Renegade

God has just been speaking to me vividly, and lately in my dreams. I’ve always had this connection with my King, for as long as I could remember. In fact, I remember growing up, and exchanging dreams with my brother. He has vivid dreams too. One day my mom overheard some dream my brother and I had, that was similar and she interpreted the dream for us, and told us it was prophetic. My brother thought it was cool, but I just felt it got super weird. 

I became a rebellious renegade, and decided to lessen my speaking especially on my dreams. I didn’t realize until now, how that was a broken condition I birthed and it grew. Seeds will always grow its which seed we fertilized that truly needs to be discerned. Thank God, my King is using my hot mess into His edifying message. No wonder God placed several vessels in my path, and expressed to me that I’m going to write a book. I’m slowly seeing this truth, because I’ve been silent about so much that I’ve conditioned myself to forget, until God’s perfect timing, which is now. 

And now looking back, I see that was an example that I showed my younger brother, because he followed me. His natural excitement was eventually snuffed out, because I was afraid. We don’t even realize how trickling, our fears or actions exemplify until it’s too late. At least leaning on my own understanding all these years, it just felt like it was too late. 

But with God the impossible entities of our lives, are made new because He parts every situation to: I’m possible. God is the great I am. When we think it’s over, God hasn’t even started yet. That’s when our King, buckles us safely and prepares us for His I’m possible ride. With God all is possible. It’s in Matthew and in Luke. God knows we’re humans that need constant reminders. That’s why God is so lovingly repetitive through our blueprint called the bible. And our pendulum called life.

I suspect that my entire family is filled with vessels of prophetic dreamers. No wonder there’s so much drinking, and yes you know the rest of this sentence. Drinking doesn’t drown out God, or what we as His children are called to be. Drinking doesn’t drown out our gifts either. Neither does labeling ourselves.

I tried doing all of that too. It clearly didn’t work for me. I see with my spiritual eyes, it’s not working for my family I love so much either. My nieces are always telling me about their dreams, and we’re always discussing them, when we are together then we pray about them. I’m so excited that Jojo* and I will be hanging with my loves this weekend. Friday can’t come fast enough. Family is everything to me. Jojo is my family too. I’m glad she gets along with my family, and they see her as family too. That’s so important to me. The people I love and cherish have to get along. It hurts when it’s any other scenario. I’m tired of hurt. 

It’s so natural for me to be a rebellious renegade. I register nothing as face value. It just doesn’t work, or connect to my DNA make up. My cognitive wires filters everything that is channeled my way, and I reject [or dismiss] a lot. I always thought I was weird, or crazy because of this. I’m now anchored to God, so I know what I get is true. I’m not crazy, or weird, I’m what He tells me: I’m his child that sees truth. God created me this way, I’m now unapologetic, and bold in my existence as His pendulum. I swing His way all day, amen.

Both of these dreams I had were necessary messages God gave me. I’m in humbled awe, at how much my King trusts me. Like hotheaded moi? Por que? God is like oui oui it’s me. So I’m now on my amen I just say yes tip. Tuesday’s dream came after some serious emotional freedom. 

This is how Tuesday’s dream started: my ex tried coming in my space again to tell me that we belong together, and he’s the one but my entire being just rejected him. He’s not my ribcage, he never was and never will be. God picked my ribcage long before my existence, [or my ribcages existence.] It’ll always be my ‘he’ no matter what either of us do. I wasn’t afraid of my ex like I was before, and I was excited. This means I’m really not afraid in my dreams anymore. Or real life. I’m not afraid at all. This is a truth I was fighting God on for a while. That ugly grey Lego world dream I had last month, really broke the shackles of fear for me. Thank you God. 

So I was looking at my ex like he was a temporary bad joke, because he was, then Jojo came, and I was so happy. My ex disappeared. Then we were walking, and talking. We went outside, there was so much green, and gorgeous architecture surrounding us, it took my breath away. I’m so into architecture. I’ve been fascinated by the history of buildings since I was a kid. I vaguely remember running my mouth all the time to my dad, when we did our walks together, but he’s always reminding me how mouthy I am. My dad is such a blunt charmer saints. 

These buildings in the dream were just jaw dropping. And they were so tall. Before we knew it, we were at the roof of one of them. It’s unclear how we got up there for me, at first but after us praying and bible studying when I woke up, it became clear we floated up there. I didn’t register that, because that’s doing a lot. I’m selective with what I register, if it’s overwhelming to me. I think God is trying to get me to get over myself. Thank God He’s meeting me. I’m still reeling at His command, to even admit all of this. I’m so bothered by that. But it’s not about me, [or what bothers me,] it’s about my King, and what He needs from me, for His precious saints.

As Jojo and I were talking, I looked around. There was nothing but green, rich green trees and fruitfulness. It put a smile on my face. I was so happy. I didn’t want to wake up. Then four people came out of no where, two men and two women. When Jojo and I prayed over the dream, we got they represented God’s ordained will. Confirmed couples by God, not man or the brokenness of society by feeding the wrong seeds. But these four people looked dead on the inside, and completely hallow from their worldly swallow. 

What I picked up was them being tired of the seductive pull from the world. And they just wanted the emptiness to end. They jumped off the building. As they were falling, they were floating in an angelic way. And they fell flat on the ground like pancakes. Jojo and I were so high in the clouds, that my eyes became like eagles, so that I can see what happened to those four people. An image came to me that I didn’t see, until I found it on Instagram. I’ll attach the image below. To me those four people died from their flesh and were made new. Because Jesus’ blood casts away death and sin. That’s when I woke up. 

Last nights dream I don’t remember all of it, the enemy entered my dream again, and again I wasn’t afraid. This time I registered I wasn’t afraid in the dream. I was on my bed, but I knew I was in a dream. I suspected it wasn’t going to be a pleasant dream. I’m starting to connect dreams on my bed aren’t pleasant. I did not so pleasant things with my body on that bed, with my ex. I’m grateful when Jojo and I move, I’m taking nothing from this room. Except my clothes I love, and my shoes. Even that is debatable. We shall see. 

So there was pressure on my shoulders, and the attempt to sink me in my bed, but I cried out that Jesus is Lord, and that the Holy Spirit was welcomed here. It just shook off the pressure slightly. So I started singing Holy Spirit and my freedom became stronger. But then the entire room became filled with water. And I began to float. And I couldn’t breathe so God gave me gills. And I was breathing again. So I asked God what I had to do to make this end? And I said what needed to be said, which was I love my ribcage and I’m all in. I’m glad it is who it is. 

And that’s when I woke up, and called Jojo and we prayed. And God pressed it on my heart, to make this a blog post. The water represented cleansing of my room. Praise God. Thank you God for all that you do through me, and your trust, and your love that blesses me. Thank you for making me Your renegade. And thank you for walking with the rest of your beautiful saints out here on their pendulum swing. They will see in your perfect timing. Blessings my fellow chosen. God loves you so much y’all. So do I. Your sister Crysta. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

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