overwhelmed

when I don’t know what to do

I always turn to You for my walkthrough God.

You are the only hue that’s true breakthroughs.

she who is me decided to be set free biblically.

she who is me and I, laid down all lies & pride.

when she’s overwhelmed,

she binge eats or drifts to sleep.

she had no food & Jojo* was used

to break the chain of her ruse

as Jojo refused for her to be weak in sleep.

she’s cheap and doesn’t want to leap.

she’s the her in God’s Stir:

he + He + her is going to occur.

she don’t know what to say 

to what God keeps displaying 

in His Supernatural Timing Way.

she’s not okay with this arrange,

because it’s tangibly strange & 

looks so insane to her overwhelmed brain.

God is saying the impossible is sea parted.

she created an expectation 

to reject that promised biblical dedication.

when she scribed 

the painful lines in Unpopular

this vision was no longer spectacular.

It’s easier for her to believe 

and receive they’re not to be supernaturally.

But God is saying only He holds this key.

& the he God says is for me in His Stir,

is awakened, transformed & reborn. 

according to God who’s loud in this ground.

she doesn’t know how to grow with this flow.

she thought he didn’t want three strands ever.

she thought he’d always want that quicksand,

that’s full of lies that makes that stake of fake 

suffocate biblical truth, and walk drunken aloof.

Unpopular was a mental switch of no use,

all she saw and felt made her heart melt.

the he God says is for she who is me 

intentionally sleepwalked for so long 

in the slums of his sinning tailspins, 

with the woman he flees in misery of

that two strand marital quicksand delivery.

he thought he had all the answers in his plans.

she’s foolish to rise above in love 

when his love was his ways and displays.

God is loud in sounds of this promise ground. 

he said to me: eleventh month/twenty-thirteen.

she doesn’t believe or receive that dream.

that dream became a nightmare, because 

he was always aware of the she he’s meant 

to be in the land of Kingdom Math: 3 Strands. 

so why does this have to be after the woman

he decided to flee in misery with?

because he sees it isn’t worth the hurt & dirt.

she feels like a default of looking back salt.

she kept going and fighting for growing.

she was determined to be unsalted:

and walk the talk as salt of the Earth.

she was determined to have her pain 

of his selfishness be a deliverance gain

& platform for daughters to never settle 

and swallow a hallow foul 

in the sexual bow & allow disrespectful 

by neglectful treatment like the woman 

who was desperate to be in this man’s 

space, even if treatment was in a disgrace 

of the lane of shame disdain quicksand.

this woman didn’t focus on the foundation 

that’s now creating so much pain in vain.

at the time in this woman’s mind: his contest

was the only way for this man to be okay 

with this woman in his space. this woman’s 

mission was an aggressive decision to be his.

two years later, the woman isn’t walking the

talking of the self-created incision envisioned.

he doesn’t celebrate this woman organically.

he didn’t support this woman’s family charity.

he didn’t display the intentionally in the way

this woman wanted. this woman is forgotten.

the legality of this two strand irregularity,

doesn’t change this is a strange barbarity.

this woman has the title of missus, yet the 

display from this man is brother to little sister.

this man never switched to husband.

this man doesn’t see this woman as his wife.

there’s a loud dark cloud over this marital land.

only God has the solution to this dilution.

she doesn’t want to hear about this lair.

she’s over there and away from this decay.

she’s overwhelmed by this supernatural realm.

God is the loudest when she’s drowning

out this supernatural connection in reflection. 

for her protection, she sets to be aggressive in 

the shielding of God’s Business for deliverance.

she’s overwhelmed her dreams are currently 

coming to past when she dismissed them.

she was fooled by the woman’s tangible tools.

she’s over this storyline of drunken foolishness. 

she’s over her focused scribing rhymes.

she wants a new assignment in lyrical times.

she wants a new focus from this ungodly locus.

she’s okay with singleness as her display.

she sees it’s safe and she won’t get hurt again.

she doesn’t want a repeat of that retreat in defeat.

she can’t afford to be hurt by this man’s dirt.

there’s no worth in slums of sinning tailspins.

he doesn’t want to be what he’s called to be,

according to she who is me obediently. 

Unpopular isn’t for everyone. 

Purpose isn’t for everyone.

Deliverance isn’t for everyone.

Three strands isn’t for everyone.

Obedience isn’t for everyone.

The road less traveled isn’t for everyone.

so she received his message, because

actions are louder than words that occurred. 

she’s overwhelmed by God’s Stir equaling 

he + He + her: His Promise coming to pass.

God saying he’s changed is overwhelming.

God saying he’s coming is overwhelming.

she’s fighting to stay afloat after losing 

the world’s perspective of everything.

she’s staying in the layers of prayers 

about being unemployed and in a shelter.

she’s staying hopeful about these interviews.

she’s excited about completion of these classes.

so this God stuff about this man isn’t good timing.

she doesn’t like this describing. 

It doesn’t fit her stir, but God’s Stir equals

he + He + her, which is the Kingdom Math.

she thought she wanted this two years ago.

walking through all her hidden pains, she

sees she wasn’t biblically ready for this man.

