Clouds

I took this picture yesterday evening. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been deeply fascinated by the wonders of the earth. Clouds always fascinated me. I asked some teacher in elementary school how are clouds created, and what’s the purpose of them. I got the purpose answer, which I wasn’t satisfied with. Rain, is all I got. And I wanted more. So I went home and asked my dad, and he gave me a more stimulating answer, which I also wasn’t quite satisfied with either, but it was better. My father told me clouds are condensation through humidity that store water, and depending on the denseness of clouds, and level of humidity it will rain. 

My dad made me look up all the words I didn’t know he said, at first I never understood why my dad made me practice this habit. I thought it was annoying growing up, and I always gave him an attitude that he threw sass to or ignored. Now that I’m an adult I truly comprehend that my father was developing self sufficient practices in me. He was pushing me to my purpose and identity. My dad always used to tell me to find my neesh. I used to look at him like he was alien, and asked me what was that. And he said, “my father said it to me.” And I asked him so what does it mean? And he said, “he doesn’t know.” I asked him why didn’t he ask, and he said, “the culture in Trinidad,” which is where he is from, “is to listen to the words of your parents.” I was like, “what, and not challenge them? That’s unfortunate.” After that I moved on, and had to endure hearing finding your neesh growing up. Eventually I figured out how to tune out that statement. I do believe it means find your identity and purpose. Who knows what it really means though…cultures are created and don’t always have biblical blueprints from my experience as a human thus far.

When we aren’t in the will of God… 

We make silent & quiet sounds. 

God is a God that’s loud and proud,

but we follow the wrong clouds outloud.

We sneer for the wrong sounds:

It’s a misery of chaotic toxicity. 

It’s the land of sinking thinking quicksand.  

The pounds get loud in carnal crowds

of a mutant scrutiny collision division. 

Purpose is paused as His Cause

and we press play in the decay of yesterday. 

Looking back is a satanic attack of witchcraft. 

It’s the enemy’s key to talk sleepwalking blindly.

It’s never too late to participate & retaliate

in the call of conquering all pitfalls by giving our all.

I wanted to be plugged into the science world. Somehow some way there was too many things I liked, to figure out where exactly I wanted to be. I loved the idea of being a chemist, because the processes of mixtures and creations truly stimulate me. I’ve been writing to God most of my life. I vaguely remember writing in some kid journal that I wished I kept, but I wasn’t thinking long term of reflecting on little Crysta’s mindset. What I wrote as a child to God was, I don’t really know if I had a purpose to be in science other than not dealing with mean people, and having a healthy space to create. The more I wrote to God the more I realized that I wanted purpose above all else. It took my adulthood to own this truth, and accept the woman of God that I was created to be. This was all destined to be my journey and testimony. My hiccups were always going to be God’s setups. 

I also love photography, the idea of capturing a moment that can last forever is so beautiful to me. Clouds always captivated my heart due to the uniqueness of each cloud. It’s an algorithm to me, like our finger prints being divinely designed. Anything divine is God. God is the result of everything. To me everything is an algorithm. The Bible tells us that everything is used for the greater good according to those called for his purpose. (Romans 8:28) we are all called to embrace each purpose God has for all of us. Not everyone answers the call unfortunately. The Bible even prophesied the current challenging times of the world now. My heart was shaken about Philando Castile’s verdict. The man was murdered in front of his four year old daughter, in cold blood, and there are recordings. The murderer was found not guilty. I cried like a baby yesterday at church, which healed my deep rooted wounds ironically. 

she’s freed from the past.

the pain didn’t last.

facing the rewind of time 

was a healthy find for her mind.

it was a pleasant surprise to see 

her former pastor is now free and happy.

she can see God wants harmony. 

she obeys her King’s melody effortlessly. 

what her King wants 

is what her King gets.

she’s ready and steady to reconnect.

she’s ready for the sounds of Kingdom Clouds.

Philando Castile’s outcome isn’t a race thing anymore, this is a power thing. I was shaken as a black woman who walks on faith she’ll be married to her ribcage one day, and will be a mother to black sons and daughters. I was broken and shaken before stepping into my church yesterday. Of course, my senior pastor preached a healing and timely sermon. Then I was blessed to attend the Hillsong United album release concert for free. I wanted to leave after an encounter made me feel like I didn’t belong. Then God showed out by using Hillsong United to connect to me. God always shows me how much he loves me in every moment that I need that reminder. Yesterday was a day I desperately needed to be reminded how much God loves me. 

God has shown me that I am now okay with being sensitive. God had shown me I’m now okay with crying, because I see my tears free me. God has shown me to own my femininity proudly. I do God, because I know you God are the rock on which I stand on. (Psalms 18 & 23) You God are the only sound of Kingdom Clouds. So I fix my eyes on the Light of Jesus Christ. I continue to lift up my sword, and spark the dark to all that’s not right inside. I continue to do what Jesus died on the Cross of Calvary to ignite: the lost to no longer walk the cost of blind, and to to see supernaturally by being set free in unity as an entire humanity. I let go of what I know God. I’m finally ready to embrace the space of the unknown. I’m no longer feeding the throng of looking back in the disgrace space of all I know, that you freed me from. I own my freedom. Your Way is my only okay and Obey of Today.

I love you King.

Love your daughter.

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