Shadows


good job babe 

is what she’ll always say

when her he chooses to flee 

the lies of the enemy through 

the gear of fear hiding what’s inside.

like just now, her he chose supernaturally

to flee from the misery of the enemy 

by facing the core of this anxious shadow.

her he has severe anxiety and

experiences serious panic attacks.

panic attacks are satanic setbacks.

she identifies what tightens his chest 

where he feels the reels of distressed.

her he has to identify what’s his trigger. 

she sees he feels abandonment is bigger

than the sovereignty of God Almighty.

that’s a hue not true, and a shadow.

shadows cannot lurk without light working.

shadows are bigger than reality.

shadows are a galaxy through the enemy.

the enemy wants to keep her he cheap.

but her he is called to conquer all his pitfalls.

supernaturally she sees he’s afraid she’ll leave.

she doesn’t know how to leave. 

she wants to stay forever and always.

she’ll always be his cheerleader & and his need.

all she knows is love, mercy, and grace.

all she sees is his beautiful face.

she knows him by name not sin.

she owns his name and forgiveness.

she prays in her layers of prayer that 

he forgives himself, and lets go of known.

she prays he’s okay with how He has this show.

she prays he owns he’s hers in God’s Stir:

he + He + her will always be His Three Strands.

he + He + her is a promise that will occur.

In God’s Perfect timing, not his or hers.

This path was always going to give them 

God’s Stir, and Kingdom Math of Ordained.

God showed her he had to walk through his toxicity.

God showed her he had to conquer shadows.

God walked her through conquering her own shadows.

God creates the space of ordained organically,

for all Holy matrimonial ministries biblically.

God needed His he and His her whole & healthy.

she wasn’t healthy.

he wasn’t healthy.

she wasn’t whole.

he wasn’t whole.

she had the wrong focus.

he had the wrong focus.

she had fears hidden for years.

he had fears hidden for years.

her life experiences created protective walls.

his life experiences created protective walls.

she was afraid of her shadows and ran.

he was afraid of his shadows and ran.

they separately ran into God Almighty

to face the disgrace spaces that kept 

them hostages in suppressed bondages.

the enemy didn’t want them deselecting 

oppression in the separation of isolation 

sleepwalking blindly in misery by confessions.

but their journeys were phony and lonely for so long.

yet God used this all for His Glory.

they’re both His Story unfolding 

boldly and godly for the world to see

that unity is a community for all humanity

by Emmanuel God with us being our Savior

that supernaturally parts seas for all who believe.

she has her side.

he has his side.

she died inside but sided with lies too.

he sided with lies but died inside too.

they both cried in vain pride.

God used their pain to face their shadows.

a shelter was her shadow.

having debt was her shadow.

being unemployed was her shadow.

she’s facing her shadows.

being unloved was his shadow.

being abandoned was his shadow.

being called out for lying was his shadow.

facing mistakes he can’t take is a shadow.

he’s facing his shadows.

being broke is a shadow for them both. 

being all in and heartbreak is a shadow for them both.

marriage and children is a shadow for them both.

they both seen a lot that neither want to carry on

to another generation to feed broken weeds.

the gear of many fears is a shadow for them both.

God used their shadows to shape them into 

who they are both called to be biblically.

shadows have no power when facing 

the safe space of the Light of Jesus Christ.

God is teaching her to always fight in the Light.

God is teaching him to always fight in the Light.

God is teaching her to embrace facing 

the spark to the dark of what’s not right.

God is teaching him to embrace facing 

the spark to the dark of what’s not right.

God is teaching her how to let go of what’s seen.

God is teaching him how to let go of what’s seen.

What’s the scene is minuscule shadows to God’s supernatural.

God is teaching them to let go of left and right.

God is showing and growing them to see it’s a strife life.

God is teaching her to be in the realm of supernatural only.

God is teaching him to be in the realm of supernatural only. 

God is teaching and reaching them both 

to let go of phony drone clones of lonely.

God is teaching and reaching them both 

to be unapologetic in purpose, and not stand

in the quicksand of irregularity in popularity.

God is walking them through their breakthrough

of shadows having no power over 

God’s Supernatural Midnight Hour.

God is walking them through their breakthrough 

that nothing is too big for God, 

because God is the Creator that’s far greater.

God reached them in their slums of sins

and made them all things new.

God reached them to own their names.

God reached them to teach them they’re Ordained.

God reached them to teach them that their hinderances 

was their testimonial deliverances.

Behold, together they’re only better.

God wedged them off their carnal flesh ledge.

Behold, God has their rings safe under His Wings.

Behold, they’re flaws are apart of this call.

God’s calling of a rib to his ribcage.

Behold, their no’s made them grow 

and glow in going with God’s Flow.

Behold, they are God’s story being told

nothing or no one can stand in their way:

not even them. God’s Way is always.

no place was ever home for them

except the safe space of God’s Dome.

then God shone his love through 

her for him, and him for her equals God’s Stir.

he + He + her is bigger than their shadows. 

Advertisements

Wonderful


I like to forget my pain

because to me it’s toxicity all in vain.

It’s screwing with the renewing of my mind.

(So I find) and it’s a rewind of time:

full of the bubbles of my troubles in a hallow 

swallow of sinking wrong thinking sorrows 

in no tomorrow next to the flesh god facades 

of my decay’s in yesterday’s. this causes 

the pause in giving my all where I’m called

to conquer my wandering pandering pitfalls.

God wants me full of wonder to be His see

of wonderful faithfully, but the world scares me deeply.

It’s nice that there’s no strife or plight everywhere.

A kind Bangkok man revived what died: 

kindness is still here, and people do care.