God answered her prayers of breaking chains, 

generational curses & securing her purity. 

she sees she’s free from generational toxicities:

alcoholism 

incest

divorce 

suicide 

bankruptcy 

abusive relationships

young death

drug addiction/overdosing 

living out parent’s destinies instead of God’s

self-harm

depression 

marital affairs 

children out of wedlock 

fornication 

& premarital sex.

she couldn’t bring any of this to Olive & April or 

Samuel & JJ her twins God showed her or 

any of her other children God will bless her with.

she couldn’t be that selfish to bleed in weeds.

she has a genealogy to protect & be set free.

so when God is showing her this man is the key

she doesn’t know how to receive and believe.

she’s overwhelmed but she’s open to being free.

God will show her this biblical possibility,

because she’s ready to take this leap faithfully

to finally achieve His Stir: he + He + her.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

Advertisements

anger

Daddy,

I don’t understand you God. 

I guess I’m not meant to.

You do the most with pruning & truth.

It’s not like I’m not fighting to rise.

Every time I hit a benchmark 

you throw me curveball God.

It’s starting to feel like 

a reel of twisted jokes that provokes.

Anger is an evoking chokehold.

I thought I conquered madder through anger.

Testing me financially isn’t a new to feed.

These five weeks I’ve learned to increase speeches.

I’m no longer in a throng of wrong or leeches.

I see I can rise above from areas unheard of.

But then you threw me in a lion’s den 

with this stupid charger breaking again.

Of course I snapped which feels like a setback. 

But then I took a deep breath, 

closed my eyes, and fixed my why

on the Light of Christ & choose to fight.

I started maneuvering the wiring and prayed.

I waited until you answered me to obey.

You said this is about my patience in stillness.

Okay so how do I grow to know in this area?

I’m tired of resulting in reacting, because 

it’s distracting. This hiss pauses Your Cause. 

I’m called to conquer my pitfalls, but this is hard.

It’s hard smiling when I don’t know what’s next.

It’s hard walking not by sight by being in the Light. 

It’s hard to choose love when no one wants Above.

It’s hard to choose love when rejecting 

is the rave humans crave in misbehave.

It’s hard being unpopular around drone clones.

I feel so alone in the biblical zone,

but I’m tired of reacting it’s distracting. 

So show me what to do God I want only You.

It’s about your way God so no more delays

in me feeding slums of sins that are tailspins. 

Like being madder through anger. I’ll never win.

Show me how to stop reacting it’s distracting. 

Show me how to conquer this pitfall. 

Show me how to finally give my all.

Show me how to be better with those around.

Show me how to drown out ungodly sounds.

Show me how to make You my Loud Cloud.

Show me how to tune out what’s not of You.

Show me how to finally see anger is behind me.

Show me how to not feed provoking toxicity.

Show me how to be still to grab Your Gills,

and choose to lose boldly not coldly patiently.

Show me how to not feed other’s chaotic weeds.

It’s a live feed I don’t need, believe, or receive.

Show me how to biblically flee from this scenery.

Show me how to be who You called me to be.

I only want what You have for me in it’s entirety.

I choose to be free faithfully and biblically.

Love your daughter. 

shocked

she who is me biblically: 

she’s not interested in clocking 

a storyline of the rewind in time.

God renewed her mind to find 

that her why was to say goodbye to lies.

The reason for this season was to 

pause the cause of treasons & demons.

she was determined to have what’s biblical math.

she was determined to walkthrough the

generational curses breakthroughs to be

released from chains in vain to gain 

freedom from facades of those playing god.

she deterred the ungodly stirs for her ribcage.

she deterred the ungodly stirs for her children.

her Kingdom Path was biblical math: three strands.

he + He + her will always be God’s Stir.

she is the her in God’s Stir that will occur.

she’s lyrical 

she’s cynical

she’s rhythmical 

she’s whimsical 

she’s physical 

she’s pivotal

she’s quizzical  

she’s visual 

she’s traditional

she’s transitional 

she’s seductive 

she’s sexual 

she’s disruptive 

she’s protective 

she’s a lighter 

she’s a fighter 

she’s a biblical provider 

she’s a shaker 

she’s a maker

she’s a creator

she’s erotical 

she’s sophistical 

she’s statistical

she’s untypical 

she’s nutritional 

she’s analytical 

she’s unpredictable 

she’s irreplaceable 

she’s indispensable 

she’s egotistical 

she’s his rib

she’s open to the leverage of godly wreckage. 

she’s shocked that the mockery 

of his hissed two strand robbery is quandary.

she’s shocked he’s intuitively open to her

who is me in this Stir of three strands biblically. 

she had an expectation he was dedicated 

to the two strand ungodly quicksand forever,

and never be biblically better together with me

who is the she in he + He + her in God’s Stir.

she’s shocked he now wants their three strands.

she’s shocked he wants a second chance.

she’s shocked he’s done with no fun in the sun.

she’s shocked he wants more & is letting go

to grow and biblically know me who is her.

she rhymes and scribes by the describes 

of the lines hiding inside by what made her die:

wrong weed seeds that bleed in broken need.

two strands quicksand that’s manmade lemonade.

