5Ps

she gets it, so check this:

she sees her 5P’s faithfully.

pruning—is the fine tuning

to remove the scales that habitually prevail.

pursuing—is the math in God’s narrow path

and the deliverance in cultural hinderances.

presenting—is saying yes to the Holy Spirit

by giving permission to daily submission.

preparing—is being trusted with prophecy

coming to pass and walking through what

won’t last by praising in the rain for His gain.

purity—is being free from lustful sexuality

that makes souls think and sink

instead of floating in hope off the boat

by keeping our eyes on the Light of Christ.

the stillness of our wilderness is not in vain.

the world pushes for doubt and insane.

5 is a whole hand of armor that withstands

the quicksand in the hiccups of the world.

she made a vow and protected her 5P’s

almost four years ago. feels like she’s back

at a reset by her Hero the world made a zero.

leaping in the Go of God’s Flow protects

the Kingdom of His edifying episodes.

there’s one race: human—we’re all connected.

the Bible says we are multiple parts—one body.

(1 Corinthians 12:12.)

when one soul says no, it affects His order.

God is a God of order. (1 Corinthians 14.)

she’s unapologetic in her supernatural kinetics.

if souls aren’t pierced then how is God fierce?

there’s protection in God’s correction

for the purpose of His divine direction.

the world’s perspective on love

and leadership is ineffective and offensive.

the world says break and take in a stake

of fake operating in the facades of the mind

rewinding time where souls find broken why’s.

pre-marital sex is a disrespectful mess

that numbs the soul to accept rushed crumbs

instead of being aggressive to protect our temple.

(1 Corinthians 6.)

the facade of the mind is a limited god.

the world heightens the lies of insecurities,

but the Bible says walk in integrity.

(Proverbs 28:6.)

the world says chase the race of money,

but the Bible says there’s only one Master.

(Matthew 6:24.)

the world says focus on ‘you,’

but the Bible says go back for the lost sheep.

(Luke 15.)

the world says anything is possible,

but the Bible says only with God all is possible.

(Matthew 19:26.)

the world says steal and destroy,

but the Bible says victory is found in

picking up the Cross of Calvary in love+unity.

(2 Corinthians 4:7-12; Genesis 50:20.)

there’s freedom in the way God sees.

the human soul must renew the mind.

(Romans 12:1-2.)

love will always be the key for all souls

to be set free faithfully in harmony.

God is Love found bound from Above

who broke the chains all in vain

by walking the talking of praising in the rain.

His name is Emmanuel God with us.

the stillness in our wilderness will always lead

to receive deliverance in believing faith

not the plight and strife of tangible sight.

(2 Corinthians 5:7.)

she sees her 5P’s faithfully.

pruning—is the fine tuning

to remove the scales that habitually prevail.

pursuing—is the math in God’s narrow path

and the deliverance in cultural hinderances.

presenting—is saying yes to the Holy Spirit

by giving permission to daily submission.

preparing—is being trusted with prophecy

coming to pass and walking through what

won’t last by praising in the rain for His gain.

purity—is being free from lustful sexuality

that makes souls think and sink

instead of floating in hope off the boat

by keeping our eyes on the Light of Christ.

the stillness of our wilderness is not in vain.

the world pushes for doubt and insane.

5 is a whole hand of armor that withstands

the quicksand in the hiccups of the world.

she made a vow and protected her 5P’s

almost four years ago. feels like she’s back

at a reset by her Hero the world made a zero.

her melody is seeing all souls free.

she sings for her King for souls to see.

her in tune zoom is God’s boom.

her Stir is His he + He + her.

three strands will always withstand

the tests of time. (Ecclesiastes 4.)

her allegiance is His obedience.

her leadership is His deliverance

in the flow of meek and low.

(Proverbs 19:16.)

she lets it all go, especially her ‘me’ zone.

pride is a lie that had to die,

because it played the tune of I.

there’s no we in that toxicity.

her passion and purpose is revival

not survival, because her stone heart is flesh.

(Ezekiel 36:26.)

forgiveness is what she sets her heart on.

compassion is the beat to her flaming heat.

grace is the space she’ll always face.

love is the key to her always seeing godly.

she gets it, so checkmate—it’s never too late.

Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

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immune

when feet meet defeat,

her King steps in with His Wings.

(Psalms 91.)

when her heart races,

her King takes her hand

to withstand as the Great I Am.

(Exodus 3:14.)

the greatest supernatural protection

is tangible rejection by the Creator

who’s Maker, and far Greater above all.

humanity is called to flee from me

and evolve in the unity of we lovingly.

the Bible sets her free

from the lies of the word anxiety,

but sometimes it’s hard to see

casting all fears unto He completely.

(1 Peter 5:7.)

God’s closed doors is what’s best for her soul.

Yesterday was a pretty amazing day. Starting off with a pleasantly surprised cancelled meeting, followed by my discovery I’m still in love with Brooklyn, NY!! I spent the day with my Jojo* wandering the historical streets of Dumbo, Brooklyn. Historical landmarks take my breath away, where I sometimes wish I can go back in time to see original form. Original form is a common theme that God has been showing me lately, as well as ‘come to pass,’ and ‘two full years.’

her King makes her soul sing,

because He healed all concealed stings.

a twenty year piercing had her repetitive

in overcompensating cheering by swallowing

the hallow misguide of her lies fearing

everything except what’s best for her soul.

many words have made her grow cold.

she’s bold in saying something with nothing.

she’s immune to the tunes of tycoons.

she’s immune to the stages of honeymoon,

for she sees this hiss as a cartoon diss.

a kiss of death that takes one’s breath

is a controlled patrol of a one man show.

many actions have caused her pause

in hopeful romantic first last chances.

I did one of my bible studies yesterday, and amazing God was leading me to reflect on my very own ‘full two years.’ I meditated on Genesis 41:1, because it pierced me the most. I’m a very different woman of God than I was two years ago. I’ve been blessed with so many physical, emotional, and spiritual evolution that my heart is thankful for what I know today. This two year journey has had many challenges, however I see the hands of God over my life, and what I saw was strife propelled me Higher in the Light of Jesus Christ.

she’s immune to the words, “I miss you.”

her curfew is a virtue to know what’s truths.

every time she walks through the talks

of God’s revelations her clan reaches out.

she uses discernment and wisdom

since being blessed with no stress

by separating divinely in peace of her mind.

away from the harmful spaces of souls

that grew her immune heart cold.

her King that makes her soul sing

used a sordid scale that made her grow pale

in pain that is no longer in vain as God’s gain.

she doesn’t believe the supernatural scenes

of camouflage staging to increase digit releasing.

it’s easier to freeze faith in the unseen,

because of the hue tangibility being the blues.

Back then, it was hard to see from the

clogged realities that felt suffocatingly empty.

two years ago her circle was different,

her place of worship was different,

her residence was different,

and her place of employment was different.

who remained constant in the many transformations

she’s encountered is God, and Jojo*

I remember silently praying for what I have today, (two years ago come this Wednesday.) I prayed for a space to feel safe. I prayed for God to make it very clear who belongs in my space by removing everyone who isn’t for me. I prayed for God to bless me with a new place of aligned-to-the-Bible worship, and leadership that’s sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I prayed for a job where I’m walking purpose that prepares me for my ultimate edifying passions. As I scribe these lines, I have to understand God is truly with me. He delivered me from every stressor that I pushed myself to be immune to. I may not like how God answered my prayers, or how long He took to answer, but I cannot deny that God indeed honored my prayers. I’m thankful that I walk in the confidence of God only. I’m thankful that humility is growing my spiritual maturity. I’m thankful that the Holy Trinity is Greater is He who lives in me, than he who’s of the world holds all my keys faithfully. (1 John 4:4.) When we push for Higher, we walk the fires of the world intumescent by the Holy Spirit completely unscathed. (Daniel 3.) Thank you King Jesus for being exactly what the Bible tells me.

she’s committed to His deliverance

in her oath to godly growth.

she’s thankful for the peace

that makes her breathe with ease

surpassing all understanding,

where she boldly not coldly walk in today.

(Philippians 4.)

she’s thankful to cast all cares unto God,

because He will always be bigger

than the trigger of her rewinded mind facades.

she’s thankful for ongoing healing from immune.

she’s thankful for her greatest advocate: time.

Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy

277

when will this end…

how will this end…

faithfulness doesn’t feel like deliverance

from this tangible place that’s a sad space.

277 is a reality check in an emotional mess.

it’s a count up that makes her want to give up.

the numbers feels like going under.

the sounds of drowning are suffocating.

the numbers are the sucker punch to shut up.

freedom came with a cost

of feet meeting walking like Jesus.

she doesn’t want to fight,

because it feels like a lie.

she doesn’t like that her ego died.

she clings to biblical truth,

to fight to not choke in her limited aloof.

she wants to believe others are free,

and covered in a way she isn’t meant to be.

she wants a space of safety.

a space to edify as Jesus’ light.

a space of creativity.

a space to breathe and be.

a space away from her current decay’s.

277 made her thick in sinking thinking.

floating in hope off the boat is now a joke.

no one is asked to walk what she said yes to.

she doesn’t know how to feel,

because there’s been so much done:

in the past that didn’t last supernaturally.

tangibly, she replays the days she makes stay:

so she’ll never be hopeful in the souls that are hurtful.

so she’ll never trust in the souls that were cold.

the messages from God are unfair.

abuse of words has her wanting to be closed.

closed to love.

closed to marriage.

closed to baby carriages.

closed to second chances.

closed to believing she’ll be delivered

from the 277 reasons God has her

in this challenging wilderness season.

277 is a reality check in an emotional mess.

it’s hard to believe there’s more than 277,

when all she ever walked was overcoming pain

with godly gain, and liars who are silencers.

she’s tired of forgiving and rising above.

there’s no love in this worldly chosen coven.

there’s frustration with 277.

how did Jesus say, “it is finished?”

(John 19:30.)

how did Jesus trust God while dying unjustly?

how did Jesus walk innocent,

and full of life into a death of framed guilt?

what’s she supposed to do with these tests?

what’s she supposed to do with information

that has nothing to do with what she wants?

love doesn’t exist for her anymore.

redeem without her in his scene.

that stir has to be a made-up blur

to never occur, and she wants 277 to stop counting up.

she wants 277 to be a delivered hinderance.

she wants others testimonies not this scene.

she refuses to scribe specific lines

of a broken lullaby, because she said goodbye.

she’s desperate for:

277 resolved and her passions to edify.

this is her okay in His Obey.

she can’t see past this moment.

all she can do is trust His Virtue.

why is 277 still here if she obeys?

she doesn’t want to settle,

but God isn’t showing her anything.

God won’t show her the answer she needs.

she’s doing this God’s way.

this is a God thing, but what’s God doing?

why can’t 277 be a wrap up soon?

God’s up is her down.

God’s smile is her frown.

God’s shapeless is her round.

God’s opposites are gut-wrenching

in this 277 up-counting wedging.

she can’t do anymore.

God must move her limited score.

it seems easier as a freezer.

she’s freer after this confession.

she waiting for His intercession.

she clings to His Wings to sing:

it is well within her soul.

her stone heart is becoming flesh

from 277’s reality check

as an emotional mess. (Ezekiel 36:26.)

what’s done in the dark comes to light.

(Luke 8:17.)

despite her strife she decides to fight.

Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

MOTIVES

they knew her soul was a pass through,

but thought they couldn’t be caught

on the silent talk of their MOTIVES too.

this limited comprehension was a countdown

curfew God used with biblical intentional views.

this lengthy season was a purposeful reason.

there’s a supernatural purpose with

God’s Wilderness, which is deliverance in impure.

the impure MOTIVES were tallied in the voting.

the impure section selected

was always detected and defective.

since day one, the emotional posting

in working her soul’s explosives

never went far or unnoticed.

God handled and canceled in this season

what didn’t edify His reasons why.

God deliberately allowed this land

of His covered quicksand in the lane

that felt delayed, decayed, and insane.

the sin looked like wins by human’s lens.

that view will never be God’s Holy virtues.

her souls MOTIVES are on full display today.

God takes away what’s not made to stay,

because Greater is He who lives in me

than he who’s of the world.