It was so nice that I stumbled in my troubles 

on that video where he walked as a hero,

for a middle aged man sinking in quicksand.

A kind Bangkok man talked that other man 

off the ledge of death that would’ve been later regret.

A kind Bangkok man received the knife that 

represented a strife desperate & stressed life.

A kind Bangkok man hugged the troubled soul 

where he stopped the clock of feeling his peeling 

reeling of being alone, and in the wrong zone.

Isolation is annihilation by the dedication of separation.

Isolation is the audacity to stagnantly see blindly.

Isolation is misery fleeing with the enemy by 

the lie of sleepwalking in a repetitive episode.

The enemy is determined to create the space

of unhealthy disgrace, where we wear 

the gear of fear in hiding our tears by lying.

The enemy is determined to keep us cheap

by creeping in the tailspins of slums in sinning.

The enemy is determined to keep us unaware

of God’s love, grace, and mercy to not know

or grow in the flow of owning our names.

If we don’t own our names then the membrane 

stays the same in the lane of afraid or ashamed.

The enemy is determined to keep us replaying 

the deluded loop as drunken troops in our past.

Time moves forward not backwards, and God is above time.

God is a space of wonderful not disgrace 

or bringing on the wrong song like throngs of wrong.

God doesn’t want us tripped up 

in the hiccups of who we used to be.

That’s glancing back in satanic attacks,

which is a setback but God uses all for our call.

God doesn’t want us to combust to salt

like Lot’s wife who chose the hype of a strife wife.

God wants us to be the salt of the Earth

not be hurt with no worth or turn to dirt.

God wants us to embrace the space of being set free.

God wants us to desire higher as a fighter.

God wants us to ignite the Light of Jesus Christ

that’s a fruitful seed hiding inside when we die.

We must lose the world boldly not coldly.

We must die to be revived like Jesus Christ.

To gain we must lose our old identity 

so we can own who we are called to be.

I like to forget my pain

because to me it’s toxicity all in vain.

It’s screwing with the renewing of my mind.

(So I find) and it’s a rewind of time:

full of the bubbles of my troubles in a hallow 

swallow of sinking wrong thinking sorrows 

in no tomorrow next to the flesh god facades 

of my decay’s in yesterday’s. this causes 

the pause in giving my all where I’m called

to conquer the wandering pandering pitfalls.

God wants me full of wonder to be His see

of wonderful faithfully, but the world scares me deeply.

God keeps showing and growing me through visions, 

and the layers of my prayers meditating 

as I am dedicating studying the Holy Bible.

What God shows me blows my mind 

and it’s hard to believe and receive 

after everything that went down & all this time.

My King that makes my soul sing tells me:

You will see.

Trust Me.

Be still.

Okay Constant One. 

Your Way not mine.

I am Yours forever.

I’ll stay wonderful.

I’ll cling to my biblical truths as You move.

I’ll fix my eyes on the Light.

I won’t get tripped up on the tangible in my mind.

I’ll stay in Your Supernatural Safe Space.

Your Dome is my Permanent Home.

Thank you Holy Ghost.

Thank you King Jesus.

Thank you Constant One.

The Holy Trinity is key to being set free.

Love your fighter, lighter, and daughter.

Miracles


she ignored all of God’s signs

and deliberately got caught up in the hype.

the hype of her title as a strife life wife.

she knew she was temporary.

she knew she was secondary.

she knew that God’s miracles are legendary.

she knew what occurred was the works of God.

she deliberately chose to create the space

of chaotic, robotic, and toxic facade.

he never loved her.

he never covered her.

he never stopped acting like a brother,

even though he became lover

under the sheets in secret.

she put out and he stayed put.

she convinced herself that his money was her wealth.

she’s an opportunist that studied when to move:

when he was low and alone her face was shown.

her lies multiplied in the facade hype of this life.

no one believes her lies and she’s currently quiet.

there’s a lot going on in her quicksand marriage.

she didn’t get her baby carriage because she’s barren.

she knew the possibility to conceive was highly unlikely.

she still expected miracles through her impurities.

her cultural bondage on marriage suffocated 

God’s biblical proof and she walked foolish.

a lot of people avoid her or played their roles,

because they see she was cold, and growing old.

tailspins in sin never wins with God.

miracles cannot happen under facades 

where she played sabotage god. 

she ignored all of God’s signs

and deliberately got caught up in the hype.

the hype of her title as a strife life wife.

she knew she was temporary.

she knew she was secondary.

she knew that God’s miracles are legendary.

she knew what occurred was the works of God.

she deliberately chose to create the space

of chaotic, robotic, and toxic facade.

he never loved her.

he never covered her.

he never stopped acting like a brother

even though he became lover

under the sheets in secret.

she put out so he stayed put.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint of foolish.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint of patience.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint of wisdom.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint of purity.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint of God’s security.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint of three strand marriages.

in the Bible there’s the blueprint on the calling 

of a rib to his ribcage: it’s in Genesis.

she never went to the Bible about her strife life.

God has all the answers in how to walk righteously.

God has all the answers in how to not be fleshly.

God has all the answers in how to have high discernment.

