REJECTED

Dear Dad,

You know I don’t want to write this. And I’ve been avoiding this style of transparent writing after you’ve blessed me with the growth path, to sophisticated scribing math, where I get to express how I feel and leverage the intellect prospect of writing at the same time. But now you’re pressing on my heart to be transparent without the ability to hide behind only parables and lyrical lines. 

You are greater than I God, so here I am no longer hiding behind lines, on what used to be pain with no gain. Here I am no longer believing what my eyes see, and what used to be hurt with no worth. Because of you, and your biblical truth God, I know without any doubt or hesitation you are my dedication. It doesn’t matter what I see, or what’s been told to me. No one can shake my comprehension of our connection God. I’m finally set free. Thank you for that, even though I don’t want to go down this transparent route, you will always be the sight I see, and salute my tributes in you always be true God.

As saints on assignments you’ve equipped all of us with multiple talents, only found bound above in your alignment. It’s truly beautiful and inspiring God. You’re truly majestic. God you’re a gentle and thoughtful King. I don’t understand why we as man allow the paralyzing quicksand: bondage of fear, to completely analyze lies that create a scaffolding plethora, of a host to hide all that’s inside. 

I find it absurd, that you’ve created humans to be like your image; yet we all walk around sleepwalking, and tranquilized by the emotions called REJECTED. REJECTED is one of the biggest bondages, that paralyzes us to be fearful in tears, from all years we stay mute in a silent salute that are all triggers. There’s so many triggers that are far bigger than being surfaced based [tangibly] REJECTED. There is supernaturally being protected by God, through the death of our flesh god facades. God even uses our refuses for His Glory, because we will always be His Story. So only God can walk us through the distinction between worldly lies, and biblical truth that fixes our eyes from the feeling of being tangibly REJECTED.

REJECTED by society, 

so we chase status and money

snuffing out our anxiety &

replacing the space of sobriety 

with detoured drunkenness. 

That’s a bleed 

of wrong seeds

known as weeds, 

that we do not need, 

it will never pause 

the cause of the hiss 

and diss of lonely. 

Feeling lonely is 

cold not bold.

So we chase the mazes

and hazes of cheap thrills.

Ignoring the panting pace

not made for His Race.

Exploring the suffocating, 

and isolating path 

in the wrong math 

that is an ugly 

backwards hat

that doesn’t match 

or have godly Gills.

It’s a hit it and quit it 

misfit that will never be

godly legit or 

a godly commit(tee.)

That’s a space 

not made for His Race.

We choose to lose

in a ruse of what 

we think or see.

That’s a space of lonely

no unity in 

a night community 

found in a building 

with no godly wings. 

That’s a space that stings

from wearing 

quicksand 

isolated land 

wedding rings;

because choosing the ruse

in refuse by not being Still.

REJECTED by a (wo)man, 

so we settle

for the first human 

who sticks around 

when we are lost 

not found, at our lowest. 

That’s a space 

that feels coldest.

We think any body

will keep us warm.

Because our world 

turns flipped, 

upside, and down. 

Under the disguise 

that’s all lies: lust. 

Lust is a radiated rust 

that will never turn 

the worldly burn

of ashes to ashes 

or dust to dust. 

Only God can

lift us to the gift

of today and remove

the groove of yesterday.

Lust is a combust 

that will never be love. 

Love is only found 

bound from Above. 

God created a man

then put him to sleep

in restful stillness.

God took his rib,

from his ribcage 

and created his woman.

Found bound

in the book of Genesis.

And while this man 

was sleeping, 

God healed him

from a hurt 

that had worth.

That man woke up 

from his lonely 

to the gift of his rib.

REJECTED by man, 

in the land 

that will always be 

the see of quicksand,

we seek the weak

not godly meek way, 

from our delays, 

which are 

really far from God

flesh god facade decays

and dismays in disobey.

When we yearn for REAL

friend(ships,)

companion(ships)

and loving relation(ships.)

What we as man

in quicksand make

is a stake in fake

that makes us break.

Only God can 

reach and teach 

the shift and

gift in all (______ships.)

God is the see

to be set free

to float off the boat,

to our Godly Destiny.

