Deliberate 

Genesis 30:21-24 (NASB)

The word is so GOOD! Can’t get enough!!! God is a deliberate God. He deliberately loves us, covers us, and protects us; because we are His image. I can’t help but mediate on these verses in wonderment. In fact, the whole chapter is fascinating. Leah and Rachel’s dynamic with Jacob is truly mind blowing. God bless them for being able to walk that testimony. I don’t share my man. And I get its a different time, which is why I’m not in that time, God knows me well. 

Thank you Constant One for getting it. I am an Eve like woman, I’m a rib for only one man. I pray wiser, since I fight tooth and nail, to not succumb to my dangerous flesh. I’ll keep waiting for my Adam, as I chase the breaking of what’s not of you dwelling in me, and you prune him wherever he is. Besides, you’ll write me a far better love story then my limited flesh, and perverted mind can ever muster up. So I’ll actively wait on you Heavenly Father. Keep breaking me Lord. I just say yes.

Sadly, very different triggers produced specific responses, for Leah and Rachel. Jealousy and envy, were brewing emotions that consumed these women to their core. But those aren’t emotions of God. I find it fascinating that God stepped back, and watched what two sisters would do; neither of them cried out to God for clarity in their jealous and envious emotions. Makes me ponder on, what would’ve happened if they did? 

God answers and says knock it shall be open; what you take to God in belief you will receive. Believing is confidently accepting, it is yours without even seeing your heart’s desires. It’s remaining steadfast in the promise you took to God, and walking in the faith it will be yours, in God’s timing not yours. 

And that’s when stillness comes in. Be still, and know He is God. He is the God that does all, because He created all. We all grow impatient, especially me. I’m an instant gratification junkie, and a control freak; but that’s my impatient flesh, which isn’t of God. If I didn’t fight tooth and nail to rebuke my flesh, and submit to my spirit, I would be in a different season, and a completely different vessel. 

As excruciating as it is to deny our flesh, it’s so imperative to remain steadfast and unmoved in God. Neither Rachel or Leah, were unmoved in God, because they were too busy focusing to their left, and their right. Looking in the horizontal, a realm God handles, not us. Our eyes should always remain fixed on God, who supernaturally dwells in the vertical. That’s where we need to always be. Always, no matter what season we are currently walking; the waiting process requires, the stretching of our faith, and a beautiful opportunity to draw even closer to God. 

I always appreciate, seeing God stepping back like here to showcase how big He is. God still had His way, regardless of what Leah and Rachel succumbed to. He turned it around, and still had His kingdom edified. Am I saying succumb to jealousy and envy, the way Leah and Rachel did? Absolutely not, will you never feel that? Can’t guarantee that either, we’re ingrained sinners that are genetically wired to do wrong. That’s why the Holy Spirit, and His activation in our lives is so crucial, especially crying out for that task, on a moment to moment basis. The Holy Spirit is God. He is a person that requires our fight to fellowship with Him. 

The more I read the bible, the more I appreciate its blueprint. It’s our compass to truth, it’s our relation to our ingrained sinful nature, it’s our faithful hope that all is well in our souls. And it guarantees us that God is who He is. God said it is done. It is done, until we experience His works in the process, the waiting period is what births all emotions that are not of God: impatience, anxiety, jealousy and envy; like what Leah and Rachel experienced. So you combat that with praise and worship. You fight to dwell in the spirit of gratitude. 

The bible is designed to truly be our vertical vantage point. It’s designed, not to mirror the same moves as our flawed vessels here did, but it’s here to dare us to be better in our quest to fight in stillness. Dare to be bold, dare to have a sense of urgency to be all in the breath of God by drawing even closer to Him. Dare to be steadfast, in your pruning process and waiting season by actively working on being broken by God. Dare to shout to God to break you so God can chisel away all that’s not of Him. So that God can make you more Christ like. So God can swell with pride how absurdly obedient, He has faith you can be. 

