Immobilized


she replays the days 

that had her crazed

in the rewinded minded maze.

hazed by the tears of her fears

she choked in her heartfelt provoking

emotions that kept her immobilized inside.

misguided by the layers in players 

from the fun in no sun building

that no longer has the godly wings.

she couldn’t be a secret or mistreated.

she couldn’t compete with the fan girl heat.

she retreated in the interruptions of her assumptions.

her misconception of deception is misrepresented 

by the tranquility of tangibility.

she’s tired of the realm she needs to dwell:

supernatural to her is a never occur blur

with no proof that makes her feel aloof.

she absorbed the brokenness of her surroundings 

as the staple of her labeled fables.

she’s renewing her mind to godly finds.

her parents are in their second quarter.

she’s in her first quarter: birth to thirty.

she’s been chasing the space of validation.

she thought a follow was the respected selected.

she’s been operating out of fear, because 

of the old building with no godly wings.

people around her didn’t want her to 

receive the achieving believing supernatural.

she surrenders her timeline.

she surrenders her blueprint.

she surrenders her expectations.

she lets go of what she knows.

she’s walking through the trauma 

of the submersion diversions of image.

she nitpicks herself and nitpicks others.

she replays the days 

that had her crazed

in the rewinded minded maze.

hazed by the tears of her fears

she choked in her heartfelt provoking

emotions that kept her immobilized inside.

misguided by the layers in players 

from the fun in no sun building

that no longer has the godly wings.

she couldn’t be a secret or mistreated.

she couldn’t compete with the fan girl heat.

she retreated in the interruptions of her assumptions.

she’s tired of those thinking she’s out of the league

of the space she was created to be in.

she believes her beauty faded but it’s untrue.

she became so fazed by the clouded sounds

of others lies that she’s their garbage deposal.

she knew that building with no godly wings

wanted sinning tailspins scattered stings.

she struggles from the deliverance in stillness.

she doesn’t want to be stronger in settling.

everything feels one-sided since the messages

in the Vicks of Birmingham lyrical bliss.

she allowed people to make her feed shame.

she prays away the pain that’s in vain.

she prays away the hurt with no worth.

she saw the true colors of others 

who she was supposed to be: fan girl.

she doesn’t need false friendships in her space.

she just wants worship and leave like the wind.

nobody sees her.

nobody knows her.

nobody tells her anything.

messages were received.

she casts out the projective brokenness of others.

others brokenness is for the Lord not her.

she chooses to see her new reflection 

of the woman of God she’s been created to be.

she replays the days 

that had her crazed

in the rewinded minded maze.

hazed by the tears of her fears

she choked in her heartfelt provoking

emotions that kept her immobilized inside.

misguided by the layers in players 

from the fun in no sun building

that no longer has the godly wings.

she couldn’t be a secret or mistreated.

she couldn’t compete with the fan girl heat.

she retreated in the interruptions of her assumptions.

it’s so hard for her to let go of what she knows.

she grew up in a household that was so cold.

her father is different and she doesn’t receive it.

it’s hard to believe she’s free from his toxicity.

her father was blessed with a clean bill of health.

she’s tired of hearing her ribcage is here.

she doesn’t see what she receives.

she feels no one understands she grew up

with healthcare Caribbean parents that said no

to her to socially grow and know her own flow.

people had the hardest time connecting with her differences.

because she spoke three languages.

because she took ESL to relearn English.

because she maturely understood not to 

pressure her parents for more.

she’s been fighting to fit in since she was born.

her best friend pushes her to be proud to stand out. 

she’s asking God for the push to stand out 

and face all the women and men she’s faced in the past.

she asks God to show her how to do this God’s Way.

she’s ready to let go of the unknown.

she’s tired of the satanic attacks that hold her back.

she’s praying for the accountability in maturity.

what is of God and what’s of the enemy? 

she yearns to learn how to discern 

from projections of others.

she replays the days 

that had her crazed

in the rewinded minded maze.

hazed by the tears of her fears

she choked in her heartfelt provoking

emotions that kept her immobilized inside.

misguided by the layers in players 

from the fun in no sun building

that no longer has the godly wings.

she couldn’t be a secret or mistreated.

she couldn’t compete with the fan girl heat.

she retreated in the interruptions of her assumptions.

she chooses to do this God’s Way 

and understand what that means.

she’s done repeating cycles.

reflection is her protection. Amen.

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Clouds

I took this picture yesterday evening. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been deeply fascinated by the wonders of the earth. Clouds always fascinated me. I asked some teacher in elementary school how are clouds created, and what’s the purpose of them. I got the purpose answer, which I wasn’t satisfied with. Rain, is all I got. And I wanted more. So I went home and asked my dad, and he gave me a more stimulating answer, which I also wasn’t quite satisfied with either, but it was better. My father told me clouds are condensation through humidity that store water, and depending on the denseness of clouds, and level of humidity it will rain. 

My dad made me look up all the words I didn’t know he said, at first I never understood why my dad made me practice this habit. I thought it was annoying growing up, and I always gave him an attitude that he threw sass to or ignored. Now that I’m an adult I truly comprehend that my father was developing self sufficient practices in me. He was pushing me to my purpose and identity. My dad always used to tell me to find my neesh. I used to look at him like he was alien, and asked me what was that. And he said, “my father said it to me.” And I asked him so what does it mean? And he said, “he doesn’t know.” I asked him why didn’t he ask, and he said, “the culture in Trinidad,” which is where he is from, “is to listen to the words of your parents.” I was like, “what, and not challenge them? That’s unfortunate.” After that I moved on, and had to endure hearing finding your neesh growing up. Eventually I figured out how to tune out that statement. I do believe it means find your identity and purpose. Who knows what it really means though…cultures are created and don’t always have biblical blueprints from my experience as a human thus far.

When we aren’t in the will of God… 

We make silent & quiet sounds. 

God is a God that’s loud and proud,

but we follow the wrong clouds outloud.

We sneer for the wrong sounds:

It’s a misery of chaotic toxicity. 

It’s the land of sinking thinking quicksand.  

The pounds get loud in carnal crowds

of a mutant scrutiny collision division. 

Purpose is paused as His Cause

and we press play in the decay of yesterday. 

Looking back is a satanic attack of witchcraft. 

It’s the enemy’s key to talk sleepwalking blindly.

It’s never too late to participate & retaliate

in the call of conquering all pitfalls by giving our all.

I wanted to be plugged into the science world. Somehow some way there was too many things I liked, to figure out where exactly I wanted to be. I loved the idea of being a chemist, because the processes of mixtures and creations truly stimulate me. I’ve been writing to God most of my life. I vaguely remember writing in some kid journal that I wished I kept, but I wasn’t thinking long term of reflecting on little Crysta’s mindset. What I wrote as a child to God was, I don’t really know if I had a purpose to be in science other than not dealing with mean people, and having a healthy space to create. The more I wrote to God the more I realized that I wanted purpose above all else. It took my adulthood to own this truth, and accept the woman of God that I was created to be. This was all destined to be my journey and testimony. My hiccups were always going to be God’s setups. 

