Pierce


Who do I pray for now?

The world

Okay what do I say?

Speak to Me

Okay 

God usually wakes me up at 3 am everyday. For the longest I had no concept as to why, until about two weeks ago, when I got sharpened by a vessel when God entered her, and said “You’re a watchman.” I had no idea I was a prayer warrior watchman until recently. I’m not very good at discipline. In fact, I immaturely see it as slavery for the most part. I’m very bratty about what God asks me to do a lot of the times. I can’t stand rising above in love to really petty and mean souls, especially souls that hurt my heart in the past. I’d much rather feed my flesh and smash teeth in. But then my bestie Jojo* sharpened me yesterday and asked me, “does doing that make you a better human?” No it doesn’t. It makes me mean and petty too. And only love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8) And only fearless love casts out everything blocking the purpose of one body: the reason for the Cross of Calvary. (1 John 4:18) I choose to obey and let everything go.

mean souls hurt her heart

means souls make the stake of fake shake afar

mean souls feed aloof to dismantle His Proof

mean souls fight for strife in dark without His Spark

mean souls mix drinks that stink and wickedly wink

mean souls confine to the divided minds

mean souls grow old and cold to never unfold

mean souls are harden and feel forgotten 

mean souls cry out for help by chaotic yelling

Emmanuel God with us died to Light mean souls 

it’s time to pick up the Cross and be pierce 

just like our King of kings and Lord of lords 

for prophecy to unfold and God to Behold

The Holy Trinity is key to being set free in unity 

we are all called to conquer pitfalls as one body

I had a dream just now, after I finished doing one of my youversion bible app plans: A Supernaturally Natural Life. I was balling like a baby with total joy when I was reading it, because God showed me my younger self praying for the world to be a family. God has been showing me my younger self, and making me remember my prayers, because God kept them and heard them. God is showing me he’s answering them. It took me today to finally understand, God answers our prayers made for his kingdom: his way and his timing. I had no concept of prophecy being fulfilled tying into this truth. I had no concept of a lot of things. I know nothing but the blood of Jesus set me free by the Cross of Calvary. I’m someone that needs to be scaffolded badly, otherwise I’ll pass out and shut down. God clearly understood this about me, which is why he scaffolded my life. (Lol) I’m so thankful that God is such a genius. 

Pierce the souls that feeding weeds bleed

Pierce the souls that breathing toxicity 

is a broken dream of live feeds chaotically

Pierce the souls that rewinding time blinds 

Pierce the souls who have clouded minds

Pierce the souls that live in the land of quicksand 

Pierce the souls that sink in thinking

Pierce the souls that feed impatience 

which is a switch in the sorrow of no tomorrow 

Pierce the souls that lean on their own understanding 

Pierce the souls that flew from being one body 

Pierce the souls to see being free is human unity 

Pierce the souls to be aggressive and protective 

to understand we must run our own race

Pierce the souls to see glory to glory 

Pierce the souls to know we are Your Story

Pierce the souls to own grace to grace  

Pierce the souls that need to see

the fruitfulness in the Cross of Calvary

In the dream, I saw my father talking to my mother and they looked sad. I walked over and asked my father “what’s wrong?” My father didn’t respond, he cried instead. Then I went to my mother, and told my mother that my father loves her more than she’ll ever understand. She looked through me like I wasn’t there, and was distant and aloof. Then it switched to my father saying “we have to leave here in four hours, because we got kicked out.” So I went into panic mode and said “okay, I have to shower so wait for me.” He didn’t see me or hear me, but he looked in my direction. I thought that was so weird, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. 

When I was in the shower, I realized that I have a different set up then my parents. That truth pierced me like a ton of bricks, and I said to myself “what my parents experienced has nothing to do with me. I’m free.” Then I woke up. I realized I let my family go. What they have to walk through is between them and God. Just like what I have to walk through is between me and God. We are all God’s children. God has no grandchildren. Salvation isn’t transferred it’s an encounter with the Holy Trinity that changes us from the inside and out for the rest of our lives. That’s what God means by glory to glory. That’s what God means that we are His Story. God loves us more than we will ever be able to conceptualize. 

When I meditate in the word, whether it’s me doing a plan on the Bible app, or God leading me in my physical bible, I truly fight to be in his presence. When I let go of thinking crying equals a straight jacket and hospital visit, I became free to emotionally feel. I’m a cryer but I was fearful of my tears being used against me, or land me in a mental institution. So I stopped crying, which really harmed me. I realized my life had a lot of trauma in the past, and that developed my post traumatic stress disorder. But the glory of God and his faithfulness has been healing me, and freeing me aggressively since January 31st 2016. 

I can honestly say that everything I’ve experienced thus far has been a complete blessing. All my pain had the supernatural gain of freedom in Jesus Christ unapologetically. I’m proud to stand tall as an ambassador of Jesus Christ. I’m proud to be running the race I’m called to run. I’m proud to allow the Holy Trinity to completely control the air I breathe effortlessly. I’m proud that I own my name not my sins. I’m proud to be pierced by the Cross of Calvary, because I believe we are multiple parts as one body. I see what Jesus sees. One day, everyone will too. Love your sister Crysta.

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church

I love water.

I can’t swim.

Water makes me breathe with ease faithfully.

I love sounds of organic nature as I listen closely.

Musically, I feel free to connect to God’s Holy.

I fight in the Light of Jesus Christ.

I took this picture in the park today. I’m growing a deeper interest in capturing God’s artistry. God is the greatest artist ever. Today was an interesting day. I dreamt about my father last night. In the dream, my father was yelling uncomprehending words in a hallway. That wasn’t even the weirdest part of the dream. Someone I couldn’t see, kept sprinkling water on me. It was pissing me off. The water sprinkling on me reminded me of Catholic Church stuff growing up. I always had issues with Catholic Church stuff growing up. I always challenged the nuns and priests growing up, and I always got in trouble for wanting biblical answers instead of the manmade answers I got growing up that never matched the Holy Bible. Catholic Church made me feel weird like something was wrong with me to only trust biblically aligned counsel. 

There’s a lot not right in my life,

but I crawl through my pitfalls to give my all.

I don’t sniff the riffs, or whiffs of kool-aid and 

cheap lemonade, because I’m Jesus’ Renegade.

I don’t play in the decay’s of empty confetti

by my lies that made me die inside, through 

my misguided pride that multiplied strife nights.

Since I was a child I’ve struggled on what the biblical expectation on what exactly is church supposed to be, verses what’s present reality scenes. Biblically, we are the church and Jesus Christ died for the church: the body. That’s why I love communion so much, it’s a timely reminder of why the Cross of Calvary can set all of us free. In my dream instead of being angry at the shadow human I couldn’t see, who was sprinkling water on me, I started saying “Jesus is Lord,” over and over again. I didn’t get why I was saying that. I didn’t pray on the dream. I don’t really want to talk to you God right now. I thought the dream was stupid. I think a lot of things are stupid lately. I didn’t want to be in the dream. Whatever you God wanted me to see, or walk through I wasn’t interested. I’m over a lot. Shortly after my expressed disinterest I woke up. 

So I let go of what I know.

I’ll never look back where I’ll get attacks in satanic setbacks.

My setups are hues that make me feel blue,

but they’re biblical truth in supernatural proof.

I’m no longer stronger in my throng of aloof.

I refuse to stand in carnal flesh quicksand.

I’m tired of hearing about that man, 

who I see as scary hurtful quicksand.

I didn’t do any of my bible studies today. I’m usually annoyingly optimistic when I do my studies, verses sounding like the struggling brat I’m coming off as now when I don’t do my studies. I do see the correlation. God I’m open, hold me accountable to get over myself in this area too. Amen. This morning I called my dad and it was nice catching up with him. Since everything happened almost two months ago, and my life completely changed. I haven’t spoken to my parents (or brother) in about five weeks. I needed that distance, and I see that they did as well. 

He played god and did this to himself.

He delayed a lot in his selfish boycott.

I’m over this patience space, because 

he paused the cause of giving God his all.

He didn’t want to be called to conquer pitfalls.

So why am I being blocked because he stopped his clock?

How’s that fair to answer his layers of prayers?

What happened to rewarding obedience

not this allegiance to sinful splinting sinning?

He’s in a tailspin shaking in his faking making.

I don’t want to hear what you God say is here.

I’m cool with seeing he’s a tooled fool.

He conquered his gold and forgot his soul.

What he did has nothing to do with me?

You blessed me to flee completely from his toxicity.

I’m separated from the jeopardy in his leprosy.

I just want this job so I can kickoff my payoff.

I like my space the way it is. It’s safe and too late.

The isolation spirit really wants to chokehold me as a hostage in that suffocating bondage. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, since people are hard to deal with. I’m a person, and I’m hard to deal with. I’m a lot to myself. I get over myself every second of the day. I have no patience for myself. So I also get over God, and the rest of his creation too. I have little patience for God, or his creation too. I’m quick to walk away. This includes one of my favorite human’s: my bestie Jojo,* in fact we got into a really nasty fight today. Truths came out we were both avoiding, and sharpening happened that we weren’t interested in. Thank God for accountability, it sets both of us free faithfully.

Marriage became a savage in the barbarity of popularity.

I’ll stay single without the carnal flesh mingle.

I’m done with no fun in the sun.

I’m done with looking back to be zapped as salt.

I’m called to be the salt of the earth not dirt.

That man chose dirt that now hurts in no worth.

I’m no longer lost but found by love 

bound from Above as I sing in God’s Wings.

I refuse to let a man make me sting in wrong rings.

Stay over there in faux zen through that lion’s den.

I comprehend that money is your first honey.

Message received I believe, and got to flee from misery.

There’s no forgiveness in impatience.

I don’t know how to let go, and go with the flow.

Seeing my dad today showed me he’s also fighting to be healthy. This hardship is a blessing in disguise. I pray that next Monday is the start to my new life. Only you know God. I just say yes to whatever it is that you have next for me God. I let go of my patrol in my struggling control. It’s harder and harder to wrestle with you God. The rumbling in my tumbling is fumbling my space that you cleansed from disgrace. So show me and grow me from being hardheaded in the promptings you won’t stop being loud about. Despite my frustrations I have no hesitations to my supernatural allegiance to obedience. Your Way will always trump my way God.

I love you my King.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy

forgive

she doesn’t know how to forgive him.

