tired

she loves the sun.

she sees the Cross of Calvary 

in the beautiful rays that make her Obey. 

she loves the sea,

because the sea makes her happy.

happiness is God’s peace to breathe with ease.


I took this picture as soon as the sun came out, earlier this afternoon. I really love people watching. There’s so much that happens in people watching. Yesterday, I was in Columbus circle not interested in people watching at the moment, but I needed to charge my phone. I went to a restroom that doesn’t get much traffic. Sometimes I need less traffic, and I like being by myself if I’m not with Jojo.* I think it’s safer to be by myself. After everything I’ve been through the last few years, especially the last three months, I’m weary to have people in my space outside of Jojo. My solution to not fully isolating myself is people watching.

leaping with God is not what she expected to be.

she knows nothing.

she controls nothing.

she cannot lean on her gifts.

all she has is God’s supernatural forward movements.

she’s moving moment to moment. 

People watching also feeds my nosiness, but most importantly it’s a space where I don’t have to feel emotions. I really don’t like feeling emotions. I don’t like facing how I feel at all. I don’t like talking. I don’t like a lot of things. I just want to be by myself in a bubble. But my bubbles keep getting popped by God, and it’s so annoying. God is annoying. I love God so much, and I know I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for God. Facing how I feel is hard. Facing what I’ve swallowed is hard. I swallowed a lot. There’s a lot I’m having a hard time with, and this unavoidable space of talking actually frees me. I finally admitted connections from last summer, that deeply affected me tonight when I was on the phone with Jojo. 

she doesn’t understand why it’s still about that man.

everything shouldn’t be about him.

he played god, and his facade caused delays.

his delays caused deaths because he said no.

our life is not our own. yeses blesses others.

he wanted gold, 

he said screw his soul, 

dead bodies are cold because he wasn’t bold. 

last summer many brothers died and he lied.

God has me in a moment to moment season, where I don’t know what is coming next. I really like knowing what’s going on, especially with those around me so I’m prepared. There’s a sense of preparation that I believe that I need. No one can come for me if I’m prepared. I won’t be blindsided. I’m tired of being blindsided. I won’t let that happen ever again. Today Philando Castile’s murderer got acquitted. I didn’t want to go back to that unhealthy space I was in last summer. I really tried not to be affected by this again. I’m tired of being affected. I’m tired of being tired.

money is the honey that made him act funny, 

and now God is telling me who’s the she 

that things are different and he’s free!?

I don’t know if I care. his lies were destructive. 

his lies changed my perspective. 

his lies made me weary and selective.

his lies increased my isolating beast.

his lies made me want to flee indefinitely.

his lies also made me run to Jesus Christ & fight.

so when God says he’s coming, I’m running.

how can that be? he played a dangerous game 

of Russian Roulette by tailspinning in sinning.

As a black woman with a black father, and black brothers this felt personal. And it took me back to the Bible. The Bible tells me my life isn’t my own. The Bible teaches me that my yes is attached to so many yeses behind me. What if I said no? Does that mean death is attached to that selfish decision? A death like Philando Castile? If life is attached to saying yes then does that mean death is attached to saying no? How many no’s are walking around on this planet with deaths attached to that decision? I’m tired of saying I’m angry about the injustice going on. Anger is blinding. I’m tired of crying over seeing senseless deaths. My tears bring no one back. When will it hurt enough for humanity to finally say yes to their purpose, instead of chasing the rat race ditch of popularity??? I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of lukewarm. I’m tired of shortcuts. I’m tired of acquitted murders. I’m tired of being tired. 

she meditates daily on her bible and prays.

she colors in her bible and sustains. 

she’s struggling with God’s dismantling ways. 

she’s happy to be removed from that man’s quicksand.

she doesn’t like how this all looks.

she’s not the author of this transforming book. 

God is writing away her old habits and decays.

she has no say and that’s not okay.

Of course God doesn’t agree with me knowing something to be prepared, which is what my current story: losing in my wrestle with God. That’s been my life since March 16, 2016. On that day, I *resigned* from a position I hated, because the founders created an unhealthy working space. As someone that loves kids, I found that to be such a disgrace. I loved my kids, but loving them wasn’t enough to keep my peace. I lost my peace. I needed to breathe with ease, and I stopped breathing in that job since the 2016 election. Plus, I knew Jojo and I were going to be pulled out. God showed me that some time in late 2015. I was waiting on the sidelines on how exactly it was going to look. I had to walk through it instead of knowing in advance. 

she’s tired of seeing jealousy.

she’s tired of people wanting to be around her.

they’re all wanting her space for the wrong reasons. 

that’s what her past experiences entailed. 

no one has pure intentions anymore. 

she’s tired of being on guard.

no one tells the truth anymore.

no one wants biblical love or unity.

this world is so cold, divided, and ugly.

she just wants to pray, and obey God.

she doesn’t have a choice but to let go 

of what she knows and lose all control.

I always wanted to live on the upper west side of Manhattan. I never thought I would be living there as an unemployed homeless woman in a shelter. April 17, 2017, my parents lost the space they called home for thirty years. Initially it was shocking, and I wasn’t feeling much, but I knew it hurt enough to not give up. I was on an adrenaline high. But the grace of God was walking with me all this time. I never knew I was capable of being the woman I am today. That’s all God. On one hand, I see the beautiful mysteries of God, and how he covers me. On the other hand I see injustice like Philando Castile, and I get so hurt that senseless deaths are being done. 

some of the darkest journeys 

lead to the brightest lights. 

the Light of Jesus Christ is the fight 

that he died on the Cross of Calvary, 

to truly set everyone free in unity faithfully.

biblically Emmanuel God with us 

sat with sinners.

biblically Emmanuel God with us

did not stay with righteous winners.

biblically Emmanuel God with us

operated as a triage on that Cross,

so the sting of death left & we are now blessed.

three days later Emmanuel rose greater, 

and alive because death was beaten in flesh.