I also love photography, the idea of capturing a moment that can last forever is so beautiful to me. Clouds always captivated my heart due to the uniqueness of each cloud. It’s an algorithm to me, like our finger prints being divinely designed. Anything divine is God. God is the result of everything. To me everything is an algorithm. The Bible tells us that everything is used for the greater good according to those called for his purpose. (Romans 8:28) we are all called to embrace each purpose God has for all of us. Not everyone answers the call unfortunately. The Bible even prophesied the current challenging times of the world now. My heart was shaken about Philando Castile’s verdict. The man was murdered in front of his four year old daughter, in cold blood, and there are recordings. The murderer was found not guilty. I cried like a baby yesterday at church, which healed my deep rooted wounds ironically. 

she’s freed from the past.

the pain didn’t last.

facing the rewind of time 

was a healthy find for her mind.

it was a pleasant surprise to see 

her former pastor is now free and happy.

she can see God wants harmony. 

she obeys her King’s melody effortlessly. 

what her King wants 

is what her King gets.

she’s ready and steady to reconnect.

she’s ready for the sounds of Kingdom Clouds.

Philando Castile’s outcome isn’t a race thing anymore, this is a power thing. I was shaken as a black woman who walks on faith she’ll be married to her ribcage one day, and will be a mother to black sons and daughters. I was broken and shaken before stepping into my church yesterday. Of course, my senior pastor preached a healing and timely sermon. Then I was blessed to attend the Hillsong United album release concert for free. I wanted to leave after an encounter made me feel like I didn’t belong. Then God showed out by using Hillsong United to connect to me. God always shows me how much he loves me in every moment that I need that reminder. Yesterday was a day I desperately needed to be reminded how much God loves me. 

God has shown me that I am now okay with being sensitive. God had shown me I’m now okay with crying, because I see my tears free me. God has shown me to own my femininity proudly. I do God, because I know you God are the rock on which I stand on. (Psalms 18 & 23) You God are the only sound of Kingdom Clouds. So I fix my eyes on the Light of Jesus Christ. I continue to lift up my sword, and spark the dark to all that’s not right inside. I continue to do what Jesus died on the Cross of Calvary to ignite: the lost to no longer walk the cost of blind, and to to see supernaturally by being set free in unity as an entire humanity. I let go of what I know God. I’m finally ready to embrace the space of the unknown. I’m no longer feeding the throng of looking back in the disgrace space of all I know, that you freed me from. I own my freedom. Your Way is my only okay and Obey of Today.

I love you King.

Love your daughter.

anger

Daddy,

I don’t understand you God. 

I guess I’m not meant to.

You do the most with pruning & truth.

It’s not like I’m not fighting to rise.

Every time I hit a benchmark 

you throw me curveball God.

It’s starting to feel like 

a reel of twisted jokes that provokes.

Anger is an evoking chokehold.

I thought I conquered madder through anger.

Testing me financially isn’t a new to feed.

These five weeks I’ve learned to increase speeches.

I’m no longer in a throng of wrong or leeches.

I see I can rise above from areas unheard of.

But then you threw me in a lion’s den 

with this stupid charger breaking again.

Of course I snapped which feels like a setback. 

But then I took a deep breath, 

closed my eyes, and fixed my why

on the Light of Christ & choose to fight.

I started maneuvering the wiring and prayed.

I waited until you answered me to obey.

You said this is about my patience in stillness.

Okay so how do I grow to know in this area?

I’m tired of resulting in reacting, because 

it’s distracting. This hiss pauses Your Cause. 

I’m called to conquer my pitfalls, but this is hard.

It’s hard smiling when I don’t know what’s next.

It’s hard walking not by sight by being in the Light. 

It’s hard to choose love when no one wants Above.

It’s hard to choose love when rejecting 

is the rave humans crave in misbehave.

It’s hard being unpopular around drone clones.

I feel so alone in the biblical zone,

but I’m tired of reacting it’s distracting. 

So show me what to do God I want only You.

It’s about your way God so no more delays

in me feeding slums of sins that are tailspins. 

Like being madder through anger. I’ll never win.

Show me how to stop reacting it’s distracting. 

Show me how to conquer this pitfall. 

Show me how to finally give my all.

Show me how to be better with those around.

Show me how to drown out ungodly sounds.

Show me how to make You my Loud Cloud.

Show me how to tune out what’s not of You.

Show me how to finally see anger is behind me.

Show me how to not feed provoking toxicity.

Show me how to be still to grab Your Gills,

and choose to lose boldly not coldly patiently.

Show me how to not feed other’s chaotic weeds.

It’s a live feed I don’t need, believe, or receive.

Show me how to biblically flee from this scenery.

Show me how to be who You called me to be.

I only want what You have for me in it’s entirety.

I choose to be free faithfully and biblically.

Love your daughter. 

anew

I want nothing to do with her.

She’s your sister.

Don’t care she’s a kool-aid sniffer.

She’s clouded and needs lifting.

Okay I’ll pray for her but that’s it.

Love on her she’s my daughter too.

I don’t want to love on her, 

because she sucks & she doesn’t want more.

She needs your love and my healing.

She doesn’t want your healing.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

She wants an easy wilderness walk,

God she’s so unrealistic and foolish.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

She wants everyone’s storyline but hers.

Pray for her. She needs grace.

I don’t know how to do what you want. I’ll pray.

Trust Me. You will see.

A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal Daddy. I remember the day that you lead me to buy this journal & start anew with my love letters to you. I was so upset, because I still had so many pages in my leather case journal that I bought for our love letters. That journal has so many tearful & painful entries that it was hard for me to pick up that journal in love. 

Maybe that’s why you lead me 

to this beautiful pink Parisian journal.

It is.

I really want to go to Paris, France.

You will.

I’ll wait until you execute that Crysta goes to Paris, France encounter. All in your perfect timing. The last entry that I have in this journal is April 4th. That’s the day that marked three years since I recommitted at 100% to doing this Christian walk biblically. To be quite honest Daddy, my recommitment didn’t feel real, until I finally did my water baptism on Sunday, June 1st 2014. In twelve days, like the number of Jesus assigned disciples, it will be three years since this Christian walk became real to me. Even though Jesus had twelve disciples, one of them named Judas perished to the fear of death by the pale scales, which prevailed over his eyes by the lies he didn’t fight with the Light of Jesus Christ. Judas represents so many lost souls that choke in the hostages of their bondages like Judas did. 

Sometime on a stormy night in 2009, I had my very first encounter with Immanuel God with us. Immanuel God with us supernaturally kept my mother and I alive that night. Immanuel God with us brought the car we were in safely in front of my sister’s house. Witnessing that with my own broken eyes, I had to choose the Light of Jesus Christ. There was no way I could live another moment, and not declare that Jesus Christ is Lord. Daddy I know I’m alive only because you parted the word impossible supernaturally for me. That’s not the only moment I should’ve died. You walked me through so much more. Jesus Christ became Lord even more to me over the years. But it was so hard for me to be free, because no one was doing this walk biblically around me. I was tired of lukewarm Christianity and false prophecy. I convinced myself this walk was impossible, but you used my pain in vain for your biblical gain Daddy, as part of my present testimony. Only You made me anew. You broke my chains Daddy. 

On June 1st 2014, is when salvation felt real. That’s when Jesus Christ became Immanuel God with us. I went into the water on that Sunday wanting Crysta to completely die. I went into that water wanting to be cleansed from every sin I’ve ever committed & condemned myself for. I went into that water truly wanting restoration & to become anew. When I rose I truly knew I’ll never go back to who I used to be, no matter what I had to feel, face, or see. I truly knew that any pain will never be swallowed in vain. I know that no matter what any human will ever tell me that my choice is your still small voice God. 

