Family


sometimes an OD [overdose]

leaves us combusted in comatose.

sometimes comatose is a land

of quicksand and perished pain all in vain.

Only God had the final say and gain to remain.

she who is me finally sees that man OD badly.

his winces were worse than the African prince.

but she who is me was convinced to lie in a lullaby

because it hides the pain inside as a misguide.

she who is me was fired and wired to believe

that man wasn’t quicksand, because lust

never combusted her distrust or her space.

nothing ever physical happened with that man

who was walking talk chaotic quicksand.

according to me it could not be that man was toxicity. 

Yesterday was a serious breakthrough Daddy. Clearly I have to stop acting like I wasn’t messed up, or the fact that I’m easily triggered due to developing PTSD, which you’re supernaturally healing me from. A lot of your humans OD [overdose] on me, and I’ve allowed that selection because I disrespected and neglected my choice to speak up for oppression. Silence is the biggest OD [overdose] that any human can succumb to, like I did. I was silent about a lot. There’s people who’ve traumatized me that have no concept what they’ve done to me. I’ve been silently suffering for years, and I cannot do that anymore because truth will get a little uncomfortable. So what? Jesus wasn’t concerned about discomfort when His perfect blood cast my sins white as snow on the Cross of Calvary. Therefore, I cannot be concerned about discomfort either. Emmanuel God with us died so that I can be set free. 

she who is me wasn’t raised in a biblical family.

she who is me sees the word family as misused 

and abused for ruses in fuses for aloofness.

she who is me had a cousin who pressured

through the gesture of entering that space

in disgrace with that African prince who 

caused the pause of giving her all by winces.

she who is me said yes to carry the Cross 

and no longer felt lost in a storm of 2009

where she who is me was reborn 

from the conformity in abnormality

of societal and cultural rituals deformity,

but she didn’t speak to anybody.

she who is me didn’t trust her family.

she who is me saw biblical truth was misused.

she who is me saw biblical truth was a ruse.

she who is me saw her family shortcut badly.

she who is me had no one biblically upfront sadly.

she who is me thought she had to lie 

and die on the inside by misguided pride.

until the day she decided to obey and say okay

a day she met Jojo* who goes with God’s Flow.

I didn’t always keep the greatest company and that didn’t help me. Before I went to my old church community, I down played a lot of trauma that happened to me. I never spoke up about the African prince who made me wince, because of bad advice and bad company. I never admitted at my old church that I was saved for five years before I did my water baptism on June 1st 2014. I didn’t feel safe to tell the truth. For so long I lied when I felt unsafe. On April 4, 2014 only you and I knew God that day was my rededication not my salvation date. Apart of me believed my own lie, because of my selection in oppression. And because of my gear to remain in fear for years. My experience with family created a space that messed me up so badly traumatically.

I knew it was wrong to choose to lose in the silencer amateur known as the drone clone of oppression, but I did it anyway. I was silent about my experience with that African prince except with the bad company I kept, who condoned what I went through, and that company was family. There isn’t enough humans talking about the fact that the worse company we can ever keep sometimes is family. My father tried to tell me to leave the African prince who made me wince, but I didn’t listen to the good advice my father always told me, because he was always drinking. 

Alcohol removed the credibility in my father’s sound words. My father was always spot on, and always gave me sound advice; but he was drunk a lot of my life growing up so it was hard to trust drunkenness. The Bible says to be sober not drunk. Proverbs 20:1. There’s over one hundred scripture verses on drunkenness, but one of my favorite books I meditated on for the past three years aggressively on is: the book of Proverbs. King Solomon prayed for wisdom in the Bible, and that sharpened me to seek biblical wisdom always. That’s why I love the Bible so much. The Bible taught me that Jesus sees how I always believed: family is who picks up the Cross boldly not coldly for all the world to see that one day we will be one body. Family is who takes this walk with Jesus seriously, and fights to be a light for Christ to spark on the dark of all that’s not right inside. 

“But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:48-50‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren? And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.”

‭‭Mark‬ ‭3:33-35‬ ‭KJV‬‬

My family emotionally and mentally OD [overdose] on me, because habits are maggots and bad company corrupts good morals. That’s in the Bible too. There’s twenty-five verses on this biblical truth. The most familiar scripture verse is 1 Corinthians 15:33. This isn’t about me speaking ill of my family, but I cannot be afraid anymore to boldly not coldly represent that I’m a biblical woman of God that lives by the Bible. I cannot ignore that my family I was around at the time, did not walk biblically aligned to the Bible. I don’t know what they’re doing now. All I can do is continue to pray. I do love my family, but I cannot be around unhealthy anymore, especially not where I am in my walk with God. 

I also cannot ignore there’s no family members around me due to your divine design hue of this current season filled with healing reasons Lord. You’ve answered my prayer as a child to surround me with those according to your purpose. Romans 8:28. I’ve wanted to do this walk unapologetically for so long, and I never got supported biblically before meeting Jojo. In fact, I got made fun of and was looked at as if I was insane for wanting my mind to be renewed to no longer be conformed in the world as Romans 12:2 truthfully states. I went about things all wrong, and I had no concept on a lot. But I thank you God for using my poor choices to cover and protect me from being a fatality in OD [overdose.] 

sometimes an OD [overdose]

leaves us combusted in comatose.

sometimes comatose is a land

of quicksand and perished pain all in vain.

Only God had the final say and gain to remain.

she who is me finally sees that man OD badly.

his winces were worse than the African prince.

but she who is me was convinced to lie in a lullaby

because it hides the pain inside as a misguide.

she who is me was fired and wired to believe

that man wasn’t quicksand, because lust

never combusted her distrust or her space.

nothing ever physical happened with that man

who was walking talk chaotic quicksand.

according to me it could not be that man was toxicity. 

Realizing yesterday that my direct sales job was the blueprint of my triggers regarding that man you’re walking me through now: your way not my way God was a lot. I’m thankful for that revelation. How I see humans and why I flinch so much sometimes makes much more sense now. There’s so much I need to tell my he [privately] I know is for me, because I’m the her in God’s Stir: he + He + her. He deserves that much, so I wait patiently to express these revelations, and other experiences I desire to open up to him about where it’s not read on my blog. I’m so thankful Lord that you blessed me with this platform to scribe my rhyming lines that no longer hide, or make me cry. I am thankful I no longer feel like I die on the inside. This blog has been a safe space, and feeling safe is so scared and rare for me. Thank you King Jesus for setting me free faithfully for all the world to see effortlessly. 