& hidden treasons and demons for selfish reasons.

but God is bigger than facades who called 

all to conquer our pitfalls to give our all. 

she will do this all over again if it means he

will biblically see faithfully in this lion’s den.

she’s aggressively faithful for his freedom.

she’s committed to the layers of prayers

that lead to the fruitfulness of aware, which

is the switch from the witch of fear in dark lairs.

his forced marital status was a dark lair that

he had to see was the key to being set free

faithfully & biblically from all his chains in vain.

she who is me just wants him free already.

she who is me wants him released from this beast.

she who is me yearns for him to be released

from this ungodly yeast in this sinning tailspin.

the contest was designed to align his mind

from his sinning facades of playing god, to 

the only virtue that’s true: the Light of Christ.

his two strand quicksand marriage will never

have a baby carriage. that’s an ungodly savage.

the woman used in his ruse refused God.

the woman used in his ruse is shocked.

the woman used in his ruse is greeneye.

greeneye is a type of small fish like a dish 

in the deep blue sea of biblically being free

for the he God will always say is me.

the woman used in his ruse followed the wrong

throng in those sexual bows to allow the place

that’s filled with disgrace and sinful tastes.

the woman in his ruse is shocked the rings sting.

the woman in his ruse is shocked her title 

is still a denial not a delay in this projected decay.

the woman in his ruse is shocked all is no use.

the woman in his ruse choose to lose in sin,

which is dark with no spark in slums & tailspins.

the woman in his ruse wanted her mother’s

storyline in a rewind of time blind in the mind.

the woman in his ruse is shocked it’s a lose 

in this two year aggressive possessive quest.

how you find them is how you lose them

is a saying in the woman’s membrane where

she currently wears the gear of insane.

at least that’s how she feels from her failing reel

with this man in her two strand quicksand 

that God always had a biblically freeing plan.

the woman in his ruse cannot stop it’s over.

the woman in his ruse knew all would be true. 

the woman in his ruse knows she’s barren.

the woman in his ruse knows God defuses

all the quicksand plans she has for this man.

the woman in his ruse is the reason this man

sees he wants to be biblically free & released.

the woman in his ruse was used to pull out

all the weeds that made this man bleed in 

broken token bondages as a choking hostage.

His Begotten was never forgotten, and covered

all this man’s blunders in this ungodly thunder.

legally is not always biblically, which this hissed 

dissed poisonous kiss was supposed to be 

according to the woman in his ruse.

But God used the tunnel vision for incisions 

biblically to set this man completely free.

the woman can’t beat the retreat of God 

with her unethical and ungodly facades:

from this church full of no worth hurt & dirt.

from this woman in his ruse legally & biblically.

from the circle of squares that sleepwalk blindly. 

But God used the demons and treasons 

the woman in his ruse made the reasons 

for this determined season, to biblically

set this man completely free faithfully.

life is real not ideal. this woman walks in ideal.

ideally this woman in his ruse was supposed

to turn into the ordained arrange, because 

of how far this woman in his ruse got.

the woman in his ruse is shocked missus

is no use, and didn’t change what God claims.

the woman in his ruse will never be God’s Three

with this man she rushed into a legalized stance.

the woman in his ruse will never have romance,

just combusted weeds that bleed in broke need

that just feeds ungodly blindly in misery.

the woman in his ruse refuses to submit 

that this legal hit it and quit it is not godly legit.

blindsiding this man was the greatest quicksand

that this woman in his ruse now stands.

she who is me in God’s Stir: he + He + her

was determined to walkthrough the

generational curses breakthroughs to be

released from chains in vain, to gain 

freedom from facades of those playing god.

she deterred the ungodly stirs for her ribcage.

she deterred the ungodly stirs for her children.

her Kingdom Path was biblical math: three strands.

he + He + her will always be God’s Stir.

she is the her in God’s Stir that will occur.

she’s lyrical 

she’s cynical

she’s rhythmical 

she’s whimsical 

she’s physical 

she’s pivotal

she’s quizzical  

she’s visual 

she’s traditional

she’s transitional 

she’s seductive 

she’s sexual 

she’s disruptive 

she’s protective 

she’s a lighter 

she’s a fighter 

she’s a biblical provider 

she’s a shaker 

she’s a maker

she’s a creator

she’s erotical 

she’s sophistical 

she’s statistical

she’s untypical 

she’s nutritional 

she’s analytical 

she’s unpredictable 

she’s irreplaceable 

she’s indispensable 

she’s egotistical 

she’s his rib

she’s open to the leverage of godly wreckage. 

she’s shocked that the mockery 

of his hissed two strand robbery is quandary.

this woman had no boundaries just snobbery

in the robbery of her now public dirty laundry.

this woman was nonchalantly sinful in the

dismal decay of disobey promontory delays.