God has all the answers to embrace letting go

of the known toxic space of disgrace.

she thought she can make her stay not be a decay.

if a woman starts wrong with a man, 

and doesn’t go to God

then the relationship is a two strand facade.

pretending to go to God isn’t going to God.

flesh is a mess that breeds barbarity.

flesh is a mess that silences confessions.

the Bible deselected oppression by the Light 

of Jesus Christ to stand tall and fight 

by sparking the dark to all that’s not right

hiding inside by the broken routines of our lies.

she didn’t want healing because she’ll be leaving.

she didn’t want to leave this ongoing pain in no gain.

she didn’t want to let go of her blocked plans by God.

she expected the purity of God’s miracles with a stone heart.

she expected God’s blessings in the messiness of her flesh.

she didn’t want to grow. 

she just wanted be in this quicksand show.

she wants to reap from being cheap with this man

that stayed consistent in making her quicksand.

from day one he treated her indifferent.

over time he didn’t find reasons why to change.

the wedding rings were a showcase of arrangements 

by the voices in their space to save face 

in that building with no godly wings.

the prestigious newspaper didn’t help matters.

that wasn’t the miracle she wanted.

that article when picked apart has ungodly holes.

Ordained is organic and a blessing that God selects not flesh.

Ordained is when God tells the man 

and woman you’ll be one flesh someday.

Ordained takes time.

Ordained takes separation from others.

Ordained takes renovation on the inside.

Ordained cannot be elevated without God doing the work.

God does the work in His Chosen’s single season.

God is deliberate with his reasons 

and we must take a leap to trust.

The single season is imperative for ordained blessings. 

The single season should not be wasted 

going after a man with deep pockets 

for a life God will never bless if it’s not God’s will.

she ignored all of God’s signs

and deliberately got caught up in the hype.

the hype of her title as a strife life wife.

she knew she was temporary.

she knew she was secondary.

she knew that God’s miracles are legendary.

she knew what occurred was the works of God.

she deliberately chose to create the space

of chaotic, robotic, and toxic facade.

he never loved her.

he never covered her.

he never stopped acting like a brother

even though he became lover

under the sheets in secret.

she put out so he stayed put.

she was always a purpose to propel 

this man, and not stay with him to reap 

what God sowed for someone else.

she got caught up in the hype of this short life.

nothing changed after her last name did.

doing things wrong always has uncontrolled.

she cannot control what those around her knows.

she cannot control how he treats her.

she cannot control he doesn’t keep her.

she cannot control that God’s will isn’t her.

she cannot control this man’s miracles aren’t for her. 

she cannot control she’ll never be God’s Stir:

he + He + her with this man: she’s quicksand.

she cannot control God has a plan unfolding now.

she cannot control the pending bow

that allows her knees to the ground 

so she can finally breathe with ease

and release this displease to experience

God’s peace that surpasses all understanding.

it’s getting harder for her to make excuses.

it’s getting harder for her to stay: it’s useless.

it’s getting harder for her to pretend this didn’t end.

it’s getting harder for her to ignore she wants more.

it’s getting harder for her to overcompensate unhappiness.

it’s getting harder for her to fight in this stress.

it’s getting harder for her to ignore she’s alone.

it’s getting harder for her to ignore God’s signs.

it’s getting harder for her to act like she can’t

be freed from this toxicity with God as her key.

it’s getting harder for her to ignore she wants God’s miracles.

she must let go and let God move. 

she’s His daughter too.

Jesus died for her too.

Jesus sparked the dark for her light too.

Jesus has freedom for her too.

it’s up to her if she wants Jesus’ miracles.

All humans were created to desire higher.

All humans were created to want God’s miracles.

It’s all about the timing for God’s creation 

to want freedom and supernatural liberation.

stillness is God’s deliverance.

growth takes time and repetition in grace.

things are different this time around.

things will be different this summer.

growing in the flow of God destroys facades.

letting go of what’s known is freedom.

Expect the freedom of God’s miracles.

Thank you Holy Ghost.

Thank you King Jesus.

Thank you Constant One.

Love your fighter, lighter, and daughter.

Intricately


he intricately propelled her to be

the woman of God she was made to be effortlessly.

he intricately pushed her to chase God unapologetically.

he intricately inspired her rhyming lies 

that were hiding inside, which made her die.

he intricately created the space where she’s 

no longer stronger in the throng of disgrace.

he intricately pushed her to see everything 

she was running from to be freed faithfully.

he was intricately used to get her weeds

that made her bleed in broken need 

to no longer be stronger as a live feed.

he will always be the he in God’s Stir 

for she who’s me & her in this he + He + her.

she forgives her he faithfully, and lets go

of what she knows from the past that didn’t last.

she’s ready to be the salt of the earth with him.

she’s committed to this second chance

of God’s path in His Kingdom Math Romance.

All

Things

New.

she knows he’s her blue hue that’s biblical truth. 

Prayer for her Earth King…

God I lift up your beautiful son to you right now.

you know every hair from the crown of his head 

to the tip of his perfect toes. 

Thank you for creating him.

Thank you for never leaving his side.

Thank you for preparing him for his biblical bride.

Thank you for showing him how to forgive himself.

Thank you for showing him how to give grace to himself.

Thank you for showing him how to allow your love in God.

Thank you for being patient until it hurt enough.

Thank you for walking him through his freedom.

Thank you for taking all his hidden pains, and 

making them apart of your godly glory gain.

Thank you for leading him to see that godly sets him free.

Thank you for leading him to supernatural.

Thank you for using this season 

to make him see your reason in this treason

is being set free faithfully & biblically. 

Thank you for reaching and teaching him 

to breathe with ease in the peace 

that surpasses all tangible understanding.

Thank you for turning his bitter into sweet.

Thank you for sparking all his dark with 

the Light of Jesus Christ to rise and fight.

Thank you for making him an Ephesians 5 man.

Thank you for showing and growing him

to be in the space to no longer feed disgrace.

Thank you for showing and growing him

that his empty didn’t need broken confetti.

Thank you for showing and growing him

that money is phony, lonely, and not the way to Today.