Jojo*: if you don’t forgive him 

you’ll have no direction. 

so then she’ll rewind time and stay blind. 

she wants to stay mad but misses him.

she’s miserable without him.

she knows she forgives him.

she loves him & will always love him.

she’s faux mad, and that anger does nothing. 

she forgave him the moment he hurt her.

she just didn’t want him to suffer.

she failed at blocking greeneye demise,

and all the toxic lies in this send of pretend. 

Yesterday was such an emotional eye opener that I’m still reeling from every revealing peel you Daddy made me feel. I lay down my “fix me complex.” I lay down my “I am supposed to bring every human that’s unsaved to the light.” This season is extremely humbling, which I desperately needed in my rumbling tumble. After yesterday I now understand your words “Be still,” on a whole new level. There was a lot going on yesterday at that workforce orientation. So many personalities tied as hostages to their many bondages, and the biggest one in the room was ego. Ego has no room for God to biblically move.

The woman that did the workforce orientation yesterday wasn’t welcoming at all. The woman’s brokenness pissed me off. Talking at people is not openness. Talking at people will never bring successful results. It’s already hard enough to lose everything in the scope of: one day having a job and a place to stay to becoming unemployed, and staying in a working shelter. 

It’s embarrassing. 

God says it’s releasing.

It’s decreasing.

God says it’s increasing Him.

It’s degrading. 

God says it’s humbling.

It’s depressing. 

God says it’s healing.

It’s isolating.

God says it’s intimacy in Him.

It’s hopelessness.

God says it’s renewal.

It’s distressing.

God says it’s freeing.

It’s compressing.

God says it’s confessing what’s distressing.

It’s traumatic.

God says it’s reviving in thriving with Him.

It’s triggering.

God says it’s delivering.

It’s conforming.

God says it’s transforming the mind.

This woman running the orientation with a closed off concept is hurtful. Talking at people isn’t support. It’s subordination. There’s no unity in subordination. There’s no community in subordination. There’s no godly in subordination. There’s only oppression and fleshly messes in subordination. That woman rubbed me all wrong yesterday, where I checked out from everything that she said. All I wanted to do was slap her cheap make-up off her face. All I wanted to do was tell her that her tacky ugly dress was unprofessional, and too tight. All I wanted to do was tell her that her baby blue pumps made her look like a cheap call girl. It’s hurtful as a woman, and someone who’s actually worked in several career settings, saw her example wasn’t what professionalism is. 

Maybe she’s not aware. This is me attempting to give her the benefit of the doubt. Financial hardship isn’t prison. Financial hardship doesn’t make humans criminals. That woman had no business talking to us like we were inmates with her as our only hope like she’s God. In reality she’s actually a broken woman playing in a facade limited to her ruses, and wanting to be a god. Hope is found bound in the Light of Jesus Christ. Faith is not by sight. Only the Light of Jesus Christ sparks all the dark of what’s not right hiding inside behind pride. Maybe I’m wrong Daddy, but that woman spoke to us in that room like we were convicted felons with no options of a second chance. God I choose to feed the layers of prayers for this woman, and lift her up so she can no longer be strong in this sinful hiccup. 

missing her he made her ignore all the ungodly 

that talking to a woman was hiding by lies inside.

that make her stake, and fake break her inside 

to her blinding crimes. her slums in her sins

spins in tailspins, and she’s not winning.

that conversation of lonely made that woman

create a delusional space that’s ungodly, 

and not a biblical place in His Race.

she saw that her lonely made the woman 

conjure a no chance romance mentally.

she realized that she aggressively needs 

to let go and let God lead this show.

that woman’s mental switch was a gift

that let her know it’s time to let go,

and let God pull her weeds that bleed brokenly.

she let go of her pride that made her die.

she loves her he that God says is for her.

he + He + her she receives is God’s Stir.

she forgives herself and all her blunders.

I had a dream about my brother that made me see a truth that in my head I made myself his mother. In the dream it started with a bedroom filled with pink walls in a school. My brother asked me to print him six pages and I said no. Then I eventually said yes, and told him “I’ll print him twenty copies.” But then my brother said “I don’t need that much.” So I replied okay, “I’ll make ten.” Before I went to make my brother’s copies, a grey cat came on the bed and took the stuffed cat I made from scratch. I called my father, which felt foreign and when he came, I said to myself “he doesn’t belong in my space.” And I also told myself “I don’t need him anymore. I need only my ribcage.” 

Then I left the room, and I went outside to see this couple that I see on social media in real life. This was the weirdest part of the dream. They were in a small dirty white dated sedan. There was a woman in the driver’s seat, and the married couple I see on social media sharing the passenger’s seat. The word affair popped up in my head, and I told God “no. I don’t want to know. I don’t care.” And of course God ignored me. I continued to pick up supernaturally the wife was being deceived by the husband, and the woman in the driver’s seat was involved with this deceit. I immediately went back inside. Then this red headed woman said “I need a teacher.” or “I need to reach you.” It’s unclear if she said both, or one in her head and one out loud. I picked up both. I said “no we are closed,” and I locked her out the school that had the bedroom with the pink walls, where I first saw my brother. I went back to that room, and my brother was gone. My ribcage was there and I felt safe. In my dreams only Jojo, and my ribcage make me feel safe. Jojo wasn’t in this dream but my ribcage was. 

My brother doesn’t make me feel unsafe but I don’t feel protected with my brother. I feel like I have to protect him, because of the fact I made myself his mother in my head. I approached my ribcage and sat next to him, and someone came in the room, which I felt distress about but I looked at my ribcage, and I felt safe again. Then I woke up. When I woke up, Jojo called me or I called her, I cannot recall. And I told her the dream, and she asked me if I prayed on it. And I said “no I did not. I don’t want to pray on this.” I wasn’t excited about that question. And then she told me to pray and I did. Then you Daddy told me that this dream is about my freedom from my family. You Daddy also told me I let my brother go, that I’m ready for my ribcage, and that he knows I’m ready. Then you told me he’s listening intently on when to move. 

Daddy I connected a lot supernaturally as a child that I wanted to protect my brother from walking. I knew I’d bounce back from any setback or satanic attacks. I always knew my strength came from you Daddy. But I couldn’t stop my brother from walking his testimony. That’s why I was so mad my mother successfully stopped my brother from breaking free when he was in California. I saw his set up. But my mother dangled a lie of money in his face, and he came back to New York. My brother wasn’t ready to be set free. My brother didn’t understand California was an out. My brother didn’t want to understand. At least he’s saved so that means the Holy Spirit dwells in him. That means my mothers grip on him will soon end. I just want my ribcage to come already. I do forgive my ribcage. I do miss my ribcage. I do love my ribcage. I do want my ribcage. I don’t care about the past. It’s over. It helped my ribcage become the amazing man he’s called to be with me. So I just say yes, and I patiently impatiently wait for my ribcage.

I pray he forgives me. 

I pray we always go to you 

to be three strands biblically and intuitively. 

I pray that our pending union 

is edifying your Kingdom always. 

I pray that we always bring out the best 

in each other and that we go harder in you God. 

I pray that we never lose our wonder.

I pray we never stop praising: shine or rain.

I pray that we challenge each other 

for biblical gains and walk through pains 

being better together godly and in unity. 

I pray we walk in love biblically.

I pray we lead as a three strand ministry.

I pray we Obey in Today effortlessly.

I pray we never lose our way.

I pray we always fix our eyes on Jesus Christ.

I pray we are Lights to what’s not right.

I pray our purity remains Holy securely.

I pray I’m always respectful and submissive.

I pray I’m always an addition to his calling.

I pray I make him better than the yesterday’s.

I pray I inspire him to always obey Your Way.

I pray for strength to wait for Your Timing

in our pending aligning as Your Biblical Design.

Thank you King of Kings.

Love your daughter, lighter and fighter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

blind side

Dearest Daddy,

I get why I’m single, and needed this three years and counting pruning process journey, before whatever man that is supposed to come comes. I have no concept of speaking to a man in love when they’re doing the wrong thing. It literally goes over my head. Plus being verbally abused, and knowing how to “take the hits,” just made me assume that everyone knew or did that too. Biblically love is patient, and love is kind. (1 Corinthians 13) I don’t know how to kindly say, “you’re a pathetic man child that needs to grow up.” Seriously how does one say that in love? Sometimes marrying kindness and honesty boggles my mind. 

When I was with the African prince, he did a lot of things that made me wince in the sense of immaturity. But he was super tall, and a basketball player that had the typical boy dream to making it to the NBA. There was a lot I wanted to say to him, but when I saw how hot and cold he was, I bit my words. And that just lead me to an unhealthy journey, that God is now thankfully setting me free from. I’m an extremist. I either straight shoot someone, or I stay silent but call them foolish in my head. I also have no concept of the healthy middle: be in love. Thank God you’re teaching and reaching me on how to do that now Daddy. I have no concept of being a healthy human. I’m learning how to do that now, through my Savior who is far greater. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for salvation, and shielding me with the armor of God, (Ephesians 6:11) and how to battle my flesh to walk in success of daily sanctification. 

Okay Daddy, I surrender my mindset that I must keep my dreams to myself. I surrender my mindset I’m the only one that can protect myself. I lay them down. No one, including me can love Crysta more than you Daddy. I need to trust you without borders. So I’m done with being cheap in this area, and choosing to take a leap to rest on your Cornerstone Best. Here’s to scribing my rhyming writing that I’m no longer fighting.

The other night I had three dreams, about Jojo,* my old leader I’ll miss from grad school, (that you just yanked me out of Daddy), I was in the dreams, and so was the he you say is for me. The first dream was with my old leader preparing from some event, and she was so frazzled. Jojo came out of no where, and asked her if she needed help. That’s when I appeared to her, because she acknowledged me. Before she didn’t see me. I’ve come to realize that Jojo protects me in my dreams, [and in real-life of course.] Jojo is my blind side. Jojo makes things safe for me. That’s why my old leader was able to see me. Jojo being there made it safe for me to appear. I started helping her too.

