hallow swallows 

God is a deliberate God. 

God is an intentional God.

God is a God that sees 

we all need to be set free 

from the wrong weed seeds

that we all feed in broken need.

Daddy you blocked me four years ago, for what? I felt the tugging of my heart that you wanted me to be all in. I knew you were going to wreck my life, and change me from within, to remove the groove of slumming in my sins, to gain in my ignorant vain through my pain my godly wins. Okay I didn’t say no, I just said wait let me pay off my debt, and buy a condo so no dude can tell me I’m not about my business. Or that he made me. But you blocked me, and I didn’t even tell you all my plans. Yes I’m still upset about this. I didn’t ask for much, just to no longer be stronger in the broken touch, from the toxicity of my family. Why couldn’t you just let me be in sales for one more year? 

If God allowed it,

then it’s for our final bow

from the follow of worldly

societal and cultural hallow swallows.

I calculated the hours I had to work to raise the funds I needed to be debt free. It was 110 hours a week, I have no kids and I’m not married so that was nothing to me. People bothered me at the time, and I was tired of lies that made me die on the inside, so my plan was perfect. I YouTube how to be successful at interviews, picked the brains of successful CEO’s and the brains of so many men, my plan was idiot proof. So why did you block it? That’s so annoying. Yes I’m still salty about this four years later, because I know how far I could’ve been had you let me live. Doing it your way is not okay, at least that’s how it feels right now. I let go of the wrong bow to walk through hallow swallows, and ungodly follows: jobless with nothing saved? Like are you serious Daddy? This all looks insane, and feels strangely deranged. 

How much pain do we bleed in vain

to say okay to God for no more facades 

to say Obey and gain in the pain 

and train His Way not our way 

in the switch by the gift of today.

Thank you Daddy for being a safe place to have angry meltdowns. You are my hue that will always be true, and I will never stop coming to you to walk through my emotions. You are my North that always leads me through my weeds, that make me bleed with broken need so I can be set free biblically. 

“For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Jojo* and I are both very angry that we fight to cling to the light of Jesus Christ to shine bright, and allow the final bow to spark the dark of what’s not right that’s hiding blindly inside. Jojo and I both had meltdowns this morning, and you just kept telling both of us to let it out. She cries, and I’m a raging lunatic. What an instructing destructive pair we are. It’s pretty comical, we must look like barking defenseless cubs to you as the King of the Animal Kingdom. 

When will we let go 

of the toxic show of known drones 

and to no longer be stronger 

in sleepwalking as robotic clones? 

Only together will we ever be better.

We are just so upset that you have us with brains that can fiscally can set us free, and running blueprints in our veins but we have to be still for two dudes that got to be fiscally blessed, in their fleshly distress, and we can’t get an apartment free from the toxicities that we don’t need to be in? I’m tired of my clothes smelling like smoke. I’m tired of seeing a drunk broken father. I’m tired of seeing a lost broken broken brother who’s brainwashed. I’m tired of seeing a manipulative dying mother, with a reign in vain that should be over by now. Be a fence because none of this makes sense. 

No matter the weather 

No matter the fiscal acquisitions 

Worldly commissions 

are human omissions

in fleshly messy submission to flee

blindly with the audacity to actually 

absently sleepwalk in stagnancy 

with the enemy hiding in lies 

that are blinded by pride 

to perish in an evil ride 

Humans are out here swimming in the slums of their sins, like that no unity mutiny community at my old church, blatantly going down the rabbit holes of disobedience, in the blinding lying prideful allegiance to a divided flag of the un-united states of deliberate stake of fake: in the americas that were stolen from the Native Americans?! The leader of the “free world” is talking about immigration?! Everyone is an immigrant that’s not a Native American, how about that dose of reality. Federal law that brother. Where’s the justice in all of this toxicity? Where’s the final bow in these hallow swallows? Bring rapture. So all these humans can look Jesus in the face with a stuttering weak response. Like just end this madness already Daddy. The world is broken, and many want to be broken. I’m so confused and annoyed. But I gotta be Christ-like, and in love because my cheek has to turn the other direction for an attention of another slap. Snaps to the allegiance of the foolishness of God, and rejecting and neglecting blind sleepwalking facades. Yay Crysta denying her flesh, and being unpopular. But it didn’t pay off my debt, or get me out of this cesspool house. 

Be still,

Trust me,

You will see….

have faith in Me.

That’s all you’ve been telling me since my meeting, on the second month on the second day of the year two thousand sixteen, with that broken and ignorant false prophet, who assisted heavily in that no unity mutiny community before he left: to be cloned drone hobbits by lying, dying, and stinging wrong wedding rings. Eight years of damage by emotional counsel poaching and coaching to be fleeing with the enemy in worldly savage not godly marriage. Emotional counsel is not biblical counsel.

she wants to choke

the lying provoking 

strife from his life

his blue eye lies

spewed chewing cloning

drone hobbits from

his false prophecy

he’s the reason 

for plenty wrong 

throng ‘strong’ songs

on a soundtrack 

that’s really a satanic attack 

by the lies and pride 

of wedding rings

that sting with 

no godly wings seasons

Yet he got away with his decay’s of yesterday’s, and heartbreaking dismays. How many lives did he destroy? Why didn’t he become the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah? Evil perished in the Bible, and almost bumping into him two months ago, showed me he’s breathing with ease after he thought he could destroy me with his toxicity. Not I, I know the voice of God over fleshly facades like him. Where is the justice in this too? But love covers a multitude of sins right? (1 Peter 4:8) And I must rise above, and be in love right? When I really want to see is supernaturally his adam’s apple yanked out, so he can never spit venom lies ever again. Mute false prophets do less damage, since you won’t stop his savage lavishes. Okay God I lay it down. I lay down my anger towards evil leadership. Show me and grow me how to be what you’re preparing in me. I can’t see the work you’re going in me, but I thank you for never giving up on me. I thank you for believing in me.

I love you Daddy.

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy.

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