Thank you for showing and growing him

…that freedom is in the supernatural.

…that freedom is in absurd obedience.

…that the world is a broken allegiance 

to a division collision inclusion

to exclude God and sleepwalk in facades

blindly in misery stagnantly with the enemy.

Thank you for making his existence all things new.

she who is me & her in God’s Stir: he + He + her

is in the space to see he’s intricately a blessing

that she receives faithfully and waits patiently for him to come.

Thank you Holy Spirit.

Thank you King Jesus.

Thank you Constant One.

The Holy Trinity is the key to being set free.

Love your fighter, lighter, and daughter.

Chasing


Daddy I supernaturally see

You chasing your daughter effortlessly

after she rejects your reflective protection.

It takes my breath away that you love her

through all her sinful and minuscule decay’s

of this pain in vain yesterday 

with no fun in the sun by the lies that 

make her stake in fake shake & break her inside.

your daughter cannot ignore she’s unseen

by the man she willingly landed in quicksand.

your daughter cannot ignore that she isn’t adored.

your daughter has to face this public disgrace.

your daughter has to see she settled badly.

your daughter has to comprehend her legal

isn’t regal or ideal and a space of pretend.

your daughter cannot overcompensate 

this man will always hesitate and evacuate.

her wedding rings will always sting and

she cannot joyfully sing on that stage 

because she paused the cause of a pitfall

that’s designed to align her by divinely 

and supernaturally giving her all in this call

to conquer the conformities of societal rituals.

her cultural bondage is competition & jealousy.

those blinding hostages silenced God 

in replace to never address her oppressed 

empty with this broken marriage

which she sees is a chaotic savage.

your daughter is hurt you didn’t fix her sin.

your daughter thought you’ll ordain this game

she dangerously played with her life as a wife.

biblically wisdom is a she but she flees

from this supernatural see to be in her scene.

biblically the women that match her mindset

is an offset to reset her intellect by reflecting

that God never ordained Vashti, Leah, or Hagar.

so your daughter ignores Your Biblical Oath

to grow cold, old, and unwillingly sleepwalk 

as the choking example of what not to do.

Daddy I supernaturally see

You chasing your daughter effortlessly

after she rejects your reflective protection.

It takes my breath away that you love her

through all her sinful and minuscule decay’s

of this pain in vain yesterday 

with no fun in the sun by the lies that 

make her stake in fake shake & break her inside.

your daughter is publicly seen as the wrong hue.

your daughter is too through but you still want her.

your daughter doesn’t want you, just her ruse.

it’s no use because the man she landed 

in quicksand with, is changing and looking above.

as your Chosen we are broken but you love us

through our sinful combusts and distrusts 

so we can see that biblically our blueprint 

is an imprint of how much you are for us God.

despite your daughter privately saying no

to you God, and yes to her sinking facade,

you still want her and love her when she 

can’t even see she doesn’t love herself.

Daddy I supernaturally see

You chasing your daughter effortlessly

after she rejects your reflective protection.

It takes my breath away that you love her

through all her sinful and minuscule decay’s

of this pain in vain yesterday 

with no fun in the sun by the lies that 

make her stake in fake shake & break her inside.

Love is patient and kind not a rewind of time.

The days of yesterday’s are sorrows with no

hope of tomorrow and darkness with no light.

your daughter’s pride in her lies misguided 

her insides where she walked into a strife life.

it doesn’t hurt your daughter enough yet

to give up and welcome your out but it will.

As God’s creation in His perfect image 

we are called to rise above in love to want higher.

As God’s creation in His perfect image 

we are called to see what makes us flee blindly.

As God’s creation in His perfect image 

we are called to be better together as humanity.

As God’s creation as His perfect image

God designed marriage to be a ministry not popularity.

God put Eve as Adam’s rib because their marriage

had a purpose for God’s kingdom.

Only God arranged marriages are ordained.

Mankind cannot ordain or arrange a marriage.

That’s what your daughter did and it shows.

Over time we as mankind cannot hide our lies.

God always exposes the hearts of humanity 

no matter what we say or do: 

truth is biblical. 

truth is supernatural.

truth is ordained.

Every knee shall bow and flee from the enemy.

It’s in the Bible: our blueprint is our oxygen.

The Bible is the only way to breathe into Today.

The Bible is the only way to ease into peace

that surpasses all tangible understanding.

God’s peace is biblical & supernatural.

God’s love is biblical & supernatural.

God’s ordained marriages are all biblical & supernatural.

You have your daughter God.

your daughter will open her eyes in her strife life

when she’s ready for Your Peace and to be set free.

Thank you Holy Spirit.

Thank you King Jesus.

Thank you Constant One.

The Holy Trinity is key to being set free.

Love your fighter, lighter, and daughter.

Wisdom

there’s so many she’s

that believe in the bleed 

of their broken routines.

there’s so many she’s 

that are societal in their rituals.

there’s so many she’s 

that move in the groove of toxicity.

there’s so many she’s that live in misery.

there’s so many she’s 

that are culturally pacing 

in the wrong race lost

choking in smoke by the 

misguide of popularity lies.

popularity is a chain that God can break

if the stake of fame no longer shakes.

lies make she’s die as carnal jokes 

being led by the enemy who’s a bloke.

sleepwalking in misery fleeing in weeds

blindly behind pride that hides all ugly inside. 

there’s so many she’s 

forgetting the purpose of The Cross.

there’s so many she’s 

that want the mess of oppressed flesh.

there’s so many she’s 

that want to abuse the ruse 

& muse in corrupted confused.

there’s so many she’s 

that act like their she is better 

to condemn what’s their poisonous zen.

there’s so many she’s 

that are obsessively empty.

there’s so many she’s 

that aggressively want drunken confetti.

there’s so many she’s 

that wink in wrong thinking sinking,

tailspinning in distressing sinning.

this is a ditch with no switch.

this is a dark with no spark.

this is a night with no Light of Jesus Christ.

this is the wrong fight that’s ignited to divide.

this is the throng to be strong 

in the barbarity of irregularity chaotically.

chronically the enemy knows sin not names.

this is a lame of shame many ignore in vain.

the Holy Bible is revival and the blueprint 

to be fine tuned and sharpened in alertness.

the Holy Bible is walking the talk of pain

to always have wisdom and godly gain.

the Holy Bible is discernment and key 

to being set free biblically for all humanity.