Thank you King Jesus for making me unapologetic in my kinetics to always obey what you say Lord. I’ll never lose my wonder. I’ll always wear my breastplate of faith and love. I’ll always make sure that my helmet of salvation is securely on. Ephesians 6:11-18. I’ll always breathe in the peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:7. And I’ll always deny my flesh to pick up the Cross of Calvary, and to be a light that fights for what’s right in your kingdom and for my family. I’ll always choose to lose the world boldly not coldly, because unity is for all humanity to see we are called to be one body. 

I love you Lord.

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy 

Advertisements

thunder

changes are here & it’s not fair.

there’s a dilution solution to the virtue

that’s biblically true & the layers to prayer.

people are in a deep state of fear,

because changes are here and 

things are very clear in this active aware. 

it’s time to grow and know this new flow.

but this unknown is a drone clone zone.

at least that’s the featured released beast.

the training is draining for complaining

for this praising in the rain tear stained pain.

through God will our gains never be in vain.

as a unity we are called to conquer pitfalls 

and give God our all to be seen as one.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks regarding my brother. That splash of cold reality wasn’t what I wanted to see. My brother doesn’t want more. My brother doesn’t want to grow or move on from what he knows. My brother wants to be a fool that returns to his folly like a dog that returns to his vomit. I desperately wanted to believe & received that my brother too was ready to propel and achieve biblically. But that cold splash of reality hit me unapologetically. My brother wants to be high like a kite & flying in the sky eating the weeds of his lies that make him die on the inside. 

Sometimes I don’t like talking to my best friend Jojo.* She makes me go to spaces of blocked unknown. The way information comes out of my mouth around her is bigger than me to ever stop or flee. God is all over this space that I cannot avoid and must come face to face. I’m called to conquer my pitfalls, and experience supernatural grace upon grace. The other day, when Jojo was reading my blog, the Holy Spirit revealed something to Jojo that I never told her. At first, I genuinely believe when I block out things, like an ejected disk or a mental self-made wipe out, I don’t ever want to receive that memory again. That doesn’t make my stake of fake remove that factual lion’s den. The Holy Spirit was telling me to discern her statement, but I didn’t want to. However I never grieve the Holy Spirit by being disobedient no matter what I feel. On April 4th 2014, I laid down rejecting what the Holy Spirit needs me to do. After 4.4.14, I was determined to grow and protect my Proverbs 31 biblical woman virtue. I was determined to walk my journey of a biblical bride regardless of my misguided pride or lies. I want nothing more than to fight in the Light of Jesus Christ & to spark my dark of all that’s not right inside. My pride is a misguide of broken dreams, routines, and scenes of lies magnified. 

Before that date: 4.4.14, I spent five years rejecting what the Holy Spirit has been needing me to do: walkthrough my freedom from broken dreams, routines, and scenes. It’s a broken dream to believe I’ll never be set free. It’s a routine for me to be lonely on my one-way decay train in my membrane of being okay. It’s an unrealistic scene for me to believe that I didn’t encounter Immanuel God with us in a storm of 2009, where I became transformed & a reborn. Just because I forgot that date doesn’t mean it’s not my original Christian birthday. It’s truly a misconstrue phony, and cultural by societal bologna. My fear of backsliding was a bondage that held me in a delusional hostage. I no longer wanted to be the daughter I walked in broken dreams, routines, and scenes after I was 19. The thunder of my rumbling tumbling blunders can no longer be stronger in unseen. It was time to be set free faithfully.

I didn’t want to be the daughter that was stronger in ignoring promptings that set me free faithfully. I no longer wanted to be stronger in secret misery fleeing lukewarm with the enemy of my chaotic toxicity in the ugly known blindly. The ugly known is actually the audacity to be in stagnancy. It’s a barbarity of irrelevant irregularity that’s potent quicksand transparency. It’s a drone clone that became a lame ashamed backbone that I truly outgrown. I didn’t want to be the daughter that acts like I don’t know what the Holy Spirit needs me to face or walk through anymore. I already spent five years doing that before 4.4.14, after my supernatural encounter with Immanuel God with us during that storm of 2009, where I transformed and was a reborn. I can no longer deny or hide I’ve been saved since 2009 so when the Holy Spirit told me to discern what Jojo received I did painfully. It’s true what she received, and that’s when I knew I was finally free from that weed that made me bleed with broken need. 

she didn’t want to be set free from her brother. 

she wanted to continue being his mother. 

in a broken token she spoke that in existence.

that was a hinderance she needed deliverance 

from, in the slums of her no sun sins tailspins.

mother not sister is a role of patrolled control.

their mother wasn’t equipped, just a misfit.

at a young age she saw her mother’s hone.

her mother’s stage was a sinful caged page.

her mother’s severity is unclarity to be ugly.

the ugly of her patrolled control is her throne.

her mother would rather her own phone than

be set free in full throttle sanctification.

Jojo got me to admit another childhood connection that I rejected. My mother used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. My mother is an addict that moves from one obsession to another. My brother as a child used to ironically put out our mother’s cigarettes. One day my brother almost choked on the cigarette, and that’s what caused my mother to stop smoking. When I told Jojo this childhood memory she sharpened me. She told me that the taste of cigarette stayed with my brother, and that’s why he’s a smoker too. Jojo helped me walked through the pain of not understanding how my mother who knows I was born with asthma, allowed my brother to smoke in the house after I admitted to Jojo my mother used to be a smoker too. 

Jojo told me that my mother settled to smell the second hand smoke that came from my brother smoking. After that painful dose of reality, I was so thankful I was far away from my mother and her brokenness. This was the first Mother’s Day that I didn’t speak to my mother. I was completely at peace with no communication. I saw the highlight reels this past Sunday’s celebration of Mother’s Day, and I was completely okay with not speaking to my mother. I’m completely okay with never seeing her or my father ever again, if that’s God’s will. After my dream about my brother, and the revelation of seeing he doesn’t want more, I’m also okay with never seeing him again too. Where I am with God? I cannot afford to have anyone broken in my circle. My supernatural space is aggressively protected not neglected. The blood of Jesus is far more important to me than who’s connected to me genetically. The will of God trumps protecting my family’s facades. That’s broken dreams, routines, and scenes. That Crysta died finally, and I refuse to lose in the world coldly in a phony of lonely.

“But he answered and said unto him 

that told him, Who is my mother? 

and who are my brethren? 

And he stretched forth his hand 

toward his disciples, and said, 

Behold my mother and my brethren! 

For whosoever shall do 

the will of my Father 

which is in heaven, 

the same is my brother, 

and sister, and mother.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:48-50‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Brooklyn is your home.

wherever my ribcage is, is my home.

he will always be your home. 