(1 John 4.)

saying yes to the Holy Trinity has no take-backs.

saying yes to the Holy Trinity means setbacks

are set-ups that propel us into His purpose.

saying yes to the Holy Trinity means

leaning on our own understanding is limited.

saying yes to the Holy Trinity means

deliverance in hinderances like impure.

her soul said yes to the Holy Trinity

before her feet met her current scene.

her impure was a record or score ignored.

playing dumb wasn’t the conundrum to be undone.

that swing was a known sting to get her rings.

ignoring awareness hasn’t been effective.

Saturday her eyes opened in unspoken moments,

where overcompensation soaking in joking

was the chosen scene but now a frozen lean.

the fiscal scene is a surrendered theme.

the broken lies are not stolen guides

to reap in this heap of unhealthy lullabies.

her soul ties are slowly dying not magnifying.

this is a controlled show where

many know the patrol of their roles.

God owns these moment to moment.

God’s MOTIVES are purely edifying.

Surrender will always be better.

Monday was a competence in this revelation sequence.

Today she that’s me says okay to being His Lampshade.

(Luke 11.)

Today she that’s me says

forgiveness is deliverance. (John 8.)

Today she that’s me rejoices in knowing God’s Voice.

Today as always will be the choice in being free

by choosing to lose the world boldly not coldly.

Today she that’s me sees all

in the called conquering of pitfalls.

Today her humility is maturity for unity.

Today she that’s me chooses to armor in God.

Today she that’s me chooses awaken not shaken.

Today she that’s me chooses

her breastplate of faith with love.

Today she that’s me chooses her helmet of salvation.

(Ephesians 6.)

Today she that’s me chooses to breathe with ease

in God’s peace that surpasses all understanding.

(Philippians 4.)

Today she that’s me owns living in His Wings for eternity.

(Psalms 91.)

Today she that’s me is unapologetic in supernatural.

Today she that’s me is unapologetic in His purpose.

the course of God’s Way remains as her domain.

she that’s me says bring it on,

for she knows who crowns

the year with all fruitful goodness.

(Psalm 65.)

she that’s me sits and waits

for God is in the midst of her

she shall not be moved. (Psalm 46.)

she that’s me says yes to the testing

of her heart’s MOTIVES as His story

of going from glory to glory.

she that’s me is called to be

His scene to set souls free lovingly.

she that’s me says yes to scribing

God’s lines so lives can find His reason why.

she that’s me knows and owns

being a writer, fighter, and Jesus’ Lighter.

Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

Escape

there’s no escape.

she can’t evacuate.

there’s a hesitate everyday,

that escalated her suffocating.

God invaded her parade,

to walk her through the breakthroughs of:

afraid,

it’s too late,

decay,

dismay,

delay,

disobey,

insane,

disgrace,

erase…

her list is a gift in the switch of Today.

she’s unafraid of God’s narrow way.

God cannot take away what’s not made to stay

until she’s okay to walk in mistake without replacement.

replacement is complacent.

complacent is short-cuts from giving up me.

me is a scale that breaks us to combust.

combust is the conformity in what the world sees.

new mercies every morning are spaces

of grace to grace.

she’s facing the decisions of her wrong race.

she behaves in complain, and is amazed

at His invading embrace that cannot be explained.

He took her pain and turned it to godly gain.

He took her tears and shifted her from fear.

she’s stronger in the setbacks of satanic attacks,

because her King healed her wounded stings.

revival can’t happen without death.

awaken can’t happen without shaken.

peaks can’t happen without valleys.

progress can’t happen without struggle.

success can’t be appreciated without failure.

wealth can’t be appreciated without rock bottom.

healthy can’t be appreciated without divine separation.

be okay with needing an indefinite break,

from the stakes of fakes that’s not God’s domain.

maturity can’t happen without humility.

unity can’t happen without becoming we.

we can be seen by letting go of the drone me.

there’s no escape.

she can’t evacuate.

there’s a hesitate everyday,

that escalated her suffocating.

God invaded her parade,

to walk her through the breakthroughs of:

afraid,

it’s too late,

decay,

dismay,

delay,

disobey,

insane,

disgrace,

erase…

her list is a gift in the switch of Today.

she’s unafraid of God’s narrow way.

she’s walking His talking His Way not hers.

she’s committed to the oath of godly growth.

Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

Higher

she’s learning that the pruning process

wasn’t the hot message she created it to be.

she finally sees the blessings and protection

from the defective perception of settling.

her King that makes her soul sing

pushed her to see she desires Higher

as standing tall conquering all pitfalls.

she desires to be a lighter of Jesus Christ

by being a lampshade walking as His Renegade. (Luke 11)

The past week has been mind blowing and such a blessing. God has walked me through healing from wounds I thought I pushed myself to forget, because I truly believed that I was going to die with those weeds—what a sad and broken live-feed. I now see, that I had a stipulation on the meaning of being set free. I now see, that I excluded myself completely, because I once thought that could never happen for me: “too much happened, and too much time passed—“ that was my blinding logic before being blessed with new mercies that truly set me free.

she’s finally ready to be steady in today.

she lets go of all toxic shows in yesterday.

she doesn’t know how her swing will go,

but she goes in God’s pendulum flow.

the contour in her detour was a broken score.

her highlights were strife plights in hidden nights.

her finished set was a mess that God turned

into His supernatural walking tangible message.

she had a lot of broken ideologies,

that blinded her greatly from fully seeing.

she leaves her visions in His hands.

she trusts in His perfect aligned timing.

she’ll wait to see what’s coming faithfully.

My church blessed me with two amazing sermons last night. The biggest take away was when my senior pastor at Hillsong NYC said, “It’s amazing what God will add to your life when you start subtracting.” I’ve removed myself from a lot of situations, and people I felt in my gut were distracting me from breakthroughs. I’m not in the most ideal situation, but this is the safest I’ve ever felt. I can breathe and be. I never felt this level of peace in my life. I want to hold onto this healthy oath to God’s Growth forever. I truly don’t know how to stay in this space in the event I ever have to face souls I’ve made in my head I’ll never see again. The great news is I don’t have to know. I don’t have to be worried. Crysta doesn’t have this. God does. I don’t know what God will do, because I’m not God. I’m not the author of my life. God is the ultimate deciding factor in any direction or decision I will ever make. All I know is that I stand on biblical truths, and I know who crowns this year in goodness. (Psalm 65) I know I’m loved and forgiven, the book of John reminds me of that. I know that God rejoices in me repenting in his correction, but truly beams at me being the path for souls that can’t see.

she chooses to walk in peace.

she chooses to own free.

she chooses to say yes to unity.

she chooses to forgive.

she chooses to be in love.

she chooses to walk in grace.

she chooses mercy and compassion.

she chooses to see souls as blank slates

His way not her way in Today always.

she chooses to look Higher as His lighter.

After surviving the last nine months [according to me, because that’s what I see, but] my King that makes my soul sing, revived what died so I can thrive. I know that I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for these past nine months. I truly understand God has only the best for me. During what feels like spiritual preparation for His abundant pending birth through this divine separation, I realize there has been an awakening that cannot be shaken. There’s a supernatural clarity in my vision that no one can distract me from. I would like to see if I’ll be unapologetically free in His Great Name near souls that don’t believe. Even souls that didn’t believe me—if that’s God’s will to encounter again then I say: I pray I’m prepared to be His image not my own. I realize the eyes that need to only be alive is Jesus Christ. Crysta’s eyes need to shift to His gift of Higher as a Lighter and lampshade to be His Renegade. (Luke 11)

she lets go of the Crysta singular show,

she knows it’s time for that weed to stop

the clock of rewinded time in her mind.

it’s a bleed that’s unnecessarily scary.

she sees that her toxicity of me blinked her sink from we.

she sees thinking leaves no room for God’s boom.

she sees that she needs to be one in the body.

love makes her one in the body.

forgiveness makes her one in the body.

grace makes her one in the body.

compassion makes her one in the body.

she decides to die so He can soar Higher

with her being His stir, fighter, and lighter.