“And the serpent said unto the woman, 

Ye shall not surely die: 

For God doth know that in the day 

ye eat thereof, then your eyes 

shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, 

knowing good and evil. And when the woman 

saw that the tree was good for food, 

and that it was pleasant to the eyes, 

and a tree to be desired to make one wise, 

she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, 

and gave also unto her husband with her; 

and he did eat.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:4-6‬ ‭KJV‬‬

the enemy knows sin, not names.

the enemy in Genesis three was very tricky.

the enemy never addressed Adam or Eve.

the enemy exposes all the ugly 

we don’t want to ever see or allow the bow

to flee and be set free faithfully in unity.

the enemy knows how to flip the script.

he did it to Adam and Eve and the weeds 

of sinning tailspins that never win succeeded.

Emmanuel God with us died to be revived

three days later, and reversed this curse.

there’s too many she’s 

that don’t know their own name.

Biblically wisdom is a she to be set free godly.

God knows our names not our sins.

There’s no more shame 

under His Great Name.

There’s no more sinning

in the purity of His Secure Winning.

There’s no more in vain pain

or stings under His Safe Wings.

There’s no more looking back glances

in fear of attacks & ruining second chances.

Women are she’s called to be set free

by conquering all pitfalls and rising to be salt.

We are called to be the salt of the earth

not look back in satanic attacks to get hurt

by becoming ashes to ashes 

or dust to dust. That’s dirt that hurts.

With God there’s no facades: 

just biblical worth.

She’s need to know their name.

She’s need to know their worth.

She’s need to know their biblical wisdom.

Know she’s are called to be set free.

Know to grow she’s must let go of known.

Know that biblically God thinks highly 

of His she’s that God will always lovingly carry

from glory to glory as His Created Story.

Love your sister Crysta and a she.

Behold


your daughter rejected this season 

as a reason and willed this prophetic hiss 

to be a lifetime by clinging to the stings in her mind.

your daughter wasn’t lying when she felt drawn 

to this man: this predestined land is quicksand.

your daughter didn’t want to receive 

the calling to pull out the weeds for this he.

your daughter wanted that to be me.

your daughter doesn’t want to see

she’s not ready to be godly supernaturally.

your daughter doesn’t want to see

she’s blinded by lies and they’re her lullabies.

your daughter doesn’t want to see

there’s no desire for sharpen accountability.

your daughter wants the pitfalls not the call.

your daughter wants to be in tangibility.

I understand because that’s my quicksand.

there’s a sensitivity that needed to be seen by me.

I wasn’t in the space to showcase love or grace.

I was angry and blinded by pride that made me die.

My insides weren’t right and I ran the wrong fight.

To be a Light of Jesus Christ is to spark the dark

in love found bound from Above.

I see God as my Sacred Dove & and my Wings

that I cling to because God’s my King & Holy Truth.

Emmanuel broke bread with the sick sinners.

Emmanuel didn’t hang with the self-righteous gang.

Emmanuel equipped them to own the authority of God.

There is power in the Great I Am and His Name Reigns.

This current storyline is bigger than humanistic minds.

The purpose of this pain is to gain souls that grew cold and old. 

Like mine.

Like your daughter’s.

Like her brother turned to lover privately under covers.

Being in love is tough. 

Being in love is rough.

There’s a deep dream to be one unified team.

Only together will we ever be better.

Let it be is what you need me to see.

Let it be is your will being done on earth and heaven.

Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.

Forgive our own understanding that lands in quicksand.

Forgive our lack of trusting the still small waters.

Forgive our doubt you’ll turn bitter into sweet.

Forgive our impatience to intimately be in your presence God to meet.

Forgive my blinding anger I fed to get madder.

Forgive my lack of compassion for your daughter.

Forgive my lack of patience and trust for your son.

Forgive my lack of faith in supernatural.

Forgive our debtors as you wipe out our debts.

Reach and teach your creation to be in unity.

Reach and teach your creation to be one humanity.

Reach and teach your creation to be set free godly.

Thank you King for using all stings to be safe 

in the space of securely & purely in Your Wings.

I don’t know how this all unfolds.

Behold, you go before as Your Story will be told.

I love you King.

Love your daughter.

Redemption

I lay down the clutches.

I lay down the barriers.

I trust the blueprint.

I trust these movements.

I choose to fix my eyes on the Light.

Redemption is intentionality of my testimony.

I’m ready to defend him until the end.

I say yes to all of this and all of him.

Wreck me to reflect what’s not of this scene.

Remove the ugly and toxicity where

I no longer am stronger in this throng of wrong

thinking sinking tailspinning sinning.

I took this picture in total awe and wonder. Today I sunbathed telling you that you do the most God, and simultaneously falling madly in love with your artistic wonder. God I forgot how much I loved staring at the sky. I forgot how much I loved looking at the intricate details of your clouds. I’m thankful that my current circumstances pushes me to find productivity in a healthy way. I’m so thankful that I’m no longer fearful of having a relapse to my eating disorder. God you are healing me Your Way not my way. God you blessed me with accountability and iron sharpening sisterhood through my bestie Jojo,* and my other gems I’m thankful for. They’re both such hardworking strong women. One is creating her first dance show. The other one is building her culinary network working her butt off all over Canada and America. I’m proud of both of them. I’m so thankful they’re my sisters too. God you’re a genius. You use everything for your glory. 

During that storm you God made me reborn.

It’s been eight years since I became alive in Christ,

I repent for the rejection of that night 

where I had no sight or fight,

yet you took the wheel to heal and reveal

that Jesus Christ is Lord.

The Cross of Calvary set me free to be godly.

It took five years to switch off my gear of fear.

It wasn’t until the fourth month of the four day

in the year two thousand fourteen that I let go

of all that I know to free-fall in God’s unknown.

I’m so thankful for connecting with my newest sister. She’s so amazing, and we have so much in common God. I’m so thankful that you removed all the other women that shouldn’t be in my space. I’m just thankful that you aggressively honor having only your creation that belong in my space. I’m so thankful you’re honoring all the prayers that I didn’t tell anyone outside of Jojo, and one other person about. My heart is so filled after everything you blessed me with the strength to rise up from. I’m thankful that the past is the past, and I have peace about everything. I’m thankful that you’re shaking my awakening to go higher as being your called lighter.

The night in the car I thought I was going to die, 

and you gave me a reason why to fight God.

You wanted to show me what’s coming to me,

but I rejected the gift of your prophecy.

Over the years you still meet me like Balaam.

And all your other weary vessels with heavy hearts.

You took my doubt, and used it to renew my mind

where I find all my reasons to fight in the Light.

Tonight, you showed me that I always knew 

this painful truth, and the testimony laid before me.

I was tired of talking to your creation 

as they lied and hide what’s really inside by pride.

I’m prideful too and it has to die, because it’s not of you.

It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, to see who you bumped me to see this past Sunday. That was a pleasantly surprising encounter. Bumping into my former pastor I served under, showed me I’m in a different head space. He is in a different headspace too. He looks so much freer and happier. I’m really happy for him, and I pray for his growth in you God. Anoint the crown of his head to always walk in the sensitivity of your Holy Spirit. Secure his breastplate with faith and love. Protect his helmet of salvation. And keep him armored God. I pray for protection over his family, and let your will be done in their lives, on earth as it is in heaven. Whatever you’re calling me to be God I say yes. It’s your way God or no way.  

I was tired of playing dumb like a conundrum.

I was aware through my layers of prayers.

I avoided walking through this testimony, 

but you used my running for Your Glory God.

I’m sorry I ran. I’m no different from the one

you say is for me, which makes us three strands.

Running is saying no too. 

Was death attached to my selfishness hue?

I repent for my neglect and disrespect.

You say to trust you with all of this? I do.

You say he’s coming to me? I say yes & I do.

I’ll always defend & protect him with everything. 

You say he’s fighting for alignment? I lift my sword.

You say he’s my king, then I’m his queen.

You say he’s my ribcage, then I’m his rib.

You say we are three strands, then we’re a ministry.

You say this storyline is about redemption?

Then I say yes to compassion, love, & forgiveness.

You say to be still? 

Then I pray, 

I wait, 

& I survive,

I say yes to this all, because you equipped me

to conquer all pitfalls in this supernatural free-fall.

You’re calling me higher, then I say let’s go.

I say yes to this call Your Way not my way God.

Redemption is here not just for the man you say is mine, but for me and all the eyes that need redirection by your protection. Thank you for the security of your Holy Purity. Thank you for the humility in accountability. Thank you for the saturation in maturation. Thank you for the glowing in your growing. Thank you for the straight path to my called math. Keep preparing me for this next level. I say yes to it all. Thank you for teaching, and reaching me to breathe with ease in the space that’s full of grace. Thank you for the peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank you for my breastplate of faith and love. Thank you for my helmet of salvation. Thank you for my armor. Thank you for your safe wings Heavenly Father.

I love you King.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy 

Clouds

I took this picture yesterday evening. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been deeply fascinated by the wonders of the earth. Clouds always fascinated me. I asked some teacher in elementary school how are clouds created, and what’s the purpose of them. I got the purpose answer, which I wasn’t satisfied with. Rain, is all I got. And I wanted more. So I went home and asked my dad, and he gave me a more stimulating answer, which I also wasn’t quite satisfied with either, but it was better. My father told me clouds are condensation through humidity that store water, and depending on the denseness of clouds, and level of humidity it will rain. 

My dad made me look up all the words I didn’t know he said, at first I never understood why my dad made me practice this habit. I thought it was annoying growing up, and I always gave him an attitude that he threw sass to or ignored. Now that I’m an adult I truly comprehend that my father was developing self sufficient practices in me. He was pushing me to my purpose and identity. My dad always used to tell me to find my neesh. I used to look at him like he was alien, and asked me what was that. And he said, “my father said it to me.” And I asked him so what does it mean? And he said, “he doesn’t know.” I asked him why didn’t he ask, and he said, “the culture in Trinidad,” which is where he is from, “is to listen to the words of your parents.” I was like, “what, and not challenge them? That’s unfortunate.” After that I moved on, and had to endure hearing finding your neesh growing up. Eventually I figured out how to tune out that statement. I do believe it means find your identity and purpose. Who knows what it really means though…cultures are created and don’t always have biblical blueprints from my experience as a human thus far.