That’s true God: my ribcage will always be my home. Now that you’re pulling out all hidden weeds that make me bleed through broken needs, I can finally be free faithfully to biblically see supernaturally. I’m thankful I’m healthy and becoming more of a virtuous Proverbs 31 woman for your Kingdom God, and becoming the biblical wife I’m called to be for my ribcage. Thank you King Jesus for truly healing me from my broken dreams, routines, and scenes. I am no longer stronger as a hostage to the bondage of fear. I am a child of God’s boldly walking through all my facades, mirages, and harmful sabotages. I’m so ready to be set free faithfully for all humanity to see in unity as your godly community, because we are all called to be one nation under God. The thunder of my rumbling tumbling blunders can no longer be stronger in unseen.

changes are here & it’s not fair.

there’s a dilution solution to the virtue

that’s biblically true & the layers to prayer.

people are in a deep state of fear,

because changes are here and 

things are very clear in this active aware. 

it’s time to grow and know this new flow.

but this unknown is a drone clone zone.

at least that’s the featured released beast.

the training is draining for complaining

for this praising in the rain tear stained pain.

through God will our gains never be in vain.

as a unity we are called to conquer pitfalls, 

and give God our all to be seen as one.

“For ye are all the 

children of God 

by faith in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭3:26‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Thank you King.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

Idolatry

greeneye is on a repeat with her demise. 

greeneye believes she’s bigger in defeat.

greeneye played her role with the man

she now stands with in her marital quicksand.

greeneye turned his ‘not interested’ to missus. 

greeneye chased the man in her quicksand

by playing her role until he grew vulnerable.

greeneye is aggressive in her message quests.

she wanted this man she’s now in quicksand.

greeneye golden opportunity arrived, and 

she hooked and booked him during his contest.

seasons changed, people changed, her name

she idolized changed, but she is the same.

greeneye demise believes her cocky lies.

greeneye demise is confident in the moves

she’s mastered and truly in tuned to.

greeneye demise has false hope, because of

her scope to switch the gear off his fears:

sister to brother with this man during his lonely

to missus, lovers, and other by marital phony.

before the fifth night of this past week it’s 

been months before greeneye hit the sheets.

greeneye demise finally got laid so she’s paid

in her raid to continue to be with this man in

quicksand as marital cheap lemonade, so that

her ugly backwards hat of lying pride continue.

greeneye demise is a prideful grind of faux

cries that hide inside by blinding misguides.

greeneye demise hasn’t changed her moves.

she’s now this man’s legal missus in winces.

she thinks she has to position all conditions.

Biblically love is three strands, and edifying.

there’s nothing edifying about this marriage.

greeneye demise legally snagged her idol.

In 2015 God said to her: you won’t get far.

greeneye demise dismissed the Creator.

In 2015 God said to her: this won’t end well.

greeneye demise dismissed the Creator.

greeneye demise doesn’t realize she’s on time.

greeneye demise doesn’t care to be aware 

that God has a plan for this marital quicksand.

the contest in 2015 was her position condition.

according to greeneye demise: she’s writing

this storyline her way in decay’s of yesterday. 

But Only God Has The Final Say:

“Who is he that saith, 

and it cometh to pass, 

when the Lord commandeth it not?”

‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:37‬ ‭KJV‬‬

what’s allowed in greeneye’s final bow.

God allows all that will end His Chosen pitfalls.

greeneye demise pitfall is idolatry. everyone

except for God, greeneye demise worships.

greeneye savage marriage is not three strands.

greeneye thinks she runs this, because she 

believes she is the reason she’s legal lover to 

the brother that doesn’t love her biblically.

greeneye doesn’t care about biblical love.

greeneye wants her facades to play god.

greeneye wants to worship her idols in idolatry.

this savage marriage is an idol.

the current: get pregnant by him is an idol.

singing on a stage is an idol.

her current last name is an idol.

the woman’s pregnancy is an idol.

greeneye wants pregnancy too.

popularity is an idol.

status is an idol.

this man in her two strand marriage is an idol.

greeneye demise would rather die than lose

her idol in her savage marriage of two strands.

greeneye demise limited God in her facade.

greeneye changed her place in this man’s

space from sister to brother to missus & other.

greeneye is cocky and believes she’s god,

because she’s now married to a man

she stands in two strands quicksand with that

told her he wasn’t interested, as she repeated

defeat in the marital New York Times article.

greeneye demise sounded shock to be married

as she went on and on about having no hope

with this man she now stands in quicksand.

even her family agreed and chimed in

there was no hope for greeneye and this man.

this man said he was impressed not in love.

this man didn’t express biblical love.

Biblically love is found bound from Above.

Biblically what God has for you is very clear.

God is a God of transparency and protection.

That article reads worldly not biblically. 

Three strands is not worldly it’s biblical.

A biblical husband loves his biblical wife 

like Jesus loves the church. (Ephesians 5)

A biblical wife protects her virtue and wisdom.

Biblically wisdom is a she like Proverbs 31.

greeneye had premarital sex and lived with him.

a Proverbs 31 woman is a biblical woman

that takes time to prepare for the role of wife.

sex before marriage, rushing a wedding &

and engagement leaves no room for prepping.

greeneye never prepared for the role of wife.

that’s why greeneye walks the same lane

even though her title and named changed.

there’s no growth in greeneye, just choking.

evoking & provoking messy distressed flesh.

having sex recently gave her release so

there’s some ease in this displease picture.

greeneye convinced herself a baby is the

answer to all the problems in her marriage.

a baby carriage will make them stick together.

everyone around greeneye is pregnant, so

it’s the new wave to crave and behave in.

a baby doesn’t have her solution, God does.

clinging to this woman in the hopes of also

being pregnant is worldly not biblical.

greeneye in her core is worldly, coldly & phony.

greeneye demise plays her role with everybody.

according to greeneye playing her role got

her current title and status change, but that

was actually God. Biblically Samson married

a woman everyone told him not to for

the greater good. Samson was obedient

in the evils of disobedience around him.

God had a plan for the slums of sinful spins.

God had a plan to destroy that wickedness.

God destroyed the evils with Samson 

in Judges 16 by his absurd obedience.

The same way God has a plan with greeneye.

God will always have the final say in all days.

Biblically only three strands are unbreakable.

“Two are better than one; 

because they have a good reward 

for their labour. For if they fall, 

the one will lift up his fellow: 

but woe to him that is alone 

when he falleth; for he hath 

not another to help him up. 

Again, if two lie together, 

then they have heat: 

but how can one be warm alone? 