Then this tall caucasian man appeared out of no where, and I stopped feeling safe. I sensed danger. He took out this ridiculous looking wand that looked like a wand from The Harry Potter saga I refused to get sucked into. No, I never read the books. No, I don’t want to read the books. Yes, this is a deliberate decision. No I didn’t watch the movies. No offense to JK Rowling or her lyrical brilliancy, because she’s an inspiration to me as a fellow writer. JK Rowling is the only human in history that became a billionaire off of writing. And she’s a woman. Not a man, but a woman peep that and let it marinate. As a woman that makes me leap for joy on the inside. Women are amazing. I become prouder as time passes, that God made me a woman. 

This caucasian man pointed the wand to myself, Jojo, and my old leader, and we immediately became ant size humans. What happened next was nine hours had to pass, in order for us to get back to our size. It seemed as though this process happened more than once. Every time that happened to us, we became more and more drained. Reflecting on this caucasian man caused me to see him in a large field of sunflowers with a beautiful sunset. I didn’t know what that was about, I moved on to the second dream. 

I called Jojo and we prayed about the dreams, and what came to us was there are forces, or people around us that wanted, or wants to snuff out our potential and light. I’m a skeptical human. Lord I lay down my skepticism. As I scribe these words, I realize that supernatural has no room for skepticism. I reflected on the what came to Jojo, and I saw the painful struggle we endured the last two years, not just at our job you just yanked us out from Daddy, but also the old church you freed us from as well. 

It was hard connecting in both the old church, our old job. I’m so glad you freed us from both places. I breathe with ease now. I haven’t breathed with ease in over two years. We felt so ostracized in both places. It felt as if there was some imaginary spotlight on us. It was super uncomfortable how people just clocked us at work, and at our old church. The queens church you sent us to for healing was so great. People were open and kind. People didn’t clock us. It’s unfortunate our time there was up, and now we are in a new place once again. 

I had to fight to not acknowledge my ptsd, at my old church because I refused to give anyone ammunition to come for me. Lord, I lay that down too. You protect me better than me. I realized Jojo was correct about forces, or people attempting to snuff out our light and potential. What surprised me was that our old leader is going through similar shoes we walked through. I need to accept that nothing is what it seems for anyone, not just Jojo and me. 

“For the truth’s sake, which dwelleth in us, and shall be with us for ever.


Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son.”

‭‭2 John‬ ‭1:6-7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

The second dream involved where I currently live right now, except the newer version when my parent’s first moved in the apartment. Back then it was presentable for guests, and my parents used to throw social gatherings all the time. Life seemed better then, but it was just my bubble not popping to cold harsh realities. There was a man, myself, and the he God keeps saying is for me sitting on a royal blue couch. I was sitting on the right side, and the he that God keeps saying is for me, was sitting right in front of me as a shield protecting me. 

The man I didn’t recognize was sitting on the right side of the couch. He reminded of when I was raped at nineteen. I didn’t feel safe with that man that wasn’t my he God says is for me who was sitting with us. I felt like that man was going to hurt me, and then he God says is for me had his hand as a shield over my lower part of my body. Like he was healing me, like the last dream he healed me, with my left breast that exploded during the dream I had last fall. I assumed the worse, like I was going to be taking advantage of, or worse violently raped. The he God says is for me was my protector so I was safe. I felt safe knowing he was there as if he was my blind side too like Jojo. That’s so hard for me to believe and receive. What you keep showing me Daddy doesn’t match reality. 

Currently the he you keep saying is for me, is a victim to the vulgarity of popularity. Walking in his pain in vain by the barbarity of irregularity so unhealthily. Currently the he you keep saying is for me, has the audacity to actually absently blindly hide in stagnancy. I’m becoming healthy, and bravely walking through my pains with your gains, which is so hard for me. All I see in reality is this he you keep saying is for me, wanting to keep the slums of his sins, and flee in misery with the enemy. But when I count my sheep, and sleep I see the he you say is for me meet. Daddy he’s very different in my dreams than he is in reality. Before this transformation I would have taken this he you keep saying is for me however I could get him, but I am so glad you blocked me so you can heal me. All I can do is keep my sword lifted for him to be free too. I want him to be healthy for you and himself. Revealing is healing. 

I realize walking through my pains with gains, that I am hungry to keep growing healthy. I can’t be unhealthy anymore. Regardless if this he you say is for me makes my heart skip beats, I cannot be with unhealthy Daddy. I take his flaws and all. I know I’m called to conquer my pitfalls however, reflecting on how traumatic my experience was with that African prince, who made me wince too many times to escape my mind, I cannot be unhealthy no matter how much this he who God says is for me, supernaturally has my key. I know my worth as a woman of God, and as a daughter to the Highest King. I cannot settle for less than this he who God says is for me ultimate best. 

When I told Jojo about the second dream, she said the he God says is for me, healed me from my tragedy of being raped at nineteen supernaturally. Just like he healed me supernaturally, from the trauma of what happened to me at nine, and what happened to me at my first job ever. Jojo says this he who God says is for me is my protector, and another one of my blind sides. I would love to walk on faith not by sight and believe that, but what’s currently reality makes it hard for me to supernaturally believe. Tangibility is a bondage that still sometimes holds me as a hostage, but my King who makes my soul sing is setting me free biblically. Biblically, you Daddy say nothing is what it seems to be. 

The third dream was about me, and this he that God keeps saying is for me meeting up face to face at a restaurant. I rambled so nervously, because I ramble when I am nervous. The only sentence I comprehended seeing myself say was “I don’t know how to do this.” Then I heard a baby crying. I just kept saying the baby is crying, and the baby needs me. I’m not sure if I was saying this in my head, or to him. Shortly afterwards, a baby boy came who was under two crying in front of our table. I immediately picked him up and told him he was okay, and he fell asleep on my chest. 

I felt like his mother, because I was determined to keep him safe, which was so weird to me in the dream but I just rolled with it. Shortly after that his birth mother came, frazzled and saying she’s overwhelmed and in need of help. I told her we were going to help her. And she told me “the baby never slept on anyone like that, because he doesn’t trust easily. You seem like you’re his mother. I can’t take care of him, so you should have him.” Then I looked at the he that God says is for me, to see if he was on board, and he was then I woke up. Jojo said that motherhood will start once the he God says is for me comes to me. I trust your voice Daddy, and I choose to trust your promises. I trust you completely Daddy. So continue to make me ready, and continue to heal me biblically. I remain steadfast, and safely tucked under your wings Daddy. I just say yes. I love you Daddy. 

Thank you for making my soul sing.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

Hidden

Lord I lift up your daughters to you.

You know every strand on their head.

From the crown of their head, to the

tip of their feet where they walk,

talk, and meet humans, or you God. 

I pray for the peace of God, that 

surpasses all understanding to 

form, and breathe in their nostrils.

I pray for stillness to learn

to discern their hindrance 

which will lead them to your tender

in all surrender to see and be set free

godly for all eternity in deliverance.

I pray this for all your daughters 

and sons to be undone 

from fun in the sun

boldly not coldly, and 

walk the talk of their purpose 

Your Way not their way

in the Obey in Today

in Jesus name, amen.

Daddy,

Before you lead me to write this prayer you lead me to reread let go, the post you lead me to write yesterday. Sometimes it feels like I’m not me Daddy. I reflect and think about these posts that you lead me to write, and it is truly mind boggling. I never remember what is written. The past two days, you’ve had me write multiple posts in one day. I have a lot to say, because there was so much I kept hidden nested in my chest. For the longest Daddy, I truly believed there was some hurt that had no worth, and pain that had no gain. 

But you Daddy love me so much, you’re using everything to reveal and heal me. I’m in awe of how much you love me Daddy. And I repent for saying I’m done, with my latest post. I was so raw in my hurt and reflections that the emotions pierced me through the core of my soul. Every time I write, there’s a part of me that breathes with ease and releases. No wonder you’re leading me to scribe the words my eyes see faithfully.

I only remember dreams that you lead me to share on our blog. Like this dream I’ll discuss shortly. There’s a lot that I’ve kept hidden, like how I truly felt about what you’ve shown me the past three years about this man in my veins and that woman in his current finished story. For the longest I wanted to knock her tiny teeth out, and crush her like the bug I see her as. That ungodly spirit that provokes and chokes that woman is warned all over the Bible. That ungodly spirit is identical to a Jezebel spirit. Jezebel’s only go after prophets with huge callings, like this man in my veins has. 

Jezebel spirits don’t pick on humans that see who they are: they lick, trick, and stick to seducing and reducing clouded men that are distracted by the humanistic task of masking (thinking by sinking.) Like this man in my veins who at the time was vulnerable, and distressed by the debt hanging over his head. This woman that at the time I wanted to crush, positioned her manipulative condition in sexual disgrace in this man’s space while God smiled down from heaven, with an opportunity to wipe his slate clean. This weasel, gold digger, and woman moved so fast, that the next six months this man experienced in the year of two thousand fifteen was an ungodly whirlwind, and the wrong boom boom he was in tuned to. 

Biblically God would never send love sexually, or secretly. Biblically God would never send love in the form of a woman to a man that wasn’t interested at first, and made it perfectly clear, to only change their mind because loneliness kicked in. Biblically God states he who findeth, not she. Biblically a wife cannot find herself. 

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:22‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Biblically Adam in Genesis was created first. 

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Biblically God, not an aggressive and persistent woman (the Jezebel spirit) pounced like a prey to its victim, like this woman did with this man in my veins. God, not aggressive or manipulating human’s noticed Adam in Genesis should not be alone. 

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:18‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Biblically Adam in Genesis was put into a deep sleep, where God was able to move and bless him. Stillness allows God to move, and make room to uplift us as His Chosen. Adam was blessed with his one true rib when he stopped moving. God cannot bless His Chosen, when they’re rushing and fornicating like this woman did with this man in my veins. Like an annoying bee this woman was always buzzing in this man’s ears, and when the no unity night community joined the bandwagon of playing god, this man just rolled with it. Biblically God leads His Chosen, not the wrong choice in a human’s voice.

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:21-25‬ ‭KJV‬‬

There’s nothing biblical about this woman’s finished story with this man in my veins.

Biblically God wouldn’t make a daughter of his chase a man that was indifferent. Biblically God wouldn’t make a daughter secretly date a man that struggles to notice her, or even celebrate her. Biblically God wouldn’t make a daughter of his need a community to be in ‘her man’s’ ears to keep him in line, and remind him that he’s with her. Biblically love waits. Biblically love is not self seeking. Biblically love is pure until marriage, not a sexual savage. The average woman still believes sexually a man won’t leave, cheat, or actually grow in love eventually after sex. That’s not biblical. 