this woman thought she’d never get caught.

this woman thought missus was enough.

this woman thought the article was enough.

this woman thought swallowing secrets was

the keeper of being a legal missus creeper.

this woman thought the wrong bow allowed 

the chance at having this man she stands 

in quicksand of two strands & God not covering

the thunder of this woman’s disobeying ways.

it is the blunder of her blinding dismaying stage.

biblically wisdom is a she.

biblically wisdom is covering.

biblically wisdom sets His Called Free Completely.

this woman didn’t want freedom.

this woman wanted demons & treasons.

this woman didn’t want the dark sparked.

this woman wanted facades to play god.

this woman wanted a certain look in this book.

this woman wanted to be the crooked hook.

this woman didn’t want to be shocked & shook.

what this woman used is being her undone.

this woman is shocked she got caught.

he + He + her is God’s Stir not hers.

It’s in the Bible: God has the final say in decay’s.

No one is bigger than the Maker who’s Creator.

God’s Will will always be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

God is always on time during rewinds of the mind.

This too shall pass because ungodly never lasts.

God is above all motions of emotions

such as the rocked of shocked. 

God is never shocked as the author of all

pitfalls we are called to conquer in the Light

to shine brightly to fight for Jesus Christ.

Thank you Holy Spirit.

Thank you Immanuel.

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.  

anew

I want nothing to do with her.

She’s your sister.

Don’t care she’s a kool-aid sniffer.

She’s clouded and needs lifting.

Okay I’ll pray for her but that’s it.

Love on her she’s my daughter too.

I don’t want to love on her, 

because she sucks & she doesn’t want more.

She needs your love and my healing.

She doesn’t want your healing.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

She wants an easy wilderness walk,

God she’s so unrealistic and foolish.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

She wants everyone’s storyline but hers.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

I don’t know how to do what you want. I’ll pray.

Trust Me. You will see.

A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal Daddy. I remember the day that you lead me to buy this journal & start anew with my love letters to you. I was so upset, because I still had so many pages in my leather case journal that I bought for our love letters. That journal has so many tearful & painful entries that it was hard for me to pick up that journal in love. 

Maybe that’s why you lead me 

to this beautiful pink Parisian journal.

It is.

I really want to go to Paris, France.

You will.

I’ll wait until you execute that Crysta goes to Paris, France encounter. All in your perfect timing. The last entry that I have in this journal is April 4th. That’s the day that marked three years since I recommitted at 100% to doing this Christian walk biblically. To be quite honest Daddy, my recommitment didn’t feel real, until I finally did my water baptism on Sunday, June 1st 2014. In twelve days, like the number of Jesus assigned disciples, it will be three years since this Christian walk became real to me. Even though Jesus had twelve disciples, one of them named Judas perished to the fear of death by the pale scales, which prevailed over his eyes by the lies he didn’t fight with the Light of Jesus Christ. Judas represents so many lost souls that choke in the hostages of their bondages like Judas did. 

Sometime on a stormy night in 2009, I had my very first encounter with Immanuel God with us. Immanuel God with us supernaturally kept my mother and I alive that night. Immanuel God with us brought the car we were in safely in front of my sister’s house. Witnessing that with my own broken eyes, I had to choose the Light of Jesus Christ. There was no way I could live another moment, and not declare that Jesus Christ is Lord. Daddy I know I’m alive only because you parted the word impossible supernaturally for me. That’s not the only moment I should’ve died. You walked me through so much more. Jesus Christ became Lord even more to me over the years. But it was so hard for me to be free, because no one was doing this walk biblically around me. I was tired of lukewarm Christianity and false prophecy. I convinced myself this walk was impossible, but you used my pain in vain for your biblical gain Daddy, as part of my present testimony. Only You made me anew. You broke my chains Daddy. 

On June 1st 2014, is when salvation felt real. That’s when Jesus Christ became Immanuel God with us. I went into the water on that Sunday wanting Crysta to completely die. I went into that water wanting to be cleansed from every sin I’ve ever committed & condemned myself for. I went into that water truly wanting restoration & to become anew. When I rose I truly knew I’ll never go back to who I used to be, no matter what I had to feel, face, or see. I truly knew that any pain will never be swallowed in vain. I know that no matter what any human will ever tell me that my choice is your still small voice God. 

I will always choose to lose in the foolishness of your biblical deliverance God. I knew I was through with facades and playing god. I knew that any hiccup I’d speak-up in the strength of Christ not my understanding. My understanding doesn’t equal the strength of Christ. On June 1st 2014 I was determined to conquer any pitfalls experienced your way God. I haven’t looked back since my supernatural & mental switch. I committed when you lead me to play my roles I did Daddy. I didn’t always like that, but I did it. 

Thank you Daddy for revival.

Thank you Daddy for godly survival.

Thank you Daddy for showing me to grow.

Thank you Daddy for restoration.

Thank you Daddy for daily sanctification.

Thank you Daddy for grace upon grace.

Thank you Daddy for being my safe place.