And if one prevail against him, 

two shall withstand him; 

and a threefold cord 

is not quickly broken.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:9-12‬ ‭KJV‬‬

All evils and idols crumble. It’s in the Bible.

Idolatry is not of God. It’s an evil facade.

Thank you Constant One.

Love your lighter, fighter, and daughter. 

wildfire

he wants us three

on the sixteenth.

he’s putting it 

in the atmosphere. 

being there 

for us three,

is a yesteryear 

reappear catastrophe.

the desire is wildfire,

and not aligning 

to God’s Timing.

I didn’t trust what I was getting yesterday at dinner with Jojo* and I still don’t trust this insanity. How is this order? (1 Corinthians 14) We both prayed, and we were told to walk through it, and that we will see. That’s what we’ll continue to do: pray and wait. Biblically the Lord takes His Chosen from glory to glory. What I received doesn’t seem aligned to you God, or your timing but if this is of you God then time will reveal that. What’s not of God is snuffed out over time, that’s the biggest lesson I learned in my almost three year walk with my King who makes my soul sing. Things I’ve received from God about that he that God keeps saying is for me, I waited two years to speak on a prompting. If I spoke sooner it wouldn’t of felt so sticky. But I know God is a God that’s right on time. I never prayed on the timing I just said no for two years. But I had no peace about my no or silence anymore, and I spoke to who I was lead to speak to. That conversation forever changed my trajectory on this Christian walk, and how I see spiritual counsel. 

My bubbles of troubles popped about that building with no godly wings, and some of the human’s responsible for being spiritual leaders. It’s dangerous to play god over people’s lives. My eyes sadly opened to that cold harsh reality, of how deep web of lies, are rooted in playing god over someone’s life by spreading an ungodly wildfire. My observation is very mirroring to biblical testimonies. Like Leah’s father in Genesis. Spreading an ungodly wildfire by playing god in Jacob’s life. Leah’s father coached Jacob and Leah to be married when God blessed only Jacob and Rachel’s union, the Chosen was Joseph, which was Rachel and Jacob’s son. Rachel and Jacob was God’s ordained pairing. 

Leah and Jacob was the result of human’s pairing. Leah’s father who is also Rachel’s father, was a leader that misguided his following daughter’s lives for impure and selfish motives. Jacob was talented and prosperous, and Leah’s father wanted to reap Jacob’s benefits for as long as possible. This father was just determined to do his own thing: make sure Leah got married as well. It was time according to Leah’s father and not God. Leah’s father was tired of Leah not being married. Leah’s father was tired of waiting on God regarding prosperity. Leah’s father was impatient and decided to do something by playing god. That’s desperation. Desperation creates rabbit holes, and the swallowing inside the belly of a whale. How many of us make decisions based on being tired of waiting on God? And where did it land us? I know every time I made that decision, it landed me in quicksand, or the belly of a whale. 

he has to walk 

the talk about 

this throng song

being a wrong pitfall.

he’s used to 

being the hue: cocky.

he doesn’t want to see

that’s a hue 

that’s not true

or no longer 

stronger as the glue 

to be in misery

and flee with the enemy

with this she he married.

Daddy you do a lot about telling me about human’s that are not in my life or space. You know I don’t like knowing nothing. I like to keep my head to the ground, and mind my business. Biblically busybodies are ungodly. But you press specific couplings on my heart, and all I’ve been doing is praying for peace, truth, and acceptance to trust your voice God over the voice of human tangibility. Tangibility is a huge bondage a lot of Your Chosen get tripped up on. Like these human’s you’ve pressed on my heart who’s walking through their own ungodly wildfire, that sounds a lot like the testimony of Leah-Jacob-Rachel saga in Genesis.

The more I try to be detached the more you Daddy show out with visions, and dreams about a scene I left almost nine months ago. Nine months is a birthing timeframe. 37-40 weeks is a full term to be exact. Is this some kind of spiritual birthing process Daddy? I’m not with child in tangibility, but what are you trying to birth out of me supernaturally?! If you are… you’re not telling me much. I hate that, because you used to be so loud. 

This disciple silence is so not fun. And you know what’s also not fun Daddy!? Seeing and hearing about this he for me and these humans, which I’m ready to move on from Your Way not mine of course. Make what you’ve shown, and told me happen already. Daddy hearing and seeing the same things, for three and a half years, and it not matching reality is taxing and annoying. I am tired of all of this. 

It’s a bit absurd that I’m complaining after only three and a half years when Sarai and Abram had to wait ninety and hundred years respectfully before their promise happened. Jacob had to wait fourteen years before he got his love Rachel, and that was after he got tricked in that wildfire union with Leah. That’s my favorite testimony in the Bible. The Leah-Jacob-Rachel testimony is something that I’m drawn to. Moses took forty years to free the ungrateful humans from the wilderness. The book of Jeremiah in chapter twenty-nine had a promise that took seventy years. 

by his pride 

he cannot hide

from this hissed

kissed diss he witnesses.

he’s lonely 

in his marriage of phony.

his stony heart 

is defrosting and

he now sees 

what he cannot flee.

I never understood why I felt drawn to Genesis so strongly, or why I love that book so much until now. Seeing my third year with you Daddy, and seeing how you lead me to aggressively study the book of Proverbs over these past three years. I now understand you wanted me to have firmly planted roots like a bamboo: that needs three to five years, before it takes off like the tall beautiful creation it is. I called the he you say is for me bamboo, because you showed me a bamboo tree before I said it. 

So why am I really complaining about three years when I wasn’t even ready for what you’ve been showing me? You’re making me ready now Daddy. Daddy we are ungrateful in today’s time too. I’m ungrateful, and I’m not the only human that looses their praise. We have to be better in being thankful. 

Thank you Daddy for saving me, and changing me to be who you created me to be. Thank you from freeing me from lust, which made me combust and lost in darkened pitfalls. Thank you for the best sister, and spiritual twin I could ever ask for in Jojo. She sharpens me in a way I’ve never ever been sharpened before, and she holds me accountable when I don’t want to be. She isn’t afraid of me even though she’s a beautiful half pint. I’m so thankful for that. You’ve blessed me so much already Daddy. I’m in awe of your wonder, and please reach me to teach me to always remember my praise. I love you Daddy. 

Back to my favorite testimony: It didn’t matter what Leah did for Jacob, Jacob loved Rachel the moment he laid eyes on her. Leah gave Jacob four or five sons, I don’t recall and Rachel took a while before she gave Jacob: Joseph and Benjamin. Still Jacob loved Rachel. Jacob favored Joseph and Benjamin when he had other sons, but Rachel didn’t birth them. And God made Joseph the Chosen son, whom Rachel not Leah birthed. Issac was the Chosen son for Abram turned Abraham, whose mother was Sarai turned Sarah. 