When we aren’t in the will of God… 

We make silent & quiet sounds. 

God is a God that’s loud and proud,

but we follow the wrong clouds outloud.

We sneer for the wrong sounds:

It’s a misery of chaotic toxicity. 

It’s the land of sinking thinking quicksand.  

The pounds get loud in carnal crowds

of a mutant scrutiny collision division. 

Purpose is paused as His Cause

and we press play in the decay of yesterday. 

Looking back is a satanic attack of witchcraft. 

It’s the enemy’s key to talk sleepwalking blindly.

It’s never too late to participate & retaliate

in the call of conquering all pitfalls by giving our all.

I wanted to be plugged into the science world. Somehow some way there was too many things I liked, to figure out where exactly I wanted to be. I loved the idea of being a chemist, because the processes of mixtures and creations truly stimulate me. I’ve been writing to God most of my life. I vaguely remember writing in some kid journal that I wished I kept, but I wasn’t thinking long term of reflecting on little Crysta’s mindset. What I wrote as a child to God was, I don’t really know if I had a purpose to be in science other than not dealing with mean people, and having a healthy space to create. The more I wrote to God the more I realized that I wanted purpose above all else. It took my adulthood to own this truth, and accept the woman of God that I was created to be. This was all destined to be my journey and testimony. My hiccups were always going to be God’s setups. 

I also love photography, the idea of capturing a moment that can last forever is so beautiful to me. Clouds always captivated my heart due to the uniqueness of each cloud. It’s an algorithm to me, like our finger prints being divinely designed. Anything divine is God. God is the result of everything. To me everything is an algorithm. The Bible tells us that everything is used for the greater good according to those called for his purpose. (Romans 8:28) we are all called to embrace each purpose God has for all of us. Not everyone answers the call unfortunately. The Bible even prophesied the current challenging times of the world now. My heart was shaken about Philando Castile’s verdict. The man was murdered in front of his four year old daughter, in cold blood, and there are recordings. The murderer was found not guilty. I cried like a baby yesterday at church, which healed my deep rooted wounds ironically. 

she’s freed from the past.

the pain didn’t last.

facing the rewind of time 

was a healthy find for her mind.

it was a pleasant surprise to see 

her former pastor is now free and happy.

she can see God wants harmony. 

she obeys her King’s melody effortlessly. 

what her King wants 

is what her King gets.

she’s ready and steady to reconnect.

she’s ready for the sounds of Kingdom Clouds.

Philando Castile’s outcome isn’t a race thing anymore, this is a power thing. I was shaken as a black woman who walks on faith she’ll be married to her ribcage one day, and will be a mother to black sons and daughters. I was broken and shaken before stepping into my church yesterday. Of course, my senior pastor preached a healing and timely sermon. Then I was blessed to attend the Hillsong United album release concert for free. I wanted to leave after an encounter made me feel like I didn’t belong. Then God showed out by using Hillsong United to connect to me. God always shows me how much he loves me in every moment that I need that reminder. Yesterday was a day I desperately needed to be reminded how much God loves me. 

God has shown me that I am now okay with being sensitive. God had shown me I’m now okay with crying, because I see my tears free me. God has shown me to own my femininity proudly. I do God, because I know you God are the rock on which I stand on. (Psalms 18 & 23) You God are the only sound of Kingdom Clouds. So I fix my eyes on the Light of Jesus Christ. I continue to lift up my sword, and spark the dark to all that’s not right inside. I continue to do what Jesus died on the Cross of Calvary to ignite: the lost to no longer walk the cost of blind, and to to see supernaturally by being set free in unity as an entire humanity. I let go of what I know God. I’m finally ready to embrace the space of the unknown. I’m no longer feeding the throng of looking back in the disgrace space of all I know, that you freed me from. I own my freedom. Your Way is my only okay and Obey of Today.

I love you King.

Love your daughter.

tired

she loves the sun.

she sees the Cross of Calvary 

in the beautiful rays that make her Obey. 

she loves the sea,

because the sea makes her happy.

happiness is God’s peace to breathe with ease.


I took this picture as soon as the sun came out, earlier this afternoon. I really love people watching. There’s so much that happens in people watching. Yesterday, I was in Columbus circle not interested in people watching at the moment, but I needed to charge my phone. I went to a restroom that doesn’t get much traffic. Sometimes I need less traffic, and I like being by myself if I’m not with Jojo.* I think it’s safer to be by myself. After everything I’ve been through the last few years, especially the last three months, I’m weary to have people in my space outside of Jojo. My solution to not fully isolating myself is people watching.

leaping with God is not what she expected to be.

she knows nothing.

she controls nothing.

she cannot lean on her gifts.

all she has is God’s supernatural forward movements.

she’s moving moment to moment. 

People watching also feeds my nosiness, but most importantly it’s a space where I don’t have to feel emotions. I really don’t like feeling emotions. I don’t like facing how I feel at all. I don’t like talking. I don’t like a lot of things. I just want to be by myself in a bubble. But my bubbles keep getting popped by God, and it’s so annoying. God is annoying. I love God so much, and I know I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for God. Facing how I feel is hard. Facing what I’ve swallowed is hard. I swallowed a lot. There’s a lot I’m having a hard time with, and this unavoidable space of talking actually frees me. I finally admitted connections from last summer, that deeply affected me tonight when I was on the phone with Jojo. 

she doesn’t understand why it’s still about that man.

everything shouldn’t be about him.

he played god, and his facade caused delays.

his delays caused deaths because he said no.

our life is not our own. yeses blesses others.

he wanted gold, 

he said screw his soul, 

dead bodies are cold because he wasn’t bold. 

last summer many brothers died and he lied.