Jacob in Genesis loved Rachel not Leah. Jacob was tricked by his father-in-law, because Leah needed to marry someone. The father-in-law was desperate to marry off Leah. But Jacob loved Rachel, mother of Joseph and Benjamin. Jacob had 12 sons, like the integer of Jesus’ apostles. But Jacob only favored Joseph, son of Rachel the woman Jacob loved. Jacob had Rachel in his heart for 14 years, far after Jacob married Leah, and she birthed him sons, still Jacob only loved Rachel, not Leah the mother of his other sons. Only God, not (hu)man’s can write our love story. This woman who’s with the man in my veins, put in all this work with no worth, because God didn’t write this story, human’s wrote this story like Leah’s father who was a human not God, that pushed his daughter on Jacob, which is why Leah and Jacob were finished before they started. Just like this woman and man who’s in my veins were finished before they became what they are now.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-6‬ ‭KJV‬‬

It deeply bothered me that I saw all that’s transpiring now, and I couldn’t warn this man about his pending quicksand. It deeply bothered me that I couldn’t warn this man about the no unity night community in a building with no godly wings, that they only cared about his image and pockets not him as the son to the King. I’m blessed you’ve freed Jojo* and I from that space of secretive disgrace. And I must cling to your wings, and trust that you have this man safely under that protective dome, from this woman in his current finished story that can never call a home. I choose to lose fear, and float off the boat by trusting you God without borders. I choose to trust you God that all this darkness will come to light, and no longer be hidden.

I’m learning how to have peace with the fact that I wasn’t called to warn, or help this man. I’m learning how to have peace with my humbling supernatural abilities, that you Daddy blessed (and trust me with.) Overall Daddy I’m learning how to walk from dark to light, and be bold and brave: Your Way not my way. 

In the dream, there was a lot going on. At first the dream started with three humans, two women and one man. I never seen these three humans before. Although the guy looked like a former classmate in the grad school I recently got pulled out of by you Daddy, which I am sure you will lead me to write about later. These three humans entered some kind of contest, and the man won it. And then some mentor guy came out of no where, but then the man that won the contest was sad. There was so much hype about him, and the hype didn’t transfer to the man. Then the man found out he was ill from the doctors, like he has a terminal illness or something. I’m not sure that’s all you gave me on that Daddy. 

Then you switched the dream to me, and a room that’s like my current room but nicer and less broken looking. I was on my bed curled in a ball crying like a baby, and my mother kept coming in and out of my room. And I kept fighting to be in love and told her to leave me alone. And then the woman I thought was my mother crawled on my bed and when I looked at her, she looked like a demon and I said you’re not my mother. That’s when you woke me up. 

I started praying and I asked you what was that dream about? And you told me that my mother didn’t know how to let my brother go, who’s currently in California in the middle of his wilderness wrestling like crazy with you Daddy, and the whole family is acting like you’re not God. I have to walk on faith that you have that too. It’s all so stressful sometimes. I’m learning how to trade my burden with Jesus’ easy yolk a lot more smoothly. Thank God for growth. You also told me the dream reflected on this man in my veins, and this woman’s finished story. You told me Daddy that the first part of the dream reflected the sadness that dwells in this man in my veins, and that the woman refuses to let go as she grows in unhealthy bitterness, which is her hinderance that you God will love to show her how to grow and surrender from. But this woman isn’t open to you or your truth. All I can do is pray. 

Father God I lift up your son

and I lift up your daughter.

Father God in your word

it says that things may

not make sense now,

but later they will. 

You have a purpose for

everything Lord. I 

cry out the peace 

of God that surpasses all

understanding to be in the midst

of both your son and daughter 

in the name of Jesus to wash over

them: from the crown of their head

to the tip of their feet. God I 

pray that they lean on Christ

which they can do all things

who strengthens them to

be still and know you are God.

I pray that the fruitfulness

of the Spirit leads and covers

them stronger than their flesh.

I pray that any stone heart

in this finished story 

turns to flesh. I pray for your

daughter that this is her sixth jar

and it crashes to the ground

where your daughter goes 

head first to the floor to the

feet of Your Throne Lord and be done

with the world. I pray for your son

that this is his sixth dip 

in the Jordan River and he rises

accepting his calling and purpose 

and that he trusts you without borders

on your will and your order. I pray this

in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

“For it is written, 

As I live, saith the Lord, 

every knee shall bow to me, 

and every tongue 

shall confess to God.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭14:11‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Thank you King. 

I love you.

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

Trust without borders

Dear Daddy,

I didn’t think I had to write about this dream, but surrendering the mindset that things will come to the grave with me is not in the bible. You didn’t trust me with the gifts and abilities that you do for me to take anything to my grave. One of the greatest lessons in this pruning process is when I speak: I’m Your Weak, and Meek, because you supernaturally step in and part The Red Sea. 

You did it with my grades last semester. Getting a 2.8 was humbling, because I’m not a thugget and I don’t have anything. I can’t thug out in my pain anymore. I can’t keep hurting Jojo,* my family, and my other sisters who love me with my diligent selfish silent cries. They’re violent. Thank you for reaching me that I had to tell Jojo when I’m struggling to eat, because food used to repulse me. And when I’m having panic attacks. 

If Jojo wasn’t there the night that Donald Trump was elected who knows what would’ve happened to me. I was paralyzed in panic. You supernaturally walked Jojo through doing exactly what I needed. I was stunned to silence. That’s the second time she saved my life. She will always be my best friend. Always no matter how many attacks satan attempts to enter our ordained sisterhood. the enemy will never separate us. We will always be resurrected stronger and wiser. Thank you Daddy for that conviction. Thank you for also teaching me how easily I shut down when I’m overwhelmed. Two thousand sixteen was an intense year emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

Emotionally because the blindside attacks, and triggers that were bigger than the gift in the switch of today showed me how much pain with no gain I was carrying all in vain. Ironically on the night that Donald Trump got elected, I was finally free from the night I was sexually assaulted at nineteen. That loop retired, because there’s no Troop better than you Daddy. Thank you for teaching and reaching me that everything has a blessing. Including the actions of that he you keep saying is for me. 

Spiritually there’s an unexplainable connection to this he you Daddy keep saying is for me; and that makes no logical or tangible sense. But supernaturally I see he + He + her so clearly, with this he, me, and you as our Three God. I started changing the moment I laid eyes on this he you God keep saying is for me. I haven’t stopped changing no matter what reality currently seems to be. I don’t buy it and I never will, no matter what humans tell me. God you allow what man in quicksand need to see: the bleed in broken token weeds, so the hallow swallow of no tomorrow is the final bow to Your Allow. The two wrong hues of these two will never be Your True. 

131 is matrimonial sin, and a build up hiccup that the no unity night community will never be better together in the robotic crowds of that building with no godly wings. They’re lonely loud sounds, and walking in talking cloned drones. These humans feel empty sinning in the tailspin of worldly confetti. These humans are filled with cheap thrills, and not Your Gills. These humans created the permeated standstill of no godly winning by a false prophet who made it hobbit in the decay of yesterday. The black tee kool-aid kids felt struck with luck in the rewind of time since the hiss and diss of year two thousand nine. It’s a dragon high that really died, but pride hides the lies deep like a cheap creep swelling inside. Kool-aid is not Jesus’ fine wine. Kool-aid is a mix drink. Jesus refused mix drinks on the Cross of Calvary. Thank you Daddy for being bigger than the trigger the black tee kool-aid kids feed with broken need.

Physically I am a new human. I’m a size four godly woman that loves the new wine skin that I am in. I take good care of my skin and my body, to the best of my ability. It’s challenging with the limited and deliberate funds of this current reaching by teaching season in that hot mess building. In building number two Daddy that’s a hot robotic mess too. I haven’t been this size since I ran track, debated, played volleyball, and baseball. I never thought that I would be this size again. 

Then you parted the Red Sea just for me Daddy. I never thought I would be natural again. Taking care of my hair naturally for 15 years after my mom had no concept to take care of my hair got tiring. I said, flip it ok done, let my hair be broken: who cares, at least I’ll be able to comb it. Combs used to break in my hair and it was upsetting. But then the sixth month of the year two thousand sixteen, you pressed on my heart to go back to my original existence. So I did Daddy and I’m so happy I did. I’m a confident woman of God.

The dream I had the other night right before my birthday felt random. But today I accept nothing is ever random with you Daddy. The dream started with a replica of where I found you (again) God: in the building with no godly wings. There was a bench and some black tee kool-aid kids that were sitting on the bench, including the he you say is for me. he was wearing headphones and laughing to himself. When I prayed over the dream by myself, and then with Jojo we came to the same conclusion: he’s protected, and no weapon formed against him will ever prosper. All prayers happening against your will Daddy are being rejected. Thank God. 

This he you say is for me was sitting next to the wrong she you keep showing me Daddy will flee eventually, but what was between them was a cloud that this wrong she was trying to penetrate but couldn’t. And then you told me after I woke up Daddy that it was you. Amen to always working and moving. None of the other black tee kool-aid kids were wearing headphones, just the he you say is for me. There was pretentious laughter that seemed routined. Then I noticed the stage and there were performers, but not what used to be just a bad imitation. I immediately said you’ve upgraded me from this God. I outgrew this black tee kool-aid clique, which is why you’ve evolved my place of worship

So I left and ended up in Trinidad. At first I didn’t know I was in Trinidad, which is the country my dad is from. You only revealed that detail to me last night Daddy. I definitely wouldn’t of connected that at first, because I saw one of my Asian Guyanese aunt. Guyana is where my mother is from. And I asked her why she didn’t call me back. And she coughed and it reminded me of the terrible cough on the voicemail she recently left me. Then you pressed on my heart to pray for her in the dream, and I haven’t stopped since. I pray I remember to call her today or soon. 

In the dream she said something I can’t remember now, and I said oh okay. Then she told me she had something six months ago but it left, and she’s hoping it’s not coming back. What she told me was a word that started with the letter L. I rejected something that came to me, and I looked at my aunt and saw her gorgeous thick long black hair: thin and falling out suddenly. I think I rejected that too. I went into a deep denial mode. Then this Indian Trinidadian man came, and I asked him, “who are you?” And he said, “security.” I immediately thought about the he you keep saying is for me. 