Ishmael, who’s mother was Haggai, was not chosen but still blessed by God, because God is faithful and sovereign when we grow impatient. God is a protector when we take matters into our own hands as humans. This is a perfect example of when human’s play god and step in, but then God has the final say, and shows out on how sovereign he is through Joseph’s testimony, and through Isaac being Chosen not Ishmael, when Ishmael came first. Leah was first over Rachel,  but none of Leah’s children were chosen. Joseph was Chosen and his mother was Rachel, the ordained choice of God’s. Just like Sarah was the ordained choice for Abraham. Only God ordains, not human’s playing god in pairings, get bless with Chosen. God chooses Chosen not humans.

the stake in his fake 

breaks and shakes him inside.

he doesn’t want to see

he followed ungodly energy.

he doesn’t want to see

that building 

he serves and preserves 

has no godly wings.

wrong marital coupling

is ungodly corrupting.

I just want to live my life your way, and not be apart of decay’s of yesterday’s or a Groundhog Day mutant routine like the scene, of that building with no godly wings. Daddy, you blessed me to leave. But if what you want me to receive yesterday’s prompting is of you Daddy then make it so loud, and clear I cannot ignore you, like you did with that meeting that forever changed me. Until then Jojo isn’t on board, and neither am I. So time will tell what’s going to happen in the next few weeks.

ungodly corrupting 

by wrong coupling 

like he and his she

is an invitation for satan.

God will never bless

what human’s 

coach to fine tune

by wrong weed

seeds to bleed

in broken need,

and prune two 

wrong hues to be

in misery by

the lies 

in the slums of

their fearful sins.

like he and his she.

love is patient.

he and his she

were rushed to matrimony

after four months 

of secret sexual dating.

as a woman, 

the body is a temple.

That’s why it’s so imperative for all of us to discern, wait and pray on top of mediating on the word: both Old Testament and New Testament. Yes we are the New Testament in modern day time, but Old Testament is a foundation to trusting the voice of God that every single child of God’s must learn to discern, and grow with you Daddy. I have no idea how you’ll unfold everything you keep telling, and showing me. But all I can do is wait, and keep praying. I’ll never move ahead of you Daddy. I am committed to walking through my dark to Light transformation. 

It’s hard to come face to face with cold harsh realities, especially if we as humans develop skills like running, or being kinetic in the sense of ‘on to the next.’ We cannot ‘on to the next’ our brokenness. Our brokenness are deeply rooted to bondages that will keep us hostage, if we don’t still ourselves to lean on the strength of Jesus. Only through God is there gain in pain to walk us through our pending breakthroughs. 

From the direction you sway my pendulum rhyming scribing writing, it appears that some of Your Chosen are walking through some tough truths, and that’s hard to do. I cannot speak for everyone or anyone else, but I thought I knew better than you Daddy. I thought I was good, and cured from what happened to me at nineteen. Our current president election showed me I wasn’t, and I completely lied to myself for fourteen years. I had to walk through that cold hard reality, and that was extremely hard for me. We all must face what is buried as deep rooted disgrace.

men can’t respect 

what a woman neglects.

women must have standards.

when a woman doesn’t 

a man won’t teach or reach her

if he doesn’t love her.

Sex before marriage is lust

and disrespectful.

he and this she 

were sexually being unmarried

publicly in sin city.

the building 

with no godly wings

stepped in to clean

this scene to appear godly.

the building 

with no godly wings 

was focused on their image

and the recent public 

support of backing

this man in a contest

that made him debt free.

Biblically God is the reason

but in that season 

he focused on tangibility.

which is a switch

from the precious gift

in the Obey of Today.

he picked her

after secretly 

and sexually tasting her.

Biblically love waits.

Tangibly tasting

is clouded temporary mating.

Thank God for my best friend. She was lead by you the night of the election on what to do. After I walked through that painful process after fourteen years from running from it. I was freed from the bondage that held me in a chokehold, where I felt like a hostage. I was completely faking and fooling myself that being a virgin, and then raped didn’t traumatize me completely. I thought acting like I was tough, or it was no big deal was the way to go. 

Thank you Daddy for also freeing me from the toxicity that was hanging over me, from my relationship with that African prince. That forever changed me as a human, where I made reckless decisions in my self-inflicted incisions after we broke up. I never allowed myself to walk through that trauma either. I hate trauma. I hate PTSD. I hate being flared easily. I just serial dated, and convinced myself that trying one night stands was not only the rave, but what I craved. After I left the African prince who was a wince, and cheap creeping lemonade. The African prince’s cheap thrills made me snuff out Your Gills, and I wasn’t still. 

I could only stomach doing two one night stands, but it’s not true even though I was emotionally scarred from that African prince, I still hated premarital sex. But I had a hard time accepting my core values, because no one believed in them like me. Everyone was about sex, and I have a broken ‘fake it until you make it’ mentality. I lay that down Lord. I see sex outside an ordained marriage as an ungodly wildfire sexual savage. There are couples married that shouldn’t be, because God didn’t put them together, biblically we see the testimony of Leah-Jacob-Rachel and how the father played god. Too many human’s played god instead of allowing God to be God. There will always be consequences in choosing multiple voices, over the choice in God’s still small voice. That cold hard lesson I learned at the building with no godly wings, my old church which hurt. But the hurt had worth, because I chose you God, not flesh wildfire facades.

Sex complicated 

everything.

Sex fast forward 

an engagement ring,

which now stings

in the two strands

ungodly quicksand.

he and his she 

are unhappy collectively.

he and his she 

are spiraling in the

radioactive tailspin

through their misguided

‘spiritual wise counsel.’

the counsel motive

was protecting image.

too many cooks are

in his martial kitchen.

an impure confess

will never be 

seen as Holy blessed.

he now sees

he cannot be 

coached or poached

to love his she

he married or 

to be biblically

three strands.

God cannot be forced

in an ungodly course

of a worldly martial facade

when he and his she 

were approached to play god

to be with the enemy

blinding and lying

as decaying wildfire.

Daddy all of this is insanity, but you keep telling me:

You will see.

Trust me.

Be still.

Walk through it.

Okay Daddy I’ll walk through it, and thank God I’m walking through this with Jojo so we will continue to grow, and go at your pace in this race. We will continue to take this moment-to-moment as maddening as that is to face. Your Way is far greater, because you are Our Protective Creator. I love you Lord. Your will is my command. And I’ll keep holding onto the promises you’ll never stop telling me. 