God has me in a moment to moment season, where I don’t know what is coming next. I really like knowing what’s going on, especially with those around me so I’m prepared. There’s a sense of preparation that I believe that I need. No one can come for me if I’m prepared. I won’t be blindsided. I’m tired of being blindsided. I won’t let that happen ever again. Today Philando Castile’s murderer got acquitted. I didn’t want to go back to that unhealthy space I was in last summer. I really tried not to be affected by this again. I’m tired of being affected. I’m tired of being tired.

money is the honey that made him act funny, 

and now God is telling me who’s the she 

that things are different and he’s free!?

I don’t know if I care. his lies were destructive. 

his lies changed my perspective. 

his lies made me weary and selective.

his lies increased my isolating beast.

his lies made me want to flee indefinitely.

his lies also made me run to Jesus Christ & fight.

so when God says he’s coming, I’m running.

how can that be? he played a dangerous game 

of Russian Roulette by tailspinning in sinning.

As a black woman with a black father, and black brothers this felt personal. And it took me back to the Bible. The Bible tells me my life isn’t my own. The Bible teaches me that my yes is attached to so many yeses behind me. What if I said no? Does that mean death is attached to that selfish decision? A death like Philando Castile? If life is attached to saying yes then does that mean death is attached to saying no? How many no’s are walking around on this planet with deaths attached to that decision? I’m tired of saying I’m angry about the injustice going on. Anger is blinding. I’m tired of crying over seeing senseless deaths. My tears bring no one back. When will it hurt enough for humanity to finally say yes to their purpose, instead of chasing the rat race ditch of popularity??? I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of lukewarm. I’m tired of shortcuts. I’m tired of acquitted murders. I’m tired of being tired. 

she meditates daily on her bible and prays.

she colors in her bible and sustains. 

she’s struggling with God’s dismantling ways. 

she’s happy to be removed from that man’s quicksand.

she doesn’t like how this all looks.

she’s not the author of this transforming book. 

God is writing away her old habits and decays.

she has no say and that’s not okay.

Of course God doesn’t agree with me knowing something to be prepared, which is what my current story: losing in my wrestle with God. That’s been my life since March 16, 2017. On that day, I *resigned* from a position I hated, because the founders created an unhealthy working space. As someone that loves kids, I found that to be such a disgrace. I loved my kids, but loving them wasn’t enough to keep my peace. I lost my peace. I needed to breathe with ease, and I stopped breathing in that job since the 2016 election. Plus, I knew Jojo and I were going to be pulled out. God showed me that some time in late 2015. I was waiting on the sidelines on how exactly it was going to look. I had to walk through it instead of knowing in advance. 

she’s tired of seeing jealousy.

she’s tired of people wanting to be around her.

they’re all wanting her space for the wrong reasons. 

that’s what her past experiences entailed. 

no one has pure intentions anymore. 

she’s tired of being on guard.

no one tells the truth anymore.

no one wants biblical love or unity.

this world is so cold, divided, and ugly.

she just wants to pray, and obey God.

she doesn’t have a choice but to let go 

of what she knows and lose all control.

I always wanted to live on the upper west side of Manhattan. I never thought I would be living there as an unemployed homeless woman in a shelter. April 17, 2017, my parents lost the space they called home for thirty years. Initially it was shocking, and I wasn’t feeling much, but I knew it hurt enough to not give up. I was on an adrenaline high. But the grace of God was walking with me all this time. I never knew I was capable of being the woman I am today. That’s all God. On one hand, I see the beautiful mysteries of God, and how he covers me. On the other hand I see injustice like Philando Castile, and I get so hurt that senseless deaths are being done. 

some of the darkest journeys 

lead to the brightest lights. 

the Light of Jesus Christ is the fight 

that he died on the Cross of Calvary, 

to truly set everyone free in unity faithfully.

biblically Emmanuel God with us 

sat with sinners.

biblically Emmanuel God with us

did not stay with righteous winners.

biblically Emmanuel God with us

operated as a triage on that Cross,

so the sting of death left & we are now blessed.

three days later Emmanuel rose greater, 

and alive because death was beaten in flesh.

I go to the Bible, because that’s the only blueprint that I trust regardless if I’m angry at God or not. Everything has a purpose, I truly see that with the Bible, so that means Philando Castile’s senseless death not only has a purpose, but this man that took his life getting acquitted has a purpose as well. Is it easy for me to say that as a Christian black woman? Of course not, but my best friend Jojo said some powerful sound words tonight, she said “We don’t know if this is the only way that pushes people to be on their knees crying out to God, as hard as this is for me to say this, but we don’t know if this is how God gets everyone’s attention. People are already changing, and going to God because of who’s currently in office. God is moving. And we don’t like how it looks.” She’s right I’m tired of things looking messy like the book of Exodus. 

I’m tired of feeling so hurt that blatant sin 

is occupying the minds stuck in rewinded time. 

I’m tired that repentance is an unwelcome acceptance. 

I’m tired of seeing what I thought I never would see:

this so called man is different and coming to me.

I’m tired of division.

I’m not tired of rising from my pitfalls.

I’m not tired of trusting God above all else.

God as hard as this is, I lay this all down. I give you my tired. I give you my tears. I give you my struggles. You never left me God. You never will leave me God. So I’ll claw my way to your Obey, even though this is so challenging to wrap my brain around. I would rather be tired safely in your wings than away from you God. This is hard for me, but I only trust you with my tired God. You’ll make a way Lord. You have it all. Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven God. 

Thank you King.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy