Dearest God,

Wow God how you lead me to biblically see exactly where I am still blows my mind. I truly believe I’ll never get accustomed to that. You lead me to chapter twelve in the book of Job. People do the most, and they definitely did the most in this chapter as well. The last few hours on the phone with Jojo* were so eye-opening. Thank you Jesus for trusting us with what you do, and giving us the strength to both walkthrough what we need to walkthrough.

your daughter sees her stay

is no longer a toxic decay 

in that scandaled cancelled show.

your daughter’s projections 

are a deflection of emotional rejection.

Jojo knows it’s only a go in God’s Flow.

Jojo received what couldn’t be believed.

she who is me sees pointing the finger 

is the played out trigger no longer bigger.

Jojo walked through the bondage of curfews 

by the bullying ruses her father abuses.

money is the honey that made Jojo funny.

that chokehold unfolded boldly not coldly.

Jojo isn’t validated by her father’s lies

that he used to make this stake shake,

and break her on the inside where 

she fed the gear of fear for dying years.

God’s Revival is Jojo’s supernatural arrival.

Jojo’s father calculated verbal assassinated violation.

God advocated and activated Jojo’s liberation 

through the freedom in biblical wisdom,

because Jojo glows with God’s Kingdom.

The reasons in this treason is deceiving, 

and the sting of death is ineffective.

The Cross of Calvary sets Jojo free effortlessly.

Jojo is no longer shaken but whole and awaken.

I realized that you’re really answering my prayers lately God. I know you usually answer them because you’ve done so in the past; however I’ve been praying for conscious awareness to the setbacks of satanic attacks for the last few days. God you have answered these prayers so quickly. Thank you Constant One. I realized on the phone just now the correlation of Jojo getting into a fight with her father, is parallel to us always fighting. We both aren’t working: she’s at her parent’s house, and I’m where you placed me safely [unconventionally,] by divine design. Jojo and I are the type of women that hate people coming for us. We both been bullied and those experiences left us scarred. We both seen a lot growing up. We both feel the need to be prepared. We are both broken souls that you’ve supernaturally healed from becoming old and cold. Thank you Constant One. Thank you for the sensitivity to your Holy Spirit, where I caught the brewing fight that was about to occur between Jojo and I to be demolished. You’re a faithful and good father Lord.

the minting felonies in this broken melody

of the building with no godly wings stings.

there’s an unwelcome awareness for greatness.

there’s a decreasing releasing from 

the clone drones of fun in no sun.

your daughter has been removed 

in an unsold cold sale where her sins failed.

your daughter fought and bought for a building 

with no ability to be set free faithfully in harmony.

intentional to stay on replay decay & disobey.

God you used your daughter’s ruses 

to defuse the allegiance with the 

he you say is for me through the hue of 

the mutant scrutiny of that broken community.

Faith moves mountains and moved your son.

your son being the he that you say is for me.

your son is the he in your Stir: he + He + her.

she is me who’s the her you say will occur,

because you God always write three strands 

not man who plays god in spinning sin

of two strand quicksand facades.

he + He + her is Kingdom Math and your Craft.

God you lead me to chapter twelve in the book of Job, and it pierced me to heart check myself. You made me face leaders individually that I used to serve under when I had no desire to ever see them again. I’m thankful that I did experience both encounters, because I grew and drew closer to you God. Verses twenty to twenty-five of chapter twelve in the book of Job stood out the most for me:

“He removeth away the speech of the trusty, and taketh away the understanding of the aged. He poureth contempt upon princes, and weakeneth the strength of the mighty. He discovereth deep things out of darkness, and bringeth out to light the shadow of death. He increaseth the nations, and destroyeth them: he enlargeth the nations, and straiteneth them again. He taketh away the heart of the chief of the people of the earth, and causeth them to wander in a wilderness where there is no way. They grope in the dark without light, and he maketh them to stagger like a drunken man.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:20-25‬ ‭KJV‬‬

You’re in control God. America is shaken about who’s currently in office. America is shaken about guilty murderers becoming acquitted. America is shaken about the latest and unfortunate attacks in Virginia. But you’re in control God. America is also banding together this morning in marches so far in Seattle, and in Massachusetts. The darkest journeys lead to the brightest Light. America is in dark days, and darker nights. Yet there’s no brighter Light than Jesus Christ. We are only better together. When it hurts enough we speak up, and stand for what’s right by fighting. The cold blooded murders lately has America hurting enough to march like Dr. King did in Alabama. The cold blooded murders have brave souls standing as leaders like JFK unapologetically did before he was assassinated like Heather Heyer was on August 12th 2017. America is angry enough to put aside the ignorant bondage known as racism to become one body by speaking up. Thank God that you’re a God that uses emotionally shaken for your glory. Thank God that these senseless deaths are not in vain, because America is using their pain for unified gain. You’re moving God. I’m so excited. I stand with my fellow Americans as well as the world to be unified as a humanity, because that’s the purpose of the Cross of Calvary. The Holy Trinity is the key to being set free, and the world is starting to see we are called to be one body faithfully.

I love you Constant One.

Love your



and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy



Who do I pray for now?

The world

Okay what do I say?