I will always choose to lose in the foolishness of your biblical deliverance God. I knew I was through with facades and playing god. I knew that any hiccup I’d speak-up in the strength of Christ not my understanding. My understanding doesn’t equal the strength of Christ. On June 1st 2014 I was determined to conquer any pitfalls experienced your way God. I haven’t looked back since my supernatural & mental switch. I committed when you lead me to play my roles I did Daddy. I didn’t always like that, but I did it. 

Thank you Daddy for revival.

Thank you Daddy for godly survival.

Thank you Daddy for showing me to grow.

Thank you Daddy for restoration.

Thank you Daddy for daily sanctification.

Thank you Daddy for grace upon grace.

Thank you Daddy for being my safe place.

Thank you Daddy for creating healthy for me.

You showed me a lot that my limited brain struggles to understand, but I say yes to your ways. I say yes to your will above my struggling heart. I say yes to only you walking me through my stings. I say yes to you only healing my wounds. I say yes to you making me anew. What I used to do was so harmful, and not biblically being set free. We are all called to be set free faithfully. 

You forever changed how I see marriage.

You forever changed my surface based ways.

You walked me through the 131 painful hue.

I had to surrender my cultural circumstances.

I had to surrender my societal denial chances.

You forever make me pause and discern

after that 131 painful hue day & that’s not okay.

You forever made me a Renegade to challenge

everything that crosses my path to see if it’s 

your will and biblical math of walking straight.

You forever made wedding rings have a sting.

If truth isn’t biblically told to me it’s rejected, 

and my intellectual prospect ejects completely.

That’s exactly what I did with that false prophet on the second month of the first week in twenty-sixteen. The foundation of that conversation wasn’t lead by the Holy Spirit. That false prophet never prayed over the meeting, nor did he pray to ask for the leadership of the Holy Spirit of his words as a pastor. That was my first red flag. Prayer is essential as a pastor. In the Bible pastors were seen as apostles. Apostle Paul never stopped praying, and said nothing without the invitation of the Holy Spirit leading his scribes. When this false prophet didn’t pray over the conversation that showed me he leans on his own understanding, and misleads souls that don’t have high discernment like me. 

Lord I pray for a spirit of high discernment to wash over the souls that desperately need the ears to hear your biblical truth. I pray for a spirit of high discernment to wash over the souls that desperately need to see your biblical truth. Lord I pray that this false prophet is blocked from ever spreading the fleshly mess he spread at my old church in this new church. I pray you convict him in such a way that the Holy Spirit takes over, and only biblical truth comes out of his actions and vocabulary. I pray his current struggle changes him completely to who he’s truly called to be. Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven over his life. I thank you for what you’re about to do. And what you always do. In Jesus name, amen. 

The hiccups and misleading guidance this false prophet did reminds me of the Pharisees that were determined to stone Jesus Christ to death. In the book of John chapter 8 all because Jesus Christ refused to kiss the Pharisees with lies. Jesus Christ slapped them with truth. Jesus Christ always slapped the Pharisees with the truth. Jesus Christ unapologetically sparked the dark of what’s not right with the Light of Christ, which is aligned and designed by the same Holy Spirit that resurrected Jesus Christ, when he died on the Cross of Calvary. It is our duty as righteous followers of Jesus Christ, who’s also known as Immanuel God with us to walk the same way as the Light of Jesus Christ. 

This false prophet guides the confused blindly into ungodly realities like the Pharisees, and like that hue 131. Because of biblical order as you’ve lead me to mediate in 1 Corinthians 14. I’m very limited to how I truly want to express how I feel about this false prophet in my scribing abilities to rhyme. I also understand my wrestle in the weed to want to knock his teeth out for being an emotional bully, that caused so much damage and internal grief. Feeding my flesh through violence isn’t the answer or will make me anew. Love is the greatest emotion of all. (1 Corinthians 13:13) 

I don’t want to love this false prophet that caused so much damage. I don’t want to pray for the healing of the false prophet that mislead so many people in the wrong direction. That’s not Christlike. Being Christlike is rising above in love. I truly don’t know how to do that with this false prophet human. What I should do is be thankful I don’t cross paths with him. Almost crossing paths with him a few months back was too close for my liking. Seeing his wife last weekend ruined my morning. Seeing a human shouldn’t ruin my peace. I shouldn’t be worked up by mortal humans like these two. I don’t know how to not be worked up. I don’t write my story God you do. So please show me what to do. I’m open to becoming anew.

Surrender

Surrender what God?

Your anger towards them.

I’d rather kick their ass.

Be in love and forgive. They’re my Chosen too.

They shouldn’t be. They suck.

They’re my broken and Chosen. They’re mine.

Good for you. They’re not mine.

Be still & forgive.

I don’t know how to forgive them.

I don’t want to forgive them.

I want to hate them.

Hate is not of Me.

I want them destroyed.

What does that do for you?

Nothing. It changes nothing.

Be still & forgive.

Okay Daddy. I have no idea how,

but I’m willing to learn so show me how.

You will see. Come to Me.

Okay I say yes, I surrender all.

Show me how to conquer this pitfall.

Show me how to be anew with these two.

You will see.

I love you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter. 

math

this was about the truth. 

this was about Jojo’s* forgiveness. 

this was about her ribcage’s deliverance. 

this was about Jojo letting go. 

this was about Jojo leaping in the unknown. 

this was about she who is me letting go. 

this was about she who is me forgiving 

the he God says is for me completely.

this was about accepting God’s Voice above 

the current facades human’s choice of god in

the slums of sinning tailspins with no wins.

this was about the he God says is for me

seeing that he doesn’t know all in this pitfall.

this was about Jojo accepting the neglecting. 

this was anointing and appointing in joining 

these ribcages and their ribs God Way’s,

despite the fight of the night in fleshly distress.

this was about she who is me understanding 

the land of grace upon grace is necessary 

for God’s Chosen to be set free biblically.

this was about the she who is me choosing 

to lose boldly not coldly in the layers of prayers.

she who is me is mad about this testimony. 

she who is me is done speaking to everybody. 

she is who is me wants to stop talking to

all sleepwalking choking facade god cowards. 

she who is me is over the colder popularity. 

she who is me is tried of everybody that

secretly wants the mixed drinks that stink. 

she who is me wants to cut everyone off

except for Jojo her bestie that’s the realist

and a few others that’s true and beautiful.

Jojo the bestie that never left her side. 

Jojo the bestie that was her eyes when blind. 

Jojo the bestie that was time when rewind 

was the mindfulness in her hinderances. 

she who is me justified all pain in vain.

she who is me made her he tangibility 

to be not real because it feels like 

everybody wants that outcome. 

it feels like everybody wants ungodly.

supernaturally he’s a conundrum that

swings and heals my stinging pendulum.

she who is me just wants to say flip it

find another man that I can be in quicksand

too, because that’s the hue he fine tuned to.

she who is me thinks that sinking isn’t bad.

everybody else wants lukewarm and not reborn

everybody else wants mutiny and scrutiny

she who is me is really tired of everybody.

she who is me wants to be Old Testament 

where I can cut off everybody & move on.

cutting everybody off is safe for my heart.

