turtle shell

Daddy,

he’s fighting with 

all his might

to no longer 

be stronger 

in the dark of 

what’s not right 

he wants to be with her 

and walk as God’s Stir 

he wants his 

he + He + her

his focus is 

not his current locus 

she’s a toxicity 

he sees he needs 

to be set free biblically

from the slums of his sins

settling wasn’t worth it 

she wasn’t worth it 

he’s climbing through the lies

he’s dying in his pride 

the barbwire is a fire 

that won’t stop 

his humbling journey 

he wants to be with her 

and walk as God’s Stir 

he + He + her 

he wants the path 

of His Kingdom Math

I didn’t think that vision I received in the sixth month of the year two thousand sixteen had anything to do with me. But then you whispered in love, yesterday morning that it was about the he you keep saying is for me. At the time I didn’t discern, and just assumed it was about the daughter that swooped in my space and left even faster from my life last summer, very similarly to how this legalized roommate to the he you keep saying is for me did in his life during his low season. So manipulative and sneaky but you reap what you sow. This legalized roommate is walking through her cold hard reality as I scribe these lines no longer hiding inside. God always has the final say. Like he does today, and everyday God breathes air into our nostrils. 

when she counts her sheep

she sees her he and they meet 

he’s the man she’s always believed 

she will receive and 

have godly achieving dreams 

they make the perfect team

he + He + her

God’s Stir

when she wakes up 

it’s all over and 

she fights not to remember 

the stings from 

the wrong wedding rings

she fights to be in love

love is found bound from Above 

I’m honestly tired of writing about him. I’m tired of dreaming about him, and I’m tired of talking about him. I keep wrestling about this with you, and I keep losing Daddy. He’s doing him, and I’m just writing about him. All this attention on a dude that’s doing his own thing. I really thought one of the biggest gains from being pulled out of the church last year, was never having to deal with anything about him ever again. But that didn’t happen, you’re showing out God by continuously talking about this dude to me, and I’m like what am I supposed to do about that? You tell me to pray for him. And I do, I pray for his peace, and for him to trust in your voice above the human’s that landed him in the lonely shoes he walks now. It’s so bothersome. And I can’t do anything about that. 

God locked her

away from his decay

to never be sucked in delays

or dismay’s of yesterday’s 

by the sorrows of no tomorrow 

in that building with no godly wings

full of wedding rings that sting 

that this he and his 

legalized lying roommate received 

this he didn’t want to flee

from the show that made him known 

that building with no godly wings 

pushed him to wear these wedding rings 

that sting silently, and violently he’s

lying to hide what makes him die inside 

When I wanted to help him Daddy you completely blocked me. Then I had to watch the same dark night storm unfold over his life, that you showed me was coming since the eleventh month of the year two thousand thirteen. It made me cringe, and broke my heart that he was sleepwalking into a trap that the people around him were in his ears coaching him to walk. He’s gotten only emotional counsel. What human’s thought he should’ve done instead of what God told him to do. Emotional counsel is not biblical counsel. 

she wanted to love him 

since day one 

she wanted to protect him

since day one

she wanted to block this storm

since day one

she wanted to be 

apart of his transformation 

since day one 

she wanted to be his cheerleader 

from his transitioning positioning 

from conformity to His anomaly 

since day one

God blocked her 

from being his cheerleader 

since day one 

That building with no godly wings is full of humans that give emotional counsel instead of biblical counsel. But you didn’t allow me to help him. He probably wouldn’t of wanted or appreciate my help anyway. Who knows. Life is so crazy for me that all I want is a little stability and normalcy. This dude is in better shoes than me fiscally and residentially. Daddy I need reprieve in these areas. This is a lot. But I choose to take a leap, and trust you Daddy. This is the most nerve racking season I’ve been in to date, dealing with these fiscal and residential scenarios. You’re really yanking my tangibility, and my control in such a nerve racking way. 

he’s fighting with 

all his might

to no longer 

be stronger 

in the dark of 

what’s not right 

he wants to be with her 

and walk as God’s Stir 

he wants his 

he + He + her

his focus is 

not his current locus 

she’s a toxicity 

he sees he needs 

to be set free biblically

from the slums of his sins

settling wasn’t worth it 

she wasn’t worth it 

he’s climbing through the lies

he’s dying in his pride 

the barbwire is a fire 

that won’t stop 

his humbling journey 

he wants to be with her 

and walk as God’s Stir 

he + He + her 

he wants the path 

of His Kingdom Math

And what’s up with telling me this dude is coming to me when tangibly it’s impossible? I don’t get it. I’m fighting to choose love and be slow to anger. Ever since you placed that revelation on my heart two days ago. You’ve been telling me that my earth mother, and that legalized roommate the he you say is for me has, are mirroring broken women of God. I’ve just been acting like you’re not trying to tell me that. If his legalized roommate is truly like my mother: an emotional manipulative pathological liar, then I pray you change her, and stop her from growing to be as broken as my earth mother is. That’s not a look I’d wish on anyone, not even my mother. My prayers feel like pain in vain. I’ve been praying for my mother to change since I was a child. She’s still the same. My dad’s still looking like a defeated alcoholic. For the longest I refused to get married and have children. Then you showed me the he you say is for me Daddy, and I got so hopeful. But he did what he did, and I was shattered. I ran right back in my turtle shell. The same turtle shell you want to remove to make me a defenseless slug, that can be easily crushed like a bug. And then you Daddy keep saying this he is going to protect me. That’s so hard to believe because of what I see. 