I’m done doing Crysta. I realize I don’t want to be anything other than what God has created me to be. I’m focused on Higher as being God’s lighter—no matter what. I’m thankful that I’ve made the decision to embody the Bible almost four years ago during my rededication. I practice to pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5) I fight to love like Jesus, and challenge myself to rise Higher as his lighter in moments that it’s hardest. I know I don’t always succeed, but thank God for his new mercies every morning. I try to remember to put on my breastplate of faith and love, as well as my helmet of salvation everyday, (Ephesians 6) but I don’t always remember to put on the armor of God—that’s okay. Thank God that Greater is He who lives in me, than he who’s of the world— (1 John 4) loves me unconditionally. Thank you Holy Trinity. Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

Transparent

I’m very transparent…except for my vulnerability. I scaffold who sees the raw me. However, there’s no hesitation for God to use my trails as tests to propel souls to be their best through my testimony. My life is His so I freely give me away for the gift of we in Today. Would I truly love it if all souls shifted their focus on things of Above? Absolutely, but my heart is weary, and this planet is very scary. I understand that my heart had to break, so God can take away what isn’t made to stay. I walked into to lion’s dens that over time my mind comprehended there’s layers to fears. Fears that I’ve blocked, and stopped as if I decided what comes to the Light of Christ. That’s not my call if my duty as His restored soul is to never grow old and cold. God pushes me to see that I needed to be free from all hidden toxicities boldly.

This winter break was truly what my heart needed to believe again. Apart of me that died came back alive by spending time with this beautiful family. My restoration in hope is what I’m clinging to as my new focused virtue. Being transparent did not come with pain this time. My future steps is the zeroed in win of being God’s cornerstone so souls can no longer be alone. My biggest challenge is forgiving. A few conversations occurred where I saw my heart needed to thaw. I used to get angry, but anger is extremely blinding—not aligning to His Kingdom unifying timing. Anger feeds feelings of me in an isolated toxicity. God is not a God of anger. God is a God of peace and order. God called my feet to meet in the worship space with souls I had no desire to face, but God is a God of grace to grace—so I say hey, let’s do this Race in the gift of Today the Holy Trinity’s way.

I’ve realized when I’m unsure of how to express myself from a mature space of love, I go to the gift of rhyming that God has blessed me with. This blog is one of the biggest blessings in my life. This blog outside of Jojo* saved my life. I was on the brick of dying from lies, and was tired of fighting. I wanted everything to end four years ago. I was tired of not understanding what God was trying to show me verses my current reality. I was tired of the facades surrounding me, including my own highlight reels that never took away the empty of my soul. Only fully saying yes to Jesus—being transparent that “I’m done with the world and I want you God, but I just don’t know what coming to you looks like.” What does wanting God really mean? How does healthy love look like? What is a relationship verses having a religion with God really mean? Do I really understand the voice of God like I suspect that I do? I had all these God questions, and was finally no longer afraid to embark on the journey where I know only God has my answers. So I said, “what’s the worse that can happen? I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.” I made that decision to never look back on April 4th, 2014 at my old church. I’m thankful for my old church, regardless of the outcome, or how that outcome affected my life. My old church was used as a tool to fully commit my life to Christ. My feet being in my old church is how I started understanding I need to be in the Bible aggressively daily if I want God’s clarity. My feet being in my old church solidified that I cannot be shaken in the voice of God. What my old church has done for me cannot be put into words, so I take it all—the great, the painful, and the blessings in disguise that are now coming alive.

Everything and everyone were tools to get me to where I currently am, so I thank the souls that loved on me. I’m grateful for the souls that lied to me, because I appreciate authenticity more. And I see the souls that failed at breaking me blessed me more than I can ever put into words with my supernatural strengthening, and my solidification in daily sanctification. God used everything for His glory, especially pain that I thought would never have any gain unfolding right before my eyes that came alive by the supernatural power in God’s midnight hour. Time has been my greatest advocate. Time has consistently showed me what to act on, and what to sit on as God unfolds his prophecy coming to pass. I’m learning how to be content in what makes no sense. I’m practicing how to say okay with what Jesus continues to breathe in my nostrils, regardless if I agree: I’m no longer feeding the broken weed of angry. The Holy Trinity has been telling me to:

Be still,

Wait,

You will see,

and trust Me—since February 3rd, 2016 on visions, and what Greater is He who lives in me than he who’s of the world has been speaking in my soul consistently. (1 John 4:4)