Jojo the bestie says New Testament is

grace upon grace and forgiveness for the 

deliverance of human’s hinderances. 

human’s that she who is me doesn’t want 

in her space, but this is God’s Pace & Race.

she who is me thinks God does the most.

she who is me feels like the only follower

in her final bow to allow the Leader: Holy Ghost.

this was about the truth. 

this was about Jojo’s* forgiveness. 

this was about her ribcage’s deliverance. 

this was about Jojo letting go. 

this was about Jojo leaping in the unknown. 

this was about she who is me letting go. 

this was about she who is me forgiving 

the he God says is for me completely.

this was about accepting God’s Voice above 

the current facades human’s choice of god in

the slums of sinning tailspins with no wins.

she who is me is walking through all the feels.

she who is me is walking through all the reels.

she who is me is gauging from the staging.

she who is me didn’t want to receive I was 

rejecting everything about beautiful bamboo.

she who is me doesn’t know how to receive 

beautiful bamboo after everything.

the feels are surreal and it’s hard to focus

on the vantage point of unseen when reality

became the lane of barbaric irregularity.

it was easy to believe beautiful bamboo before.

she who is me is petrified of his past lies.

beautiful bamboo’s past lies magnified 

a fleshly messy manticore public show.

she who is me saw that rallied community.

she who is me was blessed to be released 

from the beast of that routine and scene.

she who is me is tired of walking this story.

she who is me is tired of being God’s Glory.

she who is me feels people are freed at the

expense of painful journeys for all to see by me.

she who is me scribes the lines from inside.

she who is me wants nothing to do with lies.

she who is me is so afraid of getting hurt.

she who is me would rather be wrong, but

I see that I’m aligned by Prophetic Design.

she who is me doesn’t know how to let go 

of the he that God keeps saying is now free.

how can that be? he wanted money not me.

where’s the pay off for all this obedience?

me is the she that has to be correct in this.

she who is me made him black and white.

black and white are the grey’s in delays.

black and white are the tangible dismays.

he has to be black + white to equal grey’s.

she who is me didn’t want to know

the connection was being objected & rejected.

she who is me has to protect my heart 

it’s in the Bible to protect this space.

she who is me was open before and my face

fell straight to my pillow in the gear of tears. 

she who is me cannot see this supernaturally 

in the area after all this time and painful pitfalls.

that’s not black plus white, which equals grey. 

grey is tangible and reachable. 

reachable is simplistic for being teachable.

supernatural is the underestimated realm 

of limitless colors & there’s no simple math.

God & beautiful bamboo always has me 

walking through the melodies of my emotions.

I don’t want to be in tuned with this hue of truth

because I want to be aloof to the biblical proof.

he’s not simple math. I can’t figure him out.

he’s not an algorithm I can conceptualize.

I do not like there’s no math to solve.

I do not want to let go of math, but

I see I have to, so I let go of numbers.

numbers are the covers in thunder blunders.

the only math she who is me will choose to see

is he + He + her equals God’s Stir & Strands.

that’s the only math she who is me needs.

this was about the truth. 

this was about Jojo’s* forgiveness. 

this was about her ribcage’s deliverance. 

this was about Jojo letting go. 

this was about Jojo leaping in the unknown. 

this was about she who is me letting go. 

this was about she who is me forgiving 

the he God says is for me completely.

this was about accepting God’s Voice above 

the current facades human’s choice of god in

the slums of sinning tailspins with no wins.

I am ready for my ribcage God’s Way.

Jojo is ready for her ribcage God’s Way.

these ribcages are ready God’s Way. 

so Holy Spirit move and let Your Way be done.

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

thunder

changes are here & it’s not fair.

there’s a dilution solution to the virtue

that’s biblically true & the layers to prayer.

people are in a deep state of fear,

because changes are here and 

things are very clear in this active aware. 

it’s time to grow and know this new flow.

but this unknown is a drone clone zone.

at least that’s the featured released beast.

the training is draining for complaining

for this praising in the rain tear stained pain.

through God will our gains never be in vain.

as a unity we are called to conquer pitfalls 

and give God our all to be seen as one.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks regarding my brother. That splash of cold reality wasn’t what I wanted to see. My brother doesn’t want more. My brother doesn’t want to grow or move on from what he knows. My brother wants to be a fool that returns to his folly like a dog that returns to his vomit. I desperately wanted to believe & received that my brother too was ready to propel and achieve biblically. But that cold splash of reality hit me unapologetically. My brother wants to be high like a kite & flying in the sky eating the weeds of his lies that make him die on the inside. 

Sometimes I don’t like talking to my best friend Jojo.* She makes me go to spaces of blocked unknown. The way information comes out of my mouth around her is bigger than me to ever stop or flee. God is all over this space that I cannot avoid and must come face to face. I’m called to conquer my pitfalls, and experience supernatural grace upon grace. The other day, when Jojo was reading my blog, the Holy Spirit revealed something to Jojo that I never told her. At first, I genuinely believe when I block out things, like an ejected disk or a mental self-made wipe out, I don’t ever want to receive that memory again. That doesn’t make my stake of fake remove that factual lion’s den. The Holy Spirit was telling me to discern her statement, but I didn’t want to. However I never grieve the Holy Spirit by being disobedient no matter what I feel. On April 4th 2014, I laid down rejecting what the Holy Spirit needs me to do. After 4.4.14, I was determined to grow and protect my Proverbs 31 biblical woman virtue. I was determined to walk my journey of a biblical bride regardless of my misguided pride or lies. I want nothing more than to fight in the Light of Jesus Christ & to spark my dark of all that’s not right inside. My pride is a misguide of broken dreams, routines, and scenes of lies magnified. 

Before that date: 4.4.14, I spent five years rejecting what the Holy Spirit has been needing me to do: walkthrough my freedom from broken dreams, routines, and scenes. It’s a broken dream to believe I’ll never be set free. It’s a routine for me to be lonely on my one-way decay train in my membrane of being okay. It’s an unrealistic scene for me to believe that I didn’t encounter Immanuel God with us in a storm of 2009, where I became transformed & a reborn. Just because I forgot that date doesn’t mean it’s not my original Christian birthday. It’s truly a misconstrue phony, and cultural by societal bologna. My fear of backsliding was a bondage that held me in a delusional hostage. I no longer wanted to be the daughter I walked in broken dreams, routines, and scenes after I was 19. The thunder of my rumbling tumbling blunders can no longer be stronger in unseen. It was time to be set free faithfully.

I didn’t want to be the daughter that was stronger in ignoring promptings that set me free faithfully. I no longer wanted to be stronger in secret misery fleeing lukewarm with the enemy of my chaotic toxicity in the ugly known blindly. The ugly known is actually the audacity to be in stagnancy. It’s a barbarity of irrelevant irregularity that’s potent quicksand transparency. It’s a drone clone that became a lame ashamed backbone that I truly outgrown. I didn’t want to be the daughter that acts like I don’t know what the Holy Spirit needs me to face or walk through anymore. I already spent five years doing that before 4.4.14, after my supernatural encounter with Immanuel God with us during that storm of 2009, where I transformed and was a reborn. I can no longer deny or hide I’ve been saved since 2009 so when the Holy Spirit told me to discern what Jojo received I did painfully. It’s true what she received, and that’s when I knew I was finally free from that weed that made me bleed with broken need. 

she didn’t want to be set free from her brother. 

she wanted to continue being his mother. 

in a broken token she spoke that in existence.

that was a hinderance she needed deliverance 

from, in the slums of her no sun sins tailspins.

mother not sister is a role of patrolled control.

their mother wasn’t equipped, just a misfit.

at a young age she saw her mother’s hone.

her mother’s stage was a sinful caged page.

her mother’s severity is unclarity to be ugly.

the ugly of her patrolled control is her throne.

her mother would rather her own phone than

be set free in full throttle sanctification.

