Lineage

Matthew 1:2

This verse abruptly stopped me, right in my tracks. I’ve read Matthew a few times in the past; but not once did I ever pause, on this scripture verse. Judah wasn’t the only son. There were twelve sons. Judah wasn’t even the first born, nor the son that saved the Israelites. That recognition stopped me right in my tracks. Joseph was the absurdly obedient son, that radically trusted God. He walked a thirteen year storm, that I probably would have personally, and epically failed, if I’m being honest; but he walked through that with soaring, and ridiculous trust. Why wasn’t he mentioned? Why was Judah? That’s what stopped me from my readings. Seriously, why was Judah the son, selected from this clan, as a representation, of being a descendant, from the greatest man ever? The man responsible for our salvation; and our inheritance to ever lasting life? Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. 

This morning was the first time ever, reading these words of truth, where I said, how come Joseph wasn’t mentioned? Seriously why wasn’t he? I pause, and meditate on this wonder. The bible truly fascinates me. It’s my compass to the only truth, that fixes my eyes on Him. I cannot afford to get caught up, again, in the worldly whirlwind of fleshly desires. I’ve been there, it’s terrible and dangerous, and only Jesus saved me from myself. I’m never going back, to leaning on my own accord. I literally almost died, through scales, and confusion, of leaning on my own understanding. The blood of the Precious Lamb, is my renewed heart beat. It’s my second chance, to focus on my dance with Him. My second chance to go lower, under whatever storm or rock, He leads me. It’s all worth it to me. Chasing my first love is worth it all. 

This relationship with Him is so hard. Being Christian is hard. Doing the right thing consistently is hard. Not wanting to stay in my flesh, when I slip into that dangerous realm is hard. It’s not a walk in the park; all moments I experience are not filled with magical pixie dust. The wrestle is real. God and I are tussling right now. It hurts, He’s winning, regardless of my outwardly disposition, all is well within my soul. My inner peace remains steadfast and unmoved. The commitment to stay surrendered is real. Psychology, as a homosapien, I’m truly wired to do what I know. 

Isaiah 55 states my ways will never be His, they are higher. What does that even mean, right? I cannot speak for anyone else, just myself, I sometimes read the bible and ponder, what’s God’s message here? And how does He want me to apply it to my life? My life that belongs to Him. What kind of vessel, does God want me to emulate, from this scripture? I’m always wondering that. Will I emulate right? Maybe, will I mess up, absolutely, I’m sure I’m doing something wrong right now. I used to get so stressed out, about being the wrong type of vessel. Or even having anxiety, about God being mad at me, that I’ve messed up, this relationship that began, in consistent commitment, two years ago. My theory is He was always with me, and looking at me. I’m just now staring back. 

Thank God, He makes our mercies new every morning. He is the rock, which I stand on. The amazing man, that beat death. He went to the cross for me, without even knowing, if I’d ever follow Him, or surrender my life, to emulate the greatest love story ever told. Jesus died for me. That blows my mind. 

Jesus was created in man form, to die for my past, present, and future sins. Does that give me a green light, to just go wild and sin? No, but it allows me to trade my burdened yolk of guilt, and the performance treadmill, we all get caught up in at times, as flawed humans; for His easy yolk. It feels like I’m always messing up at times, but God isn’t a God of guilt. God is a good good father, that guides us to truth, in love always. God basks in our tests, that He molds into testimonies. Our victors are His victories. But when we’re walking through victors, it feels like the end of the world. Just like our messes do, but they are His messages. His messages, that always glorify His name. If memory serves me correctly, this is the the same Judah, that walked through a messy mess, with his daughter in law. 

The darkness of deception, will always find the illumination of His truth. No matter what mess, I set into motion, or anyone else out here, God already has a plan, to evolve it into a message. Like when I used to position myself with guys, see the “unattainable man,” my competitive challenge, to show him “how amazing I am,” is a recipe for heartbreak; saints, as a woman that’s been there, and done that, it always ends badly. And it usually ends badly, of the chaser that worked for the attention, for the chased, especially if they made it clear they’re not interested. Or even worse boxed you as a friend. First instincts are never wrong. If you only see someone as a friend, then they usually will always be one in your mind. Unless fear of the unknown drove you to that labeling. 

Friendship is truly an important foundation to a romantic relationship. But there’s always a difference between a romantic prospect, and a comfortable companion. Even if you stumble into a relationship with this friend. Biblically, it states he who findeth a good wife, findeth a good thing. If the “he” didn’t set the standard, or make the first move, then you’re in a relationship that may end badly. No where in the bible, does it state to position yourself, as the man’s friend, so you can slip into the “relationship of your dreams,” it’s never what we think. It never was for me. Eyes on faith, is the only way your Boaz can find you. God doesn’t need your help to position you anywhere. He’s God. Not using your sensory eyes, as women, we must stay steadfast in our biblical truth; and stay steadfast with our spiritual eyes. Deep down it always felt wrong, to put in work with a man, or “drop hints,” for me. 

God was intentional with creating Adam first, Adam was lonely, and cried out to God. God then put him to sleep, took his rib, under his heart, and creates his Eve. That’s the most romantic love story, behind Jesus dying for me, in the bible. I swoon at such biblical romance. Once I realized I was robbing myself, of such a love story, that God longs to walk me through; I stopped looking horizontally, and fixed my eyes vertically. I stopped trying to get the attention of the wrong men. The right one will come, and make it very clear, because he will be biblically intentional. My soul cries, for a biblical romance, and a biblical marriage. My cord won’t break with three strands. But it will break with two. So I wait, and dance with you in the meantime Constant One. 

This amazing man, died for me. I can’t get over it. Loved me enough, to take my place on death row, and conquered that bondage for me. The veil was torn. And I now have access to the Creator, that was deliberate in articulating my existence. Truly understanding that great love, switched me from not understanding my true worth. I’m the daughter to the Highest King. He has plans to only prosper me. I proudly, and gladly say yes, to Him. I gladly push through my pondering moments of unclarity, for He will always clear my fog. He will always make a way, when there seems to be none. Because God is beyond time, past, present and future. He’s got the entire living species, in His hand. He has tattooed His heart, in the palm of our hands. 

It is through great faith we are His. So through great faith, understand He knows we are flawed, and we will make mistakes, like Judah; Jesus was still proud to be mentioned, as a lineage of Judah. That means He’s proud, to be our lineage faithfully. It’s time we all hold our heads up highly, and walk in that biblical truth. Selah. 

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