thunder

changes are here & it’s not fair.

there’s a dilution solution to the virtue

that’s biblically true & the layers to prayer.

people are in a deep state of fear,

because changes are here and 

things are very clear in this active aware. 

it’s time to grow and know this new flow.

but this unknown is a drone clone zone.

at least that’s the featured released beast.

the training is draining for complaining

for this praising in the rain tear stained pain.

through God will our gains never be in vain.

as a unity we are called to conquer pitfalls 

and give God our all to be seen as one.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks regarding my brother. That splash of cold reality wasn’t what I wanted to see. My brother doesn’t want more. My brother doesn’t want to grow or move on from what he knows. My brother wants to be a fool that returns to his folly like a dog that returns to his vomit. I desperately wanted to believe & received that my brother too was ready to propel and achieve biblically. But that cold splash of reality hit me unapologetically. My brother wants to be high like a kite & flying in the sky eating the weeds of his lies that make him die on the inside. 

Sometimes I don’t like talking to my best friend Jojo.* She makes me go to spaces of blocked unknown. The way information comes out of my mouth around her is bigger than me to ever stop or flee. God is all over this space that I cannot avoid and must come face to face. I’m called to conquer my pitfalls, and experience supernatural grace upon grace. The other day, when Jojo was reading my blog, the Holy Spirit revealed something to Jojo that I never told her. At first, I genuinely believe when I block out things, like an ejected disk or a mental self-made wipe out, I don’t ever want to receive that memory again. That doesn’t make my stake of fake remove that factual lion’s den. The Holy Spirit was telling me to discern her statement, but I didn’t want to. However I never grieve the Holy Spirit by being disobedient no matter what I feel. On April 4th 2014, I laid down rejecting what the Holy Spirit needs me to do. After 4.4.14, I was determined to grow and protect my Proverbs 31 biblical woman virtue. I was determined to walk my journey of a biblical bride regardless of my misguided pride or lies. I want nothing more than to fight in the Light of Jesus Christ & to spark my dark of all that’s not right inside. My pride is a misguide of broken dreams, routines, and scenes of lies magnified. 

Before that date: 4.4.14, I spent five years rejecting what the Holy Spirit has been needing me to do: walkthrough my freedom from broken dreams, routines, and scenes. It’s a broken dream to believe I’ll never be set free. It’s a routine for me to be lonely on my one-way decay train in my membrane of being okay. It’s an unrealistic scene for me to believe that I didn’t encounter Immanuel God with us in a storm of 2009, where I became transformed & a reborn. Just because I forgot that date doesn’t mean it’s not my original Christian birthday. It’s truly a misconstrue phony, and cultural by societal bologna. My fear of backsliding was a bondage that held me in a delusional hostage. I no longer wanted to be the daughter I walked in broken dreams, routines, and scenes after I was 19. The thunder of my rumbling tumbling blunders can no longer be stronger in unseen. It was time to be set free faithfully.

I didn’t want to be the daughter that was stronger in ignoring promptings that set me free faithfully. I no longer wanted to be stronger in secret misery fleeing lukewarm with the enemy of my chaotic toxicity in the ugly known blindly. The ugly known is actually the audacity to be in stagnancy. It’s a barbarity of irrelevant irregularity that’s potent quicksand transparency. It’s a drone clone that became a lame ashamed backbone that I truly outgrown. I didn’t want to be the daughter that acts like I don’t know what the Holy Spirit needs me to face or walk through anymore. I already spent five years doing that before 4.4.14, after my supernatural encounter with Immanuel God with us during that storm of 2009, where I transformed and was a reborn. I can no longer deny or hide I’ve been saved since 2009 so when the Holy Spirit told me to discern what Jojo received I did painfully. It’s true what she received, and that’s when I knew I was finally free from that weed that made me bleed with broken need. 

she didn’t want to be set free from her brother. 

she wanted to continue being his mother. 

in a broken token she spoke that in existence.

that was a hinderance she needed deliverance 

from, in the slums of her no sun sins tailspins.

mother not sister is a role of patrolled control.

their mother wasn’t equipped, just a misfit.

at a young age she saw her mother’s hone.

her mother’s stage was a sinful caged page.

her mother’s severity is unclarity to be ugly.

the ugly of her patrolled control is her throne.

her mother would rather her own phone than

be set free in full throttle sanctification.

Jojo got me to admit another childhood connection that I rejected. My mother used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. My mother is an addict that moves from one obsession to another. My brother as a child used to ironically put out our mother’s cigarettes. One day my brother almost choked on the cigarette, and that’s what caused my mother to stop smoking. When I told Jojo this childhood memory she sharpened me. She told me that the taste of cigarette stayed with my brother, and that’s why he’s a smoker too. Jojo helped me walked through the pain of not understanding how my mother who knows I was born with asthma, allowed my brother to smoke in the house after I admitted to Jojo my mother used to be a smoker too. 

Jojo told me that my mother settled to smell the second hand smoke that came from my brother smoking. After that painful dose of reality, I was so thankful I was far away from my mother and her brokenness. This was the first Mother’s Day that I didn’t speak to my mother. I was completely at peace with no communication. I saw the highlight reels this past Sunday’s celebration of Mother’s Day, and I was completely okay with not speaking to my mother. I’m completely okay with never seeing her or my father ever again, if that’s God’s will. After my dream about my brother, and the revelation of seeing he doesn’t want more, I’m also okay with never seeing him again too. Where I am with God? I cannot afford to have anyone broken in my circle. My supernatural space is aggressively protected not neglected. The blood of Jesus is far more important to me than who’s connected to me genetically. The will of God trumps protecting my family’s facades. That’s broken dreams, routines, and scenes. That Crysta died finally, and I refuse to lose in the world coldly in a phony of lonely.

“But he answered and said unto him 

that told him, Who is my mother? 

and who are my brethren? 

And he stretched forth his hand 

toward his disciples, and said, 

Behold my mother and my brethren! 

For whosoever shall do 

the will of my Father 

which is in heaven, 

the same is my brother, 

and sister, and mother.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:48-50‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Brooklyn is your home.

wherever my ribcage is, is my home.

he will always be your home. 

That’s true God: my ribcage will always be my home. Now that you’re pulling out all hidden weeds that make me bleed through broken needs, I can finally be free faithfully to biblically see supernaturally. I’m thankful I’m healthy and becoming more of a virtuous Proverbs 31 woman for your Kingdom God, and becoming the biblical wife I’m called to be for my ribcage. Thank you King Jesus for truly healing me from my broken dreams, routines, and scenes. I am no longer stronger as a hostage to the bondage of fear. I am a child of God’s boldly walking through all my facades, mirages, and harmful sabotages. I’m so ready to be set free faithfully for all humanity to see in unity as your godly community, because we are all called to be one nation under God. The thunder of my rumbling tumbling blunders can no longer be stronger in unseen.

changes are here & it’s not fair.

there’s a dilution solution to the virtue

that’s biblically true & the layers to prayer.

people are in a deep state of fear,

because changes are here and 

things are very clear in this active aware. 

it’s time to grow and know this new flow.

but this unknown is a drone clone zone.

at least that’s the featured released beast.

the training is draining for complaining

for this praising in the rain tear stained pain.

through God will our gains never be in vain.

as a unity we are called to conquer pitfalls, 

and give God our all to be seen as one.

“For ye are all the 

children of God 

by faith in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭3:26‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

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