I go to the Bible, because that’s the only blueprint that I trust regardless if I’m angry at God or not. Everything has a purpose, I truly see that with the Bible, so that means Philando Castile’s senseless death not only has a purpose, but this man that took his life getting acquitted has a purpose as well. Is it easy for me to say that as a Christian black woman? Of course not, but my best friend Jojo said some powerful sound words tonight, she said “We don’t know if this is the only way that pushes people to be on their knees crying out to God, as hard as this is for me to say this, but we don’t know if this is how God gets everyone’s attention. People are already changing, and going to God because of who’s currently in office. God is moving. And we don’t like how it looks.” She’s right I’m tired of things looking messy like the book of Exodus. 

I’m tired of feeling so hurt that blatant sin 

is occupying the minds stuck in rewinded time. 

I’m tired that repentance is an unwelcome acceptance. 

I’m tired of seeing what I thought I never would see:

this so called man is different and coming to me.

I’m tired of division.

I’m not tired of rising from my pitfalls.

I’m not tired of trusting God above all else.

God as hard as this is, I lay this all down. I give you my tired. I give you my tears. I give you my struggles. You never left me God. You never will leave me God. So I’ll claw my way to your Obey, even though this is so challenging to wrap my brain around. I would rather be tired safely in your wings than away from you God. This is hard for me, but I only trust you with my tired God. You’ll make a way Lord. You have it all. Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven God. 

Thank you King.

Love your daughter. 

*names changed for privacy purposes. #teamproprivacy 

overwhelmed

when I don’t know what to do

I always turn to You for my walkthrough God.

You are the only hue that’s true breakthroughs.

she who is me decided to be set free biblically.

she who is me and I, laid down all lies & pride.

when she’s overwhelmed,

she binge eats or drifts to sleep.

she had no food & Jojo* was used

to break the chain of her ruse

as Jojo refused for her to be weak in sleep.

she’s cheap and doesn’t want to leap.

she’s the her in God’s Stir:

he + He + her is going to occur.

she don’t know what to say 

to what God keeps displaying 

in His Supernatural Timing Way.

she’s not okay with this arrange,

because it’s tangibly strange & 

looks so insane to her overwhelmed brain.

God is saying the impossible is sea parted.

she created an expectation 

to reject that promised biblical dedication.

when she scribed 

the painful lines in Unpopular

this vision was no longer spectacular.

It’s easier for her to believe 

and receive they’re not to be supernaturally.

But God is saying only He holds this key.

& the he God says is for me in His Stir,

is awakened, transformed & reborn. 

according to God who’s loud in this ground.

she doesn’t know how to grow with this flow.

she thought he didn’t want three strands ever.

she thought he’d always want that quicksand,

that’s full of lies that makes that stake of fake 

suffocate biblical truth, and walk drunken aloof.

Unpopular was a mental switch of no use,

all she saw and felt made her heart melt.

the he God says is for she who is me 

intentionally sleepwalked for so long 

in the slums of his sinning tailspins, 

with the woman he flees in misery of

that two strand marital quicksand delivery.

he thought he had all the answers in his plans.

she’s foolish to rise above in love 

when his love was his ways and displays.

God is loud in sounds of this promise ground. 

he said to me: eleventh month/twenty-thirteen.

she doesn’t believe or receive that dream.

that dream became a nightmare, because 

he was always aware of the she he’s meant 

to be in the land of Kingdom Math: 3 Strands. 

so why does this have to be after the woman

he decided to flee in misery with?

because he sees it isn’t worth the hurt & dirt.

she feels like a default of looking back salt.

she kept going and fighting for growing.

she was determined to be unsalted:

and walk the talk as salt of the Earth.

she was determined to have her pain 

of his selfishness be a deliverance gain

& platform for daughters to never settle 

and swallow a hallow foul 

in the sexual bow & allow disrespectful 

by neglectful treatment like the woman 

who was desperate to be in this man’s 

space, even if treatment was in a disgrace 

of the lane of shame disdain quicksand.

this woman didn’t focus on the foundation 

that’s now creating so much pain in vain.

at the time in this woman’s mind: his contest

was the only way for this man to be okay 

with this woman in his space. this woman’s 

mission was an aggressive decision to be his.

two years later, the woman isn’t walking the

talking of the self-created incision envisioned.

he doesn’t celebrate this woman organically.

he didn’t support this woman’s family charity.

he didn’t display the intentionally in the way

this woman wanted. this woman is forgotten.

the legality of this two strand irregularity,

doesn’t change this is a strange barbarity.

this woman has the title of missus, yet the 

display from this man is brother to little sister.

this man never switched to husband.

this man doesn’t see this woman as his wife.

there’s a loud dark cloud over this marital land.

only God has the solution to this dilution.

she doesn’t want to hear about this lair.

she’s over there and away from this decay.

she’s overwhelmed by this supernatural realm.

God is the loudest when she’s drowning

out this supernatural connection in reflection. 

for her protection, she sets to be aggressive in 

the shielding of God’s Business for deliverance.

she’s overwhelmed her dreams are currently 

coming to past when she dismissed them.

she was fooled by the woman’s tangible tools.

she’s over this storyline of drunken foolishness. 

she’s over her focused scribing rhymes.

she wants a new assignment in lyrical times.

she wants a new focus from this ungodly locus.

she’s okay with singleness as her display.

she sees it’s safe and she won’t get hurt again.

she doesn’t want a repeat of that retreat in defeat.

she can’t afford to be hurt by this man’s dirt.

there’s no worth in slums of sinning tailspins.

he doesn’t want to be what he’s called to be,

according to she who is me obediently. 

Unpopular isn’t for everyone. 

Purpose isn’t for everyone.