I supernaturally saw through the white walls, there were dangerous giant men outside, but I am a thugget and I wasn’t scared. But you had no time for my tough girl act Daddy. At this point my aunt didn’t feel like she was the same, but I still saw her. There was definitely a difference. I can’t put my finger on it. The floor was a blue rug, like the deep blue sea. I asked the Trinidadian security guard, “what’s outside?” And he said, “not your concern, you must go. There’s no time to waste.” And he ushered me, and my aunt out then we left. I woke up. 

I prayed, and you told me to trust you Daddy and that I will see. I called Jojo and she said that this he that you keep saying is for me Daddy is protected. And that we have to keep praying for my aunt. Jojo said that whatever is about to happen that I’m protected, and so is my aunt but we have to pray for her. Beautiful eyeballs that read these words, I need you to pray for my aunt too. I don’t know if I can handle any more loss, but God is God. If I thrived the last three years, losing my grandmother on my birthday, my favorite uncle, and my cousin who taught me godly grace in same year, then I think I can handle anything. But please pray, there’s a lot going on and only prayer, my bible, and my sisters are keeping me.

Daddy you’ve transformed me emotionally, spiritually, and physically to a space I no longer feel stronger as a silent disgrace. I stand tall in this current pitfall, because you have my all God. It’s hard knowing you have my brother on this journey alone out west, and none of us can hear from him. It’s very hard. I’ve never been indefinitely separated from my brother before. But you love my brother far more than I ever will Daddy. Daddy you love all of us better than we would ever love ourselves or any human can ever love us. I choose to trust you with my brother, with my job, with my finances, with my ribcage, with my family, and with my Jojo. I bow before the Lord of Lords and trust without borders.

I love you so much Daddy,

Love your daughter.

Thank you for setting me free.

*Names changed for privacy reasons. #TeamProPrivacy

human-confirmation catastrophes 

Dear Dad,

Daaaaad! This is so not fair!! According to me, I don’t need to see what you keep telling me. All of that is an ugly backwards hat, that is an active spat to sinning, because flesh is the pause in Your Cause of Winning by sinning. Flesh is creating a ruse to refuse Your Winning by sinning. This is all a pitfall in seeking human-confirmation catastrophes. Even before Jojo* and I stepped foot, in the building that now needs the weeds to no longer bleed; and to take a bow to receive [and believe] what’s meant to be will always set us free: wrong wedding rings will always sting, and will never be better together, or achieve godly winning wings. 

Sinning is not winning, just reliving a decay of yesterday. Sinning is not winning, just activating a sorrow of no tomorrow, and missing the hiss in the poisonous kiss of sinful matrimonial ungodly ‘bliss.’ Saying but really playing God doesn’t take away the flesh ungodly facades. Pressing stop because man said so is a hiss God sees as a diss; that’s ungodly led full of dread, and does not negate that God said go or yes. So confess, and finally be the see of His Blessings. Only God is the God of prosperity. OR when man stands in quicksand by pressing play in a go that God clearly said no, is still a cancerous show where God will continue to say:

today it’s time to go and grow; to no longer be stronger in the decay of yesterday.

Say no to the flow of popularity it’s vulgarity, and animosity to the democracy in two strands matrimonial mockery. Two stands are wedding rings of hypocrisy that will always sting; no matter what building pretends to worship or sing. Any building doesn’t have His godly winning wings. God is not a flesh facade. God is found abound above in love, representing His Sacred Dove. 

Humans create conclusions, that are all illusions where man can stand in sinning not winning quicksand; and say verbally a disobey is okay. There’s a leverage in the drunkenness beverage that humans are the church. So where humans are they can be the see of godly church. That’s not what the Bible says. Jesus died on the Cross of Calvary, so we won’t be forever together with the enemy. 

But don’t you see, truth is found bound in His Biblical Blueprint Proof. We must take a bow, and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work so we won’t get hurt from flesh god facades, full of well disguised lies and hurtful dirt. Humans gravitate, and permeate to sin, because the pause to His Cause feels like a peeling win. It’s a high in the sky that really makes us die on the inside. It’s cool but really makes us look like a fool, that returns to our own vomit school. Because false prophets make it hobbit in a no unity night community. There’s no crowds to community in flesh god facades mutant scrutiny. Delusions like kool-aid, and cheap lemonade will never be solutions; or equate to being the seeing of His Renegade. We must protect, and reject diluted solutions like Jesus did on the Cross of Calvary: mix drinks stink with winks and make us sink in drunkenness. We must be aggressive to protect God’s Business, or we fall and miss our call to giving our all in our flesh god facades pitfalls. 

Human-confirmation is a dedication to win in sin. Tangibility is not a mystery to God. It’s a facade that God made a plan for, with putting our knees head first to the floor. Jesus was and is to come. Jesus humbled himself to come in the form of a man as a baby, because babies are the purest love. In the beginning of time, man always had an addicted problem, to pressing play in a decay of rewind in timely sinning not winning slime. Like the man in Genesis, and his rib from his ribcage in the Garden of Eden. 

God’s biblical vessels such as Abraham, Samuel, Esther, and Ruth only leaned on His Verbal Proof. These trailblazers never needed the barren seed that bleeds as a weed known as human-confirmation. Human-confirmation is an affirmation to choke in the cloak of sinning, because it’s selfish winning. Jesus wasn’t selfish when He died on the Cross of Calvary: so we can be set free finally. So why should any of us be? Why can’t we stand in unity as His Godly Community, and once and for all tell the enemy to flee, because we are ready to give our all and get spit out of this worldly whale pitfall?

I deeply dislike you called me to this type of assignment Dad. You pressed specific people on my heart since day one of the space; I no longer felt disgraced, and was finally set free to be Your See on 404. Even before my feet landed in that building that used to be Your Winning. Thank you for pulling my best friend and I out. And thank you for covering and protecting the ones we love and continue to pray for, especially my he you say is for me. I choose to lose the ruse of refuse and see that he is your godly, and apart of the destiny you set for me.

For some reason Dad, this is so much harder than walking through what I finally have peace, and freedom on about my he you say is for me. I finally see that was all hurt with worth. I finally see that was all pain with massive gain and my tears are not in vain. So thank you for that. Thank you Dad for reversing my ugly backwards hat and setting me free like you are with my he you say is for me God.

I’ve been sitting on this dream since the fifth month of the year two thousand sixteen. It’s about a couple that got married in the year of two thousand sixteen. I’ve noticed this couple were cute looking together, but that doesn’t mean you put them together God. There was always something off. I ignored it. I prayed, and obeyed you to the best of my ability God. But you kept pressing on my heart it’s all a facade, and that’s when I wanted to leave that building even more. But nothing happens before it’s time. 

In the dream the woman part of this now married couple saw me and panicked, and I wasn’t too happy to see her either. In fact I was upset and told you why me God, go send a talking tree. Clearly that’s not up to me, so I asked her in the dream what’s wrong. Then she tried to walk away from me, and a gardened oversized richly green maze appeared in front of us. I was even more upset in the dream, because I know when God does this in my dreams he’s about to tell me something I have no desire to know. So this woman tried to go in the maze and I think I told her don’t do that it’s a trap. She actually listened shockingly. Then she started talking to me but conveniently, I remember nothing about that conversation. 

All I remember was her looking supernaturally free the more she talked to me. Then we somehow ended up on the first floor of the house I now live in. And I told her to choose to be set free, then the guy she’s married to now came and she panicked and reverted back to how I found her. I think I told her love isn’t fearful maybe this is a sign to let go. She ignored me. Then I looked at the pearly white mini van the man she’s married to now, drove up in and I said to her you live a lie, that makes you die inside. I supernaturally saw the sin and dirt hiding in the car that’s toxic and chaotic. The back of the mini van was filthy that I threw up in my mouth. She ignored me and drove off with the man she’s married to now. This woman had severe cold feet about marrying this man, and this dream was a representation of her emotions, right before they got married. This woman was starting to see that it’s possible the relationship is not godly, and wanted to back out but the man didn’t want to be embarrassed. So the man pushed for this to happen. Pride will always hide lies that make us die inside. 

I immediately prayed when I woke up, and called my prayer partner at the time because I was lead to. And she prayed with me she said that maybe I’m meant to tell them. I said heck no I want no part of this mess. And I told her I’ll pray for them. I haven’t stopped praying for them since I had this dream. What bugs me God is you having me reconnect with my love C* and her telling me she too dreamt about this same couple twice in a very mirroring way, that I dreamt about them. Of course you would plant C* in my space to tell me this recently, and of course you would tell me to post this dream. I thought I was going to take this dream to my grave. Anyway, I repent for my decay in yesterday by delaying, and disobeying my call in the fearful pitfalls I chose to erode in. It’s sin, and sin is not a win. Forgive me Lord. 

I also have to get over myself, that I’m not sure will ever happen before my death bed; but I do promise to actively try not to lie and hide what you don’t want me to inside. During the summer of two thousand sixteen, another one of your daughters was in my space briefly. When she was there she told me about this couple too, after I told her about this dream; because it was pressed on my heart to do so. 

This daughter of yours told me she knows this couple should not be married, because she witnessed him be with the rib God carved for only him. I was too through when I heard what happened to them, and I was too done with that building that was once Your Winning. Thank you God for walking me through my plethora of emotions, in what went down with me, my he, and all the other ungodly sees like this couple. There’s too many humans pressing play in pretend. What’s meant to be will always be. 

I will continue to pray, and obey in stillness so that I can rest, fight to confess, and aggressively protect Your Biblical Profess. You will continue to move as you do. I love you God. Thank you for always clearing out my fog and clogs. Thank you for being true and restoring hues. Thank you for turning bitter into sweet. Thank you for reaching me by teaching me to count sheep so I can sleep, where you and I meet. Thank you for having a plan that withstands man in quicksand for human-confirmation catastrophes. His name is Jesus and he died in and on the Cross of Calvary. Thank you for holding my key that only you will see free. Thank you for being bigger than the trigger known as human-confirmation catastrophes. 

I love you so much Dad,

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

Exposed

Dear Dad, 

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God, for your consistency and your persistent purity in my security. Thank you for your pursuit of my fragile heart. Thank you for showing me, that I will never be far or ever apart from this Holy Trinity: you God, my savior who’s far greater, and the Holy Spirit that dwells within me. Your Presence is so thick and evident in my space. Thank you God for that truth by being all the proof I need. You’re everything I’m not God. You’re changing me God. I’m moved and feel you always God. In mazes like that dream I just woke up from, you will always be my gauge to never fall in a trap of fear or rage. 

