Bulldoze

I’m too through

gone is my song 

in my throng of wrong 

justified in painful lies

to hide what’s inside

but my King took my stings

and healed what I was 

defending in my pretending 

to conceal.

Revealing is not healing,

because  

according to me

it makes me weak,

and not biblically meek;

just an opportunity 

to have a cruel community 

use and abuse what’s inside,

by their own pride 

to hide what’s on their insides.

There’s so many “them’s”

in this lion’s den

that made me 

see that godly was 

always going to be paused, 

because these “them’s” 

lust in flesh

to disrespect 

God’s Intellect 

and turn away in disobey

of biblical and godly prospects.

That made me fight 

in no light of pretend, 

but my King took my stings 

in this battle. 

I’m always rattled,

and being exposed

makes me feel unclothed. 

This takes me back 

to verbal attacks, 

that forever changed 

how I’ve been arranged

in this deranged space: 

called earth with humans,

determined to flee with the enemy 

in temporary confetti. 

That will never replace 

the disgrace these “them’s” 

all have to face, 

and delaying is disobeying.

It is avoidance for a short time

so the rewind in sin

will be a deluded win 

that chooses to lose 

in refuse to:

multiply abuse, 

multiply hurt 

with no worth, 

multiply pain 

with no gain,

and walk the talk 

with the enemy all in vain.

I’m tired of fighting my way.

God keeps growing 

my existence by 

showing my deliverance. 

Through my openness 

to no longer be stronger, 

in isolating self-defense.

I want to walk away.

I’m tired of these decay’s 

in yesterday’s on full display.

I’m tired of the vulgarity

of popularity snuffing out,

the light of what’s not right. 

I’m tired of the slums of sin

being celebrated as biblical wins.

I’m tired of cultural and societal 

generational curses diluting 

the truth of God and 

His Biblical Proof.

I’m just tired of facades God, 

but complaining is sustaining 

a justification in hesitation

to never be better together; 

but complaining is sustaining 

no forgiveness 

that leads to the bleed

of wrong weed seeds

in broken need.

That makes the stake

in fake shake and break 

me to never believe

what you God 

want me to receive. 

I don’t want to achieve 

what you think will 

not make me sink. 

I realized today 

I walked away,

and ignited some of this lying.

On the sixth month 

of the third week of Sunday,

in the year two thousand fifteen.

I ignored your prompting 

to speak to the he

you won’t stop saying

is for me no matter

what is the current scene.

The lies made me die 

in the inside from 

the slum of the message 

in the forth month 

of the same year.

There were silent 

and violent tears.

I made a vow

to never allow the he

you won’t stop saying is for me

to ever see my vulnerability.

I played a role 

in the decay of 

this he’s current yesterday 

that’s on full display.

I don’t understand 

why you can’t let me be wrong

about this fiasco throng, 

the he you say is for me 

plays as his decided song.

It’s so much easier 

if I move on 

instead God 

you slowed me down,

which makes me frown

instead God 

you delay

a lot of what can be 

what fiscally sets me free.

It irritates me that you God 

gave me so many abilities 

yet I’m in a space

that makes me see 

what I want to flee 

from my inner demons 

that are coming to the surface

in this current lagging 

and dragging season.

Despite my curses 

you’re healing me God 

and I feel so exposed. 

I just want to 

curl in a ball

and erode 

or fly away 

to another day

not what’s currently 

being displayed.

This calling is overload.

This calling is controlled. 

This calling is decomposed. 

I don’t like that I’m out of hiding. 

Fine God, you win

I’m done with 

justifying this sin.

I choose to lose 

what I was fighting to refuse. 

I give up this shake up.

I see that it’s time to wake up.

I choose to redirect 

my eyes back on the prize: 

Jesus Christ. 

I choose to lose the world 

boldly not coldly 

your way, not my controlling array. 

I choose to always fight 

for God’s Light,

and float off the boat.

God you may bulldoze

what anxiously 

makes me explode.

Fine, take away 

the decay of yesterday.

Fine, bulldoze my life

from the replaying painful strife

of two thousand fifteen

that lead to the dead

of this he’s current scene.

Continue to reveal 

so that I can continue to heal.

Thank you for getting me 

out of my own way 

so that I can stand

in your Kingdom Band, 

no longer chiming

from this sliming quicksand.

Thank you for getting me 

out of my own way,

so I can stand 

and win not sin in 

the Obey in the 

gift of the switch: Today. 

Love your daughter.

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3 thoughts on “Bulldoze

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