Deliverance isn’t for everyone.

Three strands isn’t for everyone.

Obedience isn’t for everyone.

The road less traveled isn’t for everyone.

so she received his message, because

actions are louder than words that occurred. 

she’s overwhelmed by God’s Stir equaling 

he + He + her: His Promise coming to pass.

God saying he’s changed is overwhelming.

God saying he’s coming is overwhelming.

she’s fighting to stay afloat after losing 

the world’s perspective of everything.

she’s staying in the layers of prayers 

about being unemployed and in a shelter.

she’s staying hopeful about these interviews.

she’s excited about completion of these classes.

so this God stuff about this man isn’t good timing.

she doesn’t like this describing. 

It doesn’t fit her stir, but God’s Stir equals

he + He + her, which is the Kingdom Math.

she thought she wanted this two years ago.

walking through all her hidden pains, she

sees she wasn’t biblically ready for this man.

God answered her prayers of breaking chains, 

generational curses & securing her purity. 

she sees she’s free from generational toxicities:

alcoholism 

incest

divorce 

suicide 

bankruptcy 

abusive relationships

young death

drug addiction/overdosing 

living out parent’s destinies instead of God’s

self-harm

depression 

marital affairs 

children out of wedlock 

fornication 

& premarital sex.

she couldn’t bring any of this to Olive & April or 

Samuel & JJ her twins God showed her or 

any of her other children God will bless her with.

she couldn’t be that selfish to bleed in weeds.

she has a genealogy to protect & be set free.

so when God is showing her this man is the key

she doesn’t know how to receive and believe.

she’s overwhelmed but she’s open to being free.

God will show her this biblical possibility,

because she’s ready to take this leap faithfully

to finally achieve His Stir: he + He + her.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

discern

she sees how it can be easy 

to flee from God’s company.

in the midst of arguments there’s rifts 

and violent shifts that causes ungodly.

her mother liked feeding a weed

that breaks out the idea to make her bleed.

that’s why she wants to be removed so badly.

anger, madder, and sadder 

are the themes in her mean scene

as her mother’s company. 

her mother walks a talk that brings stings.

her mother will never understand your ways. 

This is very hard for me as the she for her he.

All she wanted was to breathe

with ease in a healthy space and relief.

she has a lot of why’s. 

she had too many goodbye’s.

she has a lot of lies like 

that replay and decay’s in her mind.

with her he that made her feel unworthy.

she has a lot of crying inside.

triggering violence is the allegiance  

of her mother’s alliance to brokenness.

she hears about a man that isn’t in her space.

she cried about a man that gave her tears

for years and fed the gear of hidden fears.

she’s walking a journey of ‘cultural’ disgrace.

God is using her faith 

to be His Face in this space.

she still believes regardless what she sees.

she stopped judging when the subject 

became a land of personal quicksand.

rock bottom is a matter of perspective.

what’s the top?

what’s the cost?

what can’t be lost?

is it worth selling a soul 

to never grow old coldly not boldly

even if the sting of lonely doesn’t leave?

is it worth sitting with the enemy

in misery to choose delusions 

for humanistic diluted conclusions? 

the enemy feeds the eluded toxicity

that salvation is a convolution human’s 

don’t need by weeds of internal bleeds.

she saw the out and took the chance to 

separate herself from her poison prism family.

her mother wasn’t expecting 

the switch from her tricks

being blocked by her halted stopwatch.

her mother can’t control the patrol 

her way in this broken decay after today.

she’s got instinctive survival skills 

that she didn’t think consumed her.

seeing the set up of a woman’s shelter

stirred a desire to one day lead them higher.

healthy choices need healthy consumption.

vending machines are unhealthy and mean.

discerning is learning and women 

need empowerment for deliverance. 

the circumference of brokenness 

is an inadequate attraction.

it disturbs me that there’s comfort 

in women around me that feed permanent 

in a situation that should be seen as temporary.

she’s a deposit of empathetic emotions 

for humans that don’t want 

to feel their reels and peels.

she is quick to walk away

and slow to discern to stay.

walking away is an adrenaline rush

that makes her tune out what needs attention.

she surrenders it all to be better 

and conquer this pitfall for scales to fail.

it hurts enough, and she’s learning to prevail.

she walked away without discerning on

her he in the summer of twenty-fifteen.

she walked away without discerning today.

the woman’s shelter is a savage decay

of chaotic, toxic, and robotic dismays.

she sees it is not okay to always walk away.

it hurts enough to finally fully oblige to obey.

tomorrow she will see where her feet will meet.

she’s thankful for her King and upcoming 

opportunities to be set free, despite the scene.

she rises with supernatural eyes.

she can’t go back to her family.

her decisions are incisions to her he.

if she moves forward he will see.

her father clings to her 

like the church clings to him.

her mother is manipulative.

like greeneye demise lies to him.

she cannot grieve the Holy Spirit.

she has to keep moving forward 

for her future household and purpose.

she keeps letting go, then he will too.

their exalted and unsalted will continue. 

she keeps discerning, then he will too. 

God says they’re blue times two. 

Biblically

Brokenness is a hindrance.

Biblically you God 

are the Holy Entity

that can set us free.

Restrictions are kissed

in a hissed poisonous fisted diss.

There’s always manipulations 

in micromanaged stipulations. 

There’s a dedication 

to education’s ‘free.’

There’s a hesitate to 

educate as a guided party.

God I’m not someone that likes

what feels like loophole gripes.

But biblically I’m called 

to conquer my pitfalls.

But biblically I’m called

to discuss what’s not right 

through the Light 

of Jesus Christ.

Biblically you God 

turn the dark 

and spark light 

onto what’s not right.

On the inside 

of our lies die

and make our stake 

in fake break 

and shake 

the slums of 

sins to spin alive.

God I lay down my temper.