You’ve blessed your vessel Anna Golden with her budding platform. And you’ve blessed me with the ability to be moved by her music. Changing Me and Take Me There are my favorite worship songs on her album. God I lift this obedient daughter to you. I pray she receives the abundant blessings that she’s walking through right now. I pray over her life, Alignment and prosperity consistently, and abundantly to overflow her cup. She’s about to blow up, and I wouldn’t be surprised she waiting patiently for your timing to have her shine. It’s her time now, and I’m so excited for her. 

This reminds me about the growing buzz of Lauren Diagle’s release last year. I remember being excited for her too. I remember that her album pushed me to choose you God. I was blessed by Jojo’s* discovery of her. Lauren Diagle’s album got me through last year. Last year was so rough and tough. A lot tougher and rougher than this year, and this year has been pretty hectic. But the hurt last year, from all that occurred between me and this he you say is for me, truly changed me. 

Along with prayer, my bible, Jojo, and Lauren Diagle’s album got me through the roughest year of my life. That’s telling because I thought year 19 was my roughest year. My assault changed me too. But it wasn’t harder than last year. That pain had gain, and my hurt had worth because I took everything to you. I held nothing back from you God. That he, you God say is for me taught me to run faster to you. I am free to rise above and choose love always unapologetically and aggressively. I will always choose to trust you God. I will always choose to lose in Your Race at Your Pace. Losing the world is the greatest gift you’ve ever blessed me with God. I wanted nothing of the world after what transpired last year. Thank God love is greater, thank you God for your love, my writing you blessed me with God, and thank you for worship music. Thank you for singing God. 

Lauren Diagle is a known worship artist that’s won Dove awards, and also got recognized by the AMA’s that’s huge for the Christian community. God you’re moving, and I see you. I’m paying attention to your details. You know how much I love music. I love singing. I love beats. I love words. I follow biblical and godly words only; everything else I neglect and reject. I love playing music, and everything else music encompasses. But I never liked the perversion of secular music. Music wasn’t designed to be confined to brokenness. A lot of secular music is brokenness. Cursing is brokenness. The emphasis and stress of sex, money, and drugs is brokenness. This wolf called satan is a wannabe sheep in cheap clothing. The world is very broken Dad. Dilution is the solution to so many, and that makes me so sad. The brokenness of the world is exposed and at an all time high.

I have so many musical geniuses in my family. Growing up I never understood why they’re not blown up by now. I didn’t understand then, but I understand now: heart checks. We must be healthy and pure in You God, for anything to occur. You also know how much I believe, we are all created with multiple specific talents, that are only meant to magnify & edify: Your Great Name only. I refused to lose myself in the ruse of this world. Although I was so mad at 13, when my mom convinced my dad to not let me go to Paris. I see now as you God, honoring my greatest desire: to only have my talents edify Your Great Name. I’m happy that the same build up is happening to Anna Golden now, occurred last year for Lauren Diagle. Anna is another amazing obedient vessel you’re working through. I’m so excited for her, and Lauren. The best is truly yet to come for the music world. Folks ain’t ready, but I am. 

I wasn’t always as anchored as I am now to you God. Who knows what would’ve happened… if Paris had a different outcome? I don’t know but you know that’s why I didn’t go. I get why you let me live, and let me believe I was done with writing and poetry. You saw I needed to see how big you are Dad. I’m seeing your details clearly now, so so clearly God. You’re bigger than big. You’re even showing me talents I have that I had no clue I had. This all blows my mind but I wait to move after you with everything. I choose love, and I choose to withhold nothing. You used my defiance all this time, to prune and fine tune my alignment in You God. 

Anna Golden’s album is the place, I go to after I have a dream that bothers me; like the dream I just had. I don’t understand, and I asked you for clarity God. Your response is you having me writing, feeling exposed so that makes me believe, that I have to walk through this unknown; but you go before me so I know it’s okay to follow. Before I had this dream, I was avoiding going back to sleep as if I subconsciously knew something is around the corner. But I still found sleep, and you are the reason I woke up God. I’m always freed from satan’s whack attempts to paralyze me, when I pray and when I sing worship music in my dreams. 

I still don’t like dreaming, because this is happening too often for my liking; so my flesh god facade was to stop sleeping, that stops the clock of dreaming. And this he you say is for me, needs me to dream. My disobey is not okay, and delays the shedding of my worldly decay. So I surrender my fears of discovering all the tears I buried through all my years. I say yes to always confess, and trust my distress is a process to see truth; so no more refuse and no more excuses to see. God keep setting me free so I can be Yours fully. 

So in this dream I missed your details, because I got tripped up in the newness of the room I was in. That was the first sign I should’ve paid attention to. Your patience and sovereignty God truly blows my mind. God you refuse to let me press play in the ruse of delay, decay, and rewind. Thank you Dad for protecting my neglecting of my mind. Thank you Dad for having my back when I think, and focus on the sink that Crysta is whack. But your love is my Sacred Dove, that shows me to grow and walk through the truth, of that being a setback though satan’s attacks. 

Spiritual warfare is not discussed enough, and that could be the very reason, your saints bleed in wrong seed weeds, to avoid supernatural and make a stake in the fake of tangibility by being: that no unity night community. Faith is not tangible. Tangibility is not humility or accountability. Tangibility are lies that hide well inside. That’s not real church, that’s hurt with no worth. Man cannot confirm. Only God affirms His Return. Man cannot do anything bigger or greater than God. Any other belief is the thief called satan having pale scales prevail in flesh god facades. Jesus restores and explores all satan doesn’t want exposed. 

But a lot of your chosen God made faith cheap lemonade; by diluting your wine into kool-aid; and idolizing your broken chosen in their role of spiritual leadership. But so many of your chosen fail to prevail, in the walk of seeing spiritual leaders can be false prophets preachers and teachers, that make it hobbit to reach delay in decays of disobey and dismay, of the reel to play yesterday and never today. The present is a gift of clarity that satan is on a mission to destroy. Saints heart check the economy of language being used and the lens that’s chosen. If it’s not present it’s not today; and you are stuck in yesterday. Be still to grab His Gills, reject and neglect those cheap thrills.

That’s why stillness cannot be a misfit, or a hit it and quit it misconception, or deception. satan is tangible, and satan rushes. satan is secretive. satan is manipulative. The same way you God have ambassadors on assignments, satan does too. This very real truth is brushed under a cloak of invisibility in the churches. That makes me see red, because Purpose gets sidetracked through hypes that fade in cheap lemonade, because man snuffed out Your Gills for popularity being the regularity. Man snuffed out Jesus as their Renegade. I’m deeply disturbed by how society thinks making Christianity a sinking lukewarm norm to conform. So many humans talk a speech that’s really a leech to not walk the godly talk of freedom. 

This happens a lot in churches. It happened in the church I grew up going to with my family, and it happened in the church Jojo and I just left. I’m tired of popularity being the regularity over purpose. That’s why pedigree pisses me off. Status is a hype that makes me so tight. And that’s why I refused to be in the ruse of that rusty and dusty rat race. My sister got caught up in that pedigree nonsense. I was like nah I’m good, this is stupid. My dad went to The University of Pennsylvania, with a double major in psychology and chemistry. He was ready to go to medical school, and then my grandmother died. 

That test was supposed to push him not discourage him. And then the whack broken people, that tried to break my dad as he grew up affected him. Every time we talk and he tells me the stuff, those whack people that were supposed to be his family and what they told him, makes me want to knock them all out. My dad has one of the biggest hearts ever. Just like my brother does. But people pick on them, and I’m like pick on me I’ll make you bleed. But God and the favor he has on these whack broken people. 

I cannot stand bullies. They shouldn’t exist according to me. I see what cruelty did to my dad. I see what it’s doing to my brother now. I cannot even talk about what cruelty did to my mother. It breaks my heart. It’s hard to discuss. I see what pedigree has done to my sister. This is why I’m determined to stay aligned to you God. The list is too long to touch what this broken world did to my brother in law, or even Jojo’s* family. I am on a mission to end these chains of generational curses. I’m too through with seeing those I love the most have scales prevailing, because of discouragement, fear, and lies that hide well inside. 

We budded heads a lot growing up, me and my family. I’m strong willed, just like my dad; and I’m not easily fooled. I’m feisty just like my sister, and grandmother on my mom’s side was when she was alive. I didn’t grow up with my dad’s family that much because a lot of them are whack. Those that aren’t I’m glad I know and love them. I’m artistically talented, and highly intelligent just like everyone in my family is. I’m quick to swing like my brother, and can hold an interesting conversation, of any topic, like he does because we grew up bored, looking for more so we looked up random facts. 

I’m charming like my dad and brother in law. So just imagine the colorful conversations that occurred growing up. Unless I fell in a slump, I always saw clearly, until the hits of the world, got too much. That’s when I wanted to fade away. I’ll never try to take my life again, but I did want to fade a few weeks ago, and I’m sorry God. I surrender that too. And Jojo crying after I admitted that to her, showed me I cannot do that to people who love me. I was sad I made her sad. And I cannot do that too you God. Even though you blocked it, I still want to acknowledge hurting you hurts me too Dad. Being this transparent makes me feel very exposed. But this is the first time I’m not afraid or ashamed because I finally see that’s a lame laced with shame, to keep me tame from freedom. Epic fail satan, epic fail. I just got started. 

I’m not going to get tripped up on not being an alumni from NYU too. I didn’t go there. I rebelliously refused to not even apply to ivory leagues. I witnessed what being an alumni to pedigree did to my sister. There’s a level of settling, after an ivory league pedigree is attached to your name. It’s the same lame I see in this he you say is for me. He has ivory league pedigree too. I love my sister, but that trip up looks so whack. No thanks. Settling isn’t what any human is build for. I was made for all, so I want it all. Those blueprints you keep showing me, that will be birthed through me and Jojo!? Let’s go. I want it now, this current assignment is whack, but necessary. I see the bondages leaving me, that I didn’t even know were hiding inside. Of course I move on your timing, not mine. I tried going ahead of you God. Jojo tried going ahead of you too. You’ve made it clear it’s not happening. So message received. 