Are you ready to step up to that daring plate, and be better than our foundation shows us? Are you ready to shed comfort, and what you know to embark on the beautiful unknown? God so anxiously has waiting for you, by saying, “break me.” The abundant blessings are waiting for you. Are you brave enough to be deliberate in surrender, and step out of God’s way, so He can blow your mind? Selah. 

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Decisions

Genesis 27:19-24 (NASB)

Genesis is one of my all time, favorite books in the word of God. I’m sitting, and mediating on these scripture verses, truly fascinated. Rebekah, felt the need, to position her son, Jacob, to receive a blessing, that was meant, for her other son, Esau. 

I just find this notion, so intriguing. Naturally, when I first read this chapter, I thought, Rebekah lost her mind, and set up her son, for such a failure. Even though, Jacob originally, had hesitation, and was doubtful, to partner with his mom; in such a devious plan, he still decided to embark on it. 

He partnered, with his mom, in this execution of deception, why? I’m sitting here, processing these words, for the multiple time, and I keep coming up, with the same conclusion, Jacob didn’t have to agree with his mother, to deceive his father. He made the decision, to follow, a choice, he knew was wrong, but said yes anyway. Again, why? I truly believe that Jacob, felt choosing to follow his mom, instead of listening to that prompting, was easier. Sometimes, going against the grain, isn’t what we want to do, because it means, going against what, we are accustomed to. 

God isn’t a God, that has limited blessings, for his chosen children. God is a limitless God, that overflows, with blessings for His beloved chosen. We are all His, no matter where we are: in a backsliding season, completely away from Him, or walking in absurd obedience. There is nothing, we can do, or say, that can stop God from loving us, or being His chosen. Absolutely nothing, because we were all made, in His perfect image. 

And then Isaac, Jacob’s father, sensed something was off, but dismisses it, because he had tangible evidence, with the hairy sleeves, even though his instincts, told him a different truth. How many times, has so many of us, dismissed our inner promptings, for a tangible answer, to walk in the comfort of familiarity? Familiarity, can be so misleading for us, as His children, on our walk, and as followers of Jesus. Our instincts are there for a reason. Trust them, and their promptings, no matter how uncomfortable, that decision is. 

Isaac, even felt that Jacobs voice, sounded nothing like Esau. That’s because it wasn’t. And Isaac also ignored that sign, of something being off, again. What truly fascinates me, about this journey, is how mirroring it is, to modern day, and the moment to moment decisions, that we make today. I cannot count, how many times, in my own life, where I positioned myself, to receive something, that wasn’t originally designed for me; before I surrendered myself, to the greatest man ever, two years ago. 

Since my journey began, with the Constant One, I’ve been blessed, with the ability to discern, and I pray on everything. I mostly, sit on anything, that I believe, is being channeled from above. Because I never want, to make a fleshly move, ever again; I did that when I wasn’t walking with God, and for so many years. I am now, chasing Jesus, and it is truly the greatest, and only option for me. And He who’s beyond human logic, is the only compass, that will always lead me, to the truth. 

It’s challenging to make that switch, in complete surrender, to submit all control, especially if you are naturally practical, scientific, and logical, like me. But with God, anything is possible. And God seems to have an amazing ability, to work specifically, in the realm of the impossible. Like its mind blowing, but then that’s God’s specialty: blowing our perception, and comprehension, completely out the ball park, of our psyche. 

God’s grace, through this journey with Rebekah’s decisions, leaves me in awe. How He turned this self made, fleshly mess, into a message, through her grandson, Joseph; and it is beyond beautiful. To me, it’s so important to mediate, on all parts of the bible, which I’m finding out, is a life quest, that I’m absolutely in love with. With that said, Rebekah is now seen, to me, a woman that was desperate, for her son, to not be forgotten. Some of us fall into the trap, of believing, the deluded lie, that God forgot us. So it sparks the impatience, which removes us from our trust in God, with being still, and births our flesh, to take matters into our own hands. Usually, we just create a mess, that God always, and eventually turns into a message, once you tap out in total surrender. Like later on in Genesis, where Jacob, becomes Israel. 

