Lately I’ve been having dreams, that I don’t remember; and what is always pressed on my heart, is that it’s not time for me to know the message, that God was trying to tell. But this morning when God blessed me with life, I walked through a dream being up. That never happened before. God always speaks to me in my dreams when I’m unconscious, not cognitive.
Jojo* and I got really close to an awesome God-fearing brother in Christ at work, who’s about the burning bush just like us. We had an awesome heart to heart last week, and last night at work, about how God showed all three of us, who we’re meant to be with. And we bonded over how our plans, are not parallel to God’s plans. The truth of these painful tests in all three of our lives, really upset us, where we all had attempts of defiance, and have been blatantly blocked. God keeps making clear, He will transform these tests into testimonies in all of our lives.
The truth is, God is cleaning out my heart, Jojo’s heart and Benjamin’s* heart. We all battle thinking we are good, because of a specific gift we all share. But that’s the furthest from the truth. We just conformed to a self fulfilling norm, and God is now doing His transform, through us with the renewal of our minds. I’ve been very frustrated for three years, because of what God showed me. It’s not a coincidence that Benjamin was shown his rib, three years ago as well, and Jojo was shown her ribcage. It’s also not a coincidence, that we are all over this pending three strand life, and just want to settle at this point. I’m not surprised how certain scenarios in my season look, because God showed me these outcomes. I’m just pissed it has to go down this way. And that’s how Jojo and Benjamin feel as well.
God blocking us from going back to my Harlem church, instead of where we were the past [almost] three years, was whack. But deep down I knew this church would change our lives. I saw a rushing wind, and an image of a tsunami. The cleanse of a whirlwind of changes to come. I saw all of this when we walked past the church before becoming members, even before salvation. We got saved at this church. Jojo and I both told Benjamin how hard it was to be in this church. For so many reasons, but mainly our hunger for more needed to be quenched. There was a severe drought within both of us. We were thirsty for more, and there was a helplessness of not fully grasping how to get more.
Benjamin is a future pastor who refuses to accept the call, [for now.] How he articulated where God has Jojo and I now, is a sermon he will preach. He basically said we thirst for another meal at this point in our walk. It’s true, Sunday we went to a church, for the first time that we’ve been praying on, since January of this year. As soon as we both entered the Holy Spirit, that dwells within became on fire, and a timely word was preached. We were both happy and felt free. I didn’t have any regrets and neither did Jojo. Our drought was taken care off. There’s no turning back. I’m excited, but what I’m not excited about, is that dream I had an hour ago. So here it goes…
I was wearing a black mermaid forming gown, with a high slit on my right leg. I like showing my legs. Saved or not, I’m really feeling my legs, and God has been wrestling with me since my mom spit me out, to chill out on my deep like of exposure to my legs. Whatever, we are all flawed. That’s me missing my mark. Amen. It was a nice dress like I want it.
I was engaged to a guy I didn’t see his face, but I was looking at this dream, as an outsider looking in, watching myself; and still with the ability to feel every single emotion of that Crysta. This Crysta looked beautiful, but something was missing. There was such a hype about me and this guy, it was uncomfortable watching. Me and this guy were slated to get married in two weeks.
The guy and this Crysta, [who was me,] looked like they loved each other, but there was something missing. The love I saw looked like comfort and friendship, in the sense of what’s easy and what’s familiar. They were celebrated by everyone around them, and supported by so many, yet there was something missing. Me as an outsider looking in, I saw there was something missing. It was so evident to me. Two good looking ‘godly’ people, that look cute together, but didn’t look like God put them together. I put godly in quotes because we loved God and knew salvation, but weren’t living fully for God. It looked like we got tired of waiting, afraid of change, or didn’t want to accept a calling, so we walked in the theme of settling.
God ordained is so clearly evident to me. Even in dreams, I can always differentiate from: worldly couples, two godly people that settled, and God ordained destinies. I can see three strands life couples very clearly. They’re so rarely seen on this planet sadly. It actually breaks my heart. I was so done with love. Too many people settle, and get celebrated in the settling. It makes me feel like screaming at the top of my lungs in total frustration. But that act is pointless, because I’ll be in a room full of people, and no one will see me. Or hear me, or care. There’s a cry of change, and unity and when that truth is presented, the choice is to act aloof. So the cry of truth is selective. It’s flesh based, not God based. Flesh is not truth.
Back to the dream, this little girl came running to me, and I bend down, to greet her; as I was bending down my dress turned white. I hugged the little girl and remained bending down with her. As this was happening my fiancé got shot, and bloodshed throughout the place started occurring. Somehow me and this little girl slid down some pathway, that appeared out of nowhere, and we ended up knocking on a door. The man God showed me was for me, opened the door. I was shell shocked, because I forgot about him up until that moment.
The calmness of the baby in my arms, kept me balanced so I didn’t react to the man relieved to see me, or hugging me. Then he remembered there was a baby in my hand and got off me. At this point my dress kept going in and out of being black and white. But it was starting to suffocate me. And I needed to get it off of me. I needed gills, whatever cheap thrill I had in that dress died. I needed God, I wanted God, so I choose God. That’s when I saw Jojo, and her ribcage. She said she knew I wasn’t dead. I think I asked her how did she know? And that’s when her ribcage said its on the news, and they mentioned I was presumed dead, slated to be married in two weeks.
Then Jojo tried to take the baby from me, so I can get my life and get settled. But then the baby wouldn’t leave me because she felt like she was protecting me. If I didn’t bend down to hug her, I would’ve been shot too. So she did protect me. Like God always protects me, and all His chosen on this planet.
Somehow the little girl, Jojo and her ribcage were no longer there. It was just me and that guy God showed me is for me. He asked me what I needed, so I said I need a bath. I took a bath, and ended up in one of his dress shirts, and it swam on me. I thought it was cute but shook out of that thought process. So he asked me what I needed again, I said food and a nap. So he told me to take a nap, and that’s what I went to do, and it ended. And I was back on my bed.
After all of that I sat on my bed asking God, what the heck was that? I got no answer. I just sat in stillness then I went to the bible. And I prayed to God, and denied my flesh. I also prayed to be only in spirit seeking God’s truths. Then a soft whisper happened, he’s real, and he’s coming. Then Jojo called me. And we prayed like we do every morning. And I told her the dream, and we prayed over it. Then she said she got its her, and told me it’s about me.
And how I looked like I was plotting on how to settle. But God is showing me to be still and trust him. She said the death represented flesh dying, facades ending, and sleepwalking being demolished. She thinks the guy I was with, was the man I’m meant to be with just in flesh, like I was in flesh.
Right person, wrong timing is still wrong. Two strands aren’t unstoppable. Three strands are unstoppable and untouchable. Jojo said God was missing in my relationship, so it had to die so God can make all things new. The baby represented new life, new beginnings, and protection. God is new life, and new beginnings and protection.
Whether you’re aligned with God or not, you breathe and it’s with ease, because God says so. God lets you go, free will will never be a tyranny. God is not a tyrant King. God sets your soul to sing. Only God can prepare you for your ready ring. Only God holds the key to your heart, so only God can make sure you and your soulmate are never apart.
If God is your problem then only God is your solution. God is my problem. God is Jojo’s problem. And God is Benjamin’s problem. That means only God has our solutions. And all we can do is sit and wait in stillness. God is kind and loving. God is our link in the sink of flesh, so we must confess and profess so His will be done. Blessings my fellow chosen. God loves you so much, so do I, because He taught me to. Your sister Crysta.
*Names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy