Grievance 

Dear Dad,

So I’m trying to sleep, and count sheep yet this isn’t the space where you’ll slow me down in my pace. Clearly I don’t want to do this write your way, and definitely not today. But God I’ve lived long enough to be the witness, to how you dismiss my flesh god facades. The decay of yesterday was too real. Last night that best last first bite bravado that Jojo* absorbed from ms. 17 as a motto, was mean, lean, and glean. Just like this he, you God keep saying is for me, is playing delay in his decay of that ugly backwards hat, when he spat on truth to dilute your proof: in same lame shame with ms. 17, who is wrong she believes she is home free. 

What wrong she receives is an agonizing grieving worldly achieving. Two strands will never better together, nor magically become His Three Strands. The world said go in this wrong hue of two’s flow, but God said no. Wrong she is constantly fighting for God’s lighting, and delighting in this legalized hypnotized hit it and quit it misfit. Wrong she is constantly fighting for God’s alignment, in this legalized solitary confinement. Wrong she is constantly fighting for God’s path, to correct this wrong math of quicksand to be His Mastery Plan. Two wrong hues will never be His Stir. That’s only he + He + her. Her is the me as this he’s correct she, which all three in this see wrestle to believe is Your Be. I now allow my hallow swallow to set me free, and I choose love from your above, regardless what these two in their wrong hue do. It’s me and You God. 

The last six months of my life have been pretty intense, and full of suspended condensed arranged changes. This is all apart of my call with your refining my aligning, through this pruning process God. When I said yes, you’ve been awakening my taking in the distress, of wrong seeds weeds that make me bleed with worldly need. When I said yes, you’ve turned my bitter into sweet. When I said yes, you’ve showed my lies, that make me cry and hide what’s inside. 

When I said yes, you’ve shown me, that my corruptive confetti never replaced the space of my empty. When I said yes, you’ve shown me, that holding onto my hurt had no worth. When I said yes, and trusted you with my pain, you’ve shown me that I didn’t combust; but actually walked through Your Gain and Your Trust. Thank you for always being my first true love. Thank you for showing me, that all good things only come from Above. Thank you for being my Sacred Dove. Thank you for showing me, to never ever settle again in the pressing the stressing in pretend to never end. 

Work is now slowly starting to not stress me out. From all angles I was getting attacks in setbacks. I’m grateful that the two female co-workers that stressed me out, are now being handled. It was disheartening that the same thing happened here too. The grievance from achieving through my believing in solely You God. I always gets provoked, and evoked to make me choke. But Your Gills teach me to reach for Your Be Still. I reject my neglect in worldly cheap thrills.

I’ve always had issues with females. For the longest I thought I was the problem, which is why I kept removing myself but I’m the common denominator, and God is my numerator. He goes before me, and God showed me that it’s not all me in my wrong seed weeds. That’s partially why I went through so many careers. Besides the fact that I was clearly playing god in my facade. I was not okay when I always say. I was really in dismay feeling like peeling decay. I pick up a lot from people around me. I rarely said anything before my surrender, and now I can’t seem to close my mouth. That’s a God problem, and his solution is for me to no longer be stronger in my silent mute saluted tribute. 

Women empowering women is something I’m very passionate about. Hands down I walk in the belief, if a woman cannot achieve a healthy godly sisterhood, she’ll never be able to have a healthy godly marriage. We are siblings in Christ first. Sisterhood is a crucial foundation, to all healthy godly relationships. And the same process applies for God’s sons, in the context of brotherhood. Jojo* is my sister for life. Like what we have survived together, in the world and in You God, is all apart of our testimony. Our sisterhood is truly bigger than both of us, and all our fights made our bond stronger. Every time we fight, You God reveal what we both conceal. God You use everything for your glory, because we are all your story. The same way, You God is using the decay of yesterday, that this wrong she and this he You God say is for me, choose to lose in their silent violent worldly alliance, of their detached mismatched hues.

It’s neutrally and brutally painful to spiritually see, this wrong she determination, to push through this he hesitated permeated dedication, in this quicksand two strand land. What was always designed to be a hit it and quit it flee, this wrong she positioned the temporary of her secondary, yet secretive place in this he’s space; to be an acute astute fleshly ordinary. This she findeth this he, not the biblical he who findeth she. When You God had better, wrong she said never, because it wasn’t forever with this he, You God say is for me. 

Wrong she’s entitled mind game, is a lame same shame of this he is truly being an idol. Wrong she’s muted confession is an outwardly obsession. Wrong she’s swings in these heavy forced coursed pair of rings sting. Wrong she started thinking, which You God decided to no longer let this wrong she be stronger in hiding what’s inside. This wrong she’s sinking is Your Linking to be the last black tar jar. God you are using this difficult confinement to show the no, because these two do not have Your Biblical Alignment. The under the rug tug, in the hush hush fornication, was a rush down the aisle, and will never be a celebration to You God. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done. Every knee will bow, and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

I’m so glad, I’m not mad or sad. I used to see similarly to this wrong she. Right before I let go of Crysta 4.4.14, the best day of my life. I barely survived my own reason painful season, of being a wrong she. It was all allowed for my Kingdom Bow, so I can let go of the no, You God said was dead lead; but I chose to secretly lose and cry. I chose to secretly lose and die, for all my lies with a man that wasn’t for me. All because I thought God forgot about me. So I felt I needed to play cards, I picked and I dealt. 

Crysta couldn’t be forgotten. Crysta had to have blessings too. So Crysta did her and didn’t stop until she got what she thought she wanted. But the favor of God on my life, through my own strife from my deluded and confusing version: of best last first bite. Behind what I chose to hide, were cries and internal dies. I took a lot of hits with that man that wasn’t for me, when God saw all and used it for my greatest fall. To create this current story through the woman, I now choose to freely be: Yours.

I understand why that quicksand, was the greatest blessing of my life. It taught me that man who wasn’t for me, was my sixth jar that broke. I ended up going to the hospital my last time. I also tried killing myself that last time. That’s when Jojo became my best friend, and saving grace that You God used to bring me into your loving arms. I never looked back, in all the setbacks and attacks, that I received in my bleed that pulled out my weeds. 

I still say yes and would do it all over again, if I’m the woman I am today. I know with conviction I will never settle with any man, even with this he who God says is for me. I understand that I can have quicksand with him too, if it’s not God’s Timing. I almost did but you clocked that block so swiftly, now seeing what I see that rejection was Your Protection for me. Thank you Dad. 

As His Chosen, many of us fall into a trap we can cap, or even zap our pruning process. Delaying His Obeying will never change the path to correct math: called our destiny. If God controls satan who is limited, and goes after this world; what makes us forget that God does not control our defiance too? Our sin has an expiration date too. We must keep at the forefront of our limited minds, that sin is a miss mark in the dark, but only God can spark our barks into linked larks. Only God can precinct our sink by using our think. If God is our creator then he’s our administrator too. If God is our creator than he’s our employer too. If God is our creator then he’s our artist that strokes our paintings. 

We must always remember we are saints on many assignments. We must remember we are all better together in His Alignment not worldly confinement. We must remember that our grievance is His Achievement. My eyes are redirected, and corrected to not be tripped up by the slip ups, and hiccups of this wrong she and this he, You God say is for me. I’m no longer thinking, by looking at these two wrong hues sinking or weary winking. I choose to refuse the ruse, of these two wrong hues that are very confused. I decide to fix my eyes back on You God. I no longer decide to be misguided in their hiding, dying, or lying. I choose to float on this water with You God. So trust the process saints. God loves you so much. God is in the details. Be still to hear His Still Small Voice. I love you world, because He + he taught me too. I accept my place in the space as her in His Stir. I now want to always choose love. Love your sister Crysta.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

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