pisses me off.
Bullying is a hat that’s
an ugly backwards hat
and a disrespectful spat
to God’s Great Name.
Bullying is a cowardly galaxy
when this is a diss
and a hissed tactic
Bullying is popularity
by violent vulgarity.
Bullying is insanity.
Bullying is a dilution
in a blinding
rewinding of time
that are far bigger
than the current hinderance
which will never
be a godly deliverance.
Bullying is no solution.
Only God is the way
in the gift in the switch
of the Obey of Today.
Dad, I snapped today. Some of your humans think they can walk all over me, because I choose to lose the world boldly not coldly, and stand in your Kingdom Band faithfully to be set free. It’s not okay that your humans think they can make me sink, because I fight for the light of Jesus Christ, so that I can not drown in the quicksand crown. Your Great Might makes me aware of what’s not okay in my inner decay’s of yesterday’s.
Dad you’ve been stripping me, of things I can’t believe are leaving for me to be set free completely. My life literally became the track of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air since I said yes to you on 4.4.14. You’ve been moving nonstop, and my life got flipped upside down, and over and under. I’ve been tumbling ever since. At least according to me, and then you’ve been blessing me with such timely bible studies lately. And you’ve also been blessing me with amazing vessels to be around my space.
Dad you’ve made me realize I love being a woman. Biblically wisdom is addressed as a she. I’m a she, that chooses to live godly. I love being a renewed, and transformed woman of God that trusts your voice Lord, no matter what human you put in my face. You God taught me how to play my role, with that false prophet from my old church. You God blessed me with high discernment to see all the ungodly activities, that lead me to leave that space with so much disgrace, and ungodly defacing of your Great Name God. There was a level of emotional bullying, that occurred there that you God blocked me from being a victim to, with my gift of discernment.
Today’s exchanged triggered my meeting with that false prophet from my old church. And almost bumping into him the other day sent me over the edge, but you covered me and he didn’t see me thank God. All the ungodly advice he’s given, which resulted in so many decisions outside of your will truly broke my heart for the longest. But you’re blessing me with healing. That false prophet was emotionally bullying. Bullying comes in so many forms. Thank God he’s not in my life, that meeting with him caused me so much strife, but you took the darkness of that day-night, and shed your light to cover and heal me Lord. Thank you.
Show me O’ Lord to always fix my eyes in your goodness and faithfulness, in any future encounters I may have with my past.
Show me O’ Lord how to be better with my mother. Her bullying tactics stems from her inability to let go of my brother. I’m sad he’s away from me, but I breathe with ease he’s away from her. Bully’s when I take them on, they cower before me, and I use that to make them feel stupid and small no matter their title or position. My earth dad sharpened me, and made me see that it’s not the way, because it’s not godly. My earth dad told me to find a way to be in humility, because it’s godly. But I’m tired of your humans taking advantage of my Christianity. It’s time to take the gloves off. This bullying is even happening at the current assignment you won’t take me away from God.
I just snapped, which is not a godly representation of your Great Name, and makes my stake in fake shake, and break me to be in misery with the enemy. That’s not slow to anger. Anger is misery. Anger is blinding and makes me always go back to a space of deep pain, from past hallow swallows I took from the wrong bow, to allow more disgrace in my space. I feel like if I let it go, of what you’re showing me then it’ll be in vain. Because humans will put me through pain all over again, and that’s hurt with no worth. You are not allowing me to protect myself anymore. I’m so afraid of any human from the past that hurt me deeply to come back in my space, like that he you keep saying is for me, yet lately you’re not saying much. All I have is me, and you God.
That’s what it feels like. My hearts been broken by every single human that’s been in my space, or is in my space now. I’m tired of humans hurting me to the point I want to hurt them now. Maybe a busted lip will make them wake up to stop the talking in sleepwalking. I’m over a lot of humans you’re making me face right now. It’s hard dealing with a lot of these humans Dad. Like they really make me mad. This gift to scribe is not only healing for me, but you God use me, to set your humans you love so much free. I wrestle with loving them so much sometimes. I’m humbly honored that you trust me to express what you lead me to confess.
Dad this is so hard, I want to curl in a ball and quit sometimes. But then you make me remember what you carried me through in the past:
Failed suicide attempts, thank God. I wouldn’t be reaching by teaching the beautiful humans I’m blessed to direct their steps with your guidance. I love them so much.
Depression, thank God. As hard as this is, I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.
Lust, THANK GOD. It always made me feel so dirty to have sex outside of marriage, but I thought I had to because that was the only way. I’m so proud that I’m abstinent from sex. My three year anniversary was December, 27th 2016. I’m so proud of this bondage being gone the most. This bondage felt like the worse chokehold of my life, and this bondage caused me to lose in a provoking ruse that evoked so much strife.
Dad you freed me from so much, that it blows my mind who I am today. If you freed me from the biggest chokehold I’ve ever faced, then I know you’re all over everything that’s currently happening and worrying me. Worry takes me away from your clarity and charity, worry disrupts my worship as a response to your presence.
I can’t love and hate at the same time.
I can’t pray and fight at the same time.
I can’t worship and worry at the same time.
I can’t be faithful and fearful at the same time.
You have me, everything I see, and my family. You even have the bullying. Lord I surrender my Robin Hood mentality of bullying that’s not godly. Fire with fire is not love. Only love covers a multitude of sins. Sinning will never be godly winning. So I say yes to your way in this area and all areas. Thank you for redirection and correction.
I love you my King.
Love your daughter.