Speak to Me


God usually wakes me up at 3 am everyday. For the longest I had no concept as to why, until about two weeks ago, when I got sharpened by a vessel when God entered her, and said “You’re a watchman.” I had no idea I was a prayer warrior watchman until recently. I’m not very good at discipline. In fact, I immaturely see it as slavery for the most part. I’m very bratty about what God asks me to do a lot of the times. I can’t stand rising above in love to really petty and mean souls, especially souls that hurt my heart in the past. I’d much rather feed my flesh and smash teeth in. But then my bestie Jojo* sharpened me yesterday and asked me, “does doing that make you a better human?” No it doesn’t. It makes me mean and petty too. And only love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8) And only fearless love casts out everything blocking the purpose of one body: the reason for the Cross of Calvary. (1 John 4:18) I choose to obey and let everything go.

mean souls hurt her heart.

means souls make the stake of fake shake afar.

mean souls feed aloof to dismantle His Proof.

mean souls fight for strife in dark without His Spark.

mean souls mix drinks that stink and wickedly wink.

mean souls confine to the divided minds.

mean souls grow old and cold to never unfold.

mean souls are harden and feel forgotten. 

mean souls cry out for help by chaotic yelling.

Emmanuel God with us died to Light mean souls. 

it’s time to pick up the Cross and be pierce 

just like our King of kings and Lord of lords 

for prophecy to unfold and God to Behold.

The Holy Trinity is key to being set free in unity. 

we are all called to conquer pitfalls as one body.

I had a dream just now, after I finished doing one of my youversion bible app plans: A Supernaturally Natural Life. I was balling like a baby with total joy when I was reading it, because God showed me my younger self praying for the world to be a family. God has been showing me my younger self, and making me remember my prayers, because God kept them and heard them. God is showing me he’s answering them. It took me today to finally understand, God answers our prayers made for his kingdom: his way and his timing. I had no concept of prophecy being fulfilled tying into this truth. I had no concept of a lot of things. I know nothing but the blood of Jesus set me free by the Cross of Calvary. I’m someone that needs to be scaffolded badly, otherwise I’ll pass out and shut down. God clearly understood this about me, which is why he scaffolded my life. (Lol) I’m so thankful that God is such a genius.

Pierce the souls that feeding weeds bleed.

Pierce the souls that breathing toxicity 

is a broken dream of live feeds chaotically.

Pierce the souls that rewinding time blinds. 

Pierce the souls who have clouded minds.

Pierce the souls that live in the land of quicksand. 

Pierce the souls that sink in thinking.

Pierce the souls that feed impatience, 

which is a switch in the sorrow of no tomorrow. 

Pierce the souls that lean on their own understanding. 

Pierce the souls that flew from being one body. 

Pierce the souls to see being free is human unity. 

Pierce the souls to be aggressive and protective 

to understand we must run our own race.

Pierce the souls to see glory to glory. 

Pierce the souls to know we are Your Story.

Pierce the souls to own grace to grace.  

Pierce the souls that need to see

the fruitfulness in the Cross of Calvary.

In the dream, I saw my father talking to my mother and they looked sad. I walked over and asked my father “what’s wrong?” My father didn’t respond, he cried instead. Then I went to my mother, and told my mother that my father loves her more than she’ll ever understand. She looked through me like I wasn’t there, and was distant and aloof. Then it switched to my father saying “we have to leave here in four hours, because we got kicked out.” So I went into panic mode and said “okay, I have to shower so wait for me.” He didn’t see me or hear me, but he looked in my direction. I thought that was so weird, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.

When I was in the shower, I realized that I have a different set up then my parents. That truth pierced me like a ton of bricks, and I said to myself “what my parents experienced has nothing to do with me. I’m free.” Then I woke up. I realized I let my family go. What they have to walk through is between them and God. Just like what I have to walk through is between me and God. We are all God’s children. God has no grandchildren. Salvation isn’t transferred; it’s an encounter with the Holy Trinity that changes us from the inside and out for the rest of our lives. That’s what God means by glory to glory. That’s what God means that we are His Story. God loves us more than we will ever be able to conceptualize.

When I meditate in the word, whether it’s me doing a plan on the Bible app, or God leading me in my physical bible, I truly fight to be in his presence. When I let go of thinking crying equals a straight jacket and hospital visit, I became free to emotionally feel. I’m a cryer but I was fearful of my tears being used against me, or land me in a mental institution. So I stopped crying, which really harmed me. I realized my life had a lot of trauma in the past, and that developed my post traumatic stress disorder. But the glory of God and his faithfulness has been healing me, and freeing me aggressively since January 31st 2016.

I can honestly say that everything I’ve experienced thus far has been a complete blessing. All my pain had the supernatural gain of freedom in Jesus Christ unapologetically. I’m proud to stand tall as an ambassador of Jesus Christ. I’m proud to be running the race I’m called to run. I’m proud to allow the Holy Trinity to completely control the air I breathe effortlessly. I’m proud that I own my name not my sins. I’m proud to be pierced by the Cross of Calvary, because I believe we are multiple parts as one body. I see what Jesus sees. One day, everyone will too. Love your sister Crysta.