“For perhaps he therefore departed for a season, that thou shouldest receive him for ever; Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord?”

‭‭Philemon‬ ‭1:15-16‬ ‭KJV‬‬

he wants us three

on the sixteenth.

he’s putting it 

in the atmosphere. 

being there 

for us three,

is a yesteryear 

reappear catastrophe.

this desire is wildfire,

and not aligning 

to God’s Timing.

I love you King.

Thank you for 

making my soul sing.

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy

Dark Night Storm

Dear Daddy,

This is so hard. 

Seeing what you’ve lead me to see, and what I picked up supernaturally bothers me so much. You showed me a specific man, and placed that man in my heart over three years ago. Far before the mess that gives me much distress, which this man walks in quicksand in his space of disgrace right now. I haven’t spoken to this man in almost two years. This is the hardest journey, that I’ve ever walked and talked. 

BUT I’m so blessed Daddy, because you went before me in all my painful emotional agony. I’m set free faithfully. In all my silent cries, and public lies I expressed hiding my deep distress; and you’ve captured every single tear God. Every single year you’ve blessed me with growth, and freedom; from the wrong seed weeds that made me bleed with broken choking need. Every pain had a gain, and nothing was in vain. I’ve been healed from my traumatic experience of sexual assault at nineteen. I’ve been set free from the self condemnation of succumbing to lust, and not being untouched for my future husband. 

You taught me God to flee from the enemy by disciplining me to walk biblically. Everything is in my blueprint known as the Holy Bible. Ever since 4.4.14, you’ve shown me what it means to walk the talk of godly. I’ve applied all your biblical truths to the woman I am today. And I’m no longer stuck in the rut of the decay’s in yesterday’s, or the sorrow of no tomorrows. You taught me to trust your voice God over the choice of hu(man’s) confirmation quicksand catastrophes. 

Daddy you keep supernaturally showing me truths, that are not the current realities to that building that no longer has your godly wings. Thank God you pulled me and Jojo* out, as well as her ribcage. What you keep showing me about my future is so complicated. All I can do is pray for the delay to no longer be stronger in decay’s of yesterday’s by the hallow swallow of no tomorrow’s for your chosen; and for the switch in the gift to Obey in Today to occur. There’s so much wrong in the space you’ve publicly freed me from my empty of disgrace on 4.4.14. I’ll never regret the experience that lead to my salvation, but there’s so much wrong in that location. So many facades, and humans playing god with your chosen’s lives. It makes the stake in fake break them, and they all die on the inside due to the wrong hue called pride.

Too many false prophets are making the shake in fake break your people, and to fall in line of hobbits as routine sleepwalking machines. Everyday is the same decay of delay with choking dismay. Every year the same guests come around the same time, which is a switch in the gift of the Obey in Today. There’s too many Groundhog Day delay moments. Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is not a routine. A message of the word should not leave your people moving like machines, or feeling empty. That’s what happens all the time in that building with no godly wings. Before you’ve blessed me to move on from that building with no godly wings, I wasn’t spiritually fed since my favorite pastor left for the south. I was just faithfully serving, and longing for more with you Daddy. And struggling to be obedient to you, for keeping me there longer than I wanted to be. It was hard playing my role to have your prophecy fulfilled with the humans I supernaturally saw right through. I wanted to leave after the fourth month of the year two thousand fifteen, from my last exchange with the man you won’t stop showing me to this day. 

After that encounter in two thousand fifteen you confirmed the dark night storm, you showed me the tenth month of the year two thousand thirteen God. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore, or bear witness to the poisonous kiss that currently causes this man quicksand of internal hisses; but you didn’t bless me to leave until the eighth month of the year two thousand sixteen. Which is well after this man was swallowed into the dark night storm whale he dwells in now. It’s challenging that I can do nothing to help, and I’m not even sure he wants my help; or even understands he deeply needs help. 

What I have peace with in this journey with you Daddy, is that I can never care about this man more than you do God. So that means only you can help him, and all I can do is keep praying like you’ve been telling me, and showing me to do. If I wasn’t walking this journey myself; I would’ve thought everything is insane and impossible in this dark night storm. But because you go before me God, I know with conviction that nothing is impossible if you are in the midst of all of this. And you are. I cannot make any of this up. It’s year three and you keep telling me the same truths over and over again regardless what currently reality shows. 

What deeply concerns me about that building that no longer has your godly wings, is the spiritual leaders that speak words over your chosen’s lives that you never said to them yourself God. It deeply bothers me how powerful the bondage of tangibility is. This ruse of human confirmation is not in the bible, the way your chosen hang on the words of specific human’s in that building with no godly wings. It deeply disturbs me that your voice is not trusted over the quicksand of human’s choices. And your chosen are so caught up in the hype of titles like pastor, or status in popularity. It is alarming that your chosen forgot that Abram, Moses, Jeremiah, Esther, Samuel, or even Hannah Samuel’s mother had no human confirmation that backed up your voice for any of them God. 

Jesus had no one backing up of human confirmation in what you told him God. Saul who became apostle Paul, had no human confirmation backing up what you told him either God. So why has society stripped themselves of their intimacy with you, by giving power to broken humans tongues called this confirmation dangerous lane? I’ll never understand this toxic habit that truly blinds and paralyzed your people. Especially like this man you keep showing me. He’s walking a life based on the words of humans and the lane of confirmation. This man is not sensitive to your still small voice. If he was, he wouldn’t be in the shoes he’s in now. That breaks my heart. 

Or even your daughter Jojo* my best friend and sister for life: deeply struggles with this alarming bondage as well. And I get why you have me walking this insane testimony, so that I can reflect in this moment right now: humans can never come between what you speak to me God. Humans will keep their creep and cheap failed attempt to derail me from my alignment to you Daddy. I’m too deep in your word to get tripped up by the hiccups of human confirmation. That’s why you pulled me out of that routined building with no godly wings, because your chosen are sleepwalking machines with thick scales over their ears and eyes; which is the switch in the gift in Obey in Today for the decay’s of yesterday’s. That is why everything repeats in that building with no godly wings. The space that has no godly wings is in the disgrace of the past. 

Daddy this is so hard. 

God you’ve shown me an impossible task with this specific man, that is currently in an unhealthy reality that is far away from me. This man is living a life, where you keep supernaturally showing me causes him much strife, emptiness, and loneliness; even though he’s being obedient to what the humans speak over his life. The building with no godly wings encouraged him to currently talk the shoes he struggles to walk in the days that cause much dismay. His life is a tailspin that started in the sixth month of the year two thousand fifteen, where a specific woman made it a mission to never leave his space. 

This man was clouded by many issues that were hard for him to face. This man had no real brotherhood holding him godly accountable in his space. If he did have this then he rejected your truths God. What that building with no godly wings paints as a love story for this man is nothing but a flesh god phony. This man was down, out, and lonely; and this specific woman capitalized on the hypnotize of a contest that forever changed this man’s life. Which is why this woman dies on the inside with the lies that gave her this current best last first bite strife life with this man. Even with all the hands in this relationship, it’s still a sinking drinking ship. In reality, especially supernaturally there’s nothing bigger than God. God’s will, no matter what humans, and their confirmation execute, will stop what God says will occur. What you have for your chosen will always be the destiny and road all feet will lead to. 

It’s hard to care about this man and do nothing but keep my sword lifted in prayer during this insane dark night storm. All this agony and pain was arranged to take away all that makes this man decay in dismay inside, by the pride he used to hide all lies inside. Through this journey this man choose. Based on this man’s decisions, you God are taking every single weed that makes this son of yours bleed with broken need out. Thank God. Keep transforming your son into the man he was always called to be, so that he is finally set free. I pray the same for all your children stuck in the rut of a dark night storm to transform them into your perfect image. Thank you Holy Spirit, in Jesus name I pray in Today, amen. 

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

Addiction(s)

Flesh is the greatest addiction

that blocks the forward clock

of His Convictions

Flesh is the greatest scale 

that kisses the hiss 

in the poisonous diss 

to make the stake in fake 

prevail to be with the enemy 

Flesh is chaotic,

robotic and toxic

that makes man stand

in cyanotic quicksand 

Flesh is the cheap thrills

that blocks the forward clock 

for man to be still 

confetti will never be better 

together or ever replace 

the space of empty 

wrong she concealed 

in a pale scale 

that temporarily prevailed

as mrs. flesh distressing miasma 

to this he’s plasma

as a stanza story 

wrong she forgotten 

lust can’t be 

the godly see boughten 

wrong she is this he’s stanza story

designed to align 

this he for His Glory

Flesh is the greatest addiction 

that blocks the forward clock

of His Convictions

Flesh is the greatest scale 

that kisses the hiss 

in the poisonous diss

to make the stake in fake 

prevail to be with the enemy 

Flesh is chaotic,

robotic and toxic

that makes man stand

in cyanotic quicksand

these wrong hues

were never true 

no matter what the two execute

like the 131 diluted salute 

Flesh is a suffocating mess

that hides the lies 

of frustrating distress 

in captivating yet calculating 

professions to silence 

His alliance confessions 

repentance is acceptance 

in His Kingdom Band

to withstand the enemy

to be fleeing in quicksand confetti 

quicksand confetti is unhealthy 

like fattening life sucking cappelletti

sounds fancy but truly nasty

like flesh kinetic in thresh 

and 131 wrong wedding rings 

that sting and will forever 

be the lust to combust

in radiated rust 

only God transports the abort 

of a flesh stone & dry bones 

to all things New 

for He will always be True

The Holy Bible 

is biblical and protective Proof

to hawk the sleepwalking

talking and walking in aloof 

and be unapologetic aligned

to His Prophetic Designs

Flesh is a decay of yesterday 

to desire the wire to disobey

and fuse the ruse of refuse 

to abuse the rejecting neglecting 

like wrong she with this he

wrong she is a Jezebel 

that many knew to be true

but didn’t tell this he 

so many can see this he grim

dim, and trim to sink

in drinking drunkenness 

drugs was this wrong she’s plug 

to disengage this he 

from developmental age

in the 131 cancerous show

Flesh is the greatest addiction 

that blocks the forward clock

of His Convictions

Flesh is the greatest scale 

that kisses the hiss 

in the poisonous diss

to make the stake in fake 

prevail to be with the enemy 

Flesh is chaotic,

robotic and toxic

that makes man stand

in cyanotic quicksand

God is the assuage 

for this he to be set free 

and flee from this wrong she

singing was the ringing 

backstage gauge to feed 

the seed that’s a weed 

for this he to bleed in 131 assembly

with chaotic, and robotic need 

to only be lonely with wrong she 

Flesh will never be His See

God calls a rib to his ribcage 

not false prophets 

who make it hobbit 

or manipulations with stipulations 

like the forced source 131 operations 

God created the man in Genesis

then put him to sleep,

not pressed up 

in a hiccup 

by an aggressive creep

or lustful wrong drinking bows

that lead to flesh god allows

in the 131 hallow swallow

with wrong wedding rings 

that will continue to sting 

for he who findeth not she

Only God can set this he free

as man, we must be still 

to choose to lose flesh

to confess and be free from distress

and breathe with His Gills

Flesh will never be today

Flesh will always be 

a decay of yesterday 

the gift in the switch 

is called obey  

we are blessed 

with this prospect 

by neglecting and rejecting 

the addiction of flesh

human-confirmation catastrophes 

Dear Dad,

Daaaaad! This is so not fair!! According to me, I don’t need to see what you keep telling me. All of that is an ugly backwards hat, that is an active spat to sinning, because flesh is the pause in Your Cause of Winning by sinning. Flesh is creating a ruse to refuse Your Winning by sinning. This is all a pitfall in seeking human-confirmation catastrophes. Even before Jojo* and I stepped foot, in the building that now needs the weeds to no longer bleed; and to take a bow to receive [and believe] what’s meant to be will always set us free: wrong wedding rings will always sting, and will never be better together, or achieve godly winning wings. 

Sinning is not winning, just reliving a decay of yesterday. Sinning is not winning, just activating a sorrow of no tomorrow, and missing the hiss in the poisonous kiss of sinful matrimonial ungodly ‘bliss.’ Saying but really playing God doesn’t take away the flesh ungodly facades. Pressing stop because man said so is a hiss God sees as a diss; that’s ungodly led full of dread, and does not negate that God said go or yes. So confess, and finally be the see of His Blessings. Only God is the God of prosperity. OR when man stands in quicksand by pressing play in a go that God clearly said no, is still a cancerous show where God will continue to say:

today it’s time to go and grow; to no longer be stronger in the decay of yesterday.

Say no to the flow of popularity it’s vulgarity, and animosity to the democracy in two strands matrimonial mockery. Two stands are wedding rings of hypocrisy that will always sting; no matter what building pretends to worship or sing. Any building doesn’t have His godly winning wings. God is not a flesh facade. God is found abound above in love, representing His Sacred Dove. 

Humans create conclusions, that are all illusions where man can stand in sinning not winning quicksand; and say verbally a disobey is okay. There’s a leverage in the drunkenness beverage that humans are the church. So where humans are they can be the see of godly church. That’s not what the Bible says. Jesus died on the Cross of Calvary, so we won’t be forever together with the enemy. 

But don’t you see, truth is found bound in His Biblical Blueprint Proof. We must take a bow, and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work so we won’t get hurt from flesh god facades, full of well disguised lies and hurtful dirt. Humans gravitate, and permeate to sin, because the pause to His Cause feels like a peeling win. It’s a high in the sky that really makes us die on the inside. It’s cool but really makes us look like a fool, that returns to our own vomit school. Because false prophets make it hobbit in a no unity night community. There’s no crowds to community in flesh god facades mutant scrutiny. Delusions like kool-aid, and cheap lemonade will never be solutions; or equate to being the seeing of His Renegade. We must protect, and reject diluted solutions like Jesus did on the Cross of Calvary: mix drinks stink with winks and make us sink in drunkenness. We must be aggressive to protect God’s Business, or we fall and miss our call to giving our all in our flesh god facades pitfalls. 

Human-confirmation is a dedication to win in sin. Tangibility is not a mystery to God. It’s a facade that God made a plan for, with putting our knees head first to the floor. Jesus was and is to come. Jesus humbled himself to come in the form of a man as a baby, because babies are the purest love. In the beginning of time, man always had an addicted problem, to pressing play in a decay of rewind in timely sinning not winning slime. Like the man in Genesis, and his rib from his ribcage in the Garden of Eden. 

God’s biblical vessels such as Abraham, Samuel, Esther, and Ruth only leaned on His Verbal Proof. These trailblazers never needed the barren seed that bleeds as a weed known as human-confirmation. Human-confirmation is an affirmation to choke in the cloak of sinning, because it’s selfish winning. Jesus wasn’t selfish when He died on the Cross of Calvary: so we can be set free finally. So why should any of us be? Why can’t we stand in unity as His Godly Community, and once and for all tell the enemy to flee, because we are ready to give our all and get spit out of this worldly whale pitfall?

I deeply dislike you called me to this type of assignment Dad. You pressed specific people on my heart since day one of the space; I no longer felt disgraced, and was finally set free to be Your See on 404. Even before my feet landed in that building that used to be Your Winning. Thank you for pulling my best friend and I out. And thank you for covering and protecting the ones we love and continue to pray for, especially my he you say is for me. I choose to lose the ruse of refuse and see that he is your godly, and apart of the destiny you set for me.

For some reason Dad, this is so much harder than walking through what I finally have peace, and freedom on about my he you say is for me. I finally see that was all hurt with worth. I finally see that was all pain with massive gain and my tears are not in vain. So thank you for that. Thank you Dad for reversing my ugly backwards hat and setting me free like you are with my he you say is for me God.

I’ve been sitting on this dream since the fifth month of the year two thousand sixteen. It’s about a couple that got married in the year of two thousand sixteen. I’ve noticed this couple were cute looking together, but that doesn’t mean you put them together God. There was always something off. I ignored it. I prayed, and obeyed you to the best of my ability God. But you kept pressing on my heart it’s all a facade, and that’s when I wanted to leave that building even more. But nothing happens before it’s time. 

In the dream the woman part of this now married couple saw me and panicked, and I wasn’t too happy to see her either. In fact I was upset and told you why me God, go send a talking tree. Clearly that’s not up to me, so I asked her in the dream what’s wrong. Then she tried to walk away from me, and a gardened oversized richly green maze appeared in front of us. I was even more upset in the dream, because I know when God does this in my dreams he’s about to tell me something I have no desire to know. So this woman tried to go in the maze and I think I told her don’t do that it’s a trap. She actually listened shockingly. Then she started talking to me but conveniently, I remember nothing about that conversation. 

All I remember was her looking supernaturally free the more she talked to me. Then we somehow ended up on the first floor of the house I now live in. And I told her to choose to be set free, then the guy she’s married to now came and she panicked and reverted back to how I found her. I think I told her love isn’t fearful maybe this is a sign to let go. She ignored me. Then I looked at the pearly white mini van the man she’s married to now, drove up in and I said to her you live a lie, that makes you die inside. I supernaturally saw the sin and dirt hiding in the car that’s toxic and chaotic. The back of the mini van was filthy that I threw up in my mouth. She ignored me and drove off with the man she’s married to now. This woman had severe cold feet about marrying this man, and this dream was a representation of her emotions, right before they got married. This woman was starting to see that it’s possible the relationship is not godly, and wanted to back out but the man didn’t want to be embarrassed. So the man pushed for this to happen. Pride will always hide lies that make us die inside. 

I immediately prayed when I woke up, and called my prayer partner at the time because I was lead to. And she prayed with me she said that maybe I’m meant to tell them. I said heck no I want no part of this mess. And I told her I’ll pray for them. I haven’t stopped praying for them since I had this dream. What bugs me God is you having me reconnect with my love C* and her telling me she too dreamt about this same couple twice in a very mirroring way, that I dreamt about them. Of course you would plant C* in my space to tell me this recently, and of course you would tell me to post this dream. I thought I was going to take this dream to my grave. Anyway, I repent for my decay in yesterday by delaying, and disobeying my call in the fearful pitfalls I chose to erode in. It’s sin, and sin is not a win. Forgive me Lord. 

I also have to get over myself, that I’m not sure will ever happen before my death bed; but I do promise to actively try not to lie and hide what you don’t want me to inside. During the summer of two thousand sixteen, another one of your daughters was in my space briefly. When she was there she told me about this couple too, after I told her about this dream; because it was pressed on my heart to do so. 

This daughter of yours told me she knows this couple should not be married, because she witnessed him be with the rib God carved for only him. I was too through when I heard what happened to them, and I was too done with that building that was once Your Winning. Thank you God for walking me through my plethora of emotions, in what went down with me, my he, and all the other ungodly sees like this couple. There’s too many humans pressing play in pretend. What’s meant to be will always be. 

I will continue to pray, and obey in stillness so that I can rest, fight to confess, and aggressively protect Your Biblical Profess. You will continue to move as you do. I love you God. Thank you for always clearing out my fog and clogs. Thank you for being true and restoring hues. Thank you for turning bitter into sweet. Thank you for reaching me by teaching me to count sheep so I can sleep, where you and I meet. Thank you for having a plan that withstands man in quicksand for human-confirmation catastrophes. His name is Jesus and he died in and on the Cross of Calvary. Thank you for holding my key that only you will see free. Thank you for being bigger than the trigger known as human-confirmation catastrophes. 

I love you so much Dad,

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy