empty

Daddy,

This is so hard for me.

I do not know how to 

ask for help. 

All I see is people that hurt me. 

You’ve stripped me 

completely, and I’m empty.

You say that biblically 

that I’m set free, because 

I lifted the Cross 

to die to my pride 

and all my why’s

that make me lie 

misguided on the inside.

I cannot believe you God

didn’t let me flee.

I wanted to figure out

how to conquer 

this pitfall privately.

Ironically, I do not 

feel the reel of an 

emotional embarrassment.

I’m just so fearful of 

the harassment.

I’m just so fearful 

of judgmental expressions.

My pain in the past had

no gain and was all in vain.

Living with my sister was hard.

No one except Jojo* truly 

knows how deeply scarred I am

from that experience I swallowed, 

because my sister is the 

older golden child. 

I’m just the middle child

with the typical 

tantrum humanistic syndromes.

I’m just so fearful 

to ask for help.

People are mean.

People have god complexes.

People like to crush

other people to sink

in a broken think

from wicked winks

and deceitful mixed drinks 

from the bondage of mean.

People move in the

fleshy groove of

robotic, 

chaotic, 

and toxic machines.

People believe being mean 

will make the pain inside die.

That’s the biggest lie magnified.

The empty inside will never die

without a walkthrough in 

the breakthrough lead by God.

People create manmade confetti

to replace the internal empty.

Confetti comes in so many forms:

sex, drugs, alcohol, 

pathological lying, 

fleeing in disbelief,

and many other 

defaced spaces 

that are all pitfalls.

I’m a people too that has walked

the talk of these broken shoes.

On the fourth month,

on the fourth day,

of the year two thousand fourteen, 

I decided to say goodbye

to what is not right.

I decided to

intentionally see

the ungodly in me die, 

by letting go of the 

toxic Crysta show,

and took my final bow

from the world 

boldly not coldly.

To start my Dark to Light

journey with Jesus Christ.

Daddy, I don’t like 

that you spiked 

this urge to purge 

what’s not right 

by my scribing 

rhyming writing. 

I don’t think it’s fair

you have me in 

a layer of prayer, 

so sensitive to 

the freedom 

this journey entails.

I don’t like that

I’m no longer

stronger in the sin of

this pale scale

that now fails.

Scale is an entry 

that began this journey 

to become empty 

with that man

you showed me

since the tenth month

of the year two 

thousand thirteen.

Daddy you told me

before the scale entry

that he would hurt me,

and was about to enter

the storm you showed

the tenth month 

of the year two thousand thirteen.

I painfully said okay and obeyed.

What I didn’t expect was for me

to still receive this man is for me.

At this point, 

I’m emotionally screwed up.

At this point, 

I just want to curl in a ball.

Daddy I’m so empty.

I can’t handle 

being hurt anymore.

I can’t handle 

being manipulated anymore.

I can’t handle 

emotional bullying anymore.

All the emotional manipulation 

and lying that I experienced 

in that teacher residency 

you just pulled me from 

has depleted my being.

Daddy, I’m so empty.

I don’t want confetti.

I don’t want my pride.

I don’t want anything

that makes my pain 

be a stake in fake all in vain.

I don’t want my tough girl act.

I don’t want my “I’m okay” delay.

Daddy, I’m so empty.

I no longer 

want to be stronger 

in my wrong throng song.

I cannot sit in disobedience.

It’s truly a hinderance

in my deliverance. 

I’m so tired of everything.

And I’m exactly where 

you God need me.

This is all so hard

but God you call the shots.

So God do what you need

Your Way.

I’m letting go of

what I know 

because I’m empty.

I still say yes to you God

in this uncertainty journey 

you have me on. 

No matter what,

you’re still a 

Faithful Father.

I love you Daddy.

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

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4 thoughts on “empty

  1. He is a good good father who does have you love. And is making a way in the midst of you releasing and giving him all that wounded you. God has a plan for you love. Continue to hold on tight and say yes. He’s right there with you and on time

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