“And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. For many are called, but few are chosen.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭22:11-14‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I was lead to this powerful note written by a fellow believer, which inspired me to scribe the words I see. Lately I’ve been just so bothered by how much I see dilution being the solution to Christianity, all because the call to walk and talk our hidden pitfalls are unpopular and painful. But many humans see at first glance, that popularity is the wave. Then they fall in the pitfall of a worldly grave. Thank God it’s never too late, to turn North because of Jesus Christ, who turns the darkness into light.

In all actuality popularity is a vulgarity to the submission of the Holy Spirit. When we as humans choose the ruse of the world, we are coldly not boldly sinking by thinking, in the slum of sins. satan is a limited destructor, that designs lies, which we hide in pride but eventually we die on the inside misguided and divided. These wrong weed seeds make us bleed with broken need, by multiple mirages of self-sabotage, through the hues of our bondages. This is a switch from the gift of Obey in Today in the replays in delays and decay’s of yesterday’s. The sorrows of no tomorrow make the stake in fake break, and shake us as hostages.

Jesus is our bridegroom, and the calling on our lives is attached to an anointing that is bigger than us. We fuss, we fight, we complain in a draining rain to justify through pride what’s not right, because it feels like an alluring best last first bite. This direction is truly ungodly flesh god facades. When we say yes to Jesus we begin our journey from darkness to light. We cannot serve God wholeheartedly, and still hold onto the filth of our sinful ways.

This is where dilution comes in, and why lukewarm Christianity is a dangerous societal and cultural habitual brokenness. Everyone on this planet has pain dwelling inside. Every  human on this planet has demons they’re convinced are controlled or conquered. Only through God will all our pain have gain. Only through God will our hurts have worth. No is a word that makes every human see red, I know I deeply dislike that word. I automatically become determined to overturn the no to: watch me move. But that’s not biblical, and that’s not godly.

That’s my egotistical flesh. When I became saved almost three years ago, I was determined to do this walk God’s Way, because I grew up seeing the dilution. As a child I knew it was never a long term solution. And I was truly upset that God’s Great Name was being muddled in vain. It made me see red, but it also broke my heart. For the longest I thought this walk could never be done right. Until I felt the overwhelming love of God on April 4th, 2014, and balled like a baby. God saw every ugly part of my heart, and God knows every ugly thing I did to myself, and to others. And yet he showed me on that day how much he loved me. I was forever changed, and made my final bow from the world: boldly not coldly, and vowed to always walk the talk of God directing my steps.

I never looked back, and I never regretted letting go of the world, or losing my ragged clothing of flesh and filth. The more I draw closer to God the higher I go with him. I realize that my life is not only NOT mine but there are so many eyeballs watching me:

My students

My family

My friends

But most importantly all the rest of God’s creation is watching me. It is my duty to fight with all my might, to stick to the light of Jesus Christ. My yes is bigger than me, and my calling is bigger than me. So God continue to pull out my weeds that make me bleed. Thank you Jesus. Continue to evolve me to be your godly: your way not my way. I say yes to your bridal-wear, and to your calling over my life. Continue to shield me, and to fine tune me through my pruning process denying my flesh.

I love you my King.

Love your daughter.


Dear Dad,

Bible study: Genesis 7:1-4; 6-7.

I love you, and thank you for using your daughter on my youversion bible app, to meet me in our study of Genesis 7:1-7 just now. We ended right there, and I wanted to read the whole chapter dad, but I have to go to work and you had your plan. I follow your lead dad. I needed this confirmation to the foundation, you’ve solidified in my walk with you since day one. Since 404: 4.4.14, you showed me to this day, why I never trusted anyone’s voice over what you’ve told me. Walking with you three years later, I see exactly why. Thank you for being faithful God. I’ll keep walking through this fire knowing with conviction you go before me God and I’m completely safe. You’re the greatest love of all God. 

When God has a calling on your life that surpasses all human logic or understanding, we must protect our purpose at all costs. There’s a trend that truly disturbs me: ‘human confirmation’ this new wave and cultural trap in today’s society truly bothers me. 

It’s pressed so heavy on my heart to discuss, and pray against this habitual practice not found in the Bible. Noah was called in the later part of his life, to rise to his purpose. Noah the alcoholic. And today’s time is very different than Old Testament. But the call to our purpose remains the same. 

We are all sinners but we do not stay where God meets us. He does the work within, once we commit to our calling. Because God is still the same God, and Noah was a vessel just like we are today. So why has society been allowed to create cultural brokenness, such as human confirmation to be an affirmation to fleshly disobedience? 

I don’t get it. It bothers me, and doesn’t sit well to the truth of who the Holy Spirit is. The same Holy Spirit I fight to submit to on a daily basis. If Noah made the decision to wait around for a distraction like ‘human confirmation,’ then humanity would have been wiped out. Human confirmation isn’t biblical. It’s cultural and societal, and that’s disobedient flesh. If this habitual practice known as human confirmation, were biblical then Noah would of had a human confirmation, and Abraham would of had a human confirmation. So would Saul when he had his encounter with Jesus: that transformed him to Apostle Paul. 

But that’s not what happened to any of these men. Esther had no human confirmation, and neither did Ruth. So why is today’s time feeding a sleepwalking trap like human confirmation? Why haven’t we learned yet as a human race from the beginning of time, with the man in the earlier chapters of Genesis? God created the woman made only for him, through his rib while he was in stillness through rest. Then God healed him from his pain with gain and this man woke up to his rib. But fear and doubt caused sin for both this woman and man in the beginning of time, with the distraction of satan; back then he came in the form of a serpent. 