Rebekah acted on sheer emotion, and the focal point of her sons future. I am not a mother, but I know, and have seen, my own mother do this, with my siblings and myself. I’ve grown up, seeing my late grandmother, turn into a humanized version, of super woman, because that’s how protective she was, over all of her descendants. I get that, but I also get, and clearly see how Rebekah underestimated, God’s sovereignty. 

He is the ultimate power, and He had Jacob. But Rebekah took matters into her own hands, and ensured what she believed, was the only option for her son, to be blessed. At this point, in my walk with God, I’m starting to see, and appreciate more and more, that God steps back, to see what we’d do, and how we will move; will we still consult God, without the promoting of His guidance, or will we decide to lean, on our own, dangerous understanding? It’s dangerous, to lean on solely our limited mind, because we aren’t the creator, and we aren’t emotionally sound, when we are in flesh. 

It only feels good, temporary, and eventually, the reality kicks in; the residue, of our actions, start unraveling, right before our eyes. That process occurs, in the most uncomfortable, and unexpected ways. Plus, we don’t see the whole picture, only God does. We are naturally, ingrained to sin, and disobey, so relying on our flesh, is signing away, our gift of wisdom, sent from up above. 

Did Rebekah, create a mess, by taking matters, into her own hands? Maybe, I say yes, but it’s a matter of interpretation, and that can be debatable. What I will say is, God made this mess, into a message, of how He honors, obedience, and daring faith, through Rebekah’s grandson. Joseph, who then later, became one of the greatest vessels, in the history of the Old Testament. 

I love, and appreciate seeing the internal battles, and the relation, to being flawed, found all over the bible, like it is in these verses. They’re not only truthful, but they’re mirroring to modern day. And we know how Genesis ends, God and His kingdom being edified. We may not know for sure, where we’ll all end up, or what our story will evolve to, but we can all rest assured, knowing that the greatest man ever, has it covered. And He works out, all good things for our good. 

No matter what, current season you’re in, going through the motions, or the happiest human alive, God is with you, and you won’t be moved. Trust the process, and trust it’ll all be worth it. Also trust, that everything you experience, is always executed, to edify God; and to strengthen your core, whether, it currently feels great, or painful. God uses everything, for two reasons only: for our good, and to edify Him. If either of those godly tasks aren’t executed, God removes them. In His timing, not ours. 

And it’s imperative to solely be anchored by God. Paul never said it didn’t hurt, or we won’t get emotional, but we can’t be moved. Paul hurt, and felt every emotion, under the sun, but he was never moved. We must be unmoved, the way Paul was; and he’s the greatest apostle of the New Testament. 

He was unmoved, by consistently, drawing more intimately closer, to Him. Paul chased God, and never slowed down with his chase, in a lot of ways, he accelerated it. Paul had such a sense of urgency, to chase God, so fearlessly. That’s the space we all need to aspire to be in, chasing Jesus fearlessly, and unashamed. Thank you, Constant One, for such a precious gift. So who’s ready to run straight to Jesus, no matter what? 

Truth

What’s the truth?

Is up really up? 

Is down really down? 

What’s going on God? 

All that’s happening is a downcast frown.


I’m tired.

I’m done. 

I want this all to end.


But you keep rudely, interrupting my zen.


Stop, let me be. No one sees what I see.


Freedom is selected, to those around me. 

Perceptions have an array, of visions, that go in multiple directions. 


Rainbows are grey.

There’s nothing to say.

So why aren’t you enforcing corrections?


Don’t you get, your stepping back, is causing all these attacks? 


But I’m the one that’s wrong, and I’m tired of that song. 

So let them be. 

Set me free. 

I’m tired. 

I want out.

This is beyond a pout. 

I don’t want to see, I don’t want to feel. 

Stop undoing my bubbles. 

They negate interfering with these troubles.


The scales will stay in place. And those that fight for them, will continue to feel safe. 


Let them be, set me free.


I’m tired of seeing what I see. 

So blind me. 

The truth hurts.