When we think

we sink due to 

the hue that’s not true.

leaning on our own understanding 

causes flesh god facades 

and rebranding, notwithstanding 

man’s creditability. 

This is a voice

that’s tangibly easy. 

Tangibly easy 

leads to stagnancy.

Stagnancy is not godly. 

Godly leads to His Destiny.

Godly is our true identity. 

Fear is a gear,

we decide to swear 

by with lies hiding inside.

Worldly ‘love’ is truly 

rushed radiated faded

rust filled lust. And will

never be found

bound from Above. 

A man must be still.

A man must choose

to lose the world,

and cling to His Gills.

A man must stand

and not get caught up

in the hiccup of 

societal and cultural quicksand.

Otherwise, a man will stand

in a worldly band, in sand

rejecting His Protector

and His Renegade by

choosing the ruse

in the fuse 

of cheap lemonade,

in the conditioned decision

of wearing wrong wedding rings

that will always sting.

Two strands 

will always be 

ungodly quicksand. 

It wasn’t always about sex for all us. In fact, I have a theory that its not about sex for any of us. Sex is a ruse of a broken concept fuse that man uses. All that does is cause us to feel abused. Sex is a hallow swallow that we follow in a worldly vow, when it’s the wrong bow to allow. Humans are impatient in waiting, so we create facades that make us play god. But that decision is a condition, that will always lead us to hurt with no worth. That feeling leaves us reeling and we ignore God’s Hidden Details; continuing the wrong pace in His Race. Choosing to lose in silencing His Voice: lower and colder to sleepwalk in man’s choice. Because as man, we lean on what we know, not what will make us go and grow in the gift of today.

Only God can reach us and teach us, to not feed the weed of flesh god facades. God is patient. The world isn’t. And humans hate the feeling of being REJECTED. satan knows this, and as the enemy, satan uses this as leverage to play on humans insecurities to feed fear. Feeding fear is a talk that makes us sleepwalk. Sleepwalking works for the enemy, because we’re not losing the world to walk in His Destiny. The same way the man in the book of Genesis was sleepwalking, by not covering his rib with the serpent; the man in Genesis was with the right woman, but he was still sleepwalking by failing to cover his rib. Thank God, our creator already had a plan to reverse all the enemy’s curses: Jesus Christ dying on the Cross of Calvary. 

Fast forward to today, it’s the same way: disobey in the decay of yesterday feeling great dismay. the enemy played on God’s sons fears in Genesis, and the enemy plays on God’s sons fears today. satan uses anything to press play in the decay for man to be in the quicksand of sleepwalking. Sleepwalking creates pale scales, that prevail and prevent God’s sons from their destinies. If God’s sons are paired with the wrong woman, then satan wins by that ungodly sin. We will never be who we are called to be in the wrong pairing created by the paths, and decisions conditioned to that wrong math: Disobeying God’s call for a (wo)man is sinning. Sinning isn’t winning. 

When I was of the world, it was never about sex for me. I can’t be the only human with this mindset. When I was still enough, I learned this truth about myself. I learned I want my biblical love story, exactly how it was written in Genesis: the man was still enough in restfulness, and was prepared to be told who his rib is. I suspect that once the rest of the human race, neglects the cheap thief of tangibly REJECTED, this is a prospect that they too will see they longed for and need; finally to be set free. 

When I was REJECTED by companion(ship,) I resulted to sex. That was painful for me personally, because I never allowed myself to heal from the trauma of being sexually assaulted at 19. I became a skeleton of a traumatized girl, masquerading as a woman, and I never allowed healing. So I continued to lean on my own understanding, based on what I knew: sex means acceptance and love. But sex deeply bothered me, because my virginity wasn’t given away: it was taken away.  

I played the self-pity blame game for such a long time: how could I be so stupid to be out so late, when my dad always told me girls don’t stay out late? My mom always taught me that women travel in numbers and numbers aren’t bothered. But 19 year old Crysta spent the first 19 years of life, trying to be accepted by a broken world and broken society. A broken world and broken society also needs healing. I wasn’t still enough to comprehend this truth with His Biblical Proof. And I was tired of feeling tangibly REJECTED. I wanted it all to end that night. And when I was real with myself, at that midnight hour of that night, I saw myself as a coward, but I wanted to fight. I always wanted God and His Light. I just never understood how to get there, and I never felt worthy enough to belong to God. I saw myself as someone that was trying to cop out in this path of life that night. But I didn’t create my life. So I can’t decide what happens. 