I’m finally in the space to act on waiting for what I was throwing demanding tantrums on knowing. God isn’t budging, and He wants me focused on walking through my feelings—😩. I really don’t favor this act, in fact it’s a practice I deeply dislike. However, crying me a river in the shower yesterday was very liberating. I was very hurt and upset that God blessed me with God-fearing friendships with this beautiful family last fall that Jojo and I both got close to lately—only to yank them away from us indefinitely. I know there’s peace on this Western Hemisphere journey but it still hurts. V* was truly the first God-fearing woman that openly loved with her heart, without showing resistance, and without “feeling me out, to see what I’m about.” There was no jealousy or pettiness. I didn’t have to walk through the unnecessary emotionally immature cattiness of cliques. I didn’t have to walk through dealing with walls until I “proved myself worthy, to be around.”

I am tired of that routine to the point that brokenness came on me. Now I’m so hesitant when I grew up being arms wide open. Did that bite me in the butt? More times than I know how to count. I changed completely from being bubbly and open because of my experiences in the past—especially at my old church. I keep to myself, and beautiful souls that want to get to know me will come to me, because I’m done extending myself. Has things changed since God has changed my place of worship? Yes. I’ve been blessed to meet some amazing women of God that I’m getting to know now.

Am I still walking through the infamous “church hurt?” I’m not sure, but I do know that God is a God of purpose and the blueprints are similar—thankfully my experience isn’t. I’m being protected from a lot, and I’m very thankful for that. I have a broken-hearted theory that souls that follow Jesus, and even souls who don’t yet [but will because every knee shall bow, and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord— (Romans 14:11)] have settled into this notion that “church hurt” is a norm that should be accepted. Why!? I don’t understand this absurd norm. Jesus didn’t accept it, and He died on the Cross to reverse that curse. It’s a curse to isolate someone. Isolating souls also ignores the purpose of the Cross of Calvary. Jesus didn’t die in vain, so why has so many of us started operating on egg shells acting as if Jesus’ death didn’t rectify and revived what perished back to life? But what do I know right? I’m a transparent soul that follows the Bible, but doesn’t have a platform or a specific status like Jesus didn’t either when He walked Earth. He has a platform now through His followers carrying on His message. Sadly, the world has fallen into this death trap that needs these specifics. Like the world fell in the same trap back then that killed Jesus. Jesus warned us about this as well in the Bible, yet this sad notion is heavily practiced above what Jesus specifically tells us how to counteract this blinding and dividing lie in the Bible: Love God and Love each other as sisters and brothers. We are called to get over ourselves in me to faithfully be one in the body. I pray one day unity is for all humanity.

However, it was refreshing woman to woman that V is welcoming in “hey, you want to hang out?” And my reply of course was, “Yes, let’s do this.” There was no “I need time to be around your space, to see what you’re about.” Maybe I experienced this refreshing gift with other women in the past and I just didn’t notice it, but it was very transparent in V. And V, her dope husband E*, and their beautiful son P* restored something in my soul that died. I hate that God is taking them away, but I understand that it’s necessary—so I choose to trust Him through this hurt that I pray has worth one day.

society dismantled the beauty in transparency.

cultural rituals became the lane of habitual.

being hurt is overlooked, which is a sad space

of hidden pain that’s explosive veins of insane.

being transparent can be effortless,

when me is replaced with the beauty of we.

Yesterday, I was blessed to spend time with another one of my loves, Nel* who’s also leaving but not as quickly as V—who’s leaving this Thursday after we spent New Years Eve together. I’m even more thankful we got New Year’s Eve now that I see she and her beautiful family have to leave. It’s a rarity to have open and healthy amongst women. I think it’s very unfortunate, but I haven’t had the greatest experiences with women over the years. I’m far from a saint, and I’m the first to say I’m an emotional hot mess. But I run to God and ask him if any of what is told to me is true within me, and if it is then change me Lord. I wasn’t always in this space, but being blessed with divine separation last year opened my eyes on a higher level to push for more love and less division. There are souls I never want to see or face again, but God doesn’t usually give me what I want. I highly doubt I’ll get what I want. The God I serve gives us what we need, and never what we want. So we shall see what comes next 💛. I don’t know what this year holds, but I know who crowns the year. (Psalms 65.) Love she that scribes lines of poetry.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy