anew

I want nothing to do with her.

She’s your sister.

Don’t care she’s a kool-aid sniffer.

She’s clouded and needs lifting.

Okay I’ll pray for her but that’s it.

Love on her she’s my daughter too.

I don’t want to love on her, 

because she sucks & she doesn’t want more.

She needs your love and my healing.

She doesn’t want your healing.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

She wants an easy wilderness walk,

God she’s so unrealistic and foolish.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

She wants everyone’s storyline but hers.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

I don’t know how to do what you want. I’ll pray.

Trust Me. You will see.

A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal Daddy. I remember the day that you lead me to buy this journal & start anew with my love letters to you. I was so upset, because I still had so many pages in my leather case journal that I bought for our love letters. That journal has so many tearful & painful entries that it was hard for me to pick up that journal in love. 

Maybe that’s why you lead me 

to this beautiful pink Parisian journal.

It is.

I really want to go to Paris, France.

You will.

I’ll wait until you execute that Crysta goes to Paris, France encounter. All in your perfect timing. The last entry that I have in this journal is April 4th. That’s the day that marked three years since I recommitted at 100% to doing this Christian walk biblically. To be quite honest Daddy, my recommitment didn’t feel real, until I finally did my water baptism on Sunday, June 1st 2014. In twelve days, like the number of Jesus assigned disciples, it will be three years since this Christian walk became real to me. Even though Jesus had twelve disciples, one of them named Judas perished to the fear of death by the pale scales, which prevailed over his eyes by the lies he didn’t fight with the Light of Jesus Christ. Judas represents so many lost souls that choke in the hostages of their bondages like Judas did. 

Sometime on a stormy night in 2009, I had my very first encounter with Immanuel God with us. Immanuel God with us supernaturally kept my mother and I alive that night. Immanuel God with us brought the car we were in safely in front of my sister’s house. Witnessing that with my own broken eyes, I had to choose the Light of Jesus Christ. There was no way I could live another moment, and not declare that Jesus Christ is Lord. Daddy I know I’m alive only because you parted the word impossible supernaturally for me. That’s not the only moment I should’ve died. You walked me through so much more. Jesus Christ became Lord even more to me over the years. But it was so hard for me to be free, because no one was doing this walk biblically around me. I was tired of lukewarm Christianity and false prophecy. I convinced myself this walk was impossible, but you used my pain in vain for your biblical gain Daddy, as part of my present testimony. Only You made me anew. You broke my chains Daddy. 

On June 1st 2014, is when salvation felt real. That’s when Jesus Christ became Immanuel God with us. I went into the water on that Sunday wanting Crysta to completely die. I went into that water wanting to be cleansed from every sin I’ve ever committed & condemned myself for. I went into that water truly wanting restoration & to become anew. When I rose I truly knew I’ll never go back to who I used to be, no matter what I had to feel, face, or see. I truly knew that any pain will never be swallowed in vain. I know that no matter what any human will ever tell me that my choice is your still small voice God. 

I will always choose to lose in the foolishness of your biblical deliverance God. I knew I was through with facades and playing god. I knew that any hiccup I’d speak-up in the strength of Christ not my understanding. My understanding doesn’t equal the strength of Christ. On June 1st 2014 I was determined to conquer any pitfalls experienced your way God. I haven’t looked back since my supernatural & mental switch. I committed when you lead me to play my roles I did Daddy. I didn’t always like that, but I did it. 

Thank you Daddy for revival.

Thank you Daddy for godly survival.

Thank you Daddy for showing me to grow.

Thank you Daddy for restoration.

Thank you Daddy for daily sanctification.

Thank you Daddy for grace upon grace.

Thank you Daddy for being my safe place.

Thank you Daddy for creating healthy for me.

You showed me a lot that my limited brain struggles to understand, but I say yes to your ways. I say yes to your will above my struggling heart. I say yes to only you walking me through my stings. I say yes to you only healing my wounds. I say yes to you making me anew. What I used to do was so harmful, and not biblically being set free. We are all called to be set free faithfully. 

You forever changed how I see marriage.

You forever changed my surface based ways.

You walked me through the 131 painful hue.

I had to surrender my cultural circumstances.

I had to surrender my societal denial chances.

You forever make me pause and discern

after that 131 painful hue day & that’s not okay.

You forever made me a Renegade to challenge

everything that crosses my path to see if it’s 

your will and biblical math of walking straight.

You forever made wedding rings have a sting.

If truth isn’t biblically told to me it’s rejected, 

and my intellectual prospect ejects completely.

That’s exactly what I did with that false prophet on the second month of the first week in twenty-sixteen. The foundation of that conversation wasn’t lead by the Holy Spirit. That false prophet never prayed over the meeting, nor did he pray to ask for the leadership of the Holy Spirit of his words as a pastor. That was my first red flag. Prayer is essential as a pastor. In the Bible pastors were seen as apostles. Apostle Paul never stopped praying, and said nothing without the invitation of the Holy Spirit leading his scribes. When this false prophet didn’t pray over the conversation that showed me he leans on his own understanding, and misleads souls that don’t have high discernment like me. 

Lord I pray for a spirit of high discernment to wash over the souls that desperately need the ears to hear your biblical truth. I pray for a spirit of high discernment to wash over the souls that desperately need to see your biblical truth. Lord I pray that this false prophet is blocked from ever spreading the fleshly mess he spread at my old church in this new church. I pray you convict him in such a way that the Holy Spirit takes over, and only biblical truth comes out of his actions and vocabulary. I pray his current struggle changes him completely to who he’s truly called to be. Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven over his life. I thank you for what you’re about to do. And what you always do. In Jesus name, amen. 

The hiccups and misleading guidance this false prophet did reminds me of the Pharisees that were determined to stone Jesus Christ to death. In the book of John chapter 8 all because Jesus Christ refused to kiss the Pharisees with lies. Jesus Christ slapped them with truth. Jesus Christ always slapped the Pharisees with the truth. Jesus Christ unapologetically sparked the dark of what’s not right with the Light of Christ, which is aligned and designed by the same Holy Spirit that resurrected Jesus Christ, when he died on the Cross of Calvary. It is our duty as righteous followers of Jesus Christ, who’s also known as Immanuel God with us to walk the same way as the Light of Jesus Christ. 

This false prophet guides the confused blindly into ungodly realities like the Pharisees, and like that hue 131. Because of biblical order as you’ve lead me to mediate in 1 Corinthians 14. I’m very limited to how I truly want to express how I feel about this false prophet in my scribing abilities to rhyme. I also understand my wrestle in the weed to want to knock his teeth out for being an emotional bully, that caused so much damage and internal grief. Feeding my flesh through violence isn’t the answer or will make me anew. Love is the greatest emotion of all. (1 Corinthians 13:13) 

I don’t want to love this false prophet that caused so much damage. I don’t want to pray for the healing of the false prophet that mislead so many people in the wrong direction. That’s not Christlike. Being Christlike is rising above in love. I truly don’t know how to do that with this false prophet human. What I should do is be thankful I don’t cross paths with him. Almost crossing paths with him a few months back was too close for my liking. Seeing his wife last weekend ruined my morning. Seeing a human shouldn’t ruin my peace. I shouldn’t be worked up by mortal humans like these two. I don’t know how to not be worked up. I don’t write my story God you do. So please show me what to do. I’m open to becoming anew.

Surrender

Surrender what God?

Your anger towards them.

I’d rather kick their ass.

Be in love and forgive. They’re my Chosen too.

They shouldn’t be. They suck.

They’re my broken and Chosen. They’re mine.

Good for you. They’re not mine.

Be still & forgive.

I don’t know how to forgive them.

I don’t want to forgive them.

I want to hate them.

Hate is not of Me.

I want them destroyed.

What does that do for you?

Nothing. It changes nothing.

Be still & forgive.

Okay Daddy. I have no idea how,

but I’m willing to learn so show me how.

You will see. Come to Me.

Okay I say yes, I surrender all.

Show me how to conquer this pitfall.

Show me how to be anew with these two.

You will see.

I love you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter. 

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