So in this dream there was something whimsical about this room I was laying in, there wasn’t anything extravagant about it. It was just different than the room I rest in now. I can’t even remember all details. I just remember periwinkle walls. That was the same color as my high school prom dress. I loved going shopping for that dress, because I got to spend so much time with my sister. But my sister wasn’t in the dream with me, my dad was. He said something I can’t remember now. I think can you figure it out on your own today… blah something blah, and I said sure but I was paying more attention to the discouragement and defeat, I picked up from his voice. I made a mental note to discern it later, then this he that God says is for me, popped up into my head like supernaturally. And I was like oh okay this again, got it. 

I saw a glimmer of where he places his hands on me when we’re sleeping, and it made me smile. But then the weirdest thing happened: my left breast exploded. And my dad started talking, and I couldn’t make out what he was saying, because all I heard was chaos. I’m very sensitive to sound and tones. I pick up a lot from sounds and tones. Then this dude I never saw before came in this periwinkle room, and tried walking towards me, and my heart started racing. But I was still thinking about my left boob exploding. 

I didn’t get it because I don’t have a boob job. But I wanted to get one, because of my ex. The guy I helped get promoted, that I wrote about in my horde post from last year stopped me. God used him to block me and I’m grateful. I love all of me for who I am now. That was a hard journey to get to this place, but it’s the space my King wants me to sing in so I will. In this dream, this guy came closer, and fear came over my heart. Both my grandmothers died of breast cancer. Jojo’s mom has breast cancer. Two of my aunts are battling breast cancer now. One of my aunts died six years ago of breast cancer. I’m afraid I’ll get breast cancer too. God is making me face my fears whether I want to, or not because I said yes to being His.

Fear being in my heart didn’t sit well with me, so I started praying then I started singing in the dream, and that’s when I woke up. I immediately prayed, then stayed in stillness. Then I was lead to have Changing Me, by Anna Golden on replay as God leads me to write this post now. When I started falling asleep to this album by Anna Golden, when I first discovered her through Jojo, I started getting visions of the future, of what and how God will use Jojo and I. It’s exciting but frustrated, because it’s not now. I’m over how everything looks and feels now. So I was really bratty about how I handled my frustration and my impatience. I stopped listening to this album, because I figured the visions would stop. The visions did stop, until this past Sunday at church. 

I was minding my business, and listening to this daughter of God’s express her dream to open a charter school in Elmhurst, Queens. I was inspired by her passion in education, and to be a bridge. It’s mirroring to mine. I’m such a champion for the least of these, and so ready to fight. But God you’re like fight in my light. I’m not always desiring to be nice. Thank God that you run this and not me. I’m clearly a hotheaded mess. When I saw the visions came back in church, I was battling being excited and pissed. I knew a change was about to happen. I loved that no one knew me at my new church. No one knows me then no one can hurt me. But God is God. 

I signed up to volunteer for this woman’s vision, because I believe in her passion, and see her fight to obey God. Plus you told me to sign up God, and I wrestled with you and lost. I told her it’s going to happen. I told her to trust God, and to know it will be hard, but stick to God. She thanked me for the encouragement. I basically told her what you lead me to say God. Then I told her about things I had no plans on telling her: my church hurt, my fears of serving again, and my fear of people knowing me. She told me she’s glad I signed up. You’re just taking all my fears and bondages God. Wow. Even my bondage with my sister. 

I idolized my sister growing up. She’s ten years older than me. I thought she was perfect, and had the perfect life. My sister was an all state cheerleader, that traveled all over the country with her team she lead in high school, which was Brooklyn Tech. My sister did a lot of community projects, and served like a superwoman. In a lot of ways she still does. Like I cannot do what she does, I was not created to. I was created for other things. My sister is a creative genius, that’s doing a boring legal job she clings to because it’s “safe.” When I became a woman, I saw she settled and that pissed me off. I see the same settling in this he you say is for me, this he is also a creative genius that hides behind a “safe job,” too. My sister went to NYU, found her soulmate, and they were the rave everywhere they went. Like the typical hallmark movies I love watching so much. Growing up I thought all love stories had to look like that. 

My sister threw the greatest parties at NYU with my brother in law. My brother in law, was one of the most wanted DJs back in the day. My brother in law got signed at def jam when both him, and my sister were attending NYU. When that happened, my sister told him, her or the rap life. And my brother in law chose my sister. I grew up watching them, and told myself I’ll never have a love story like that. Both my sister and brother in law are well connected. That was intimidating too. My sister was recognized in so many areas of NYU, that saying she was my sister started to feel so intimidating. At one point I didn’t want to talk about anyone I was related to. I’m related to quite a few successful people.

My sister is the typical golden olden first born child. When I became a woman, my bubble popped about my sister. I realized she’s just as flawed, and very human just like me. I realized that I’m not meant to have a love story like hers. I’m not her, and she’s not me. My path is different than hers. Because we’re both two different daughters of God. And then I learned that idolize is not of God, and a bandaged facade. I also learned I was looking at my sister and brother in law, whom I love very much from a secular worldly lens. I no longer breathe or see through that stance. I’m set free and choose to lose in the world, to always rise above in love. I can’t accept being with my soulmate, in the worldly okay. No, we have to do it God’s way, or I would rather stay single and he can stay where he is. I refuse to lose in the ruse of confuse. 

I can see. I’ve been set free. I’m never looking back, my hiccups are not trip ups, they’re just setbacks in the attacks, to make me choose to lose the world, and rise above in love. There’s no fear in love. Thanks Dad. Thank you for using the losing, and confusing ruse for Your Clarity in setting me free from all that has been exposed in me. Thank you for making me see only you God. 

Thank you for teaching me through that no unity night community, this wrong she and he you God say is for me, were used to set me free. Your Voice will always be my choice. Thank you for popping my bubble through that false prophet who made it hobbit, by trusting me and showing me, this same lame false prophet is playing delay in decay of yesterday, with a wrong she too. I chose to lose this world, because rising above in love is better together. The only strands I want to represent your Kingdom Band is three. Your Stir: he + He + her. I’ll continue to confess and express that I will never settle for less. I love you world. The dream ended with me singing as that man I didn’t know was walking towards me. Trust the process saints. We are in the best hands possible: God’s. I love you world, from your sister Crysta.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy reasons. #TeamProPrivacy 

false-prophet

Ain’t no body 

want to talk

the walk of 

combust in this rust 

dust lust showdown

mutes in salutes 

of what’s really a

hit it and quit it

misfit frown tribute

only God wears 

the tears of this 

victors crown

only God has 

the last Hiss

case dismissed

so with regret

it suggests the let

of the I’s and why’s

that hide the blind 

in this pretend

flesh will end 

false-prophets 

made it hobbit 

to lie and guide 

cries insides

created confetti 

to cover all empty 

in the facades 

they’ll never be God 

all these tears

are snuffed out

from the shouts 

of rages caged fears 

false-prophets 

made it hobbit 

to never abide

in His Ray

to sniff and sift

the raid in

cheap lemonade 

ignoring the call

to fall as His Renegade 

misplaced paces

in Christian spaces

feeling the reeling

of no truth peeling 

rejecting the neglecting

of His Protecting

to play the delay

in not today 

night community 

is no real unity 

pressing send 

in pretend rejects humility 

feeding the bleed 

of looped ruses

doesn’t dilute the truth

in His Proof 

so choose refuse

man cannot confirm

only God affirms

His Return

true love isn’t logic 

true love is From Above 

true love has no tangibility 

false-prophets press play

in the decay

to stay in delay

misery is history 

to a false-prophet 

they say dismay

in speeches like leeches

feeds the need 

to have bleeds 

in the church unity

is really night community 

false-prophets create

the space in hesitate 

of disgrace in too late

seven-age difference

seven-caged dip for he

seven-raged jar for wrong she

wrong she births the hurt

of no worth sliding tar

in the shower 

God reveals midnight hours 

for His Stir True her

His Stir is blue times two

he + He + her

will always be true

that’s the path 

to godly math

& His Craft

only three is forever together 

not two in wrong hues

wrong voices feed 

the bleed of wrong choices 

false-prophets claim lame

to remain shame & tame

with: it doesn’t make sense

clearly, you’re wrong

making us broken tokens 

& feeling really dense

in an alienating throng

no revival

just survival

coldly, not boldly 

don’t believe 

just receive 

what man says

due to insecurity 

spiritually weird in

wrong counsel

false-prophets 

made it hobbit 

to play god in love

when God says no

false-prophets said go

planting the weeds

to grow as lust seeds

in a haze of rust bleeds

that feeds the need

of junkie funky craze 

in a grave of daze

false-prophets 

made it hobbit

flesh rejects confess 

mutes the process

salutes the facade

of playing god 

in this worldly sabotage

false-prophets 

made it hobbit

buffets the Obey 

to play selfish delay

to lead the bleed

in never today

by shining the lying 

only God looses

the ruse of undying 

false-prophets press play

in popularity over God’s Reality 

purpose is not the focus

the world is the locus 

to a false-prophet

remain sleet in the cold 

don’t burn in this unfold

press play in His Obey

to receive High Discern

this community has no unity

Be Still in His Gills

keep rejecting this cheap thrill 

this unenjoyable confetti 

will never replace 

the space of empty 

it’s all distractions 

to neglect the Obey Alignment 

and play decay confinement

to feed the lying need

of dying bleed 

to chalk the sleepwalk 

as a ribcage 

on the wrong stage 

in the cage 

of this wrong she wage 

Trust Me

Me is God 

almost there 

in this layer 

of flesh god facade

stay in the Ray 

in today of His Light 

hang tight

God is Mightier than Might

Ain’t no body 

want to talk

the walk of 

what’s going down 

combust in this rust 

dust lust showdown

mutes in salutes 

of what’s really a

hit it and quit it

misfit frown tribute

only God wears 

the tears of this 

victors crown

only God has 

the last Hiss

case dismissed

aimez vos côtes bleu

Poet’s Note: I just woke up from a disturbing dream, about my brother and dad fighting. Then my door opened, and a shadow of a man came in my room with a knife, intended to kill me. At first I thought it was my brother, but when I was praying when I woke up, and as I was writing this poem, God told me no, it’s other. 