Thank you Daddy for creating healthy for me.

You showed me a lot that my limited brain struggles to understand, but I say yes to your ways. I say yes to your will above my struggling heart. I say yes to only you walking me through my stings. I say yes to you only healing my wounds. I say yes to you making me anew. What I used to do was so harmful, and not biblically being set free. We are all called to be set free faithfully. 

You forever changed how I see marriage.

You forever changed my surface based ways.

You walked me through the 131 painful hue.

I had to surrender my cultural circumstances.

I had to surrender my societal denial chances.

You forever make me pause and discern

after that 131 painful hue day & that’s not okay.

You forever made me a Renegade to challenge

everything that crosses my path to see if it’s 

your will and biblical math of walking straight.

You forever made wedding rings have a sting.

If truth isn’t biblically told to me it’s rejected, 

and my intellectual prospect ejects completely.

That’s exactly what I did with that false prophet on the second month of the first week in twenty-sixteen. The foundation of that conversation wasn’t lead by the Holy Spirit. That false prophet never prayed over the meeting, nor did he pray to ask for the leadership of the Holy Spirit of his words as a pastor. That was my first red flag. Prayer is essential as a pastor. In the Bible pastors were seen as apostles. Apostle Paul never stopped praying, and said nothing without the invitation of the Holy Spirit leading his scribes. When this false prophet didn’t pray over the conversation that showed me he leans on his own understanding, and misleads souls that don’t have high discernment like me. 

Lord I pray for a spirit of high discernment to wash over the souls that desperately need the ears to hear your biblical truth. I pray for a spirit of high discernment to wash over the souls that desperately need to see your biblical truth. Lord I pray that this false prophet is blocked from ever spreading the fleshly mess he spread at my old church in this new church. I pray you convict him in such a way that the Holy Spirit takes over, and only biblical truth comes out of his actions and vocabulary. I pray his current struggle changes him completely to who he’s truly called to be. Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven over his life. I thank you for what you’re about to do. And what you always do. In Jesus name, amen. 

The hiccups and misleading guidance this false prophet did reminds me of the Pharisees that were determined to stone Jesus Christ to death. In the book of John chapter 8 all because Jesus Christ refused to kiss the Pharisees with lies. Jesus Christ slapped them with truth. Jesus Christ always slapped the Pharisees with the truth. Jesus Christ unapologetically sparked the dark of what’s not right with the Light of Christ, which is aligned and designed by the same Holy Spirit that resurrected Jesus Christ, when he died on the Cross of Calvary. It is our duty as righteous followers of Jesus Christ, who’s also known as Immanuel God with us to walk the same way as the Light of Jesus Christ. 

This false prophet guides the confused blindly into ungodly realities like the Pharisees, and like that hue 131. Because of biblical order as you’ve lead me to mediate in 1 Corinthians 14. I’m very limited to how I truly want to express how I feel about this false prophet in my scribing abilities to rhyme. I also understand my wrestle in the weed to want to knock his teeth out for being an emotional bully, that caused so much damage and internal grief. Feeding my flesh through violence isn’t the answer or will make me anew. Love is the greatest emotion of all. (1 Corinthians 13:13) 

I don’t want to love this false prophet that caused so much damage. I don’t want to pray for the healing of the false prophet that mislead so many people in the wrong direction. That’s not Christlike. Being Christlike is rising above in love. I truly don’t know how to do that with this false prophet human. What I should do is be thankful I don’t cross paths with him. Almost crossing paths with him a few months back was too close for my liking. Seeing his wife last weekend ruined my morning. Seeing a human shouldn’t ruin my peace. I shouldn’t be worked up by mortal humans like these two. I don’t know how to not be worked up. I don’t write my story God you do. So please show me what to do. I’m open to becoming anew.

Surrender

Surrender what God?

Your anger towards them.

I’d rather kick their ass.

Be in love and forgive. They’re my Chosen too.

They shouldn’t be. They suck.

They’re my broken and Chosen. They’re mine.

Good for you. They’re not mine.

Be still & forgive.

I don’t know how to forgive them.

I don’t want to forgive them.

I want to hate them.

Hate is not of Me.

I want them destroyed.

What does that do for you?

Nothing. It changes nothing.

Be still & forgive.

Okay Daddy. I have no idea how,

but I’m willing to learn so show me how.

You will see. Come to Me.

Okay I say yes, I surrender all.

Show me how to conquer this pitfall.

Show me how to be anew with these two.

You will see.

I love you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter. 

athletes 

they both had instinctive addictions. 

that were ungodly & not biblical. 

they both had to walk the talk of sleepwalk 

in the slums of their sinning tailspins 

by the lies they hide inside through pride, 

which is the only hue that leads to His Truth.

their dark night storms were designed to align 

them to transform, and to be the reborn

from the conformities of societal mutinies

in cultural habitual ritual scrutinies: to flee

from the enemy blindly, and finally be set free.

they are the he + He + her in God’s Stir.

s(he) is carved from her he supernaturally: 

like the biblical creation of a rib(cage,)

like the biblical creation of a wo(man,)

like the biblical math of Proverbs 31 woman +

the entrusted dust to dust Ephesians 5 man

to stand in the land of edified three strands.

ashes to ashes is the Maker who breathes 

with ease supernaturally into their nostrils 

biblically as the Creator that’s far greater 

than any manmade fleshly messy shakers.

they are the only path to His Kingdom Math.

they are the Ordained Edifying 3 Strands.

at the same time, they entered rewind of mind.

he had to be freed from the bondage of lust.

his addiction he couldn’t break or shake.

s(he) had to be freed from the raging anger.

her addiction s(he) couldn’t break or shake.

they both were fearful of vulnerable & trust.

they both had layers of barbwire as protection

against the painful emotion of future rejection. 

they both had to exhaust the cost of the 

performance treadmill to learn to be biblically still.

they had to follow and allow the bow down.

they’re both athletes that compete in heat 

to reject and neglect defeat in ‘winning’ retreat.

the slums of sins are messy fleshly tailspins.

it’s a magnified high that doesn’t say goodbye.

it’s muscle memory, and addictively secondary.

their expectations were blinding dedications

that paused the cause to conquer all pitfalls.

life is real not ideal. they are stubborn & surreal.

perception is deception in the galaxy of reality.

they drew the ungodly hue of self-conclusions

in thinking sinking & wicked winking delusions.

they had hiccups to clean up b4 the meet-up.

they sleepwalked until it hurt enough to talk.

when their feet met in the unexpected land

of the eleventh month in twenty-thirteen

s(he) couldn’t believe the dream: like heaven

the most beautiful man s(he’s) ever seen,

& an unknown in this supernatural connection.

he was fearful of being alone, and fed drones.

s(he) is the backbone to his emotions of alone.

he is the heartbeat that sets her free faithfully.

s(he) was fearful of no protection in rejection.

God used their fears to break their chains 

from all their hidden pains, to no longer be 

stronger in feeling that gear in vain to see.

the road to redemption is biblical correction.

their crooked paths were math needing straight 

and only God can remove flesh god facades.

they individually entered their wilderness, 

which leads from the weeds to fruitful seeds

of biblical deliverance from worldly hinderances

so they can now take their final bow from fake.

the stake that can’t make them break or shake.

it hurts enough for him and her to be godly

and be set free biblically to walk the talk of

supernaturally he + He + her equals God’s Stir.

no one can stop what’s about to occur.

Thank you Holy Spirit.

Thank you King Jesus.

Thank you Maker.

Love you’re lighter, fighter, and daughter.

math

this was about the truth. 

this was about Jojo’s* forgiveness. 

this was about her ribcage’s deliverance. 

this was about Jojo letting go. 

this was about Jojo leaping in the unknown. 

this was about she who is me letting go. 

this was about she who is me forgiving 

the he God says is for me completely.

this was about accepting God’s Voice above 

the current facades human’s choice of god in

the slums of sinning tailspins with no wins.

this was about the he God says is for me

seeing that he doesn’t know all in this pitfall.

this was about Jojo accepting the neglecting. 

this was anointing and appointing in joining 

these ribcages and their ribs God Way’s,

despite the fight of the night in fleshly distress.

this was about she who is me understanding 

the land of grace upon grace is necessary 

for God’s Chosen to be set free biblically.

this was about the she who is me choosing 

to lose boldly not coldly in the layers of prayers.

she who is me is mad about this testimony. 

she who is me is done speaking to everybody. 

she is who is me wants to stop talking to

all sleepwalking choking facade god cowards. 

she who is me is over the colder popularity. 

she who is me is tried of everybody that

secretly wants the mixed drinks that stink. 

she who is me wants to cut everyone off

except for Jojo her bestie that’s the realist

and a few others that’s true and beautiful.

Jojo the bestie that never left her side. 

Jojo the bestie that was her eyes when blind. 

Jojo the bestie that was time when rewind 

was the mindfulness in her hinderances. 

she who is me justified all pain in vain.

she who is me made her he tangibility 

to be not real because it feels like 

everybody wants that outcome. 

it feels like everybody wants ungodly.

supernaturally he’s a conundrum that

swings and heals my stinging pendulum.

she who is me just wants to say flip it

find another man that I can be in quicksand

too, because that’s the hue he fine tuned to.

she who is me thinks that sinking isn’t bad.

everybody else wants lukewarm and not reborn

everybody else wants mutiny and scrutiny

she who is me is really tired of everybody.

she who is me wants to be Old Testament 

where I can cut off everybody & move on.

cutting everybody off is safe for my heart.

Jojo the bestie says New Testament is

grace upon grace and forgiveness for the 

deliverance of human’s hinderances. 

human’s that she who is me doesn’t want 

in her space, but this is God’s Pace & Race.

she who is me thinks God does the most.

she who is me feels like the only follower

in her final bow to allow the Leader: Holy Ghost.

this was about the truth. 

this was about Jojo’s* forgiveness. 

this was about her ribcage’s deliverance. 

this was about Jojo letting go. 

this was about Jojo leaping in the unknown. 

this was about she who is me letting go. 

this was about she who is me forgiving 

the he God says is for me completely.

this was about accepting God’s Voice above 

the current facades human’s choice of god in

the slums of sinning tailspins with no wins.

she who is me is walking through all the feels.

she who is me is walking through all the reels.

she who is me is gauging from the staging.

she who is me didn’t want to receive I was 

rejecting everything about beautiful bamboo.

she who is me doesn’t know how to receive 

beautiful bamboo after everything.

the feels are surreal and it’s hard to focus

on the vantage point of unseen when reality

became the lane of barbaric irregularity.

it was easy to believe beautiful bamboo before.

she who is me is petrified of his past lies.

beautiful bamboo’s past lies magnified 

a fleshly messy manticore public show.

she who is me saw that rallied community.

she who is me was blessed to be released 

from the beast of that routine and scene.

she who is me is tired of walking this story.

she who is me is tired of being God’s Glory.

she who is me feels people are freed at the

expense of painful journeys for all to see by me.

she who is me scribes the lines from inside.

she who is me wants nothing to do with lies.

she who is me is so afraid of getting hurt.

she who is me would rather be wrong, but

I see that I’m aligned by Prophetic Design.

she who is me doesn’t know how to let go 

of the he that God keeps saying is now free.

how can that be? he wanted money not me.

where’s the pay off for all this obedience?

me is the she that has to be correct in this.

she who is me made him black and white.

black and white are the grey’s in delays.

black and white are the tangible dismays.

he has to be black + white to equal grey’s.

she who is me didn’t want to know

the connection was being objected & rejected.

she who is me has to protect my heart 

it’s in the Bible to protect this space.

she who is me was open before and my face

fell straight to my pillow in the gear of tears. 

she who is me cannot see this supernaturally 

in the area after all this time and painful pitfalls.

that’s not black plus white, which equals grey. 

grey is tangible and reachable. 

reachable is simplistic for being teachable.

supernatural is the underestimated realm 

of limitless colors & there’s no simple math.

God & beautiful bamboo always has me 

walking through the melodies of my emotions.

I don’t want to be in tuned with this hue of truth

because I want to be aloof to the biblical proof.

he’s not simple math. I can’t figure him out.

he’s not an algorithm I can conceptualize.

I do not like there’s no math to solve.

I do not want to let go of math, but

I see I have to, so I let go of numbers.

numbers are the covers in thunder blunders.

the only math she who is me will choose to see

is he + He + her equals God’s Stir & Strands.

that’s the only math she who is me needs.

this was about the truth. 

this was about Jojo’s* forgiveness. 

this was about her ribcage’s deliverance. 

this was about Jojo letting go. 

this was about Jojo leaping in the unknown. 

this was about she who is me letting go. 

this was about she who is me forgiving 

the he God says is for me completely.

this was about accepting God’s Voice above 

the current facades human’s choice of god in

the slums of sinning tailspins with no wins.

I am ready for my ribcage God’s Way.

Jojo is ready for her ribcage God’s Way.

these ribcages are ready God’s Way. 

so Holy Spirit move and let Your Way be done.

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

thirty

Dearest Daddy,

The way you’re preparing me is too real. How you have me in the same space with a reflection of who I used to be is so surreal. This is an out of body experience. If it wasn’t for your grace and mercy Creator, I would have never walked through that level of depression. I do have empathy for this woman I share a room with, but I won’t stand for her believing because I’m kind I can be taken advantage of. Thank you for the growth in handling that intense conversation, where she was intentionally provoking me to get upset by reacting to her comments. I’m doing my very best to not come off opinionated on where she currently dwells. To be quite honest reacting is something you’ve spend the last thirty days pruning out of me. I know I’ve slipped more times than I care to reflect on; however, I truly see that you’ve evolved me. 

I used to be that hopeless.

I used to be that messy. 

I used to be that negative.

I used to eat that unhealthy.

I used to be that cantankerous.

I used to be that emotional and uncontrolled.

I used to be that angry in irregularity barbarity.

I used to seek attention from anyone too.

But then I got tired of hopelessness.

But then I got tired of toxicity.

But then I got tired of being a fool in folly.

But then I got tired of being a dog in vomit.

But then I got tired of the ugly known.

It hurt enough to want the beautiful unknown.

I went in a zone to want more than drone clone.

The past thirty days has been a blessing in disguise. I truly got to detox from the unhealthy triggers that resulted in me always reacting in anger. My mother was my biggest trigger. My second biggest trigger is cigarette smoking. It’s very humorous the last few days you’ve put me around so many smokers. I thought I was going to snap, but when I laughed my anger left me. Of course my anger left after my tantrum no one paid attention to. Being away from my family that I’ve been around all my life the past thirty days, showed me so much about myself. It showed me I want more with my ribcage whenever he comes, and whenever we get married our marriage has to have three strands. It showed me that God has to be the center of my household. It showed me I have to be a guiding vessel to my children, and not a fearful mother raising them from my broken ideologies and the residue of cultural rituals in societal habituals. That’s not fair to my future household. The past thirty days showed me I am aggressively relentless to never be selfish. I never want to be a selfish wife, or a selfish mother. The only way to ensure that is to truly submit to all the work you are doing in me God. I say yes to the Holy Spirit always guiding and leading me.

The Holy Spirit has to raise my children. The Holy Spirit has to show me how to be a wife to my husband. The Holy Spirit has to show me how to love my husband. I cannot do this without the Holy Spirit as my Leader. My parents have a marriage of two strands that landed them in the shelter system, which is their quicksand. I’m so open Daddy to the work you’re doing in me. I love the daughter you’re changing me to be for Your Kingdom. I also love the Proverbs 31 woman you’re chiseling me to be for my ribcage you keep saying will come to me. I welcome it all. I completely trust Your Voice and your promptings, regardless what anyone says or what the highlight reels of social media attempts to protect in projecting facades. I see what you show me doesn’t match currently, because prophecy is still being fulfilled. 

I’m open to the abilities you’ve blessed me with. 

I’m open to the messages you lead me to do.

I’m open completely to Your Biblical Truth.

I will continue to follow the Light of Christ.

I will continue to spark the dark in the night.

As your vessel I’ll fight for what’s right.

As your vessel I’ll walk in faith not sight.

As your vessel I’ll wear the helmet of salvation.

As your vessel I’ll ensure my breastplate

of faith and love is on. Love is found Above.

Daddy I say yes to all that you want me lifting my sword in the layers of prayers for. I’m so quick to want to box people and cut them off. I never understood the fear of starting over. I leap for joy at that opportunity every time. It’s a new beginning of endless opportunities. Sticking it out gave me far more anxiety than leaving ever could. I do well with starting over. I don’t have any experience in sticking it out. After 4.4.14: my recommitment to you, routines gave me great apprehension and anxiety. Biblical routines allow us as your Chosen to breathe with ease. But worldly manmade routines are ungodly and suffocating scenes. Everywhere I looked it seemed like my vision evoked on the provoking chokehold of ungodly scenes. I felt like I was starting in the Christian version of The Matrix

My supernatural vision, became so much stronger as I kept chasing you harder. This all started after the DM from the man you say is for me, which I completely believe and receive now. He pushed me to chase you harder. He pushed me to only want you Daddy in everything that ever enters my space. That turning point in our DM exchange over two years ago, is the reason I’m the woman I am today. And I’m very thankful that you used everything he has to walk through, and what I have to walk through, to bring us both to being who we are called to be by our breakthroughs. Daddy you’re a genius. The revelation that I discovered yesterday was such an enormous breakthrough, and I’m so thankful that I’m freer. The more I let go of my ugly knowns the more I recognize how beautiful the unknown truly is. The more I see all I want is your will for me Daddy. 

she didn’t say no to him. 

she boxed love and God above.

this was during a time she couldn’t hide

in the eleventh month of twenty-thirteen

when her eyes meet the most beautiful man

she’s ever seen. the feels were so surreal.

she was shown beautiful bamboo who’s true.

she didn’t say no thank you to him.

she said no thank you to true love.

she tried convincing herself it wasn’t for her.

she never felt failure or fear with him.

it was quite the opposite, whenever 

they were together she saw light and love.

she only knew failure and toxic stagnancy.

she never wanted that for them so she ran.

he pushed her to grow up, and speak up.

he pushed her to walk through breakthroughs.

she’s a woman now in the final bow to allow

God to break all her chains for pain with gain. 

she no longer sleepwalks blindly in vain.

she felt when he let her go: seven o’four

of last year supernaturally, which brought tears.

that gear was what made her aware of fears

to no longer be stronger in weeds that bleed

in broken need that blocks fruitful seeds. 

he made her fearlessly believe in godly achieve.

she’s a biblical prophet who binds ungodly lies.

she’s a biblical prophet who looses godly truths

that alleviates the pressures of gestures of man

in the quicksand of ungodly land to withstand 

the Still Small Voice of God over fleshly facades

where the lair of sabotage stops playing god.

humans can’t lead us to what God achieves

through us from the transform of our reborn

from the conformities of societal mutinies

in the slums of sins of cultural scrutinies.

I just say yes to this thirty day detox. 

I just say yes to walkthrough my breakthroughs.

I just say yes to the he you say is for me.

I just say yes for praying for your Chosen 

when I don’t want to lift my sword, but

that makes me grow old and cold. 

I just say yes to boldly losing the world.

I just say yes to Your Ways not my ways.

I just say yes to this transformation,

because I’m dedicated to Holy Liberation.

I just say yes to being a biblical wife in life.

I just say yes to being a biblical guide that

will no longer hide what makes me die inside.

I just say yes Daddy for all the work being done.

I just say yes to be unsalted: no turning back.

I just say yes to conquering all satanic attacks.

I just say yes.

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.