared with him. I think it’s awesome he’s teaching himself how to learn another language on top of all the other pro active abilities he possesses; and he’s thinking about going back to school again. I hope I see Mr. Starbucks Guy in church and he actually comes.

I hear you and see you God. All in your timing and never ours. You always know what’s in all of our hearts and you make things happen far better then we would ever put together. You just want us to ride the pruning wave on this water and let the icebergs be because you totally have us.

Love your daughter.

Thanks for reading beautiful people. This path called life belongs to Jesus Christ. Xo

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