Jojo got me to admit another childhood connection that I rejected. My mother used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. My mother is an addict that moves from one obsession to another. My brother as a child used to ironically put out our mother’s cigarettes. One day my brother almost choked on the cigarette, and that’s what caused my mother to stop smoking. When I told Jojo this childhood memory she sharpened me. She told me that the taste of cigarette stayed with my brother, and that’s why he’s a smoker too. Jojo helped me walked through the pain of not understanding how my mother who knows I was born with asthma, allowed my brother to smoke in the house after I admitted to Jojo my mother used to be a smoker too. 

Jojo told me that my mother settled to smell the second hand smoke that came from my brother smoking. After that painful dose of reality, I was so thankful I was far away from my mother and her brokenness. This was the first Mother’s Day that I didn’t speak to my mother. I was completely at peace with no communication. I saw the highlight reels this past Sunday’s celebration of Mother’s Day, and I was completely okay with not speaking to my mother. I’m completely okay with never seeing her or my father ever again, if that’s God’s will. After my dream about my brother, and the revelation of seeing he doesn’t want more, I’m also okay with never seeing him again too. Where I am with God? I cannot afford to have anyone broken in my circle. My supernatural space is aggressively protected not neglected. The blood of Jesus is far more important to me than who’s connected to me genetically. The will of God trumps protecting my family’s facades. That’s broken dreams, routines, and scenes. That Crysta died finally, and I refuse to lose in the world coldly in a phony of lonely.

“But he answered and said unto him 

that told him, Who is my mother? 

and who are my brethren? 

And he stretched forth his hand 

toward his disciples, and said, 

Behold my mother and my brethren! 

For whosoever shall do 

the will of my Father 

which is in heaven, 

the same is my brother, 

and sister, and mother.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:48-50‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Brooklyn is your home.

wherever my ribcage is, is my home.

he will always be your home. 

That’s true God: my ribcage will always be my home. Now that you’re pulling out all hidden weeds that make me bleed through broken needs, I can finally be free faithfully to biblically see supernaturally. I’m thankful I’m healthy and becoming more of a virtuous Proverbs 31 woman for your Kingdom God, and becoming the biblical wife I’m called to be for my ribcage. Thank you King Jesus for truly healing me from my broken dreams, routines, and scenes. I am no longer stronger as a hostage to the bondage of fear. I am a child of God’s boldly walking through all my facades, mirages, and harmful sabotages. I’m so ready to be set free faithfully for all humanity to see in unity as your godly community, because we are all called to be one nation under God. The thunder of my rumbling tumbling blunders can no longer be stronger in unseen.

changes are here & it’s not fair.

there’s a dilution solution to the virtue

that’s biblically true & the layers to prayer.

people are in a deep state of fear,

because changes are here and 

things are very clear in this active aware. 

it’s time to grow and know this new flow.

but this unknown is a drone clone zone.

at least that’s the featured released beast.

the training is draining for complaining

for this praising in the rain tear stained pain.

through God will our gains never be in vain.

as a unity we are called to conquer pitfalls, 

and give God our all to be seen as one.

“For ye are all the 

children of God 

by faith in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭3:26‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

yo

Where’s Tennessee or Italy? Or D.C.? 

Like I gave you a lot of options to be.

I’ve been over New York since you blocked 

my beautiful plan for Africa. 

I think I’m still mad.

You blocked all my chances of leaving. 

You blocked Europe too. 

I think I’m still mad.

You blocked my idiot proof fiscal plan too.

I think I’m still mad.

yo what’s your problem dude? What did I do?

I don’t ask for much. Like I really don’t.

I want to serve you, and spread your truths

without being broke or homeless. 

Maybe I want to travel too. Who knows.

But I don’t ask for much. 

What you gave me to walk is totally sucky.

I prayed against exactly what you showed me.

What you want isn’t what you need.

I didn’t ask you what I needed. I never asked.

I don’t understand why it has to be him. 

Are you open to understand?

No I’m not he didn’t listen and I did.

Restoration is forgiveness.

That’s nice. He gives me anxiety and strife.

Does he really? 

It has to be him or it could be my fears.

It’s years of fears and your hidden tears.

Everything feels so raw and exposed today.

Talking to Lyn* today made me fearful.

She confirmed your life.

That was last week. Today is a new day.

I went into a space of complete panic.

I haven’t been here since before I went 

to the church that cultivated so much hurt.

The church you wanted to avoid.

Duh because of that fake Saved By the Bell

dry spell no unity night community of tees.

It’s not like that anymore.

That’s wonderful God but damage’s been done.

But you God made all my pitfalls have worth.

This week you will see.

What will I see? Just tell me I’m walking blindly

& is so hard for me. I don’t like not seeing.

I grew up in a culture of seeing is believing.

You God literally wrote a storyline with no sight.

You God literally wrote a storyline that pained 

me greatly, which lead me to hidden triggers.

I walked through a lot of healing from revealing.

I didn’t think I needed healing just concealing.

But nothing is concealed from you God. 

Nothing ever will be.

You are the Creator and my Maker that’s far

greater than any of my facades that played god

I’m not okay with any of this. I hate how it looks.

I’ve been robbed by a manmade mirage.

This is all so hard. I’m very hurt by what he did.

It shouldn’t still be what you keep showing me.

I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to believe.

I don’t want to achieve or receive. I want to flee.

It’s all so ugly and phony. Fake is the stake 

that many want to make as their life mistake.

The shaking breaking of faking doesn’t matter.

You need to make Tennessee happen now.

I did what you wanted me to do. I listened.

Where’s my reward of peace? I see toxicity,

which gives me displease and so much unease.

I want nothing to do with this robotic chaos.

He’s not with her.

I don’t care. 

You do care.

Good for that he, bad for the her whatever.

Where’s Tennessee or Italy? Or D.C.? 

Like I gave you a lot of options to be.

I’ve been over New York since you blocked 

my beautiful plan for Africa. 

I think I’m still mad.

You blocked all my chances of leaving. 

You blocked Europe too. 

I think I’m still mad.

You blocked my idiot proof fiscal plan too.

I think I’m still mad.

yo what’s your problem dude? What did I do?

I don’t ask for much. Like I really don’t.

I want to serve you, and spread your truths

without being broke or homeless. 

Maybe I want to travel too. Who knows.

But I don’t ask for much. 

What you gave me to walk is totally sucky.

I prayed against exactly what you showed me.

What you want isn’t what you need.

I didn’t ask you what I needed. I never asked.

Why? Because you do the most and no thanks.

Disobedience isn’t the way.

Well neither is waiting in vain. 

You’re not waiting in vain.

Yes I am. What am I waiting for? This is stupid.

You know. 

Not that, I want other answers besides that.

That can’t pay my piling bills.

That can’t pay for this apartment I need.

That can’t do anything for me.

Why block the businesses!? yo they’re good!

It’s not time yet.

It’s not time yet for anything, but drive me mad.

