Ready

Dearest Abba,

You promoted my uncle today. He’s up in heaven right now no longer in pain or experiencing the cancerous poison that consumed him. Thank you God for chasing him relentlessly into a relationship with you. Thank you for giving him peace and joy throughout this entire experience he had here. I have never seen my late uncle not smiling or not joyful. Thank you for blessing not just me but my family with his presence and strength. What a legacy of examples you placed within all of us because of the vessel my uncle was.

You loaned him to us for a long time and we are indebted to you by your undeserving love-kindness. This isn’t goodbye because one day we’ll see him again. Until then we do what needs to be done here. You were ready to take him home. Earth is a pit stop not home. You are the author of life and the gracious giver of everlasting life. Thank you for ensuring my uncle had everlasting life. My heart is full even though I’m going to miss him and being around his peace and infectious joy.

I have a spirit of deep gratitude that he is no longer in pain. My uncles temporary stay expired and your will was to take him home because you were ready. Your understanding will never be associated with our understanding. Through these tears and dry heaving, you are a great God. You are so worthy to be praised and I adore you. I love you beyond comprehension Abba. I know I can come to you in any head space and at any time. You will always be ready for me regardless of how I feel or what I show.

I’m so thankful that you prepared us with how well my uncle accepted what was around the corner. His spirit of acceptance was enough to cover our fear and resentment towards his last few days on earth. Thank you God for blessing my mom with the ability to see who she saw as a father figure one last time before he passed. You really blessed me Abba to be raised around quite a few fantastic men.

Of course you are my first love Abba and my Heavenly Father. No one can ever take your place of priority or being first. Not even my future husband that you promised me. I always ponder and process how precious life is when you promote one of my family members to be in heaven. It’s a bullseye that slaps me right in the face. Life shouldn’t be wasted ever.

My uncle always made every moment count because he truly appreciated and valued life. He believed that everyone should understand the beauty and unique aspect of this path called life. Love. Loving one another. Loving God first and foremost. In that love of God: making our hearts full of kindness, peace, joy, hope, love and faith. You are love Abba. Writing these words gave me peace and you blessed me with a joy even though my uncle died today.

Nothing will take praising you out of my mouth. You are a beautiful mystical truth that I perfectly trust. Thank you for this amazing blessing. Thank you for being a great God. Thank you for always blessing me to yearn to always thank you. You continue to change me and make me new. It leaves me wide-eyed and in awe with wonder.

It is well within my soul because of you. You always keep me floating in the turbulence and I will never sink, thank you. Nothing is too big for you. That panic attack I experienced yesterday was a failed attempt to distract me with fears. I’m ready for everything that you have for me. I’m ready to choose you above all else as you teach me with discerning truth.

I’m ready for my future husband, I wasn’t before because of fear and the inability to have all the answers. That’s fear and control and not of you God. Because you made me Abba with a sound mind. I’m ready for him to enter my life as you lead him to lead us in your hearts content. I’m ready for you to give him whatever nudge he needs as I withhold nothing. I just say yes to what’s next.

To my future husband: if you ever stumble on these words know that I pray for your vertical and sound mind everyday. I pray that the enemy never distracts you for long time; and that you always always cling to discerning truth. That you lean on God and not your own understanding. That you embrace gods will for your life because it’s so much better than what you can ever desire. Our Abba is amazing for blessing me with the renewed mind to be open and ready for the pruning and growth needed for the edification and his will. His will includes you and me. Abba is pruning me to be the wife you need me to be. Know that losing my uncle today made the last drop of fear shed from my fearfully and wonderfully made frame. The sword is lifted fearlessly. Know that your past is covered and spotless by Abba. You are blameless to him and anything in your heart allow him to heal because he so desperately wants to. Know that satan is a liar that will try and play on your deepest buried insecurities. But God is bigger. Know that love holds no records of wrong and is patient. Love never fails. Love is forgiving. We will have a 1 Corinthians 13 love because of the pruning being done in both of us. You’re not perfect and neither am I so I patiently wait until you come to me so we can be perfectly imperfect together. Until then I’ll keep praying and loving you to where God needs you to be.

Love your rib.

Rest in peace Uncle B. I love you, until next time. This path called life belongs to Jesus Christ.

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