it hurts enough 

show me how to be better. 

show me how to see biblically 

when there’s quicksand 

as divided land.

show me how to grow 

and know the godly responses.

show me how to not react

to these witty satanic attacks. 

send Your Power God.

I can’t take on the poison that my mother feeds. I can’t take on the brokenness that she believes is not a weed. I can’t take on how passive in drunkenness, my father chooses to lose to walk the talk of aloofness. It’s a wilderness hissed diss to the divinity in the holy trinity. But it hurts enough.

show me how to 

no longer be stronger

in the isolating, 

self-inflicting incisions 

by my decisions to

feed the weed anger. 

it’s a fake that breaks.

In this season of stillness, you’re refusing to let me move how I know God. God it’s time to go, and you blessed me to know what I know. My mother is toxic. But it hurts enough. My eyes are finally open from the pale scales, that no longer prevail in fail. I see the level of toxicity she actively chooses to be chaotically. My mother is so manipulative. She knows she cannot pull the poison that she pulls on my brother, or my father on me. She made destructive moves that weren’t ran by you God. 

my stake to dictate madder. 

my shake to mutate sadder. 

show me how to be in love. 

show me how to cling,

and sing in Your Faithful Wings. 

show me how to no

longer be stronger in

being tired of Your Silence.

show me how to no

longer be stronger in 

being tired of Biblical Alliance. 

I don’t get why you babel me from shutting down the landline, and her cell. I can’t get involved. Show me how to be removed emotionally from this insanity. But it hurts enough. God it’s time to go, and you blessed me to know what I know. You’re so sovereign God to bless me even more, with my best friend Jojo* to walk this struggling journey. She’s in toxicity too. Why haven’t you clearly made a way for us to be freed already? Part the Red Sea Daddy already. But it hurts enough. I’m done. Jojo’s done. It’s time to go. 

show me how to 

stop my clock

in my bitter allegiance 

to a divided flag, 

standing as a

sinking by thinking 

quicksand lagging bag. 

we are in two 

different time zones.

we both perceive 

differently cloning drones.

we will never meet at noon.

noon is a different speed

for both of our needs.

I’m so used to being stretched, a mess, and in distressed. I’m so used to being mistreated, and feeling defeated. But I’m so protected under your wings, where I felt no stings these past two weeks, since you’ve pulled Jojo and I out of grad school and our old job. You haven’t shown what’s next yet. What my mother just did, snapped me out of whatever hibernating fog I was still stuck in. I lay down my family. It hurts enough. If I never see any family member ever again after today, according to your will then I’ll be okay. Because only you God can give me the peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) 

show me how to be understanding 

in the landing of quicksand by

fools in their folly.

we can’t smell

what we can’t see.

the pale scales 

prevail aggressively.

I cannot do this brokenness anymore. I cannot pretend that I am not repulsed by still being in this household, and praying through my discomfort. I cannot pretend this hostile situation doesn’t give me great anxiety, that I fight to walk through you’re way not my way. I cannot pretend anymore that I need to walk out this door, and never look back, so I don’t turn to salt. I cannot pretend that those I love the most walk on this planet as if it’s during the times of Sodom and Gomorrah. But it hurts enough. God it’s time to go, you blessed me to know what I know. I’m done. Jojo’s done. 

teach me and reach me

to biblically see this 

hissed, dissed, 

and poisonous kisses flee

in misery with the enemy. 

but it hurts enough. 

show me the out.

but it hurts enough. 

but it hurts enough.

but it hurts enough.

break me 

to take me

and make me

be set free.

What humans do during the wrong weed seed of impatience, cannot be a provoking choking bondage that keeps me hostage anymore. I’m putting myself on the top of the list, I’m very impatient. But show me and grow me to be set free from this toxicity of fleeing with the enemy in misery. But it hurts enough. God it’s time to go, you blessed me with what I know. God you reminded me on the train last night, on of the many visions of the he you say is for me regarding his currently reality. At this point you have him, and what’s to be will be. I need to focus on solely me, and how to be set free from this toxicity. 

I need to be 

out of this story

and into the next glory.

show me your truth.

make a way through 

your biblical proof today.

no more decay’s.

no more delays.

No more promptings on him, because he’s not walking my shoes and I’m not walking his. My shoes need new direction. Jojo’s shoes need new direction. That’s far more important to me: my best friend and I being healthy, and breathing with ease in biblical alignment faithfully. Neither of us are breathing with ease, because of where we both separately fight at night and go to sleep. Jojo and I are both in our own war zones at our “homes.” This space I lay my face in disgrace no longer feels home. It stopped being home the moment I said yes to Jesus Christ on April 4th, 2014. 

today make a way.

but it hurts enough. 

but it hurts enough.

but it hurts enough. 

break me 

to take me

and make me

be set free.

I need to be 

out of this story

and into the next glory.

And the promptings of that dude doesn’t change my situation or my best friend’s. He’s doing him. That’s cool, and I can’t knock it. I was there at one point, then it hurt enough to do life your way Daddy, like right now. It’s time for my best friend, and I to get the ball rolling on all that you showed us. Show me and grow me to biblically be set free. I cannot spend another season with my parents. I know Jojo cannot spend another season with her parents. We cannot spend another season, or another day in brokenness. But it hurts enough. I cannot live for my parents, brother, or others. God it’s time to go, and you blessed me to know what I know. Part the Red Sea, and free me from this toxicity. In Jesus name, Amen.

I trust you Lord.

I say yes Lord.

Move Lord.

I love you Lord.

Thank you Lord.

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes, #TeamProPrivacy.

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2 thoughts on “it hurts enough 

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