That’s what it feels like. This mess won’t end.

Folks like pretend cool do you boos.

I’m about the foolishness of God.

But you’re doing the most Constant One. 

I’m tired of hearing:

You will see

Hang on 

Be still 

Trust Me

No thank you because this is totally sucky.

This sucks 

This sucks

This sucks

This sucks

This sucks

This is why I have a brain? 

This is why I have skill sets?

To be still when I need money? 

yo you’re doing the most dude.

I can’t say I’m over you.

I do love you and choose truth.

I love biblical proof and confirmation. 

But this still sucks.

I’m not posting this.

You are

No I am not

I am tired of this revealing healing crap.

This is so stupid.

It’s not paying my bills. 

I have your bills. 

Really? Okay then let’s pay them off right now.

In time is not today God.

Slow churn 

Now slow churn makes sense after last night.

You’re a slow roast God, and I’m fast food fool.

You’ve been telling me slow churn for years

and I was like whatever dude don’t get it bye.

You never asked.

True I never wanted to know.

Yes like that man you won’t let up about.

You’re mad loud about him all of a sudden.

How inconvenient when I got other fish to fry.

You can’t forget him.

That’s you’re fault. Not mine. I tried. He tried.

And according to you he failed. He did fail.

Tangibly him failing is hard to see. 

Tangibly he looks easy breezy cruising to me.

I’m not even asking for what he has.

I just want you to let me do that blueprint.

It’s not like I’m not honest. 

A man can never come for me if I do things

the way I want. It’s a guarantee if you let up.

I don’t believe anything about that man 

you won’t stop talking about. I’m tired. 

I just want to do what needs to be done. 

I don’t ask for much. I’m very capable of a lot.

A lot that can pay my bills and get a place.

This stillness is maddening.

This slow churn is maddening. 

This testimony is maddening.

Everything feels and looks so ugly. 

I don’t know how you’ll beautify this.

All I see is sins as sims winning in tailspins.

False prophets making community hobbits.

The end is near.

Rapture? Amen earth sucks.

He’s coming to you.

Jesus Christ? About time.

You know who. 

Nah I’ll wait in this annoying pain.

I hate feeling.

I hate crying.

I hate emotions.

I know you do.

You need to be set free and come to me.

I did hello I’m right here.

My ways are not your ways 

Your Way makes no sense.

Your Way stresses me out.

It’s your control.

I don’t know how to let go of what I know.

I don’t know how to see all things new.

I know my pain and vomit.

He’ll never throw me off again if I stay here.

You dipped my life in radical light and I’m done.

I see the Light of Jesus Christ and I fight.

Like nothing made sense since I stepped 

into the space of that church of so much hurt. 

I want a new testimony.

Stop telling me you’ll see and trust Me.

I don’t want to hear it. I just want my way.

Where’s Tennessee or Italy? Or D.C.? 

Like I gave you a lot of options to be.

I’ve been over New York since you blocked 

my beautiful plan for Africa. 

I think I’m still mad.

You blocked all my chances of leaving. 

You blocked Europe too. 

I think I’m still mad.

You blocked my idiot proof fiscal plan too.

I think I’m still mad.

yo what’s your problem dude? What did I do?

I don’t ask for much. Like I really don’t.

I want to serve you, and spread your truths

without being broke or homeless. 

Maybe I want to travel too. Who knows.

But I don’t ask for much. 

What you gave me to walk is totally sucky.

I prayed against exactly what you showed me.

What you want isn’t what you need.

I didn’t ask you what I needed. I never asked.

How do I free myself from all of this?

How do I let go of what I know to grow

in this area as a blank canvas?

How do I allow you to paint my picture?

How do I allow you to whiten the blemishes

of this man that I see as toxic quicksand?

How do I get excited about a love story

when I would rather eat glass?

He went so hard for his facade to play god.

No one understands. People try but fall short.

My sister makes me feel like eating glass too.

I’m really used to just keeping people at bay

especially when they break my heart. 

Last year when the new leader of that

night community you say is growing unity now

saw my heart was broken, and I felt so exposed.

I felt so unprepared as a so called prophet

that a complete stranger saw pain wordlessly. 

Aren’t I supposed to see everything!?

No

Then what’s the point of being one?

I feel like a zeroed in weirdo like: 

Moses

Noah 

Joseph 

Abram

Isaiah 

John the Baptist 

Saul to Apostle Paul

yo they were all men. I’m a woman. 

This is stupid.

You’re in good company.

No I’m lonely in this world of phony.

But you got me facing humans for what?

I’m like no thank you homie lonely is cool.

Lonely is safe. Lonely doesn’t break my heart.

Being set apart is hard and feels like a farce.

You will see

Trust Me

I guess one day I will.

Until then I’ll keep scribing my lines that rhyme.

Thank you Constant One for creating 

a space that makes me feel safe.

Love your lighter and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

rolodex

she who is me, 

made for her he

despite current toxicity 

just wants this all over. 

the loads are heavy on her shoulders.

she who is me,

made for her he

despite current toxicity 

is getting bolder and older. 

she who is me,

made for her he

despite current toxicity 

is tired of these boulders. 

he sees his decisions 

were self-inflicted incisions. 

feeding the fear he had for years

to never choke in fiscal broke.

the rolodex wasn’t worth whack marital sex.

the rolodex was his focused network. 

that network isn’t bigger than God’s Worth.

that network wasn’t worth swallowing hurt.

that network wasn’t worth hiding behind pride. 

that network wasn’t worth making gem-eye 

the legalized lie as his bride by covered demise.

that newspaper article was a timely toxic crater 

of slums in sins to never be godly biblical wins.

short-cuts aren’t biblical or ordained.

a forced four month arrange won’t change

anything in this regrettable situation.

gem-eye thought she bought the cost 

to never be lost, because she fought 

to never get caught, and now his missus.

the hissed dissed poisonous kisses

should be parted, according to gem-eye

like a Red Sea biblically, even though 

God said no, gem-eye’s now married.

that means God has to now make this biblical

even though the foundation was unethical.

becoming a missus never changed his moves 

regardless if she’s 

unloved, 

unseen,

or uncovered. this brother became a lover. 

after she took the wrong bow: chow to purity.

gem-eye was about fiscal status and security.

all she got was regurgitated glassed molasses. 

being his missus didn’t remove the stings 

of being disrespected or neglected

in those wrong throng song wedding rings.

gem-eye wants to be seen but is overlooked. 

God sees gem-eye but He’s not her hook.

gem-eye wants validation in her stinging rings. 

gem-eye wants validation in that community. 

gem-eye wants validation her way not God’s.

gem-eye wants ordained blessings in flesh. 

gem-eye is her own facade playing god.

none of her moves are biblical or ordained. 

gem-eye was determined to turn the burns

of her hit it and quit it misfit to this legal legit.

gem-eye is lonely but refuses to quit

her empty dried up sexual confetti phony.

he sees the lies of this gem-eyes

weren’t worth it. gem-eyes wasn’t worth it.

gem-eye’s nothing but strife 

as his coached poaching plight wife. 

he met his goal of gold 

but does it give him peace in his soul?

does he breathe with ease or is he displeased?

is he begrimed with his unsatisfied release?

gem-eye thought she was fly with light eyes.

gem-eye used her eyes to mesmerize why’s.

gem-eye currently ran out of tricks.

gem-eye has no clue her untrue hue is through. 

gem-eye needs the Cross of Calvary. 

it doesn’t hurt enough to be ignored 

even though gem-eye is floored 

because missus are supposed to be adored.

gem-eye thought she bought love.

through the popularity of her he’s community

but she sees no one receives or believe

her as his beloved she who’s meant to be. 

gem-eye wants to be his ordained missus.

gem-eye is a winced convinced eclipse diss. 

gem-eye and her lies are ugly mockeries. 

God has the final say and the way

to the Obey of Today and is always on time.

God is above rewinding of the humanistic mind.

God is Above ungodly finds and lines

like gem-eye and her positioned condition.

she who is me, 

made for her he

despite current toxicity 

just wants this all over. 

the loads are heavy on her shoulders.

she who is me,

made for her he

despite current toxicity 

is getting bolder and older. 

she who is me,

made for her he

despite current toxicity 

is tired of these boulders. 

he sees his decisions 

were self-inflicted incisions. 

feeding the fear he had for years

to never choke in fiscal broke.

does he see lies are a joke?

does he see fiscal envy is an ongoing provoke?

does he see gem-eye evokes only ungodly?

does he see gem-eye is his Hagar to Abram?

does he see gem-eye is his Leah to Jacob?

does he see gem-eye is not godly prosperity

or never will be, because she’s not his her

in the path to Kingdom Math 

of he + he + her equals God’s Stir?

does he see gem-eye is two strand quicksand?

does he want to be biblically set free faithfully?

she who is me has questions unanswered.

she who is me waits in prayerful stillness 

for this messy deliverance and hinderance. 

she who is me prays the rolodex and network 

was worth all of this deliberate belligerence.

she who is me cannot believe 

Love and Basketball escaped him.

she who is me is the Lathan to Epps.

money made him slim and grim.

money made him forget love is from Above.

she who is me only sees money were his keys.

she who is me battles to receive he’s free.

she who is me is tired and wired.

she who is me wants to sleep in peace. 

she who is me is over the unease displease.

she who is me just want her he already.

she who is me is over barbaric popularity.

she who is me chooses to lose boldly, and 

believe in what Her King with her rings says:

You will see

Trust Me

Pray

Survive

Wait

she who is me decides to hide in His Wings

because he who is greater is The Creator.

Emmanuel God with us controls the patrol 

of ashes to ashes and dust to dust. 

gem-eye already combusted from lustful rust.

only The Messiah is gem-eye’s Provider. 

for He’s Jehovah: ready to be her shoulders.

does gem-eye want to let go of strife for life?

she who is me is ready and steady to flee

from all worldly toxicities and be set free

biblically and faithfully for all humanity to see.

she who is me knows growth is in the unknown.

she who is me knows rolodex are clones.

she who is me knows networks are drones.

worldly chases will always feel like alone cases.

without God as the center nothing is better.

without God as the center nothing’s together.

without God as the center there’s no unity.

without God as the center there’s mutiny.

without God as the center worship is lost.

without God as the center The Cross is invalid.

Emmanuel didn’t die for humanity to combust 

in the slums of sinning not winning lust.

Emmanuel God with us died to be revived 

so humans can trust and thrive biblically

through the submission of the Holy Spirit.

Emmanuel died for adoption as our inheritance.

The Cross of Calvary is above 

gem-eye’s lies and mesmerized demise.

The Cross of Calvary is above 

the choke of fiscal evoking provoking broke. 

The Cross of Calvary is above 

the she who is me rainbow raw emotions. 

God makes all things new.

God and his will is the only hue of truth.

Thank you Constant One.

Love your leaping daughter.

Rehab

Where’s the light?

Where’s the break?

What she sees is expired and wired empty.

There’s the stake that breaks 

and shakes the she who is me constantly.

This lion’s den will never end.

When Amy Winehouse came on to the scenes I was so excited. I loved her song Rehab. My addictions weren’t tied to drugs or alcohol. I was addicted to holding onto pain with no gain. I was addicted to my hurts having no worth, because letting go meant my hurt didn’t get justified in my lie that I needed to isolate to protect myself. I was addicted to harming myself through my failed suicide attempts. I was addicted to the brokenness of sex thinking its how to be loved and not forgotten. Sex made me feel rotten because premarital sex always bothered me. I grew up in a society that okay’s that disobey. I was addicted to harming myself through my eating disorder, and condemning myself as this horrible homosapien that has no business being alive, because Immanuel was an idiot to die for the likes of me. My rehab looked differently than the surface of those words, but the cuts were the same knee deep toxicities that affected me.

The celebration in the flesh god liberation, 

is a dedication to the divided flag of America. 

The pause of His Cause: better together 

is not the hissed dissed poisonous kiss in

the slums of sinning not winning tailspinning 

vulgarities of barbaric popularity realities. 

This empty confetti is actually an audacity 

self made cheap creep lemonade, and 

societal habitual rituals ignoring His Renegade.

As I scribe these lines that I want to stay inside, I realize that night when my mother and I had that rainstorm fight, the Light of Jesus Christ was truly the bright to my darken strife lies. In two thousand nine I did have my first encounter with Immanuel God with us. I had to convince myself that it wasn’t true, because I knew I had no clue on how to do this walk correctly. I also knew that if I acknowledged that Immanuel and I came face to face that stormy night of two thousand nine, then that means how I was walking from that moment until the twelve month of the twenty seventh day of two thousand thirteen was backsliding.

I had severe perfectionism and I refused to be a backslider, so I acted like Immanuel didn’t supernaturally take over the car that safely drove my mother and I to my sister’s house. To me if I acted like that didn’t happen then I’m not saved. And if I’m not saved then I can’t backslide. And if I can’t backslide then I stay perfect. All deluded conclusions that my King who makes my soul sing healed through my hidden stings. God corrected my heart through my circumstances. God was trying to get me to see he was with me mind, body, and soul after that night in two thousand nine. My supernatural gifts came back, and I haven’t seen them since I was a child. That still didn’t convince me, so all supernatural moments after two thousand nine were coincidences. However, there was something about the late great Amy Winehouse and her song Rehab that I couldn’t shake as a concidence.

She has to fight the strife of losing her appetite.

She has to cling to the wings of her King 

and not rewind time in the mind of her stings.

She feels the peels of reels, and sees the 

lack and setbacks of her fiscal attacks.

She feels alone walking with drone clones.

This purpose is wordless in a High Purchase

of a life that walked the talk of strife in the 

Light of Jesus Christ who sparks dark to right.

The self pity solo committee that no one sees.

The invincible principle of whimsical tranquility

is not the biblical blueprint to fine tune godly.

Every time I listened to that song I felt the pain that was felt when scribing those words. I didn’t know how to pray correctly (or so I thought,) I would always say God soothe her soul or something. I can’t recall the exact words. I never paid attention to the fact I love praying. I love praying for people. I love lifting people to the Kingdom so they’re covered in God’s Wings. And my love for Jesus kept growing, and I was upset because I didn’t know how to do this walk right until I meet Jojo* and I saw the Light of Jesus Christ so brightly amongst her that it made me a believer I can do this too. Then my life completely changed after we meet for the better. I haven’t looked back, and I won’t. Crysta is dead and God is making me a newer, and better creation every time he blesses me to breathe with ease into my nostrils.

She can’t sleep because she’s not next to him.

She would feel safe in the purity of his security.

She’s miserable without him, and feels grim.

She’s slim and trim. She fights in His Light

that sparks the dark to what’s not right inside.

Nothing is the same, she’s walking through the

ungodly hues of shame and broken lames

no longer stronger in tamed ashamed.

She prays in Obey of Today but needs

the weeds that separated them to end pretend.

She needs her beautiful he to be her key to flee

from all toxicities and ungodly mockeries.

She wants to be godly with her he lovingly

to be the Bonnie to his Clyde and his do or die.

Christ revived so she and her he can be free

to do life godly on the path to Kingdom Math:

he + He + her equals God’s Stir and Craft.

Adam and Eve is what God achieved.

Jacob and Rachel were equals and Leah’s

father couldn’t stop that ordained sequence.

Sarai and Abram’s fears through Hagar 

the concubine couldn’t stop Issac’s inheritance.

Sarai became Sarah the mother of faith.

Hagar became Haggai; remained a concubine.

greeneye demise and her lies through legality 

couldn’t change her arranged destiny: ungodly.

God isn’t in the empty disaster of her savage

two strand deceitful marriage by the mutiny 

community of no unity. Being a forced missus

doesn’t change her consistent dissed winces.

greeneye demise and her lies is still invincible 

through her misleading principles she bought 

with her soul and caught the hard truth 

biblically is the key to being set free & see Holy.

I’ll always choose to lose the world boldly not coldly for all humanity to see biblically and faithfully. I’ll always say yes to God’s Way and not my own understanding, because it’s the land of quicksand. I’m called to conquer my pitfalls, and to float of the boat like Peter the fisherman turned reacher and preacher. There’s so many examples in my blueprint: The Holy Bible, that I spent these past three years fighting in the Light of Christ to walk as. God is the reason I’m alive today. He’s supernaturally blocked death to perish for me more times than I can comprehend or recognize. My life belongs to my King, because he holds my ready rings for the he I’ll always believe is for me. God makes all things new like me and you

Her he is for me who’s the she God receives 

biblically and faithfully with time revealing 

what was once concealing preventing healing.

Her he is being set free as she scribes & speaks.

greeneye demise and her lies got nothing 

that her mind tried to define and hide.

greeneye demise is a missus treated as an 

afterthought regurgitated meal concubine.

Time was supposed to reverse this fate.

greeneye demise and her lies convinced herself

time was her friend to get her forced mister 

to be ungodly in misery with the enemy blindly.

Time is godly not ungodly. Time showed Jacob 

Rachel is all he wanted regardless if he was 

tricked to be with Leah. God decides who we

ride or die in life with, humans cannot decide. 

God corrects the heart not His Promises. 

The false prophet that was behind the lie

of greeneye demise and her crimes in this 

savage marriage was used for God’s Purpose.

satan’s attempts always fail from temporary 

and secondary prevail. The pale scales fall

because as His Chosen we are called to rise

with godly eyes to be revived and survive 

the likes of false prophets and greeneye lies

like the he God says is for she who is me.

Beautiful eyeballs that read these scribed lines, trust the process that God has the best regardless how it feels or looks. God is so worth it. I’m a living testament of this beautiful truth. God healed me from all the addictive weeds that made me internally bleed with broken need. God is the only one that walked me through my supernatural rehab from all that made me sad and mad through the ungodly hues, in the societal and cultural habitual rituals I grew up practicing robotically and chaotically. God had to heal me from all toxicities of my family to break the generational curses His Way not my way. God is the only one, through all the vessels he’s used, like Jojo, her ribcage, and my ribcage that can heal what’s deeply concealed. Praise God all mirages and self sabotage facades are drones that no longer makes me a clone that feels alone. God is my key that will always lead me biblically to be set free faithfully for all humanity to see in unity. My tests are His Testimonial Tributes through my fine tuning pruning process in this wilderness that’s a well hidden blessing bliss. Thank you for healing my addictions through Your Supernatural Rehab. All is well within my soul. 

Thank you King Jesus.

Faith moves mountains.

Gratitude is the greatest attitude.

I love you King.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

discern

she sees how it can be easy 

to flee from God’s company.

in the midst of arguments there’s rifts 

and violent shifts that causes ungodly.

her mother liked feeding a weed

that breaks out the idea to make her bleed.

that’s why she wants to be removed so badly.

anger, madder, and sadder 

are the themes in her mean scene

as her mother’s company. 

her mother walks a talk that brings stings.

her mother will never understand your ways. 

This is very hard for me as the she for her he.

All she wanted was to breathe

with ease in a healthy space and relief.

she has a lot of why’s. 

she had too many goodbye’s.

she has a lot of lies like 

that replay and decay’s in her mind.

with her he that made her feel unworthy.

she has a lot of crying inside.

triggering violence is the allegiance  

of her mother’s alliance to brokenness.

she hears about a man that isn’t in her space.

she cried about a man that gave her tears

for years and fed the gear of hidden fears.

she’s walking a journey of ‘cultural’ disgrace.

God is using her faith 

to be His Face in this space.

she still believes regardless what she sees.

she stopped judging when the subject 

became a land of personal quicksand.

rock bottom is a matter of perspective.

what’s the top?

what’s the cost?

what can’t be lost?

is it worth selling a soul 

to never grow old coldly not boldly

even if the sting of lonely doesn’t leave?

is it worth sitting with the enemy

in misery to choose delusions 

for humanistic diluted conclusions? 

the enemy feeds the eluded toxicity

that salvation is a convolution human’s 

don’t need by weeds of internal bleeds.

she saw the out and took the chance to 

separate herself from her poison prism family.

her mother wasn’t expecting 

the switch from her tricks

being blocked by her halted stopwatch.

her mother can’t control the patrol 

her way in this broken decay after today.

she’s got instinctive survival skills 

that she didn’t think consumed her.

seeing the set up of a woman’s shelter

stirred a desire to one day lead them higher.

healthy choices need healthy consumption.

vending machines are unhealthy and mean.

discerning is learning and women 

need empowerment for deliverance. 

the circumference of brokenness 

is an inadequate attraction.

it disturbs me that there’s comfort 

in women around me that feed permanent 

in a situation that should be seen as temporary.

she’s a deposit of empathetic emotions 

for humans that don’t want 

to feel their reels and peels.

she is quick to walk away

and slow to discern to stay.

walking away is an adrenaline rush

that makes her tune out what needs attention.

she surrenders it all to be better 

and conquer this pitfall for scales to fail.

it hurts enough, and she’s learning to prevail.

she walked away without discerning on

her he in the summer of twenty-fifteen.

she walked away without discerning today.

the woman’s shelter is a savage decay

of chaotic, toxic, and robotic dismays.

she sees it is not okay to always walk away.

it hurts enough to finally fully oblige to obey.

tomorrow she will see where her feet will meet.

she’s thankful for her King and upcoming 

opportunities to be set free, despite the scene.

she rises with supernatural eyes.

she can’t go back to her family.

her decisions are incisions to her he.

if she moves forward he will see.

her father clings to her 

like the church clings to him.

her mother is manipulative.

like greeneye demise lies to him.

she cannot grieve the Holy Spirit.

she has to keep moving forward 

for her future household and purpose.

she keeps letting go, then he will too.

their exalted and unsalted will continue. 

she keeps discerning, then he will too. 

God says they’re blue times two.