he scares her

he told her 

what God showed her

he wasn’t ready 

for godly steady

he was interested 

in flesh facades 

that made him play god 

at the time rewind 

was the forefront of his mind 

he was kind in his lie

but it still made 

her die on the inside

she doesn’t want to believe 

he’s fighting the barbwire 

to prepare and receive her

she doesn’t want to achieve 

he + He + her because 

he’s already married 

what he chose to drive home 

when she’ll never enter his dome 

two strands will always be quicksand 

his coaching is behavioral poaching 

it’s still not enough 

he wants more with the her 

that God showed him

the same her 

he ran from before 

No one should look like my mother, or even be in that space. But when we as your Chosen make active decisions everyday Daddy. Everyday I see my mother supernaturally reject God and his truth. I don’t know if this dude’s legalized roommate does that as well, I pray she doesn’t. She’s too young to be walking such a death trap. She’s younger than me but doesn’t look younger than me, Jojo, or her legalized roommate, [that he you keep saying is for me.] All three of us are older than her. What kind of life does she live to be in her mid twenties, and look older than the three of us who are in their thirties? I’m very curious, because I really don’t get it. I’m so baffled. When I was in my mid twenties people thought I was in my late teens. Maybe I’m spoiled by a culture of humans, that look younger than they really are. This looking older than you are, is an unfamiliar phenomenon to me. 

she wanted to love him 

since day one 

she wanted to protect him

since day one

she wanted to block this storm

since day one

she wanted to be 

apart of his transformation 

since day one 

she wanted to be his cheerleader 

from his transitioning positioning 

from conformity to His anomaly 

since day one

God blocked her 

from being his cheerleader 

since day one

This storyline is so messy looking, and I want no part of it Daddy. I’ve been saying the same thing to you for three years, and you’re not budging. You’re changing me, and this he you keep saying is for me, to be what you set us both to be separately. And apparently one day together for the better, which is a concept I honestly have a very hard time believing. This man has a quicksand storyline, with a legalized roommate that human’s celebrate in the stake of fake that supernaturally makes him break. His spirit is low. When will it be time for him to go? 

he’s fighting with 

all his might

to no longer 

be stronger 

in the dark of 

what’s not right 

he wants to be with her 

and walk as God’s Stir 

he wants his 

he + He + her

his focus is 

not his current locus 

she’s a toxicity 

he sees he needs 

to be set free biblically

from the slums of his sins

settling wasn’t worth it 

she wasn’t worth it 

he’s climbing through the lies

he’s dying in his pride 

the barbwire is a fire 

that won’t stop 

his humbling journey 

he wants to be with her 

and walk as God’s Stir 

he + He + her 

he wants the path 

of His Kingdom Math

That’s why he escapes to his great fiscal world or his video games. If he was with me? Absolutely no chance half the things he’s going through now, he’d do with me. He respects me, and he doesn’t respect his legalized roommate. He never had to buy the cow because the milk was free so effortlessly, from this she who’s his legalized roommate. She willingly takes his hits and regurgitated crumbs, because she doesn’t know her worth. 

when a woman 

doesn’t know her worth 

a man knows how that works 

a man will take the wrong bow

because the woman allows 

that hallow swallow to follow

in sexual savage 

that will never be 

a successful marriage without God 

there’s no God 

in this marital fleshly facade 

in this marriage there’s 

barbaric irregularity as a result

of the vulgarity in popularity 

this woman wanted to marry

no matter what she saw 

she wanted him 

and hooked her claws 

but she’s not enough

he wants out 

he wants God’s Stir

he + He + her 

he wants the path

to His Kingdom Math 

One he wouldn’t want to disrespect me despite what happened. I know this man respects me, and thinks highly of me. I also know that he does not feel the same way about his legalized roommate, despite the buzz coaching from the choices of multiple human voices in his ears. You can’t coach biblical, or one flesh when God isn’t in it. If he were with me we would be too occupied doing the edification of God’s Kingdom, and his purpose biblically. He wouldn’t want to pretend in the suffocating never ending worldly savage, that he does with his legalized roommate. 

she wanted to love him 

since day one 

she wanted to protect him

since day one

she wanted to block this storm

since day one

she wanted to be 

apart of his transformation 

since day one 

she wanted to be his cheerleader 

from his transitioning positioning 

from conformity to His anomaly 

since day one

God blocked her 

from being his cheerleader 

since day one

That vision was so inspiring and beautiful. I saw a man that was walking away from darkness in people, and ungodly spirits that could not grab this man. He kept jumping over hurdles and obstacles. He was so focused on getting to a woman he loved so much. I felt how much he loved her that I almost cried. I was inspired to silence, and I believed in love again for a moment. This man jumped over this barbwire wall that cut him up but he didn’t care. He had to get to the woman he loved. Then he got to a wall with a electricity, and he was about to go but I screamed no, and the electricity was gone. Then he jumped over the wall, and the vision was over. Last year I thought it was about that daughter that came in my life, and left even faster. But yesterday you told me that vision was about me, and that he you say is for me Daddy. Okay I choose to believe, and take a leap so remove the electricity around me so he can come to me. You say I’m ready Daddy, then I’m ready. I trust he’ll keep me safe, so I won’t retract in my turtle shell, because the he you say is for me is my new turtle shell. I’ll wait until your promises are unfolded. 

I love you Daddy.

Thank you for everything.

I’ll continue to praise in the rain.

Love your daughter.

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