Today satan comes in so many forms it’s alarming. This why the world is in the space that it is. Too many distractions that clog the connection to God and us. It sadly comes in this human confirmation form far too many times for my liking. Humans affirm not confirm anything for us. Because if God didn’t tell you first, a human cannot. God is God not a human. 

Saints I pray for a higher discernment, and trust in the voice of God and how He speaks to you all. Ask, seek and knock on the door of your connection with God, to have a solid foundation like the roots of a bamboo. Did you know it takes three years for a bamboo to have full and solid roots? Then it soars into the sky and grows as tall as it does. 

Bamboos are beautiful but cannot be beautiful until the foundations of their roots are rock solid. It’s the same for our walk with God. We cannot soar in the sky until our roots are rock solid. We will never be rock solid until we trust God’s voice over any human like Abraham, Noah, Paul, Esther and Ruth. We must be aggressive to protect God’s Business at all cost, like the vessels that came before us in the Bible. I pray for boldness, grace, restoration, obedience, and forgiveness for all your chosen Lord. We are all your chosen. And we are all called. Thank you Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, amen. God loves you all so much. So do I because he taught me too. 

Love your daughter, Crysta.


Dearest Dad,

I feel so on edge. I constantly create a space where there’s a place I’ll land to stand and jump off a ledge, because my pledge to me is I’ll be set free. But I also feel this absurd centered peace, that biblically surpasses all understanding; so my landing on an edge is disregarded by the bombarding of how much you love me God. Your love is my Sacred Dove and always flying from Above. I choose to lose the ruse of refuse in the world of coldly flesh mutes confesses. I’m in a space where I’ve surrendered my disgrace from my past, because in my mind I played rewind for the vain of no gain to always be my pain. 

All I did was grow my hurts with no worth. My pain will always have a gain in my hinderance by Your Deliverance called surrender. There’s only eight days left of the year 2016. So much has happened, and so many changes created arranges that offended my defend in the foolishness of you God. I was so hurt that I tried through my lies to hide all that’s inside. 

“he has to face the choices he’s made without Me.”

Okay, that’s probably about the he you keep saying is for me when there’s a battle that makes me feel so rattled to accept what I sometimes try to reject and neglect. 131 is a coded eroded beginning of that ugly backwards hat, in the drunkenness spat for the wrong hues of two to be undone; to never to be the see of His Truth. God you say that the blatant disobeys, and decays will no longer be stronger in yesterday. The gift that causes us to pause, and lift in your truth because you are Proof; makes our pride die so we can rise to stop the clock of flocked pressing play in hide. To say goodbye to all lies that we as humans bury inside. We say goodbye to what we know because it’s time to go and grow. 

131 is a coded eroded hit it and quit it misfit that became that no holy matrimonial phony two strands quicksand best last first bite hype. God you’re not a God of hype. You’re a God of love, order, stillness, and peace. The greatest truth you’re Proof represents is the Cross of Calvary. You loved this broken world so much God, and all the whack sinful humans walking on this pit stop called earth, [myself included] that you sacrificed your only begotten son so that we may all live. 

Your word says that love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Your word says hatred stirs up strife, But love covers and overwhelms all transgressions [forgiving and overlooking another’s faults.] Proverbs 10:12.

Your word says she who believed and confidently trusted that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her. Luke 1:45.

The Cross of Calvary carried Jesus to death, where he took the place of all of us. Then three days later he rose again, and conquered the very thing the enemy paralyzed us flawed humans to believe we’ll never be set free from: death. As saints on assignments we are set free to see, and believe to receive what God wants us to achieve. 

For the longest God I clung to your word, and actively chose to live by your biblical truth. I actively chose to rise above in love. But 131 is a coded eroded beginning of that ugly backwards hat, in the drunkenness spat for the wrong hues of two to be undone; to never to be the see of His Truth. Even after the coded eroded 131, I fought to choose to lose the ruse of refuse. Even after the departure of where I said yes to you on the greatest day of my life 404. I fought to not feed the bleed of my wrong seed weeds with my internal life. But then the strife I walked through at work, was a hurt I was convinced had no worth. So the string broke, and all the stings I’ve ever felt made me want to melt. It’s all too much and I don’t believe I can handle all of this anymore. According to you God that’s not true. But all that occurred so far, was evoked chokes that made me feel so provoked. 

Triggers that were bigger than me, made me want to flee. I was no longer blind, but now I see. God wanted me to be free, but I didn’t want to be. I felt like there were welts of being a recurring punching bag for the last time. Love felt so abused by everyone around me that fought to press play in the decay of ruse and refuse. Rising above and choosing love feels like personal vandalism now. Rising above and choosing love feels like I’m 19 all over again, and my life is about to forever change, (which it did) from a fated night that makes me sometimes want to take a heaven bound flight.

How I feel is a reel that doesn’t work for you God. My pumped up chest can no longer be in distress, because you love me so much God to express what I fight to confess. God you’re determined to make me see, I’m set free and I choose to believe. It’s interesting that you’ve been on a mission to speak to me through my kiddos. They are the greatest part of my agonizing life. I love my students so much. They’re beautiful babies full of potential, and all I want to do is shield them from this broken horrible world. This decaying planet is full of disobeying flesh led maggots I call pale scaled adult humans. Adult humans are jaded and want you God to be faded.

So what’s up with you speaking to me through my babies about this “#bae2017” my kiddos named, and are convinced is coming soon. I’m like so indifferent about adult human love, that I no longer believe it’s for me. At least that is one of my greatest wrestles with you God. At first you only had two of my kiddos talking about this supposed guy coming. Now you’re really trying to show off God by making a huge chunk of my kiddos tell me about this “#bae2017” that’s supposedly coming. Well then do you God and just show off. Clearly you’re grown God and will do as you deemed fit. 

What really blew my mind was them seeing what I want: to be alone with cats, and an apartment. I no longer believe adult humans respect true love, or understand this is only found from Above. The hiss and diss of drunkenness sin is found in worldly bounds like the coded eroded 131. I didn’t tell anyone that I want cats and an apartment. I want to be left alone. I ignored Jojo* seeing this, because she’s my best friend; but my kiddos seeing that? I can’t ignore this anymore. My babies aren’t my friends so I’d never tell them that. That’s what convinced me God, that you surrounded me with mini prophets. You’re such a show off God. Such a show off. 

“The end is near. The end is here.”

The end of what? Earth? Finally. Humans are ungrateful [myself included.] humans want to be bold in the coldness of drunkenness, and the half way decay of pressing play in yesterday. Humans are in a ruse to fuse the refuse to patrol a control that should only be of God; not the flesh of allured no cure confess facade. Supernatural is so weird, and the foolishness of God is hard to stand strong in alone. However, I can’t go back to who I used to be. 

Your Presence is heaven to me. I’m set free because I finally see you’re all I need God. So why show me this he you keep claiming is for me, especially when he actively made a choice that silenced your voice God? July 4th was my mental switch to finally get the message: the world is more important to this he I believe you should stop saying is for me. But you want me to still believe God, when I’m like this has to be some sick twisted facade. But then Jojo sharpened me and reminded me, that you’re not a God that operates like that. She also said I need to surrender my expectations of this he you keep claiming is for me despite what is seen. 

“It’s true, you’re blue times two the true hue. you will see. he will be set free.” 

According to me, he’s privacy and lies and hides the swelling wells dwelling inside. But God the swelling wells dwelling inside need to die. They’re all drunken snapshots of confetti in fail pale scaled attempts to replace the space of this he’s empty. 131 is a coded eroded disobey of yesterday to never press end in pretend. The decay of delay is this isolated stranded sand of this wrong hue of two, no holy matrimony quicksand. mrs. off the stage, also known as wrong she, fed the violent and silent waged-caged rage of this broken he. You God keep saying is for me when all I want to do is choose to flee. 131 is a coded eroded time that shows this wrong she as a rewind in this he’s mind. Loops will always be troops that feed the wrong seed weed delusion conclusions. 

I’m in this space you want to replace with love, well God I think I’m tired of rising above in love with adult humans. The message has been received from this he you so call say is for me, and Jojo, honestly every adult human. So all I can do is channel my love where it’s appreciated, and not taken advantage of: love is from Above so I choose to focus on the youth because I’m honestly too through. The greatest part of my life in this current strife, makes me drift to switch to focus on a made up happiness like yummy strudels. I’m also always lingering to draw doodles. Some of the ways I get through the day. 

My main focus is your beautiful youth. I don’t know what to do, or how to move about where I stand with adult humans. So I decide to surrender all my hurts even the ones that have no worth, according to me. In my plight I fight to no longer be stronger in a solo limited might. You’re better than me God so as scary as it is to let go of my “I’m shielded” against adult humans, I say yes to you God. I have no clue what you’re about to do, or even how you’re even about to move in Jojo and I with our sisterhood that’s strong because of you only. But I trust and believe in you, because you will always be my anchor in truth God. I love you so much Dad. 

P.S. I see that the coded eroded 131 is 1 + 3 + 1 is five. And I immediately drift to Renegade’s blog, in Harlem at the corner of 112, and that building Jojo and I saw across the street from Columbia. Is all of this another Hidden Detail Dad?

“It is.” 

Okay, all I can do is wait and be still like I’ve been doing. Thanks for being consistent Dad. Thanks for knowing me so well, and far better than I will ever know myself. Thanks for showing me what love really is. Thanks for setting the bar so high. Just thank you God. 

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 


Everything involving God is so sacred, and so sensitive. God wants us to pay attention to the fact that we as man, are so sensitive with what we wear, what we eat, and where we worship. 

Why do we not take the same sensitivity to the temples of our body? Why is it that society has made a mockery that’s followed by many, especially privately to disgrace the space that God is saying to be still & wait? 

Sex before marriage will always lead to the savage of damaged; even if the said couple falls into a legalized lie called marriage. 

This hit it and quit it misfit will always be a deception and misconception. This two strand quicksand will never be lasting, because a marriage is an edification, not a check list or fashion statement. Marriage is God’s Ministry.

Marriage is an edification to minister to the world: God is the third strand that connects the land of two flesh becoming one. 

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. Matthew 19:6. 

Two flesh will only be the see of one when God ordained and blesses. God will never bless fornication. God will never bless sex before marriage. And God will never bless when two go into a union unprepared and unaware:  leaning on the glean and mean of man, and the lies of popularity, who missed the mark in the dark of purpose.

Finding a leader that’s a bleeder to this wrong seed weed in a church, doesn’t make the stake of fake holy. And finding a leader that’s a bleeder to justify that suffocating lie, doesn’t change this hurt will never have any worth, no matter how much man puts in work. And a false prophet who makes it hobbit, in a messy no unity community, is not of God; that false prophet who made it hobbit is just a flesh god facade preaching the leeching of mirage and self-sabotage. 

This legalized two flesh never coming as one, is hypnotized and paralyzed by the lies that hide well inside, and were swallowed in a hallow sorrow of no tomorrow. Today is a present, which makes this day a scared place and a gift. satan is the stealer of joy, and the stealer of real, which makes satan the stealer of today. satan pushes the rush and fuss of always decaying in the yesterday of delay, dismay, and disobey to never enter better together today. There is security in the purity of God. So we as man must reject the worldly prospect of flesh god facades. This space is a disgrace of lying chaotic, robotic, and toxic logic.

That choice is the wrong voice, and will always bleed wrong seed weeds. This bleed in wrong seed weed will never replace the space of empty, with this toxin popularity of “The Alice and Wonderland,” loop of droned cloned troops to regularity being the blind prideful in corruptive confetti. 

A stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall. They stumble because they disobey the message–which is also what they were destined for. 1 Peter 2:8. 

Disobeying and delaying our destiny to press play on the eject of purpose, and to play the forced course of popularity, doesn’t make the routine of mean, lean, and glean featuring a wrong she God’s Regularity. That’s just a faded lust turned to rust in a secondary expiring reasoned season, that will eventually be history in that man made misery. Misery and sharing that decaying company, doesn’t make the stake of fake forever or better together. 

Only God prunes and fine tunes, not the cling to put on wrong rings or to feed a bleed of wrong seed weeds. Lust will never be love, it’s a hype that fades faster that a rushing wave, that sucks man in like the vortex of a rabbit hole crazed in a hazed maze. That’s a reel of suffocating stings. Choose to lose the world to rise above in love. Fight to cling to sing in God’s Wings. Don’t feed the worldly need to be trapped in the zap, of dead lead wrong pair of wedding rings that will always sting. Or even that backwards hat that will always feel like a trap that makes one want to forever nap. 

satan is on a mission to steal the permission to have man be quicksand in sleepwalking. This is the space of fake break and take. satan cannot afford to have man awaken, the world must be shaken and paralyzed by lies that hide well inside. Wrong couples in wrong hues of two, wearing wrong wedding rings makes managing chaos easier for satan. Wrong couples in wrong hues of two, is the army that satan wants to rise and hypnotize, by the persistent assistance in false prophets who make it hobbit: to press play in the decay of yesterday to never be better together in today. 

If all else fails in His Hidden Details, God still prevails. God will go in the rabbit hole to show the truth: we all need God. We as man will never survive in the divide of dying lying quicksand. No accountability suffocates the integrated necessity called maturity. We all have to show up in the place called grow up. Immaturity is no productivity, connectivity, or sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. 

Maturity only comes when we as man stand in the quicksand to hold God’s hand above man, and accept humility will always be a godly unity. Not a no unity night community, that is an ugly backwards hat, and an opportunity to feed the bleed of wrong seed weeds. That is an ugly that’s funky, and will never be better together or forever, because only God can make the stake of fake into all things new. Only God is true. Only God can say: today it’s not too late, do not hesitate to take my hand, and stand in my Kingdom Land. 

Survival will never be God’s revival. We must thrive in the rejecting of our neglecting to no longer be stronger in hiding what’s inside. We must be in pursuit to refuse the ruse of coldly not boldly. 

The stone the builders ejected has become the cornerstone. Psalm 118:22; 1 Peter 2:7.

That maze fades in a radiating rust of dust, and in the thrills of no gills with cheap lemonade. Only God can breathe life into the nostrils of dust: He is the Great I Am. The loop of crazed daze will never be: Jesus as The Renegade. Follow the bow, and allow the show of pretend to finally end. 

Every knee shall bow. Every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Philippians 2:10-11.

Be still beautiful saints it takes time, and great courage to let go of what society has marked man to be the standard go in never growing. Man’s go will always be God’s no. Pay attention to the details: that’s God’s greatest reveals, and hidden conceals of satan’s red flags. satan is glad to create hesitate in pale scales prevail. 

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Philippians 4:13.

Let go and grow into the image that God created all of us to be. We are all His Chosen, and God has a plan for all of us. It’s up to us as man to take a stand, and allow the bow to let go of the show called status and money chasing. Let go of the no to the unknown. Reject the yes to distressed droned clone of known. That choice will always be man’s voice, leaving the peeling feelings of confused, fearful, and alone. 

That is a pale scale that blinds the need to release the displease of the wrong seed weeds. Growth is hurt but growth has worth only when God is going before us. The worldly hurt is suffocating, isolating, and manipulating. 

But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 1 Peter 2:20.

Through God pain has gain only. So pause the cause of leaning on man’s limited mind and words. All that does is create the buzz of rewind in time and cultivate hurt with no worth. 

Who has ever heard of such things? 

Who has ever seen things like this?

Can a country be born in a day

or a nation be brought forth in a moment? 

Yet no sooner is Zion in labor 

than she gives birth to her children. Isaiah 66:8.

Giving all to God is key, it gives room for God to fight for us, and to make a way in today; not the sorrow of no tomorrow. Pain has gain through God only saints. Accept godly respect and His Intellect. Decide to no longer hide in the cry to neglect: no respect is a hurt with no worth prospect. The self inflicts of those wrong rings, mutes the voice to sing in His Wings. The disrespect in that two strands ugly backwards hat, is a disgrace space that will never replace shame or lame. That will always be a worldly tranquil and dying trap. The two wrong hues will never be true. Only God can reveal the concealed to fully heal. Man will always break, take and suffocate when the hearts are far from God. It’s the modern day Pharaoh hardened heart. Only God can turn a heart of stone to flesh.  Not popularity in regularity, and not a routine that’s mean, lean, and glean. Only God can set souls free in faithful belief to finally see.

God ordained is never arranged after premarital sex in a hush hush to never discuss rushed wedding dress. The Pearly White doesn’t negate the sinful internal fight. God makes all new not man who ignores what’s true. Repentance is the gateway to His Inheritence. The wrong pair of rings will always sting. Marriage after premarital sex will always be savaged damage, if God is not behind the two that decide to do what’s best: in a distress under pressure. Planting seeds that’s weeds still burn out, and fade to clear the foggy haze in the daze that’s crazed. 

Only God keeps the flame of love strong and going in growing. Nothing survives without the strand of God’s Revives. The mismatch that man said go, will always be the decay in disobey when God will always say no. Thinking in man will always create the sinking of quicksand. Quicksand will always be damaged savage wrong path math of two hues that will never be true. God has better, so take His Hand to see His Forever. God loves you so much saints, so do I because He taught me to. And I want to. 

Love your sister Crysta. 


Dear Dad,

Delaying my obeying through this dismay, in the popular decay around me, moves the ground and makes me want to flee. I’m over and under, in this drowning plunder, of cheap self made lemonade. Those call your chosen, allow in their hallow swallow, avoidance to their bow. Worldly confinement is in the space of the place to His Alignment. I’m tired, and wired because sleep is deep, and I avoid counting sheep where God and I meet. There’s a heavy lead of dread, from my residue of what’s simply not true. Corruptive confetti will never replace the space of empty. A hit it and quit it will never be made legit, through the protest of no confess and the distress of a last dance becoming a legal stance. There’s no tomorrow in the choice in the voice of sorrow. False prophets made it hobbit to peel the reel to never feel. Wrong rings will always sting because God said no in the go of man. This will never be a biblical stand. 

I am really tired God. This wilderness is so real. There’s no breaks in what you’re constantly showing me is at great stake. That’s okay, I choose your Obey, but your wrestle with me, prevents me to flee from what I don’t want to see. This is career five or six, you’re removing my groove to move on, and create a new song. You’re retuning my pruning, to no longer be stronger in my redirect to neglect your fine tuning. In my gauge I usually turn the page, and quickly disengage. To my dismay, I can’t delay or turn from this stage. You reject my rage. I must face what makes me feel disgraced. My salute can no longer be mute. I must express my defense and what greatly makes me stressed. 

My obsession in my lack of confession is being dismantled by you God. My flesh god facade can no longer be my mirage of self sabotage. You God let me live, for a very long time, in my sorrow to avoid tomorrow. Today is the way, to face my dismay, and no longer be stronger in disobey. It’s not okay to call out the fall outs of my screams, shouts, and hidden pouts through me, that I sometimes see. It’s not okay to be in dismay, to those that choose night community in no real love unity. Especially when, you’ve ruined my running zen God, and my ability to press play in pretend. 

This is the hardest season I’ve ever professionally had to walk. Not because I’m an apprentice reacher through my current assignment as teacher, but because all the issues I’ve avoided in past careers, are coming out full throttle in this current painful season. There’s so much going on that’s case sensitive where you’ve changed my ability in transparency, to stay in my desire to be biblically aligned to order. Thank you for my growth in writing God. Sometimes I can figure out where you’re leading us through words, and other times like now, I just walk through the unknown knowing you go before me. Like your three vessels in Daniel 3. That’s one of my favorite references of biblical faith. I feel very closely to that journey now. I feel like I’m walking through a scorching fire from all angles and three people are here: me, Jojo and you God. You keep covering us in the madness of our lives.

I’ve been in and out of having a head cold for about two months now. I’m struggling. It’s really hard. I have no insurance, because I have no time to actually fill that stuff out. I had to wait until November to come, now it’s here but my health is just not something that’s a priority to me. I’m not a priority to me. It’s kind of hard making me important, because I’ve been effected by so much that went down in the last two years of my life. That this recent pain, triggers pains from my past. I just want to keep moving, and leave New York completely. 

I’m over everything. I’m over the politics at my job. I’m over the politics of church, which I learned about from my old church. I’ve been deeply affected by my experience of my old church, that I’m so traumatized to serve at my new church. Acts of service is a strong love language for me. I love showing people how much I love to love by serving. But I don’t want the insanity of my schedule to clear, because then I’ll no longer have the legitimate excuse to not have time to serve. I no longer want to serve because of my old church. It’s sad that I like no one knows me at my new church. It’s even sadder I’m so happy to no longer be at my old church, because I will never see some of them ever again. With the exception of the few gems that showed me love. I’ll be okay with never ever seeing a lot of them ever again. 

I went to an event last weekend, where I encountered a lot of people from my old church. Seeing the rare gems that showed me love was nice, but I was very concerned with seeing those that weren’t so nice. Thank GOD it was just a wonderful worship experience for me. Thank GOD that in my mind it was a lot worse than it actually was. Going to this event brought me great anxiety. I was so stressed out about it. And not being a hundred percent doesn’t do any good to my health. 

I have this cough that deeply stresses out my dad and Jojo* to the point they’re on my case and it annoys me. They are both getting on my nerves, like why can’t they just ignore I’m sick like I try to? I don’t get it. But then I have to remember, that not everyone deflects like I do. And I have to remember people love me. I have to remember despite everything people care about me. I’m so happy that the event last week, was all about Jesus and worship for me. I love Jesus and I love worship. I love singing. I miss singing sometimes. 

I used to be apart of a music honor society as a child in my community, where I played the congas and xylophone. I also sang in this community. I got invited to play, and perform in Paris when I was 13 years old. My mom is super paranoid. At first my dad was on board with me going to Paris, but then my mom convinced my dad I’d be kidnapped, and sold into slavery so my dad didn’t allow me to go. I stopped talking to my mom the whole summer, because I was convinced she ruined my life. I’m alignment to God now. I realized I was being protected, from the unknown confinements of the world. My mom was protecting me. My mom is one of my protectors.

When I was a part of this music community, It was the best traveling all over with my band that was my family to just be free in music. It was the absolute best. But the meanness of this world, and getting hurt by pockets of so many moments in life, made me pull out from singing and playing instruments. I was done. I put down a lot of my abilities, because of discouragement. The brokenness of this planet to just break a human, and take without letting up is real. That’s why I don’t trust easily. That’s why it’s hard for me to forgive and forget. Because I refuse to feed the weed of ruse, and let any human think they can make me sink ever again. I’m upward falling in the wings of my King who makes my soul sing. 

That’s one of the many reasons why I left my old church, and why I want to leave my current job. I just want to move to an isolated mountain in the middle of nowhere, and be around no one except for God and Jojo* people break, and take like leeches with their poisonous speeches. I’m tired. I’m just tired of the nonsense of politics, being in all facets of my life, that I don’t want to be touched: work and church. My church hurt is real. There’s so much concealed, and not revealed. I’m a woman of peace, and I’m a woman of order. There’s a serious level of delicacy that is tied to my alignment to God, and all that I walked through from the flesh god facades of so many mirages. There’s a lot going on that I must express in a godly manner. Because I’m a daughter to the Highest King. I’m a woman of God.

This election has deeply affected me. It has brought so much emotions that I’ve buried to the surface. My life forever changed the night of my 19th year of life, where I was sexually assaulted. I’m tired of being easily triggered by a moment of time that’s far gone from my everyday life. A century changed and there are moments where that night feels like yesterday. To me it shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t still be having nightmares, and panic attacks over something that happened to me 14 years ago. That’s ridiculous to me. Jojo shouldn’t of witnessed a panic attack, because this election triggered so much that’s tied to that night of my life. Before Jojo seeing that panic attack, I was able to hide them from everyone around me. The blog posts I wrote at my new church, was me working through mild panic attacks. 

I have mild panic attacks and severe ones, like the one Jojo witnessed this past Wednesday was severe. The severe ones I cannot breathe. God entered her, and she coached me to breathe, and walk through my panic attacks. We were late to class because of it. I told my professor, which shocked me and she said it’s okay she understands. I don’t talk about a lot that I hide on the inside. I don’t like that Jojo saw that. I don’t like that I’ve been fighting to regain a control, I believe was stolen from me that night when I was 19. I don’t like that God is making me face all that I see as a disgrace. God is showing me this is all a part of my pace in His Race. I don’t like that all that I thought will never be revealed will stay forever concealed. To my dismay God is no longer allowing me to believe that lie because it makes me die inside. 

This wasn’t a part of God’s plan: me dying from lying. I’m not always okay when I say. I need to take a stand, in His Land and trust that God will always be My Band. God keeps surrounding me with gems, and people I can be free around. God keeps blessing me with iron sharpeners like Jojo, as my best friend. A God fearing best friend I’ve been praying to have for years, even before I meet her. My bubbly confetti never ever replaced my space of lonely empty. Through all these years, I just got better at hiding my tears and fears. 

I became a dame in hiding my shame that makes me feel lame. Thank GOD this facade is no longer a self made lemonade mirage. There’s deliverance in my hinderance called surrender. I no longer choose worldly confine in my silence, because it’s not a godly alliance. I choose to free-fall in my pitfall. I choose to sing through my stings, and swings of the conundrum of my pendulum. My stigmas are no longer enigmas. Thank you God for being my anchor. I love you so much world, because He taught me too. Don’t lose heart saints. Remain steadfast. Remain unmoved: Psalm 46. Thy rod and thy staff comforts. Psalm 23. Love Crysta.

Love your daughter,

*names changed for privacy reasons. #TeamProPrivacy