In that midnight hour where I sensed danger; and what was about to go down, I made a realization that my family couldn’t handle my death. So I fought the only way I knew how: silently praying my life was spared, so others won’t be hurt by my poor choice to be in the shoes I landed in. I completely understood my family couldn’t lose me. It’s unnatural for a parent to bury their child. My parents weren’t going to bury me, because my time was not up; they were going to bury me that night I was 19 because I gave up. I gave up due to the hue that’s not true: I felt REJECTED based on my understanding not checking in with God or what his truth was. The truth I now live by as the (wo)man I am today is: I’m free, forgiven, Chosen, and God’s Daughter. No man can ever take this truth from me no matter what man does or what I see. No one can take away that I’m set free. Not even the he God says is for me. 

I believed that no one should have to pay for my cop out to give up back when I was 19. Deleting that night from my life was a lie that caused me so much strife. That night always stayed with me, but it took me a while to truly be healed from that night. I wasn’t healed fully until this year’s president elect ironically. None of the therapy I went to in the past healed me. None of the antidepressants I took worked. Only Jesus and my journey to let go of the world healed me. But I had to walk through my selfish and self-centered broken thinking, until I was completely ready to let go of the world. That’s when my pale scales started to fail, they became no longer stronger in prevail.

No one should pay for the brokenness that man stands in, because it’s a cop out. Jesus already paid it all on the Cross of Calvary. Jesus died for all sins: past, present, and future. So that we as man can re-enter what was once lost in the Garden of Eden: and all can be adopted back into our inheritance with God. In the book of Habakkuk that vessel and prophet, was called to explained the veil of separation from God will tear when Jesus completes His Assignment. All the prophetic vessels was called to prepare the humans of the Old Testament that Jesus is coming. Humans didn’t listen then, and sadly not much changed today. Humans are still not listening or paying attention to God’s Hidden Details. Jesus came humbly, in the form of man over two-thousand years ago, to reverse all curses; starting from the beginning of man’s time: the book of Genesis. 

I ignored all warning signs that night I was 19; just like the rest of the humans on this planet, choose to lose and ignore God’s warning signs to this day. Ignoring God is losing because it’s sinning, and sinning will never be winning. Just like the humans in Old Testament was choosing to lose in sinning. And just like the humans from New Testament was choosing to lose in sinning. It’s all similar to the humans that ignored the warning signs today, especially regarding our current president elect, and how he got to the White House through anger. Anger is an umbrella emotion of fear. 

The world was afraid to have a woman lead this country, and as a result the “other option had to be better.” Anger was an emotion that our president elect leveraged, and as the natural salesman he is got what he wanted with his sales pitch: to get into the office. Electing a president has to be a decision made in prayer and in stillness, just like all decisions made as a human. We must be still and in prayer always. Humans are reckless and impulsive. Humans are highly intelligent and talented, but also their own worse enemy. I know I’m at the top of that list. 

As I get older and chase God even harder, I see how much God favored and covered me from being tangibly REJECTED. God was supernaturally covering me because I was protected. I also see that I had to walk through the talk of my reckless decisions. Just like the humans from Old Testament had to. Just like the humans from New Testament had to. And just like the humans in America have to walk through the choice, of putting Donald Trump in office today. As humans we all have to walk through that talk of every decision we make, whether God led us or our flesh did. The battle between flesh and the Holy Spirit is so real. 

There will always be walkthroughs in our breakdowns. And breakdowns can only be breakthroughs through God directing our steps. Otherwise, we replay the loop of ungodly demise disguised in lies we hide inside; it is a troop that’s a decay of yesterday. This is a sorrow of no tomorrow, and robbing ourselves of the present in the gift of today. I robbed myself from my gift of today by being stuck in the rut of a series of yesterdays. 

Two of my biggest series of yesterdays was the night I was sexually assaulted at 19. And another yesterday replay, was the fourth month of my thirty-second year of life, which caused internal strife from what I could only see tangibly. What was happening tangibly never matched what I received supernaturally. This conflicting infliction felt like a personal hell. I silently cried and publicly lied most of the time, because this war involved that ugly backwards wearing hat he that God is still saying is for me. 

According to me, I’m finally set free. I’m comfortable and confident in the woman God is making me, and no longer affected by the actions of that he’s unsatisfactory lust-filled cheap thrills, where that he landed in quicksand. According to me, I’m set free from this he, so he can continue to do him, and I’ll continue to grow and go in God. I prayed and obeyed God. I was blessed with peace that surpasses all understanding. It doesn’t affect me what this he does going forward, because I’m no longer triggered by what this he who God says is for me, does or does not do. There is peace and freedom in my eyes being fixed on God. This he’s flesh god facade cannot hurt me ever again. I’m healthy, free, and forgiven in God. I’m growing spiritually, physically and artistically, so this he’s lies cannot touch me where God is preparing to take me. I refuse to lose in the ruse of being a fool that returns to their own vomit. All I can do is focus on what is true, and that’s you God.

These two dates forever changed the woman I am today. The pains from those dates taught me that God is all I need. What I thought was being tangibly REJECTED, was being supernaturally and godly protected. I’m grateful for everything that occurred, and I would change nothing. Who I am today brings me great joy and peace. Now I see all my pain had godly gain. Going forward anything through God is a blessing, and added bonus from the love only found bound from Above. God is all I see after everything that occurred. God is all I need. God you’re truly enough for me. 

So many people asked me after that night I was assaulted, how could I love God? And how could I not blame God? How could I not love God? He answered my prayer above and beyond. I didn’t get pregnant, and I am disease free. God answered my prayer that night, and for that I’ll always love and choose to lose the world by fixing my eyes on God. And seeing the path to wrong math this he God keeps saying is for me, made by his cheap lemonade choices from the wrong voices, makes me want nothing to do with what God keeps saying is true. No thank you. I’m healthy and free, and what I see this he doesn’t want to be. 

God I want to be wrong about all of this. That’s the easiest result. Especially since you’ve blessed me with a new place to praise, worship, and truly grow as a mature Christian on this walk. Nothing about this he you keep saying is for me is easy, or makes any sense. This he has me worked up through anxiety and stress with his muted profess, so according to me none of this can be. And I’m free because he’s far away from me. It’s on this he and his choice to be walking in his talking decay of yesterday. However, no where in the Bible have you ever showed us any vessels that had easy. 

How it all looks for this he you God keep saying is for me is ungodly, he’s walking worldly claiming to be godly, and operating as lukewarm and sleepwalking Christian. This he is far away from his calling and destiny. Okay that’s on him God, I walked through what I did. And after everything I still say yes to your calling and destiny. It’s 2017, I’m not going to ever stop chasing you God no matter what occurs going forward. I can walk through anything after walking through the last three years. I have that much confidence in my faith and trust in you God. 

In your word, lukewarm Christianity is worse than being an unbeliever. I agree that’s why I think, and I sink when I fight you in saying this is all not true. It takes more than loving God in your heart to be Christian. We cannot as man praise you as a mighty King one day out of the week and ‘win’ in sin the rest of the week, by practicing drunkenness and lust-filled sex. It takes losing it all to walk the talk and path to godly math. 

In the midnight hours of every pivotal moment in my life God, you answered my prayers to a tee. I prayed even before I became saved. No one around me did this walk biblically to the tee. So what I saw wasn’t good enough for me. Instead of chasing the world, I should of been still and chose your Gills. Instead of feeding a weed that made me bleed: I’ll only be set free on my death bed. Maybe that’s why I wanted it all to end, who knows anymore; but what I do know the best day of my life happened: 4.4.14 (404.) I was set free finally, and apart of your godly commit(tee;) so I will always love you, and choose you Dad. 

According to me, the last three years, including this he you keep saying is for me God, was all a walk through of my worldly residue, that was old wine keeping me cheap in rewinded time. And now it burst from the hurt that now has worth. I’m walking in the talking of my new wine skin. My worldly and tangibly being REJECTED was all supernaturally aligning me closer to you God, as you are my anchor and protector always God. All you keep saying to me God about this he you keep saying is for me is:

Be still, and trust me. 

Okay Dad, you do what you do. Either way this works out, there’s no more shouts or pouts. I choose to lose the ruse of refuse, and boldly not coldly stand in your Kingdom Band no matter what this he does. I’m staying safe under the wings of your Sacred Dove, because love is found bound from only Above. Lust will never be love. Lust will always be faded rust. Only God moves ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. 131 will always be worldly rust that will combust, because cheap thrills have no godly Gills; and that wrong hue of two never practice the healthy habits of being still. Two strands will always be quicksand. 

REJECTED by society, 

so we chase status and money

snuffing out our anxiety &

replacing the space of sobriety 

with detoured drunkenness. 

That’s a bleed 

of wrong seeds

known as weeds, 

that we do not need, 

it will never pause 

the cause of the hiss 

and diss of lonely. 

Feeling lonely is 

cold not bold.

So we chase the mazes

and hazes of cheap thrills.

Ignoring the panting pace

not made for His Race.

Exploring the suffocating, 

and isolating path 

in the wrong math 

that is an ugly 

backwards hat

that doesn’t match 

or have godly Gills.

It’s a hit it and quit it 

misfit that will never be

godly legit or 

a godly commit(tee.)

That’s a space 

not made for His Race.

We choose to lose

in a ruse of what 

we think or see.

That’s a space of lonely

no unity in 

a night community 

found in a building 

with no godly wings. 

That’s a space that stings

from wearing 

quicksand 

isolated land 

wedding rings;

because choosing the ruse

in refuse by not being Still.

REJECTED by a (wo)man, 

so we settle

for the first human 

who sticks around 

when we are lost 

not found, at our lowest. 

That’s a space 

that feels coldest.

We think any body

will keep us warm.

Because our world 

turns flipped, 

upside, and down. 

Under the disguise 

that’s all lies: lust. 

Lust is a radiated rust 

that will never turn 

the worldly burn

of ashes to ashes 

or dust to dust. 

Only God can

lift us to the gift

of today and remove

the groove of yesterday.

Lust is a combust 

that will never be love. 

Love is only found 

bound from Above. 

God created a man

then put him to sleep

in restful stillness.

God took his rib,

from his ribcage 

and created his woman.

Found bound

in the book of Genesis.

And while this man 

was sleeping, 

God healed him

from a hurt 

that had worth.

That man woke up 

from his lonely 

to the gift of his rib.

REJECTED by man, 

in the land 

that will always be 

the see of quicksand,

we seek the weak

not godly meek way, 

from our delays, 

which are 

really far from God

flesh god facade decays

and dismays in disobey.

When we yearn for REAL

friend(ships,)

companion(ships)

and loving relation(ships.)

What we as man

in quicksand make

is a stake in fake

that makes us break.

Only God can 

reach and teach 

the shift and

gift in all (______ships.)

God is the see

to be set free

to float off the boat,

to our Godly Destiny.

When we think

we sink due to 

the hue that’s not true.

leaning on our own understanding 

causes flesh god facades 

and rebranding, notwithstanding 

man’s creditability. 

This is a voice

that’s tangibly easy. 

Tangibly easy 

leads to stagnancy.

Stagnancy is not godly. 

Godly leads to His Destiny.

Godly is our true identity. 

Fear is a gear,

we decide to swear 

by with lies hiding inside.

Worldly ‘love’ is truly 

rushed radiated faded

rust filled lust. And will

never be found

bound from Above. 

A man must be still.

A man must choose

to lose the world,

and cling to His Gills.

A man must stand

and not get caught up

in the hiccup of 

societal and cultural quicksand.

Otherwise, a man will stand

in a worldly band, in sand

rejecting His Protector

and His Renegade by

choosing the ruse

in the fuse 

of cheap lemonade,

in the conditioned decision

of wearing wrong wedding rings

that will always sting.

Two strands 

will always be 

ungodly quicksand. 

Thank you Dad for everything. 

Love your daughter. 

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2 thoughts on “REJECTED

  1. Your bravery inspires others to push to know God even greater than before. Thank you for sharing your testimony and showing us how Christ is the true embodiment of freedom!! Love you sis!! Xo 🙌🏾🙌🏾👏🏾👌🏾🙏🏾

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