Fire with fire isn’t love.

Fire with fire is not from Above.

Fire with fire doesn’t 

represent your Scared Dove.

This isn’t a battle 

I’m meant to fight.

The rattling voice 

of truth will always

be found bound 

in Your Biblical Proof.

Darkness will always 

come to Light.

Battles are made 

to be the Renegade 

to combat the ugly

backwards hat spat

of shady cheap lemonade.

Moving sour 

doesn’t trump 

the tumble and rumble 

in the win not sin

of Your Midnight Hour.

Lies are strife to life.

Biblically you God 

set me free.

Biblically you God 

are for me.

Biblically you God 

determine what’s meant to be.

“After this manner 

therefore pray ye: 

Our Father which 

art in heaven, 

Hallowed be 

thy name. 

Thy kingdom come. 

Thy will be 

done in earth, 

as it is in heaven. 

Give us this day 

our daily bread. 

And forgive us our debts, 

as we forgive our debtors. 

And lead us not into temptation, 

but deliver us from evil: 

For thine is the kingdom, 

and the power, 

and the glory, for ever. Amen.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:9-13‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Biblically you God 

forgive my trespasses 

as you reach 

me to teach me

to forgive those 

who trespass

what’s not meant to be.

Biblically you God 

allow all works 

with hurt in no worth 

and pain with no gain 

to seem all in vain

for our final bows.

Jesus Christ 

is our Shepard 

that leads all sheep.

Jesus Christ  

is our Shepard 

that would turn back

for one lost sheep.

The angels of Heaven

celebrate in joy,

when the blind 

conquer the pitfalls 

of rewind in time

in the decay’s 

of yesterday’s.

Jesus Christ 

died on the 

Cross of Calvary

for the vulgarity 

of popularity,

for the mulling 

of barbaric bullying, 

for the setbacks 

of satanic attacks, 

for flesh god facades

of harmful mirages, 

which is the switch 

from the gift in 

the Obey of Today 

that pause, and 

sabotage Your Cause.

Biblically you God 

redirected my path

from the he 

you say is for me.

So that a glance

will not be my final chance,

before I turn to salt.

Like Lot’s wife.

Distractions happens 

in seconds. 

Humans can never 

take back a mistake.

Biblically you God,

created a blueprint 

to fine tune and prune

our pain of (un)forgiveness

by our sanctifying deliverance.

There’s been a lift

and a switch of true freedom.

Biblically you God 

stripped me completely

to set me free faithfully.

Thank you Holy Spirit.

Biblically you God 

reached me 

to teach me 

I surrendered

that I couldn’t 

set this he free. 

God show me how

to be in love with 

your children that hurt me.

It’s hard to be godly,

when your children

think facades 

make them god.

God show me how to

forgive myself for

unintentionally hurting 

humans that I truly love.

Reflection is a detection 

to the section of the heart 

that dwells and 

swells in pain

with no gain to feed 

a wrong weed seed 

that only makes (hu)man’s

bleed in broken need.

Biblically you God

created this journey

to truly set me free

to embrace my shame

to embrace my lame 

to embrace my degrade

to embrace my rage

to embrace my stage

to embrace my truths

Biblically you God 

have set me free

so finally I choose to

truly lose the world

boldly not coldly

or lonely in a phony.

Biblically you’ve trained 

my brain to bow down

to Emmanuel:

God with us. 

Biblically you God 

showed me all

my pitfalls

and pain I didn’t want to see.

I’ve encountered your love

and I know it’s from Above.

Despite all my ugly

You still pick me God,

after all my wrong seed 

weeds made me shake 

in a fake broken need.

Biblically you God 

still decide 

to clean my pride

to clean my lies

to clean my hiding inside, 

and make me godly.

“But the fruit 

of the Spirit is 

love, joy, peace, 

longsuffering, gentleness, 

goodness, faith, 

Meekness, temperance: 

against such there is no law.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Nothing in this 

world satisfied me.

Thank you for reaching

and teaching me 

to fix my eyes 

on Jesus Christ only.

I love you my King.

Your Daughter.

Bullying 

Bullying really 

pisses me off.

Bullying is a hat that’s 

an ugly backwards hat

and a disrespectful spat 

to God’s Great Name.

Bullying is a cowardly galaxy 

when this is a diss

and a hissed tactic

barbaric catallaxy.

Bullying is popularity 

by violent vulgarity.

Bullying is insanity.

Bullying is a dilution 

in a blinding 

rewinding of time 

from triggers 

that are far bigger

than the current hinderance 

which will never 

be a godly deliverance.

Bullying is no solution.

Only God is the way

in the gift in the switch 

of the Obey of Today.

Dad, I snapped today. Some of your humans think they can walk all over me, because I choose to lose the world boldly not coldly, and stand in your Kingdom Band faithfully to be set free. It’s not okay that your humans think they can make me sink, because I fight for the light of Jesus Christ, so that I can not drown in the quicksand crown. Your Great Might makes me aware of what’s not okay in my inner decay’s of yesterday’s. 

Dad you’ve been stripping me, of things I can’t believe are leaving for me to be set free completely. My life literally became the track of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air since I said yes to you on 4.4.14. You’ve been moving nonstop, and my life got flipped upside down, and over and under. I’ve been tumbling ever since. At least according to me, and then you’ve been blessing me with such timely bible studies lately. And you’ve also been blessing me with amazing vessels to be around my space. 

Dad you’ve made me realize I love being a woman. Biblically wisdom is addressed as a she. I’m a she, that chooses to live godly. I love being a renewed, and transformed woman of God that trusts your voice Lord, no matter what human you put in my face. You God taught me how to play my role, with that false prophet from my old church. You God blessed me with high discernment to see all the ungodly activities, that lead me to leave that space with so much disgrace, and ungodly defacing of your Great Name God. There was a level of emotional bullying, that occurred there that you God blocked me from being a victim to, with my gift of discernment. 

Today’s exchanged triggered my meeting with that false prophet from my old church. And almost bumping into him the other day sent me over the edge, but you covered me and he didn’t see me thank God. All the ungodly advice he’s given, which resulted in so many decisions outside of your will truly broke my heart for the longest. But you’re blessing me with healing. That false prophet was emotionally bullying. Bullying comes in so many forms. Thank God he’s not in my life, that meeting with him caused me so much strife, but you took the darkness of that day-night, and shed your light to cover and heal me Lord. Thank you.

Show me O’ Lord to always fix my eyes in your goodness and faithfulness, in any future encounters I may have with my past. 

Show me O’ Lord how to be better with my mother. Her bullying tactics stems from her inability to let go of my brother. I’m sad he’s away from me, but I breathe with ease he’s away from her. Bully’s when I take them on, they cower before me, and I use that to make them feel stupid and small no matter their title or position. My earth dad sharpened me, and made me see that it’s not the way, because it’s not godly. My earth dad told me to find a way to be in humility, because it’s godly. But I’m tired of your humans taking advantage of my Christianity. It’s time to take the gloves off. This bullying is even happening at the current assignment you won’t take me away from God. 

I just snapped, which is not a godly representation of your Great Name, and makes my stake in fake shake, and break me to be in misery with the enemy. That’s not slow to anger. Anger is misery. Anger is blinding and makes me always go back to a space of deep pain, from past hallow swallows I took from the wrong bow, to allow more disgrace in my space. I feel like if I let it go, of what you’re showing me then it’ll be in vain. Because humans will put me through pain all over again, and that’s hurt with no worth. You are not allowing me to protect myself anymore. I’m so afraid of any human from the past that hurt me deeply to come back in my space, like that he you keep saying is for me, yet lately you’re not saying much. All I have is me, and you God. 

That’s what it feels like. My hearts been broken by every single human that’s been in my space, or is in my space now. I’m tired of humans hurting me to the point I want to hurt them now. Maybe a busted lip will make them wake up to stop the talking in sleepwalking. I’m over a lot of humans you’re making me face right now. It’s hard dealing with a lot of these humans Dad. Like they really make me mad. This gift to scribe is not only healing for me, but you God use me, to set your humans you love so much free. I wrestle with loving them so much sometimes. I’m humbly honored that you trust me to express what you lead me to confess. 

Dad this is so hard, I want to curl in a ball and quit sometimes. But then you make me remember what you carried me through in the past:

Failed suicide attempts, thank God. I wouldn’t be reaching by teaching the beautiful humans I’m blessed to direct their steps with your guidance. I love them so much.

Depression, thank God. As hard as this is, I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. 

Lust, THANK GOD. It always made me feel so dirty to have sex outside of marriage, but I thought I had to because that was the only way. I’m so proud that I’m abstinent from sex. My three year anniversary was December, 27th 2016. I’m so proud of this bondage being gone the most. This bondage felt like the worse chokehold of my life, and this bondage caused me to lose in a provoking ruse that evoked so much strife.

Dad you freed me from so much, that it blows my mind who I am today. If you freed me from the biggest chokehold I’ve ever faced, then I know you’re all over everything that’s currently happening and worrying me. Worry takes me away from your clarity and charity, worry disrupts my worship as a response to your presence. 

I can’t love and hate at the same time.

I can’t pray and fight at the same time.

I can’t worship and worry at the same time.

I can’t be faithful and fearful at the same time. 

You have me, everything I see, and my family. You even have the bullying. Lord I surrender my Robin Hood mentality of bullying that’s not godly. Fire with fire is not love. Only love covers a multitude of sins. Sinning will never be godly winning. So I say yes to your way in this area and all areas. Thank you for redirection and correction. 

I love you my King.

Love your daughter.

Bulldoze

I’m too through

gone is my song 

in my throng of wrong 

justified in painful lies

to hide what’s inside

but my King took my stings

and healed what I was 

defending in my pretending 

to conceal.

Revealing is not healing,

because  

according to me

it makes me weak,

and not biblically meek;

just an opportunity 

to have a cruel community 

use and abuse what’s inside,

by their own pride 

to hide what’s on their insides.

There’s so many “them’s”

in this lion’s den

that made me 

see that godly was 

always going to be paused, 

because these “them’s” 

lust in flesh

to disrespect 

God’s Intellect 

and turn away in disobey

of biblical and godly prospects.

That made me fight 

in no light of pretend, 

but my King took my stings 

in this battle. 

I’m always rattled,

and being exposed

makes me feel unclothed. 

This takes me back 

to verbal attacks, 

that forever changed 

how I’ve been arranged

in this deranged space: 

called earth with humans,

determined to flee with the enemy 

in temporary confetti. 

That will never replace 

the disgrace these “them’s” 

all have to face, 

and delaying is disobeying.

It is avoidance for a short time

so the rewind in sin

will be a deluded win 

that chooses to lose 

in refuse to:

multiply abuse, 

multiply hurt 

with no worth, 

multiply pain 

with no gain,

and walk the talk 

with the enemy all in vain.

I’m tired of fighting my way.

God keeps growing 

my existence by 

showing my deliverance. 

Through my openness 

to no longer be stronger, 

in isolating self-defense.

I want to walk away.

I’m tired of these decay’s 

in yesterday’s on full display.

I’m tired of the vulgarity

of popularity snuffing out,

the light of what’s not right. 

I’m tired of the slums of sin

being celebrated as biblical wins.

I’m tired of cultural and societal 

generational curses diluting 

the truth of God and 

His Biblical Proof.

I’m just tired of facades God, 

but complaining is sustaining 

a justification in hesitation

to never be better together; 

but complaining is sustaining 

no forgiveness 

that leads to the bleed

of wrong weed seeds

in broken need.

That makes the stake

in fake shake and break 

me to never believe

what you God 

want me to receive. 

I don’t want to achieve 

what you think will 

not make me sink. 

I realized today 

I walked away,

and ignited some of this lying.

On the sixth month 

of the third week of Sunday,

in the year two thousand fifteen.

I ignored your prompting 

to speak to the he

you won’t stop saying

is for me no matter

what is the current scene.

The lies made me die 

in the inside from 

the slum of the message 

in the forth month 

of the same year.

There were silent 

and violent tears.

I made a vow

to never allow the he

you won’t stop saying is for me

to ever see my vulnerability.

I played a role 

in the decay of 

this he’s current yesterday 

that’s on full display.

I don’t understand 

why you can’t let me be wrong

about this fiasco throng, 

the he you say is for me 

plays as his decided song.

It’s so much easier 

if I move on 

instead God 

you slowed me down,

which makes me frown

instead God 

you delay

a lot of what can be 

what fiscally sets me free.

It irritates me that you God 

gave me so many abilities 

yet I’m in a space

that makes me see 

what I want to flee 

from my inner demons 

that are coming to the surface

in this current lagging 

and dragging season.

Despite my curses 

you’re healing me God 

and I feel so exposed. 

I just want to 

curl in a ball

and erode 

or fly away 

to another day

not what’s currently 

being displayed.

This calling is overload.

This calling is controlled. 

This calling is decomposed. 

I don’t like that I’m out of hiding. 

Fine God, you win

I’m done with 

justifying this sin.

I choose to lose 

what I was fighting to refuse. 

I give up this shake up.

I see that it’s time to wake up.

I choose to redirect 

my eyes back on the prize: 

Jesus Christ. 

I choose to lose the world 

boldly not coldly 

your way, not my controlling array. 

I choose to always fight 

for God’s Light,

and float off the boat.

God you may bulldoze

what anxiously 

makes me explode.

Fine, take away 

the decay of yesterday.

Fine, bulldoze my life

from the replaying painful strife

of two thousand fifteen

that lead to the dead

of this he’s current scene.

Continue to reveal 

so that I can continue to heal.

Thank you for getting me 

out of my own way 

so that I can stand

in your Kingdom Band, 

no longer chiming

from this sliming quicksand.

Thank you for getting me 

out of my own way,

so I can stand 

and win not sin in 

the Obey in the 

gift of the switch: Today. 

Love your daughter.

Dark Night Storm

Dear Daddy,

This is so hard. 

Seeing what you’ve lead me to see, and what I picked up supernaturally bothers me so much. You showed me a specific man, and placed that man in my heart over three years ago. Far before the mess that gives me much distress, which this man walks in quicksand in his space of disgrace right now. I haven’t spoken to this man in almost two years. This is the hardest journey, that I’ve ever walked and talked. 

BUT I’m so blessed Daddy, because you went before me in all my painful emotional agony. I’m set free faithfully. In all my silent cries, and public lies I expressed hiding my deep distress; and you’ve captured every single tear God. Every single year you’ve blessed me with growth, and freedom; from the wrong seed weeds that made me bleed with broken choking need. Every pain had a gain, and nothing was in vain. I’ve been healed from my traumatic experience of sexual assault at nineteen. I’ve been set free from the self condemnation of succumbing to lust, and not being untouched for my future husband. 

You taught me God to flee from the enemy by disciplining me to walk biblically. Everything is in my blueprint known as the Holy Bible. Ever since 4.4.14, you’ve shown me what it means to walk the talk of godly. I’ve applied all your biblical truths to the woman I am today. And I’m no longer stuck in the rut of the decay’s in yesterday’s, or the sorrow of no tomorrows. You taught me to trust your voice God over the choice of hu(man’s) confirmation quicksand catastrophes. 

Daddy you keep supernaturally showing me truths, that are not the current realities to that building that no longer has your godly wings. Thank God you pulled me and Jojo* out, as well as her ribcage. What you keep showing me about my future is so complicated. All I can do is pray for the delay to no longer be stronger in decay’s of yesterday’s by the hallow swallow of no tomorrow’s for your chosen; and for the switch in the gift to Obey in Today to occur. There’s so much wrong in the space you’ve publicly freed me from my empty of disgrace on 4.4.14. I’ll never regret the experience that lead to my salvation, but there’s so much wrong in that location. So many facades, and humans playing god with your chosen’s lives. It makes the stake in fake break them, and they all die on the inside due to the wrong hue called pride.

Too many false prophets are making the shake in fake break your people, and to fall in line of hobbits as routine sleepwalking machines. Everyday is the same decay of delay with choking dismay. Every year the same guests come around the same time, which is a switch in the gift of the Obey in Today. There’s too many Groundhog Day delay moments. Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is not a routine. A message of the word should not leave your people moving like machines, or feeling empty. That’s what happens all the time in that building with no godly wings. Before you’ve blessed me to move on from that building with no godly wings, I wasn’t spiritually fed since my favorite pastor left for the south. I was just faithfully serving, and longing for more with you Daddy. And struggling to be obedient to you, for keeping me there longer than I wanted to be. It was hard playing my role to have your prophecy fulfilled with the humans I supernaturally saw right through. I wanted to leave after the fourth month of the year two thousand fifteen, from my last exchange with the man you won’t stop showing me to this day. 

After that encounter in two thousand fifteen you confirmed the dark night storm, you showed me the tenth month of the year two thousand thirteen God. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore, or bear witness to the poisonous kiss that currently causes this man quicksand of internal hisses; but you didn’t bless me to leave until the eighth month of the year two thousand sixteen. Which is well after this man was swallowed into the dark night storm whale he dwells in now. It’s challenging that I can do nothing to help, and I’m not even sure he wants my help; or even understands he deeply needs help. 

What I have peace with in this journey with you Daddy, is that I can never care about this man more than you do God. So that means only you can help him, and all I can do is keep praying like you’ve been telling me, and showing me to do. If I wasn’t walking this journey myself; I would’ve thought everything is insane and impossible in this dark night storm. But because you go before me God, I know with conviction that nothing is impossible if you are in the midst of all of this. And you are. I cannot make any of this up. It’s year three and you keep telling me the same truths over and over again regardless what currently reality shows. 

What deeply concerns me about that building that no longer has your godly wings, is the spiritual leaders that speak words over your chosen’s lives that you never said to them yourself God. It deeply bothers me how powerful the bondage of tangibility is. This ruse of human confirmation is not in the bible, the way your chosen hang on the words of specific human’s in that building with no godly wings. It deeply disturbs me that your voice is not trusted over the quicksand of human’s choices. And your chosen are so caught up in the hype of titles like pastor, or status in popularity. It is alarming that your chosen forgot that Abram, Moses, Jeremiah, Esther, Samuel, or even Hannah Samuel’s mother had no human confirmation that backed up your voice for any of them God. 

Jesus had no one backing up of human confirmation in what you told him God. Saul who became apostle Paul, had no human confirmation backing up what you told him either God. So why has society stripped themselves of their intimacy with you, by giving power to broken humans tongues called this confirmation dangerous lane? I’ll never understand this toxic habit that truly blinds and paralyzed your people. Especially like this man you keep showing me. He’s walking a life based on the words of humans and the lane of confirmation. This man is not sensitive to your still small voice. If he was, he wouldn’t be in the shoes he’s in now. That breaks my heart. 

Or even your daughter Jojo* my best friend and sister for life: deeply struggles with this alarming bondage as well. And I get why you have me walking this insane testimony, so that I can reflect in this moment right now: humans can never come between what you speak to me God. Humans will keep their creep and cheap failed attempt to derail me from my alignment to you Daddy. I’m too deep in your word to get tripped up by the hiccups of human confirmation. That’s why you pulled me out of that routined building with no godly wings, because your chosen are sleepwalking machines with thick scales over their ears and eyes; which is the switch in the gift in Obey in Today for the decay’s of yesterday’s. That is why everything repeats in that building with no godly wings. The space that has no godly wings is in the disgrace of the past. 

Daddy this is so hard. 

God you’ve shown me an impossible task with this specific man, that is currently in an unhealthy reality that is far away from me. This man is living a life, where you keep supernaturally showing me causes him much strife, emptiness, and loneliness; even though he’s being obedient to what the humans speak over his life. The building with no godly wings encouraged him to currently talk the shoes he struggles to walk in the days that cause much dismay. His life is a tailspin that started in the sixth month of the year two thousand fifteen, where a specific woman made it a mission to never leave his space. 

This man was clouded by many issues that were hard for him to face. This man had no real brotherhood holding him godly accountable in his space. If he did have this then he rejected your truths God. What that building with no godly wings paints as a love story for this man is nothing but a flesh god phony. This man was down, out, and lonely; and this specific woman capitalized on the hypnotize of a contest that forever changed this man’s life. Which is why this woman dies on the inside with the lies that gave her this current best last first bite strife life with this man. Even with all the hands in this relationship, it’s still a sinking drinking ship. In reality, especially supernaturally there’s nothing bigger than God. God’s will, no matter what humans, and their confirmation execute, will stop what God says will occur. What you have for your chosen will always be the destiny and road all feet will lead to. 

It’s hard to care about this man and do nothing but keep my sword lifted in prayer during this insane dark night storm. All this agony and pain was arranged to take away all that makes this man decay in dismay inside, by the pride he used to hide all lies inside. Through this journey this man choose. Based on this man’s decisions, you God are taking every single weed that makes this son of yours bleed with broken need out. Thank God. Keep transforming your son into the man he was always called to be, so that he is finally set free. I pray the same for all your children stuck in the rut of a dark night storm to transform them into your perfect image. Thank you Holy Spirit, in Jesus name I pray in Today, amen. 

Love your daughter.

*names changed for privacy purposes. #TeamProPrivacy 

Babylon

BABYLON

Don’t snuff out the light.

Don’t press play in the

decay of yesterday.

There’s a gift,

in the switch,

being present 

in today; choose

to lose delays.

Notarize the 

godly prize 

to fix our eyes 

on what’s right.

We must 

reject the combust 

of decaying lust.

We must 

pick up our sword

and pray as one accord;

to fight for His Might.

The light of Jesus Christ.

It’s never too late,

to negate 

the hesistate 

in educate.

There is no need 

to bleed with broken need. 

There doesn’t have to be

a flee with the enemy.

Choosing love 

found bound Above, 

is the contest 

of our Cornerstone Best.

Choosing to lose 

the world boldly, 

not coldly maturely, 

and

faithfully in unity:

is Alignment from 

the shameful lame lane

of solitary confinement.

BABLYON is biblical grounds.

Obedience is an allegiance 

to stillness and acceptance;

of His Way into Today.

To eject and reject 

the prospect of worldly intellect, 

is a suggest we always regret. 

There’s delays in 

the tailspin of sin.

Sinning will never 

be the see of godly winning.

Sin is decay’s of yesterday’s,

in the reel that makes hu(man’s)

peel in the sorrows of no tomorrow’s.

BABYLON is biblical grounds.

To follow from the painful swallow

of the wrong lusting, 

combusting hallow,

and distrusting bow

that makes hu(man’s)

shake in the stake of fake.

BABYLON is biblical grounds.

As hu(man’s) it is our duty 

to fight in the light 

intuitively as humanity,

in unity to be 

the godly community 

that God will always see.

His Way is the only space,

that replaces disgrace,

which is a switch 

in the gift 

of today from the scum

of dismay, delay, and decay

to make the stake 

in fake deface us.

His Way is the only space

that replaces empty.

No amount of flesh god 

confetti removes the groove 

of lonely empty; or

and hide the lies

that make us die inside.

Lies are disguised

under the wrong hue

that will never be true: pride.

BABYLON is biblical grounds.

Take God’s hand,

to withstand 

the quicksand 

of sowing wrong 

weed seeds

that will always feed: 

the broken need 

to make us bleed.

BABYLON is biblical grounds.

The only way to drown

the sounds in the flood 

of flesh god drugs,

in the worldly plug;

and to float off the boat 

to Obey in Today

God’s Way.

It’s never too late

to pause the cause 

in the hesitate 

to educate.

Biblically is faithfully.

Choose to be set free,

and compound the sound 

of eternity in godly unity.

Cling to what makes 

our soul sing: BABLYON.

BABYLON is biblical grounds.

Choose to Obey in Today.

It’s never to late,

to be in love 

found bound Above;

and replace the space 

of disgrace called hate.

Above all Love each other,

because Love covers

a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8 

Love Crysta. 💋

Immigrant 

I am an immigrant

born as American.

Both my Earth parent’s 

wanted better, eventually 

they found their way,

from the pitfalls of 

decays in yesterday’s 

together in today. 

Tuna Puna was the space

my Earth father felt disgraced.

Georgetown was the home

my Earth mother felt alone.

They are immigrants 

that wanted different,

so America is where they went. 

Education is my 

Earth parent’s dedication.

Excellency was the expectancy, 

with my immigrant Earth parent’s.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

taught me I can be all 

that I put my mind to see.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

raised me to see godly.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

taught me that unity

is for all humanity faithfully.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

taught me to always see love.

Love is found bound from Above.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

taught me to first seek the Kingdom

of God then everything will fall into place.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

taught me to do the right thing,

even when no one is watching.

My immigrant Earth parent’s 

taught me to fight for what’s right, 

in the light of Jesus Christ. 

I am Christian because my parent’s 

pushed me to seek biblical truth.

I am Christian because love

covers a multitude of sins.

I am Christian because 

sinning will never be winning.

I am Christian because 

together we will always be better.

I am an immigrant 

born as an American, 

because my Earth parent’s 

wanted better 

and made it happen.

There’s no fear in love

because perfect love 

casts out all fears.

I am a reacher that 

rises as teacher 

in love. 

Love will always conquer all.

Especially the ungodly 

segregation currently 

known as the drone of immigration. 

I am a teacher that dedicates

my space to replace hate 

with love,

ignorance with wisdom, and 

ridicule with encouragement.

I am an immigrant

born as an American,

with a choice to walk

the talk in God’s Voice; 

to effectively 

reach and teach 

the children of the future. 

As a teacher it is my duty

to educate through the hesitate 

in hate and love through 

leading as an active suture. 

Love heals and reveals unity

is a godly community,

for all humanity: faithfully

and maturely to be set free.

Love me, 

[faithfully Crysta] 💋

Introvert

People overwhelm me.

It’s hard to supernaturally see,

because God has set me free.

He trusts me,

and I believe faithfully.

But people overwhelm me.

I’m a severe introvert 

on high alert.

I’m a severe introvert 

that aggressively 

flirts, blurts, diverts 

and inserts the cloak

that makes me choke 

called my extrovert t-shirt.

My extrovert t-shirt 

drains me, 

and makes me flee

with isolated needs.

I feel set free creatively,

and grateful of the outlet aggressively.

Sinning is not winning.

Sinning is an empty embrace,

that deepens our hidden disgrace. 

We pridefully hide lies,

that make us die inside.

People overwhelm me.

It’s hard to supernaturally see,

because God has set me free.

He trusts me,

and I believe faithfully.

But people overwhelm me.

the enemy is witty 

to replace our space 

in freedom for flesh god deface.

the enemy is witty 

to make us trip up

in the hiccup of picking up,

the shake up for the wrong pace

in the worldly confetti rat race.

the enemy is witty

a lair, cheat, and con-artist.

that thinks we will sink,

because we paused the cause 

of giving our all 

in our unavoidable pitfalls.

Only God is the Smartest.

the limited enemy 

only makes us flee temporarily, 

by blinding us to combust in rusted

faded by jaded 

and decaying by disobeying in lust.

when we are ashes to ashes 

and dust to dust.

People overwhelm me.

It’s hard to supernaturally see,

because God has set me free.

He trusts me,

and I believe faithfully.

But people overwhelm me.

I’m tired of being used.

I’m tired of seeing 

God’s Great Name

be abused in this worldly ruse.

But God has so much grace

that I struggle to share in that space.

I’m His Daughter 

with specific gifts and talents.

A prophetic chartist 

who lyrically,

scientifically,

and empirically 

gauges tangibility.

This is my space of safe.

These abstract satanic attacks 

are supernaturally hard to believe. 

God has a plan 

that will come to pass.

According to God:

all this pain will 

eventually have gain. 

People will be still. 

People will reject cheap thrills. 

People will choose to lose

the world boldly, 

not coldly maturely 

in harmony for 

humanity in unity.

The tears throughout 

my years will not be in vain.

I’m a severe introvert 

on high alert.

I’m a severe introvert 

that aggressively 

flirts, blurts, diverts 

and inserts the cloak

that makes me choke 

called my extrovert t-shirt.

My extrovert t-shirt 

drains me, 

and makes me flee

with isolated needs.

I feel set free creatively,

and grateful for the outlet aggressively.

This is me, hanging on faithfully 

in love, because God taught me

to rise above, 

and hide in 

His Sacred Dove.

People overwhelm me

but I love them, and pray

in today for all to be set free

like me so we can be better 

together in unity as a godly community.

Love Crysta 💋