Release 

her He healed her heart 

her is me & correct she

her He & correct she are now never apart

her He has her walking through her past

her He is showing the growing will last

this her is me

this her can now see

this her is now set free

this her truly believes 

what her He sees

he + He + her

will always be God’s Stir

Two weeks ago, 

the blast from the past 

zapped me in a tranquility,

that’s still lasting on sound blast. 

I saw another ex boyfriend that wasn’t my sixth jar, that made me see I needed to be set free. This ex was jar number four, there were two more to go. This she who is me, has truly been set free from the urge to no longer be purged from fleeing. My King who makes my soul sing, holds my ready ring, and needs me to walk through my talks in my stings. This jar number four verbally abused me, and who is her in God’s Stir: he + He + her. 

Seeing this ex had me reeling from the pain, that I refused to make a gain. I went to the past as if this ex I saw as jar number four, wants back in my door. As if number four didn’t let me walk away seven years ago. As if number four didn’t contribute to my muted, saluted tribute. As if number four didn’t impurely floor me with the meanness he expressed in his confess about my body. As if number four doesn’t see his words forever changed me. 

When this number four saw me two weeks ago, I was with Jojo* he didn’t know how to act, and looked like he was calculating how to come back in my life. I forgave him but I didn’t forget. This number four forgot his words made me cry and die to hide what’s inside. I don’t think it’s coincidence that I was thinking about this he who God says is for me, and completes His Stir: he + He + her, when I saw number four. I was so unfazed by seeing this ex. I’m so unfazed by any man that isn’t this he, who God says is for me. All I see is this he, who God say is for me. All I want is this he, who God says for me. 

I’m in the space that cannot replace this he, truly is for me no matter what this he does or makes me see. What this he projects does not neglect, that I respect what God biblically expressed about our flesh shall be one. Three strands for His Kingdom Band: he + He + her. Currently this he has two strands, in the quicksand of the world coldly not boldly. Currently this he wears the gear of that ugly backwards hat, he picked up from that trick, and hiccup of his wrong she who will never ever be me: correct she. This wrong she is the flee who believes she who findeth not he, is the see this he will stick to and cling to. 

This wrong she, didn’t calculate this he’s mind rewinding time, to comprehend this wrong she’s pretending came to an end. This wrong she didn’t calculate she will never be enough, because the lust faded to rust and all this wrong she is to this he: is dust he no longer wants to be stronger in the delay of this decayed disobey. Lust will never be a wrong strong enough to be forever, or better together. Lust will always be a hit it and quit it misfit. This wrong she pushing to make this deception a legalized misconception, will never change this was a multiple voice in the wrong choice arrangement when both parties ignored God’s voice.  

her He healed her heart 

her is me & correct she

her He & correct she are now never apart

her He has her walking through her past

her He is showing the growing will last

this her is me

this her can now see

this her is now set free

this her truly believes 

what her He sees

he + He + her

will always be God’s Stir

All I want is this he who God says is for me to take my hand, and stand better together, as three stands, and be happy. I want this madness all over. I just want His Stir to occur already: he + He + her. I want us to be above and beyond the safe copestic, this he is used to clinging to. If the highest grade to receive is a 4, then I want me and this he that God says is for me, to be 4 trillion times more. I want infinity with this he. I have infinity tatted behind my left ear. Three strands is engrained in my veins to never settle for less no matter what transpired or what this he confesses. It’s year three it’s still me, and I’m glad I walked through my hurt to have worth. I’m glad I’m no longer mad and sad. I’m glad God used the ruse my he is in to set me free and so he will be too. Because I’m the path that’s correct math in this pending aftermath. I’ll always be the hue that’s true: blue times two.

I want it all with only this he who God says is for me. This pruning process is like a slow churn burn that’s painfully, yet gainfully hard to overturn from pending to now. Why can’t this he just take his bow, and allow God to move in this hallow swallow of only sorrow and no tomorrow?  Like I want to snap my finger and begin with this he who’s for me. But I have to keep walking through all these weeds, that make me bleed like this jar number four; and how his verbal abuse caused me to project my fearful ruse that made my he who is for me so confused. 

I shut down and played safe like this he who feels stuck in this rut with this she who he wishes was me. I condemned this he without expressing my provoke that made me choke. I ran just like this he who God says is for me. I suppressed my deep distress of all the stings from my past. I cannot blame my shame on this he who God says is for me. Not anymore, plus I don’t want to. I’m not a pending confused girl anymore. I’m an arrived woman of God, ready for God to do what needs to be done as I sit in His Stillness and wait as His saint, for this he who is for me.

her He healed her heart 

her is me & correct she

her He & correct she are now never apart

her He has her walking through her past

her He is showing the growing will last

this her is me

this her can now see

this her is now set free

this her truly believes 

what her He sees

he + He + her

will always be God’s Stir

This jar number four did hurt broken Crysta. Broken Crysta is dead. She didn’t know her worth. But the woman I am today, knows my identity is found in Christ alone. I know as the woman of God, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I looked at this jar number four, and felt nothing because the broken girl that was with him is dead. That’s why he wants back in my life. And he can’t because my heart belongs to God and the he that is for me. I want my heart to always be with the he that is for me. I made the switch to stick to love, and believe this supernatural click in the puzzle is me and this he.

I’m made new and my he will be too. The dream exposed, showed me I’m no longer afraid to have this he who God says is for me in my space, because I trust him. I trust him to one day be with me intimately after matrimony, never before because doing it God’s way is the Obey in today. I walked through the aftermath of my stings, from verbal attacks that gave me insecure setbacks. Jar number four is out the door and is not my he who God says for me. God is key to set my he free as God prunes and fine tunes this son of God’s who was made for me. Because only God makes all things new. God has already ordained our path, and our math will always be he + He + her. That’s the only equation without any hesitation, and will always be a godly celebration. As His saint, I wait for my king and my rings. 

God continue to find tune me to be the woman that will always be free for my he and for your edifying Kingdom. God thank you for protecting my he neglecting of his mind and heart to never be too far from you God. God thank you for loving him through this season full of reasons to rise above and choose love always. God thank you for reaching by teaching this son of yours that there is no fear in love. Thank you for reaching by teaching this son of yours that love only comes from Above. Continue to walk this he into his revival and restoration to be set free. Amen.

I’m done with reacting from this he’s retracting.

I’m done with crying from this he’s lying. 

I’m done with making my gauge based of this he stage of caged rage.

I’m done with staking my faith on his prisoner mate of choosing to lose in self hate.

I’m done with using the excuse to not refuse, to defuse by rising above and choosing love.

I’m done acting like I don’t love him and like he doesn’t matter because he does and always will. 

I’m done with making this he bigger than God, because this he is walking through the bondages of his flesh god facades.

It took me years to acknowledge my fears, and hidden tears so that means this he has a similar confessed process. 

I’ll be stronger in this pending walk with this he, that God says is for me no matter what I hear or see. 

I choose the gear that births the seeds, which will propel us into prosperity and holy matrimony when you say God.

I’ll be the neck while this he continues to be pruned, and fine tuned as the head of our future household God always had in store. 

I’ll be the iron sharpener that makes this he, who God says for me to awaken from his deep sleep of shaken. 

I’ll be whatever His he needs, because I’m set free to be the rib to this ribcage unapologetically. 

The puzzle is complete.

It will always be me.

The click still sticks.

I’m not a trick.

I’m real and you’ll always feel with only me. 

This he is writing through his release.

This he is identifying through his displease.

This he is delighting through His Ease.

I will always be the true her in His Stir:

he + He + her.

I decided to trust this process. 

God has us and this pending ending season.

Then this he will see, be set free and come to me.

If my faith in this truth because God’s word is my proof, makes me a fool then I say yes. I’ll always choose to lose the world to dance with my King that makes my soul sing. I only trust my King with my ready rings. I’ll never put that important decision in the hands of the broken quicksand of man. Man destroys like satan but Jesus restores and makes all new. God’s Stir will occur. 

aimez vos côtes bleu

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6 thoughts on “Release 

    • Hi! Thanks for reading!!! God ordains his timing not mine. The ex wasn’t a relationship in the light of God. The ex didn’t see the proverbs 31 woman I am today. The ex saw the broken incomplete daughter, I was before knowing my identity is found in Christ only. The ex is easily forgotten and this he isn’t. First and only he that’s consistently being told to me. God never told me about the ex because that Crysta was flesh, and didn’t run everything by God. The woman I am today does. That ex served his purpose: showed me what not to do. That ex prepared me like all my other attempts of going before God, to never walk ahead again. I never will. God’s way always and only for me. God bless you!

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