I immediately started singing 🎼 God is fighting for us, pushing out the darkness. Enemies defeated in the name of Jesus. And He will shout it out. 🎼 in the dream. And that’s what woke me up with my heart racing. I immediately started praying. Then my King who makes my soul sing, whispered in love, there’s no fear in love. Love does scare me. A lot. I never done it right. 

I’ve never known real true love before Jesus. And before this ribcage was shown to me. In this three years, there were a lot of tears hiding my fears. I’ve learned so much about myself and him: supernaturally. I’m no longer ashamed of my thirst to go Higher with God. I’m no longer ashamed to speak about my radical LOVE or my radical faith in God. 

I was fighting my King, who makes my soul sing, since the moment He showed me, this ribcage that gets my ready ring: three years ago. I stopped fighting yesterday. At my new church in queens yesterday, my new pastor laid my life out. Prophesied exactly what I hid inside. And that’s when I was open to see, and be set free from the two posts I wrote yesterday. 

Only God can move in this delicate truth, that God has consistently been showing me, about this ribcage since I entered my old church three years ago. I thought leaving that church would stop the visions, revelations, and information on this ribcage. In a lot of ways, I’ve been just getting more information, about this same man like never before. 

So I choose to edit my credit to solely God, because I no longer want to press play, in the decay of my flesh god sabotage. None of this is a mirage, made up, or making me see “clearly I’m wrong,” as I was lead by false-prophets who choose to lose, as the walking dead. Even though I told this false-prophet about this ribcage that was shown to me, in January 2016. I was told to tell this same false-prophet in 2014, when I meet him, but I sat on this information for two years. When I told the false-prophet that he was shocked, then choked on his words and declared I’m wrong

God is stillness and repeats what’s important, me sitting on this for two years is stillness, am I really wrong if that’s the case? satan moves fast. satan is restless. satan is chaotic. satan is robotic. satan rushes. satan dilutes God’s wine to rewind time, as kool-aid. satan makes it cool to be a fool, walking in vomit of cheap lemonade, to buffet His Great Name. satan plays on logic and tangibility, and satan creates facades of flesh gods in night communities. If there’s no conviction in our hearts then we are walking all wrong. So only time will tell I’m wrong about this ribcage. I still say yes to my King above all else.

 I’m no longer sleepwalking. I’m choosing the pitfall of my free fall. I’m choosing to lose my patrol in control. I am choosing to give my all. I’m choosing to be the saint that God paints, His Way through my Obey into Today. I’m still breathing through His Gills. Walking on water like Peter. God loves you so much y’all. Be careful about spiritual leadership at church. Only God confirms not man, if God ain’t in it, don’t be with it. You’ll know when God is in it, as a saint, they’ll be growth and blessings, not stagnancy and struggle. Pay attention to the details saints, God is in the details. I love you world, because God taught me to. Love your sister Crysta. 

Nonconformist 

Dad,

This is the hardest season you have my sister Jojo* and I walking through, to date. Thank God, we have each other walking through as sharpeners in the sadness of our madness. Thank God we can uplift each other through these very challenging, and unspeakable times. We’re mired in the peeling feeling of our wired pain, because the be to our see is a three year no gain. What we see as our bane in this long song is our transform from this worldly conform; by the renewal of our minds. Romans 12:2. Only you God are True.

You’re halting the self made faulting of our rewind in time. It’s not 2005, or 2015 so the reel and the peels of these scratching heels is truly the past, let it no longer last: the missed mark of dark is truly Your Spark. There’s no tranquility in the conformity of pale scales prevailing. They’re ailing the choice, to allow the follow in your dominant voice. The looping reels we peel to feel, are self made lemonade reacting to these ribcage stages, of suffocating wages. They’re caged too, and doesn’t change they are also true. Just like you God. So our flesh god facades are no longer stronger. They don’t work, because you are near and far. You are the Great I Am. And in your command we stand as your unified band, to edify this broken land. What Jojo and I push to neglect; you lovely correct with your graceful suggest, to show us the press flow in go of worldly reject. There’s no disconnect, despite our protest because only God confirms the affirm of His Return. 

Man cannot stand, that Jojo and I are a unified godly band, going on seven years in these hidden tears. In our fears, our sisterhood always seeks God in all facades he calls us, to spark in hidden darks as His Covered Marks. In our hiccups we make up, and remember that we are lenders and senders, in the mundane routine of everyday mean. We are saints on assignments, in this solitary confinement, in this fall, all truly need to see His Alignment to be set free. What’s done in the dark will always come to light. Press play in fight, and clinging to all His Singing Might. November 5th is the shift, in the flesh god facades, nightly unity rifts will never ever be of God. There’s only unity in the maturation, and penetration of His Humility. There’s no room for hesitation. Just dedication and the absurdity, of the nonconformist-lyrics of His Painted Gain, through our written poetic pain. Isaiah 66:9. Only you God are Above Time.

Every angle in this scorching fire, called this season both Jojo and I are walking overwhelms us. Like your saints in Daniel 3, we are not getting burned because you go before us. There is a peace we both feel, that surpasses all understanding. For your rod and thy staff comforts us. Psalm 23:4. My mom used to read the Bible to my brother and I, to get us to fall asleep, and she read Psalm 23 to us every night, from memory. Her mom: my late amazing grandmother, pushed her to memorize this scripture power, because she recited it to my mom and her sister growing up. As much as my mom irritates me, she’s a flawed woman of strong faith. Just like my grandmother was, just like my dad is. 

God has been walking me through breaking my habits of worldly perceptions on how I see flawed humans. My weeds make me bleed out, and shout in pouts of brokenness. It’s not healthy for anyone around me, and definitely not healthy for those that I go hard for and love. I’m so protective, and I so love hard. I’m all about God, sisterhood, brotherhood, my family and human unity. I’m just like my dad in the belief that God made us all the same. But the world chooses to press a play, which is really a decay and a delay, in the plane Jane lane of shame and lame. 

I’m tired of being obedient, and I’m tired of crying. The worlds confetti will never ever replace the space of our inner empty. Words always hide what’s inside, when we choose to let them be the see, or press play in refuse through fear to rise above in love. So we choke on the provoke of ruse. It’s unpopular to choose to lose the patrol in control. It’s unpopular to be appalled in the fake call, of the lying decor of dying. It’s popular to be mute and dilute the half way tribute, to give a suffocating hibernating salute to somewhat all. I decided enough is enough. But that’s a flesh god facade, that my King is making me walk out, in my stings and shout outs, because only God makes me sing. I avoid feeling and loving, because when I’m caught off guard, that drop of betrayal is so painful. Like what I felt before I left my old church too many times to count. And according to Crysta there’s no gain, in that recovery of deliberate pain. People suck and they’re fake, in the replay reel of break and take. But guess what? I’m a prison in this schism too. I’m not removed from the groove of being too cool, for the school of rejecting being a fool. I’m a people too. This truth is about me too. 

If I have my own fine tuning pruning process, then so does everyone else on this planet. I don’t get to decide how my lies die, and neither does anyone else. The truth that Jojo and I choose to to cling to every night, and day is our obey in Your Okay. Where you lead my sister and I, we keep saying yes. Where two or more are gathered, that’s where your presences dwells. Matthew 18:20. 

I had a dream the other night about my brother, a white man I never meet called my brothers name. And this white man went to a door he was looking at, when he called my brothers name. I immediately went to the door, and this white man whispered in my ear, “Slide over there three days ago,” at first I said that makes no sense, God moves forward not backwards, satan is the thief of time, and Jesus is our restorer. Then I thought about the Cross of Calvary. Jesus died and rose in three days. Jesus is the voice of hope, and the conquer of death. Then I woke up and the rising of Jesus, where all things are new, has just been very heavy on my heart the last few days. Today, God lead me to Matthew 20:18-19, which discusses Jesus’ resurrection. 

This is the blog post I had no desire to write. I’m tired of obeying God, and everything is getting harder in my life. I’m like flip this walk. Seriously. I wanted to walk away October 16th, then God made his son, my brother in Christ call me as he just read my life. I haven’t even told him that details of the two biggest mountains of my life: this ribcage stressor, and what my family is going through, but he knew all the details. This son of yours just straight prophesied over my life. I really appreciate this son of yours God, and his sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. This son of yours literally pops up, when I’m too through with this walk, like this morning as well. This obedient son of yours, once again text me a timely message, right after my dad blew my mind, with what he said about the human body. Like I SEE you God. You’re making your presence very strong, and very clear in my presence and in my space. 

Regardless of how too through Jojo and I are, of this insane assignment at this specific school, you keep telling us to hold on. And to hang in there and we are both like no, defiance has a facade of flesh god alliances. So let’s jump on that bandwagon too. But that’s just not our truth, neither of us were created to hibernate in the separation of you God. You keep us from drinking the kool-aid, You keep pushing us to reject the dead in dread of that poisonous lead. Instead, we keep pressing play in obey, because You Say eject the decay in delay. We both allow the bow to the truth of Your Proof: every knee shall bow. Psalm 22:27. 

Wisdom will always be better than the withering of popularity. Popularity isn’t bigger than Purpose. Our neglect will always be a redirect by God, because God allows all, to cause us to fall, so that we can give our all. Death of flesh is far better to celebrate than the beginning of newfound life. Ecclesiastes 7:1. Anyone can do well when we are up, what happens whenever we are down and out!? Do we all go to God then!? Everyday is the risk of not falling in the trap, to be zapped in decay of yesterday. Salvation is a one time gift, however surrender is a daily revival. There’s deliverance in the hinderance called our surrender. So don’t choke on the easy yolk, allow the fearful evoke and provoke to be your see so that you can be set free, finally. Take His Hand. 

Dad this is so hard, I deeply dislike a huge chunk of this insane season. Jojo just wants total out. I’m desperate to cling to the hope of this hopelessness, and it’s getting harder. The lies are getting louder, and my cries feel like closed walls in this pitfall. The flames just look so hot, but you protect me so don’t stop. Keep protecting Jojo, too. I keep saying yes, despite my desire to fallback in attacks, and say yes to the road that has nothing to do to my call. I will confine and discern what you keep showing me, so that I can continue to be your lighter and your fighter. I know Jojo will fight to keep choosing you too, despite her desires. You are Higher. Isaiah 55:8 so don’t hesitate to keep showing both of us it will never be too late. I love you because you’re truth God. There’s no fear here, not anymore. You keep showing me that I fully say go, in this free fall of giving my all. 

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy