I love how you hit me with a supernatural bulls eye at work today. You connected the dot: my fueling frustrations to my desperate need to understand the unknown. Perfect trust in you is not trying to understand or figure anything out. That is actually quite the opposite and lacking trust in you. It’s basically saying to you, “Hey God, what you’re showing me makes no sense so it can’t be.” There’s an incomplete part to my vertical vantage point. That was unacceptable to you. You love me so much that you relentlessly pursued me until that dot was connected. Thank you Abba. Thank you for your unfailing and unchanging love for me.
Thank you for making waiting for that man that I’ll marry one day so much more worth the wait. You are showing me to expecting nothing less and I won’t let you down. It makes me enjoy dancing with you until you let that man cut in even more sacred. You are carving me to be the best woman of God not just to edify your kingdom but to be the wife my future husband needs me to be. I have unwavering faith you are doing the same in him. Perfect trust in your perfect timing. My future husband will love me just as Jesus loved the church. And I will completely submit to that love and nothing else because I’m your daughter. This is the standard you are grooming me to wait for. No bread crumbs. No in between ‘friends/talking/dating and let’s see.’ No nonsense. Thank you for sparing me.
For a long time I was hesitant in accepting this standard because it seemed “too high” but now I understand with conviction that I’m your daughter and you are the King. This makes me your precious princess worthy of the best. You have fearfully and wonderfully made me. I’m not crazy for holding my head high walking in the worth you blessed me with: validated by only you. Human beings can no longer break me with words or their actions because I am validated by the greatest artist ever. And I truly understand that you are in the business to constantly shape me for the better. Even when it looks like it is a breakdown it is truly a breakthrough designed to clear out the clutter and strengthen my intimacy with you.
The fueling frustrations have been an internal slow churn oozing it’s way to the surface for quite some time. Thank you for correcting my assumption that I was missing what you were saying. I simply was trying to control your deliverance for me and how it looks. Today’s church devotional really drove this point home. The father of faith verses the son of impatience that seeks the tangible. I love Genesis. It’s one of my favorite books in the bible. It’s the beginning there’s just something really beautiful about seeing the creation of life out of ashes and how it all works together your way. I mean there’s no part of the blueprint of life aka the bible that I don’t love. But I really love Genesis.
I sometimes drift off and meditate on this journey to this exact moment Abba. How you orchestrated me coming to The Brooklyn Tabernacle. Before coming and being completely involved in my home-base, as you know I was apart of that cool Harlem church. However, dots weren’t connected in the sense of truly understanding that this beautiful walk is a relationship that takes consistent surrender. It’s not a sometimes I’ll go to a building that so many of us fall into the trap of calling it church when we the body are the church. We are the only Jesus a lot of your beautiful children here on this Earth see so we have to make the most out of those precious moments. Thank you for your grace and patience to prune us whether we like it or not.
With that said, I totally tried you by trying to avoid the signs that this is exactly where you wanted me. I even tried to get Jojo to check out the Harlem church so she could join it with me but of course you shot that down. Totally nothing wrong with that church in Harlem but that’s not where I encountered you and you knew I would only do that where I am now. You used Jojo to introduce our church to me and she wasn’t even familiar with it. She heard it was a ‘cool place with good music’ and I like music so I saw no harm. Besides she was incredibly way too chipper for a ‘church goer’ so my curiosity was peaked. Little did I know that was the beginning of the rest of my life. You knew we’d surrender our lives to you the same day (4.4.14,) get baptized the same day (6.1.14) and just embrace the radical changes you did within both of us. That you continue to do in both of us. Praise your Holy Name. It is a moment to moment stretching process we were excited to experience then and say yes now because we stopped being those worldly lost sheep. Our shepherd found us. And we keep drawing closer to you. What a gift that’s so cherished.
I stopped being paralyzed by the words of guys and seeking validation in them. You corrected the distorted belief that sex needed to occur so I wouldn’t be alone. I’m not alone and my purity is everything. Love over lust. Because you’re love, not lust and love waits. It’s slow to anger and it doesn’t hold grudges. Love always prevails. Love forgives and love is understanding. I’m waiting God. I’m waiting as you work in both my future spouse and myself. Thank you God for making my journey your testimony. Thank you for using my shortcomings for your glory. I say yes to being your intercessor and showing your other beautiful daughters that there is no need to compromise your beliefs for the fear of being alone. We are not alone. You go before us. You hold our right hand tightly. And Jojo is living proof that obedience is so beautiful. Keep pruning us Lord, we say yes. The sword is lifted.
I truly enjoy seeing my beautiful sisters grow in Christ and go harder for you. But I love to see even more the moment where they realize how beautiful they truly are and always were. You blessed me with the gift of encouragement. I’m humbled I get to put a smile on your children’s faces by reminding them that they are amazing and can do all things through Christ. You just want us dancing as you lead us and you blow our minds reminding us that you are God.
Like tonight in Starbucks… you’re probably going to have me write a book someday. I say yes. This woman had to be an angel so let’s call her Angel*. She just sat next to me and had me dying of laughter like I was crying. She was like oh you’re Christian yeah you look it. Of course I laughed again because I didn’t realize followers of Christ had a look but I receive it. As long as Jesus is seen and not me then I’m on the right track. She just blessed me with her presence but what really blew my mind was her prophesying in Jojo’s life when Jojo and Naomi came. Naomi and I mouths just dropped and we were speechless. Angel knew Jojo for literally sixty seconds and started prophesying everything she’s been hearing and going through the last few months. I so badly wanted to ask her about me but you wouldn’t let me God. It’s interesting that Angel doesn’t realize she’s a vessel for you God when she says she’s not a believer of Jesus yet doing his work. I lift up her sister to you God, you know what she’s battling and you know her name. In faith you will turn it around because you answer and hear prayers. Beautiful eyeballs that are reading these words, please pray for her too. God hears all prayers. I pray Angel comes to church this Sunday. Make her. Amen.
When Angel left Starbucks Jojo, Naomi and I were just talking about how special she is and how much more work she can do for the kingdom of God. Jojo of course was super silly and said she’ll be beamed up like she’s a modern day Enoch because she’s an angel. I say she’s a vessel and will come to The Tab. It’s always your perfect timing. And it makes the experience even more memorable. As your children we always have to be open that’s so crucial and we’ll only be open truly is by drawing even closer to you. To keep dancing with you. When I was 17 years old you position a vessel of yours, who looked like a stranger to me at the time due to my perspective, to cross my path. This vessel was used to speak about the season I’m now experiencing. He told me I’ll be an educator and I looked at him as if he grew an extra arm. I also told him that I didn’t want to be a teacher because they didn’t make money. Then I spent the next decade plus avoiding this calling; however that didn’t stop you Abba, you used my defiance for your glory. As you always do. I was never in control when you allowed me to work in the legal, sales or fashion world. I so thought I had this. And you allowed me to live in that delusion. You did however, bless me with so many skill sets from all of these industries that I now use in education. You’ve also showed me that being an educator doesn’t necessarily mean staying under the title of teacher. You’ve also put blueprints of amazing businesses on my heart that you will see fulfilled in your perfect timing as I sit in perfect trust.
I’m truly humbled and honored you’ve entrusted me to educate the generation of tomorrow. I love teaching. I love learning as I teach them and I love love love that every child can succeed and be taught. Knowledge is power. That’s almost as consistent as your unfailing love… almost. My heart is filled with gratitude praising your Holy Name for reinforcing the fact that whatever direction you lead me to I’ll be blessed because you go before me and you’re right beside me. I pick up my feet from the ground and glide on yours as you lead me in this dance. I’m done trying to control how the unknown looks. I receive and accept the blessings that are around the corner. I say yes to everything. I’m no longer holding a fearful heart that felt unworthy because I am chosen by you. You choosing me makes me worthy. Keep blowing my mind supernaturally as we keep dancing together. Let’s go and do this mind blowing edification your way, not my way. This path called life belongs to Jesus Christ.
Love your daughter.
*Names mentioned have been changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy