thirty

Dearest Daddy,

The way you’re preparing me is too real. How you have me in the same space with a reflection of who I used to be is so surreal. This is an out of body experience. If it wasn’t for your grace and mercy Creator, I would have never walked through that level of depression. I do have empathy for this woman I share a room with, but I won’t stand for her believing because I’m kind I can be taken advantage of. Thank you for the growth in handling that intense conversation, where she was intentionally provoking me to get upset by reacting to her comments. I’m doing my very best to not come off opinionated on where she currently dwells. To be quite honest reacting is something you’ve spend the last thirty days pruning out of me. I know I’ve slipped more times than I care to reflect on; however, I truly see that you’ve evolved me. 

I used to be that hopeless.

I used to be that messy. 

I used to be that negative.

I used to eat that unhealthy.

I used to be that cantankerous.

I used to be that emotional and uncontrolled.

I used to be that angry in irregularity barbarity.

I used to seek attention from anyone too.

But then I got tired of hopelessness.

But then I got tired of toxicity.

But then I got tired of being a fool in folly.

But then I got tired of being a dog in vomit.

But then I got tired of the ugly known.

It hurt enough to want the beautiful unknown.

I went in a zone to want more than drone clone.

The past thirty days has been a blessing in disguise. I truly got to detox from the unhealthy triggers that resulted in me always reacting in anger. My mother was my biggest trigger. My second biggest trigger is cigarette smoking. It’s very humorous the last few days you’ve put me around so many smokers. I thought I was going to snap, but when I laughed my anger left me. Of course my anger left after my tantrum no one paid attention to. Being away from my family that I’ve been around all my life the past thirty days, showed me so much about myself. It showed me I want more with my ribcage whenever he comes, and whenever we get married our marriage has to have three strands. It showed me that God has to be the center of my household. It showed me I have to be a guiding vessel to my children, and not a fearful mother raising them from my broken ideologies and the residue of cultural rituals in societal habituals. That’s not fair to my future household. The past thirty days showed me I am aggressively relentless to never be selfish. I never want to be a selfish wife, or a selfish mother. The only way to ensure that is to truly submit to all the work you are doing in me God. I say yes to the Holy Spirit always guiding and leading me.

The Holy Spirit has to raise my children. The Holy Spirit has to show me how to be a wife to my husband. The Holy Spirit has to show me how to love my husband. I cannot do this without the Holy Spirit as my Leader. My parents have a marriage of two strands that landed them in the shelter system, which is their quicksand. I’m so open Daddy to the work you’re doing in me. I love the daughter you’re changing me to be for Your Kingdom. I also love the Proverbs 31 woman you’re chiseling me to be for my ribcage you keep saying will come to me. I welcome it all. I completely trust Your Voice and your promptings, regardless what anyone says or what the highlight reels of social media attempts to protect in projecting facades. I see what you show me doesn’t match currently, because prophecy is still being fulfilled. 

I’m open to the abilities you’ve blessed me with. 

I’m open to the messages you lead me to do.

I’m open completely to Your Biblical Truth.

I will continue to follow the Light of Christ.

I will continue to spark the dark in the night.

As your vessel I’ll fight for what’s right.

As your vessel I’ll walk in faith not sight.

As your vessel I’ll wear the helmet of salvation.

As your vessel I’ll ensure my breastplate

of faith and love is on. Love is found Above.

Daddy I say yes to all that you want me lifting my sword in the layers of prayers for. I’m so quick to want to box people and cut them off. I never understood the fear of starting over. I leap for joy at that opportunity every time. It’s a new beginning of endless opportunities. Sticking it out gave me far more anxiety than leaving ever could. I do well with starting over. I don’t have any experience in sticking it out. After 4.4.14: my recommitment to you, routines gave me great apprehension and anxiety. Biblical routines allow us as your Chosen to breathe with ease. But worldly manmade routines are ungodly and suffocating scenes. Everywhere I looked it seemed like my vision evoked on the provoking chokehold of ungodly scenes. I felt like I was starting in the Christian version of The Matrix

My supernatural vision, became so much stronger as I kept chasing you harder. This all started after the DM from the man you say is for me, which I completely believe and receive now. He pushed me to chase you harder. He pushed me to only want you Daddy in everything that ever enters my space. That turning point in our DM exchange over two years ago, is the reason I’m the woman I am today. And I’m very thankful that you used everything he has to walk through, and what I have to walk through, to bring us both to being who we are called to be by our breakthroughs. Daddy you’re a genius. The revelation that I discovered yesterday was such an enormous breakthrough, and I’m so thankful that I’m freer. The more I let go of my ugly knowns the more I recognize how beautiful the unknown truly is. The more I see all I want is your will for me Daddy. 

she didn’t say no to him. 

she boxed love and God above.

this was during a time she couldn’t hide

in the eleventh month of twenty-thirteen

when her eyes meet the most beautiful man

she’s ever seen. the feels were so surreal.

she was shown beautiful bamboo who’s true.

she didn’t say no thank you to him.

she said no thank you to true love.

she tried convincing herself it wasn’t for her.

she never felt failure or fear with him.

it was quite the opposite, whenever 

they were together she saw light and love.

she only knew failure and toxic stagnancy.

she never wanted that for them so she ran.

he pushed her to grow up, and speak up.

he pushed her to walk through breakthroughs.

she’s a woman now in the final bow to allow

God to break all her chains for pain with gain. 

she no longer sleepwalks blindly in vain.

she felt when he let her go: seven o’four

of last year supernaturally, which brought tears.

that gear was what made her aware of fears

to no longer be stronger in weeds that bleed

in broken need that blocks fruitful seeds. 

he made her fearlessly believe in godly achieve.

she’s a biblical prophet who binds ungodly lies.

she’s a biblical prophet who looses godly truths

that alleviates the pressures of gestures of man

in the quicksand of ungodly land to withstand 

the Still Small Voice of God over fleshly facades

where the lair of sabotage stops playing god.

humans can’t lead us to what God achieves

through us from the transform of our reborn

from the conformities of societal mutinies

in the slums of sins of cultural scrutinies.

I just say yes to this thirty day detox. 

I just say yes to walkthrough my breakthroughs.

I just say yes to the he you say is for me.

I just say yes for praying for your Chosen 

when I don’t want to lift my sword, but

that makes me grow old and cold. 

I just say yes to boldly losing the world.

I just say yes to Your Ways not my ways.

I just say yes to this transformation,

because I’m dedicated to Holy Liberation.

I just say yes to being a biblical wife in life.

I just say yes to being a biblical guide that

will no longer hide what makes me die inside.

I just say yes Daddy for all the work being done.

I just say yes to be unsalted: no turning back.

I just say yes to conquering all satanic attacks.

I just say yes.

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.

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